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Avatar universal

Overwhelmed with depression,fear

I feel stupid even writing this now.I am fearful you will have a low opinion of me.
I am so down right now, I cant stop crying. I dont know if this is just tx related, or if it is just a already existing problem that is now surfacing.
I hate my job, and no, its not just "the job" its how they have always treated me,....very bad to say the least. Now this hepc problem, Im dependent on the job for the insurance, no insurance, no tx. I need the money, Im not college educated like many of you, just a working slob. Nobody would guess to look at me that I have self esteem issues, I am a fantastic actress. Even my own husband has no idea how often during the day I fixate on my life, I am an under achiever, and feel trapped in my life. If I quit the job, I lose my vehicle (big pymnts) I live in a one horse town, no public transportation. I pay most the bills, and Im not getting any younger. Im sorry for bothering you all with this, I dont want to tell anybody this, b/c they would just say I need help, I dont want to be on meds for depression, I dont even like docs, I dont know what to do, I dont feel there is really an answer out there that "fits" me and my situation. I am a convenience store manger, and most of the time we are treated like the scum of the earth, I have lousy employees, and am expected to pick up their slack, I am to tired to do this. I am sorry to burden you with this. No, college is not an option for me, no money, make to much to qualify for anything, there seems to be no real options, I have thought of everything.
39 Responses
116701 tn?1210262764
you sound so sad today. Sounds like everthing has just caught up to you. I wish I could pump so  much sunshine your way that a smile would appear. We all understand the insurance issue and only to well. I'm a working slob too. I take pride in that. I pay my taxes, I don't cheat anyone and try to share a smile if possible. Some days I'm successful and others - oh well. I just hope things settle down for you and your emotions. It's hard some days when everything is coming at you from all directions. I hope you get to feeling much much much much better. Dale
Avatar universal
I don't know what to say. So I am just going to say" Hello".
Avatar universal
The treatment drugs potentially can make everything overwhelming. I can't even imagine myself having to work at a store managing people while I was treating. When things got very bad for me mentally, I kept repeating to myself "it's the drugs...it's the drugs...it's the drugs". That helped a lot with my sanity. Like yourself I never took anti-depressants, but I get a prescription for Lexipro in case things got worse. As to your job, just think of it for now as a means to pay for your treatment. That's real important right now. Hope you feel better soon.

-- Jim
Avatar universal
Don't worry about us having a low opinion of you. Most of us have felt like you feel at one time - to a greater or lesser degree. I don't like doctors and I don't like drugs but I believe that you should talk to a doctor familiar with the psychological side effects of TX and be willing to prescribe anti depressants if warranted and, in my opinion, you sound like they might be warranted. I'm not saying that you don't have underlying issues but your feelings of being overwhelmed sound like this may be TX related. We deal with the kinds of problems you describe every day and maybe we don't like it and maybe we get angry but when we have a feeling of hopelessness associated with a whole range of issues anti depressants can often enable us to regain a perspective that allows us to cope and hopefully resolve some of these issues. I just think that you should explore this with your doctor. Mike
Avatar universal
Hi am sorry to hear what you are going through.  I get that way sometimes.  I am not treating yet, but that is one of my biggest fears...the depression.  How long ago were you diangnosed? What are your stats?
Avatar universal
and remember, most people don't have to take the anti-depresents the rest of their lives.
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