"I cannot drink responsibly and 1 drink leads me to 7-9 drinks until I pass out."
There are plenty of alcoholics on this forum who understand what you mean about not being able to stop but at some point you have two options - drink or die.
I'd doubt that drinking will be a problem for you for very much longer - once your liver becomes cirrhotic and you need a transplant maybe it will be the trigger you need to quit before you die.
If you are drinking yourself into alcohol poisoning on a regular basis - it won't take very long. I don't really know of any advice that anyone here can give you except to say good luck.
Talk to a doctor about your disorder and treatment. You have 2b so that's six months of treatment. As far as your addiction is concerned I too had a problem but with opiates I don't go to meetings I just chose to stay clean. My advice to you is find hobbies and a lot of them. If it weren't for all my hobbies there might be a slim chance I would still be doing drugs. Good luck.
Thank you for the response. I am an AVID gardener in the milder months and I am an oil artist of some excellence. Meds for my disorder and the fact I am dealing with the imminent death of my dear mother with lung cancer (I am her caretaker), make it hard for me to take time for myself. I am VERY distracted. Litbee
If one drink leads to seven or more and you end up feeling wrecked like that, you can't have that one drink. Ever. That's what your body is telling you. It's your job to listen to it.
Just a note - - we posted at the same time. I lost my mother to lung cancer too. It was really, really hard. Do be sure to take care of yourself during this time. Remember that drinking is NOT taking care of yourself. Painting is. Letting yourself treat yourself to that insanely gorgeous color or outrageous brush that's very expensive is. You have my sympathies. Hang in there.
Hey, I thought that was harsh...but sometimes it's what is necessary I guess. At least you cared enough to say something. I just reread my post and forgot to say that I drink about once a month and sometimes twice (rarely). then there are times I go months and don't drink at all. It's difficult when your bipolar and stress makes our conditions worse. My best friend and MOTHER is dying from lung cancer and I am her caregiver. I live next door and have problems with other family with behavior problems. NO SUPPORT SYSTEM. I thought I was posting to the doctors and was asking if in fact these symptoms of severe poisoning after drinking are symptoms of liver damage??? I can kind of figure it out myself but was looking for professional opinion. Your strong words are truth...however harsh. Do you know anyone who is bipolar?
Your writing makes it clear that your yourself see this as a problem; you drink until you pass out, you drink even though you know that it is harmful.
The second component is that you now are wondering if you have either progressed or are suffering some HCV related liver damage and unable to progress out of a sort of protracted hangover/ alcohol poisoning.
A third premise is that you cannot treat due to bi-polar.
Here's my take on it;
First, get some form of treatment for your current poisoning. Check LFT's, get a fibrosure test to get an approximation of your staging. You might repeat that after you recover. You will have a clear form of proof of how much you are hurting yourself.
#2) Get committed and do AA. Alcoholics strive to increase self awareness that for them; "to drink is to die". This is probably exponentially true for an alcoholic with HCV.
#3) Investigate if you can get a better doctor. I have a bi-polar friend who treated as a geno 1. Full course of treatment and an SVR 2 years now. She had previously not treated because of the misconception that bi-polars can't treat. I am not asserting that you can but I would not accept it as a given.
#4) IF you can't treat right now stay sober and on your meds. Telaprevir had trials for geno 2's recently. We may soon see the results for those trials. Even if it were true that your doctor might not feel that it were safe for your to treat 24 weeks with SOC might they consider it if the course of treatment were to become halved?
There is much to have hope about. Hang in there and try to take actions which improve your life.
Let me be the first to say sorry about your mother. Secondly, stick with your hobbies no matter what! Everyone goes through dark periods but life is all about living for the bright spots. My life went through a dark period of over seven years. For the past four years it got slowly better and now in the past two years my life has become amazing. I quit doing drugs over four years ago and it was the best thing I've ever done. Drinking all the time is not worth it. Neither is doing drugs. Life is hard but remember if you can't stay strong for yourself maybe you stay strong for those around you. Your mother who is dying (god bless her) I assume loves you very much with you taking care of her. How do you want her to remember you if she does die? The caring Alcoholic daughter? Or the daughter that pulled through the pain and became a person she could be proud of?
I'm not trying to be harsh but it just comes from experience. I didn't get clean for myself. I did it for my family because I had to find a reason to do it. God knows I didn't want to be clean but my need to not cause them anymore pain outweighed my need to do heroin. I have a friend that had a heroin habit like mine the difference is I went to rehab and he went to prison. I stayed away from drugs and he got out of prison relapsed and is now back in prison. My family loves me and we eat dinners together and laugh and have a great time. My friend sits in a jail cell and eats in a lunch line with other prisoners all while his dad is dying in the hospital. His dad is going to die knowing that his son couldn't control himself or try hard enough to stay off drugs. At least you care about your mother and take care of her but when she gets closer to the end let her know that you can stay strong she will leave this world in peace knowing that her daughter will be alright.
You can do this trust me!!
sorry just realized that you stated that you weren't an alcoholic!! my bad
No one here can say if what you describe suggests progressive liver damage. That said, both your elevated enzymes were troubling and need investigation, and and that your drinking habits could potentially lead to cirrhosis or worse. Time to do two things. First, seek out (or go back to) a good liver specialist (hepatologist) to get fully evaluated. And second, start or renew efforts to get your drinking problem solved. Left unsolved, your story could be heading toward a bad ending.
Many people who are bi-polar drink to self medicate themselves. Drinking that a much can have effects that you haven't yet considered. My own husband was bi-polar. Last year he was in a funk and got drunk and while in a blackout killed himself. Yes, my words are harsh but seeing as you are bi-polar and drink until you passout - it scares the beejesus out of me, not only for your liver but for other reasons.
Whether you believe yourself to be an alcoholic or not - drinking until you passout gives you a whole window of blackout conditions.....scenario's where as a person with any mental issues REALLY has to stop and say "I cannot have that one drink any longer God knows what might happen".
And your liver........if you're really drinking once enough you are completely stressing that liver out during that time. You know all the things that you are doing are wrong - yet you don't want to seem to stop them at all.
So I really just don't know what to say or what advice to give to you. The words might be harsh but the world is alot more harsh than that and you just gotta decide what is more important to you and go with it.
Thank you for the response. My substance abuse (however infrequent), I've been told is Alcoholism. It may just be a BP symptom, but the results and cure are the same. Also I NEVER drink near my mother. ONLY at a friends house when I need to get away. I have recieved great advice here in a short period and thanks again!
Your absolutely right...AMEN
I have a good hepatologist from Hershey Pa and he agreed No treatment yet and wants me to have another biopsy in June. So, a follow up is near, but I would feel better if it was sooner! Thanks
Very helpful advice and I thank you. I even copied it to my computer! Litbee
I have known personally five people who have drank themselves to death....either stop or die
I like others here have had our drug issues. You feel bad so you consume to feel better, only to find out you feel worse. Its a viscious cycle which is hard to change. I did start meetings AA/NA. That was my start. Then I let Jesus deal with it and the other issues which were causing me to look for something to feel better. Life got better and has kept getting better. Inspite of week 39 on treatment. Thank God I can! Don't give up! I've been clean for 20 years. Your on the right track with other things to fill in the drinking time. Just one more thing, if your body is saying AHHHHHHHHHH! Thats a clue.