partners and honesty

[pariah127]

i recently had a situation where i knew this woman for years and slowly but surely grew a deep affection for her
she has presently admitted to having feelings for me too
over the last week we grew closer and closer

i have never kissed her or been intimate with her but i have wanted to all along
it came to the point where i had to tell her about a blood test last year that came back hep c positive

so i told her

at 1st she was taken aback but she works in the recovery field and it turns out she was pretty well informed

so now she is processing this info
but the warmth is still there

we may not become a couple  i dont know
but i do know she will not shun me

i would like as much information as you can give me on how easily it is transmitted sexually

she inssists it is easy to get that way but from wht i have read in blogs and on medical sites  it is very rare.

please hlp!

[zazza]

That a way to go! Check on http://janis7hepc.com/sex_and_hcv.htm
to read yourself about the study done on monogamous couples which show none got it through sex during a ten-year-period.

[spcecst2]

She sure don't want no sissy so stop acting like one! Now the way you should have approached the women is like this, you flirt your a%* off, no kissing, touching, etc... then if you feel she's coming around at the right moment you say I just got some bad news from the doctor that I'm hep c positive and back out of the picture, now your playing two cards, sympathy and curiosity, if your flirting worked she

[dlr2007]

Hi- I admire your courage- I'm sure it must be very difficult to tell someone you care about that you have hep c. I will confess I have not always been so honest. When I was in major denial about having hep c and also just really f***ed up in general, I went through a 2 year relationship without telling the guy. I started to, saw the look on his face and backed off- then convinced myself that since my ALT/AST's were normal, the hep c had "disappeared"- ya rite! Terrible, I know, but we've all done things we're ashamed of. Bottom line- the guy didn't get Hep C- he went back into the military after and nothing ever showed up- I know he would've blamed me since he knew about my past IV drug use. I asked my ob/gyn at the beginning of this relationship if I should make him use condoms. She said no, she knew a couple where the girl was having severe hep c symptoms as in jaundice etc (maybe acute stage?) and her fellow ob/gyn still didn't recomend condoms. I imagine, like most things, the chances of a males transmitting to a female may be higher, but I'm not sure. I think it is very rare. But it's still good that you told her. I'm now married to a man with the same sordid past and hep c as me, so no more worries about honesty here. Good luck- if your woman is worth it she'll stand by you. -Dee

[dlr2007]

I'm obesessing that everyone is gonna think I'm a terrible person for what I did- just wanted to add- not that it is really an excuse- but it was not a normal healthy relationship. He was very dishonest (unfaithful) and manipulative and I was in such a weakened state by a previous tragedy in my life that I just couldn't seem to work up the strength to leave him. Until I had his infidelity literally in writing in front of me. If he had been kind and had my best interests at heart, I truly don't think I could have been dishonest like that. -Dee

[spcecst2]

You are a terrible person for what you did!! But if you have a sexy smile you get a free pass, I

[Evannescence]

Hey Dee,  You were just protecting yourself from hurt and from being rejected.  This disease is hardly transmissable via sex, and you must have known that.  Whatever any one's opinions are here - it is fact !! There are loads of studies done on it, with scientific conclusions.  Most people here know that sex is not one of the great risks.  Use needles ONCE and share them, and T'PAU !!  HCV is highly infectious via blood, more so that HIV (that is just my opinion though, but I'm sure I read it somewhere !!LOL :)))

[spcecst2]

"You were just protecting yourself from hurt and from being rejected" BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!!!! What about the other person? What about doing the right thing?? I guess because we have the cursed hep c we can find an excuse to justify anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As far as getting it from sex, I believe the science of hep c is evolving everyday, I know it's easy to be in denial and believe what you want, but they can't give you a definitive answer! We have what we have and it can infect and kill people!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, forgot to say HELLO!!

[dlr2007]

LOL- hey everybody needs a free pass now & then!

[dlr2007]

Hi- Yes,I did know that sexual transmission is rare. Of course I should've told him anyway, but thank God nothing bad came of it other thasn my feeling guilty. His daily behavior with others put him at much higher risk than I did! You're right, Hep c  is very easy to catch from IV drugs. I read it's 100 times more transmittable than HIV from a dirty needle- a much stronger virus. But only in the blood. Thanks for your understanding about what I shared. -Dee

[pariah127]

sorry spcec i dont operate that way

ive known this lady for years and thats what i treat her like   a lady   i dont operate by (street ) rules   iv'e left that stupid player **** behind me  its for weak people who cant handle living with honor.

i told her at exactly the right time

and sexual trans mission is more common then u think.

i (dont play THE field)   never have been like that never will

this is a heartfelt relationship  not some casual instance.

and please limit your comments to the subject
lets be civilized

[zazza]

I have done the same thing as you, had sex without telling about hep C (until a bit down the road) and I had none of the good excuses for my behaviour that you had. I still do not regret this, although it has given me a lot of anguish and feels better now that I have told my partner about it. I followed the laws of my country for hepatitis C: they do not require me to tell, nor do they require me to use condoms. And I was certain no other sexually transmitted diseases were around. When the time was right I told, and my partner has respected my decision being sure that I would never do anything I thought would hurt him.

[dlr2007]

Hi- Thank you for sharing your exerience- it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one that did that. When I came back on this forum and saw a post directed to me, I was almost afraid to look at it! I really value this site and all the knowledge and comfort I get from it- would hate to think I screwed it up by writing something before I thought it through. I do think it's the right thing to tell people before sex, but it's not as easy as it sounds. And misconceptions of how contagious hep c really is are common. If everyone really knew how rare sexual transmission is, well maybe it would be different. Hey, I wouldn't dare tell anyone I know for fear they would no longer let their kids hang out with mine, oe they would get so wrapped up in how I  got it they'd forget who I am today.
  I would do many things differently if I could live my life over, including not getting hep c in the 1st place.But hindsight is always 20/20... I just saw how Pariah was agonizing over this and shared my mistake before really thinking about how it could raise a lot of moral questions on this board.
  Zazza, I'm glad things worked out for you with your relationship. I, like you, relied on the information and guidelines I got from other, knowledgable sources to make my decision not to inform my partner. It must have been scary as all h*** for you to tell about it- I credit you with a lot of guts for doing that! Thanks again for letting me know I'm not alone. -Dee

[spcecst2]

your wrong for what you did and there is no way to justify it! Hey pariah127 "living with honor" did you learn that in your 12 step program!

[pariah127]

no i learned it from my father   why?
but ive learned alot of things from the 12 step program too   ive learned what i am and how to overccome my shortcomings  ive had alot of good examples to follow.
one of my friends died from this of liver cancer
and he was in the program too
icant tell you how much it helped him
and is helping me too.

[FL_Gal]

Pariah, I am so happy for you that it all worked out and she is willing to learn.  You must be so relieved!!

ps....now you will have to change your name to "a pair". ;))

[dlr2007]

I'm not arguing w/ you on that, I know I was wrong. But I'm willing to share my mistakes if I think it might help somebody else out. We've all made mistakes, and my point in telling mine was in letting Pariah know that I think he's doing the right thing, and that hep c is NOT easy to catch through sex. By the way, once I knew I had hep c I was careful about sharing works (IV drugs)- that is a way to transmit it for sure.
  Pariah, I did the 12-step program too- it really does work if ya work it. Keep with it- I kinda faded away from it and a lot of my old behaviors crept back up on me. I think you are definitely living with honor and you should feel good about the decisions you're making in your life. Keep me posted as to how everything is going. -Dee

[Forseegood]

I agree with you whole heartedly, as corny as it sounds, I think we should make positive identifications with ourselves....especially if we are dealing with a rather overwhelming disease....and calling ourselves something like "pariah" prob isn't the most positive thing to name oneself...think your idea is really great of calling himself "a pair" or something of that sort...and I also agree with some others that it would be great if Pariah would keep up with his program, for himself and others who are in his life, in order to be really good at caring for others we need to know how to care for ourselves first...not trying to "tell" anyone what they should and shouldn't be doing, just gentle suggestions that one could take or leave...what's the saying? take what you need and leave the rest behind...

[pariah127]

thank you all very much

but i think i'll stick with the name
it comes from what i did to myself when i was out there using dope and living that lifestyle

i made myself a pariah and i dont want to EVER forget where i came from  i been clean for 4 + yrs now

almost everything i lost is gained back tenfold.

dont get me wrong i'm no saint but i try VERY hard to be decent, kind ,and responsible.

that is why im trying to find out about this i have been in denial for so long im hoping to shed some light on this and make myself
PAY ATTENTION !

i have to be honest tho that is the most important thing


my lady is still kind of oscillatting on this
but i think she may care enough to stick around and at the very least be my friend

altho like i said  it would be hard looking at her feeling the way i do about her

but it seems like God is granting me  mercy  and grace

so i thank him  and go on
tanks

[Forseegood]

hey, I getcha about the name, you want a reminder of where you've "been" so you won't go back there again...just really glad that you sound like youre in a much better place emotionally...

hey, just as an aside, I'd been doing the "head in the sand" thing about my own hepatitis for a good while till recently....when I had a fibroscan done, and I have to tell you, it's been really, really freeing and great for my emotional health and psyche to get a good *take* on what is going on with me, right now...

even though I knew this intellectually, I guess i was just so tired of keeping tabs on it for so long, (I was diagosed in 01) that I had been doing this "no, I don't want to know" thing, and it really wasn't good for me, like so many of my friends here and elsewhere told me...I feel like a big weight has been taken off of me, and I feel a little more empowered...denial is just that, denial and it's really no fun, it's a weight on you...so glad youre doing better and keep in touch...