please talk to me

[pattielowe]

   My viral load is 5 mil.   I have known this for a year or so, I am scared to death.    I just need to know someone is out there, and I'm not alone.  Presently  I sit in my room and fight depression, there are other factors besides my virus that keep me hidden away.  There is no one in my immediate environment to talk to, as I refuse to worry them.  I have made many dr. appts. but have cancelled them fearing the worst.  The worst being,   "Your virus is too far advanced, there is nothing to be done"........My husband died in 03 with liver cancer, secondary to hep.c.    sometimes I think I deserve the same.  Why him, and not me?   If someone can relate, or empathize, please talk to me...I am a coward, I don't want to hear the words, you're too late.

[JesusSon]

hahahaha many people will wonder why im laughing. flyinlynn only person will know why!!  i laugh because im not the only one who afraid to death sincei  know i have hep c. pattielowe, all these things happened with me..read my story here you will feel its you who wrote that story with hep c. i will start harvoni this week. pray for me.
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Hepatitis-C/Please-Please-help-me-I-have-C-but-sadness-kills-me-read-my-story/show/2880965
copy link and past it or you will find it in this community or go to my home page and read stories. dont worry sister everything will be fine..by the way, my father died with same thing as your husband because hep c or b i dont know. God bless you

[perezmoore]

do you not have health insurance?

[fretboard]

Welcome to the forum!  Your viral load isn't that high at all but you're really gonna have to see a doctor and have some blood work done to find out where you stand.  HepC is a very slow moving virus, that's why some of us have been HepC positive for well over 25-30 years and some don't have any symptoms of HepC at all.  If you need support and you really feel you can't tell anyone at all, I suggest you look on google and find out if your city has any HepC support meetings.  Most cities with teaching medical universities have them.  You can get plenty of support on this forum but you really need to see a doctor to find out what you're dealing with.  I know you don't want to hear that you're too late, nobody wants to hear that.  With that said, if your belly isn't full of ascites (liquid) you should be fine and you can still look towards going through treatment.  good luck

[flyinlynn]

Just to add viral load has nothing to do with severity of illness. People can have high viral load and little damage or lower loads like I had at 2 million and have cirrhosis.

The important thing here is to see your doctor for the good news about hep c. That it is now a very treatable condition and that we are on the cusp of being able to eradicate hep c

[flyinlynn]

Hi Pattie

I had hep c for 37 years treating with the old meds with no response but there are new meds available in the last couple of years that are curing most people.

The treatment could be as simple as 1 pill a day for 12 weeks with most reporting few side effects.

I was a 4 time treatment failure and have had cirrhosis for over 8 years and I was cured.

I urge you to see your doctor get treated and cured and put hep c in the rear view mirror

Best to you
Lynn

[sparky43]

Hi Pattie.   Well, I think many people avoid going to the doctor out of fear that they will get terrible news.   I can understand your hesitance especially after your husband died that way.   But while Hepatitis C is a dangerous virus, it does not necessarily mean you have liver cancer.   Around 20 percent of people with chronic hepatitis C develop cirrhosis. It normally takes 20 to 30 years of chronic hepatitis C to develop into cirrhosis. About 20 percent of people with cirrhosis develop liver cancer, so liver cancer is not an automatic result of being infected with Hepatitis C.  

You do not deserve Hepatitis C.   The world does not work that way.   You aren't being punished by the universe.   We are all going to die eventually - some people just get more time than others.   Why your did your husband die before you?   There is no answer to that question - it's just the way things worked out.  You need to make an appointment with a doctor and keep it.   It's possible that the virus has not done very much damage.   Even if it has done damage, the liver is one of the few human organs that can repair itself.  And on top of that, there are now drugs that are extremely effective against the virus.   It can be killed off which at the very least will stop any further damage.

I know that you don't want to worry those around you, but you are letting that concern affect your health.   Choose one person who you feel closest to and tell them what is going on.   Perhaps they could even go to the doctor with you - to give you emotional support and to make sure you actually go.   Once you see the doctor, you will know where you stand and what you should do next.  If you can get on one of the new medications, you will be able to rid yourself of the virus and have a new lease on life.  Instead of focusing on the possibility that you are "too late", try to focus on the very real possibility that you can be cured and will no longer have this looming over your head.

It has been said that courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the willingness to act in spite of fear.   Your first step is to go to the doctor.   No matter what happens, at least you are giving yourself a shot, which is always better than doing nothing and being miserable.   You can do this.  A journey starts with a single step.  Take that step.