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806995 tn?1265826776

My first depression

I'm in my fourth week, and it seems all of the well known side effects of the treatment are parading along one  after another. First it was feeling flu-ish. Then lack of appetite. Nausea. All seasoned with fatigue. But also hyperactive on the good days. It all constitutes a rollercoaster, but only one thing was missing up to this weekend. Depression. The rollercoaster is complete now. Sure, there is room for more, My outlook is a treatement of 72 weeks, since I started with a viral load of almost 14 million copies per mm3. I'm not counting on becoming undetectable in the 12th week. But am I going to put up with this another 68 weeks? Not to mention the withdrawl effects that may occor after that period? Does this justify the less than 50% chance of success? It it really worthwhile to virtually not have a life? I can't plan a thing, I don't have a clue  how I will feel the next day.

Don't get me wrong. I count my blessings. I live a good life in a wealthy country with good health care. I don't have to worry about paying for my treatemet, being fired, or being cut on my salary if I can't work enough. I have friends who care about me. But when I feel depressed as I do now, it all seems so utterly meaningless. Yesterday and today I cried several times, out of desperation. I simply want to get out of this rollercoaster. Tonight, while I forced myself to get out and buy some food at supermarket, I wondered how it would be to jump into the river and let myself float calmly  in the cold water towards the sea. Not that I actually considered doing so. Just the idea felt oddly peaceful to me. It should have scared me, but it didn't. I can't trust my feelings anymore...
27 Responses
Avatar universal
I'm so sorry to hear you have been hit by the depression train.  I was too afraid of anti-depressants to try them during tx, but I found that small amounts of ativan and marijuana were very helpful, for the depression, anxiety and nausea.  

Are you sure you will need 72 weeks?  I started with VL 6 million and was UND at week 4.  I did 48 weeks and got SVR.  Life is good!  

Wishing you well with your tx.  Please keep posting and let us know how it is going.

jd
96938 tn?1189803458
I hope your planning a viral load test before week 12.  Regardless of duration, you need to get a fix on the decline and to pinpoint the mark of undetected as close as possible.  This is especially true if you are considering an extra-long haul.  
408795 tn?1324939275
Depression, for me was the worst possible sx.  I suggest you try whatever you can, celexa is a good mild anti-depressant that helps alot of ppl on tx and so is zoloft.  You could reach UND by your 12th wk and if you don't, you can regroup then.  Nobody likes tx and alot of ppl don't like taking anti-depressants of top of tx.  Just keep doing, what you're doing and don't let that depression get in your way, you can do this.  good luck and God Bless  
Avatar universal
Consider starting on an anti-depressant as soon as possible.  They take a while to become effective and many people could not continue tx without them.  Try not to put the cart before the horse when it comes to treatment duration.  A high viral load doesn't mean you will not UND by twelve weeks and you should only cross that bridge if you come to it.  
Treatment can very difficult and you must do everything you can to help yourself get through it.  If you are having suicidal ideation this early in treatment you really need to talk with your treating physician now so he can prescribe medication or refer you to someone in the psychiatric community that can provide counsel and medication.

A certain percentage of people who treat are pulled off treatment due to psychotic episodes and depression due to the medications.  These are very powerful drugs and have mind altering properties.  Please seek help.

Trinity
806995 tn?1265826776
It's good to hear that with a VL of 6 million you managed UND at 4 weeks. Which genotype did you have? I have 1.
806995 tn?1265826776
My first VL test is scheduled for Wed (at T = 4 weeks). That should give an indication. Then the next are at T=8 and T=12. I just checked my treatement protocol, I remembered it wrongly. My test next week will determine if I need 48 or 72 weeks (depending if it's UND or not). The test at T =12 weeks determines if I should continue at all (depending if the VL dropped 2 logs, i.e. by 99%).
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