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Hepatitis C Community
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1442059 tn?1340244552

depression

I have 2 much on my plate  boyfriend very abusive   i cant take it anymore    seeing phyc on mon for my depression meds for treatment he was supposed to drive me now he says he wont  i live out of town now what?  we just lost our greyhound    this is bad    lupus coming on strong    cant leave my little doggy    no where to go   and i feel like a truck hit me     and my heart is shattered     this is insane     how much can one person take     he is so mean      my face is covered in red spots     just to make it better hey     cry baby i know      but really                             some people just have no love        i get more understanding from complete strangers than him    i want to just cry   i just don't know what to do   i feel like my whole life has been stolen   how can someone live without getting an once of affection or kindness  i need to be in a warm loving supportive environment  to be emotionally strong enough in treatment don't I? i may put off treatment until i sell the house  he leaves me no choice i cant live in anymore meanness   man i am sorry guys just had to let it out
11 Responses
Avatar universal
"i need to be in a warm loving supportive environment  to be emotionally strong enough in treatment don't I? i may put off treatment until i sell the house "

Some people operate on the principle that bad love is better than no love and they don't even know it.  You need to ask yourself if that's what you're doing.  And let me tell you, that's extremely faulty thinking.    "Bad love" is abuse.    And to think that there will be no love if you give up the bad love is also faulty thinking.  You need to be your own warm loving supportive environment first and foremost.  And then you start adding others to your life who are healthy and positive and treat you with respect and kindness.  Believe me, it is worth weeding out the ones who don't and the ones who don't treat others that way.  I have known people in my life who treat me well but treat others poorly and it' s worth weeding out those people as well.  Build a circle of people in your life who are healthy and positive to your world.  Small healthy circles are better than large dysfunctional circles.  Get rid of the bad love.

As for treatment, If this fellow will not take you to an appointment before you start treatment and it affects you this way, imagine what it will be like as you go through the various side effects that treatment can bring your way.  It's worse to go through treatment living with someone who doesn't care about what you're going through than it is going through it alone, as in living on your own.  You build up a different support system, such as this forum and others in your life but primarily, your support system is yourself and you will be amazed at how strong you can be.  You will also be amazed at who your supports turn out to be.  I learned not to count on anyone at all but to simply ask and then be grateful if the answer was yes.  Primarily, I counted on me and knew there was a core group of people I could count on for the major things.  I also had a counsellor and a local Hep C support group.  There are supports that you can put in place for yourself.  This guy has already shown you that you CANNOT AFFORD to count on him as you go through treatment.  He will NOT be there for you.  To think otherwise is wishful thinking.

Treatment is a serious undertaking and you want it to be successful.  Part of that success is sticking to your treatment drugs and dealing with side effects which may be mild to downright debilitating at times.  You want to be in as good a mental shape as you can to go through this.

I would strongly recommend that you consider resolving your life situation first and then go through treatment.  When you see the psych on Monday consider being completely honest with him and perhaps he can help you see a psych who will help you resolve your life situation first before you go into treatment.  

Good luck to you.

Trish
1442059 tn?1340244552
sorry for the rant just worried i wont be able to hold it together enough to let them give me the treatment i so hope that i get a good anti depressant and can report good news you guys all seem so strong   again sorry for the rant
1118724 tn?1357014191
You are NOT a cry baby. You are a human deserving of others support and love. Whatever relief it brings rant away. Dump your boyfriend, he's a jack***. Why is he around? You are stage 3 hep c. You have some time to delay treatment. Make a plan, work it. The goal is to create the conditions for you to start treatment. You are tougher than you think, you've shown it already.

Dogs are life!
Like a detachable appendage. Haha, how's that for an analogy?
Amazing critters.

God bless.
Avatar universal
I would also suggest that you ask someone else for a ride to your appointment.  All they can say is yes or no.  Offer to pay for gas and their time.  This guy has power over you and he knows it and uses what power he has to control you and pull your strings and he likes it.  So take your power back and come up with your own solutions.   Start with coming up with a solution to get to this doctor's appointment.  Everything starts with one small step.  Again.....good luck to you with all this.  Rooting for you.

Trish
1442059 tn?1340244552
Thank you  As we speak I am waiting for an lawyer online to tell me what I am entitled to do as far as the house goes.He put the house ,very small like one big room really in my name because he owed so much $ to the government.(he is currently in bankruptcy) Like a fool I went along with the idea and he promised to continue working full time and pay off the bill. I did most of the renos with the help of family. He is trying to force me to leave and soak all the debt.Which right now seems like the only answer but where do me and my doggy go when u cant work? Hes got me between a rock and a hard spot. I am almost 50 I cant go bankrupt.I even told him that we could work out some sort of deal. He thinks my contributions which have been costly and hard work are worth nothing.I used to install vinyl siding working construction so I did do alot new windows doors floors etc now that contribution must be worth something.I know u r right and i am going to do what is best for me from now on and stop this wishful thinking. Thank you so much  u give me courage and insight and I am so grateful I am going to ask someone here in town to take me to the nearest bus depot Monday and do what you said be honest with my doc and find somewhere to stay so this treatment will work. I really wish I could give u guys a hug thanks for the advice and the words of encouragement I needed. I promise I wont let u down..Thanks again bless u
1420486 tn?1384796753
I see you said he put the house in your name. WoW. A abusive man said to my girlfriend in not so nice words. Woman go pay 4 my horse. And then he gave her the money. Her objection was she had no valid picture id. I just told her to do what her man says. I vouched for her id. they accepted her library card. She paid for the horse. A few months later when the relationship went further south and they ended it she was the proud owner of a horse. Because the horse was in her name. as bought @ the auction. Is your name the only name on the house as owner??? You say he is abussive. Has he ever hit you??? Threatened you? are you afraid of him? Get a restraining order or as they call them here in oklahoma a protective order. Verbal abuse is abuse. Often times the verbal leads to the violence... You said you can't work due to the lupus and HCV. I wonder if you are intitled to s.iis or sis or disability. Have you applied for that? it may be a way for you to eventually gain your freedom from a bad man. You might try to work p/t ? Could you find a female room-mate that did not mind sharing a room? Which might help you pay on your morgage    Im thinking your in texas. My morgage is under 400 a month. I thank God I dont own in Calif or boston or someplace. that is real expensive. I bought my land before I met my husband. I have a restraining order against.him. I dont have a job as my husband did not want me to work. I was too untrustworthy etc. You should look up some of the domestic violence/spousal abuse web sights. There is such a thing as the controll wheel.You should feel better once he is gone. If he is beating on you call the police. and get a restraining order. if he is abusive get a restraining order. Hey we can still try panhandling @ Wally World. Here it pays well. lol.. Is your confidence intact. Where you know you absolutly live w/o him. on the restraining order all You have to do is go to the court house fill out some paperwork. you will probally see a judge that same day. have him served @ work? Pack his S--t up. set it out side and make him have a sherrif with him to come get his belongings. Your state is much better than mine with domestic violence issues. Do you go to church? maybe you could get some temp financial aide from them. out here we can get assistance 1 x a year with elec, or gas bills. out here we have septic tanks. I was able to rent a trailer space. But my husband beat her too the last time he beat me. So she left. But that would of helped me with half of my morgage in a perfect world. Good luck to you. If you ever need to vent I along with many are here to listen. ginger
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