It sounds like you are responding well to treatment if you've been UND since week 4. That is a great predictor for success. It sounds like your anxiety might be giving you some trouble, Nd Interferon and Ribavirin can make that worse. Do you have a.prescription for an antidepressant or an anti anxiety med that you can take? If not, call your doc and ask for one. In the meantime, know that by taking care of yourself, you are doing right for your children.
Sorry about your kids. To tell you the truth you are probably doing both of you a favour. They may not understand that you are sick but surely they must notice certain things are very different. I am glad your mum is available to take your children off your hands so you can treat. This is tough treatment to do on your own. It can be lonely since very few people understand what Hepatitis C is and the misconceptions are unreal.
Trust me I know how hard this is but you have to make yourself get up and bathe and get dressed. Even if you don't go anywhere. It takes a lot of effort but you will feel so much better afterwards. I never answer the door when I am not expecting anyone and don't really know anyone rude enough to show up unannounced. So you have my blessing to not answer the door. Still, isolating is not good. Being alone with repetitive negative thoughts can worsen everything - especially if you have an OC streak. That is why it helps to do something social - even if it is come on line and post. Coming on line to post is about as social as I get these days.
You are half way through treatment and you have come a long way. There is lots of support here. Plus you have as much support to give as anyone. You know how horrid these meds can make people feel. I remember at first crying in the shower when my hair was coming out by the glob. I could not get motivated to do anything since I just could not find a way to look presentable. But I got through it with the help of the people here.
I mean everything you said is so common while we are treating that it is scary. I am not sure how often you see your doctor or GP but you are getting labs so that is good. You really need to have someone take a loof at your kidney function on your next set of labs and maybe have a physical exam as well. I know this is the last thing you feel like doing right now but it sounds like you are getting a little overwhelmed. Not eating can make anyone unreasonable. Ditto with not being hydrated.
I read an article a few days ago that said most people do not know the difference between being hungry and being thirsty. Here is a cut and paste from it:
If you have ever eaten everything in sight, yet didn't feel satisfied afterward, you might have experienced receiving mixed brain signals. The hypothalamus controls both hunger and thirst, so it sends the same signal whether you are hungry or thirsty. To understand which signal your brain is sending, you must learn to understand your body better. Pay close attention to the last time you had a meal compared with the last time you had something to drink. It might be that empty feeling in your stomach only needs some water for satiety.
Too much isolation and poor nutrients is a recipe for depression if ever there was one. You are really hanging in there at slaying this beast and I know it is a strain. You are doing what you have to to make it through treatment and you have my compassion and admiration. I feel sick with guilt for not walking my dogs so I cannot begin to know what it is like having to care for children. I don't mean to compare children to animals but it is the sheer responsibility of it. The fact these people are relying on you and you know you are not your best. Hang in there and you will be done before you know it. Actually that is a bit overly optimistic - How about One Day at A Time?
Take care and be well
Thanks but I don't feel I'm taking care I feel I'm loosing my way. Yes I been prescribed diazepam for last 16 years but stopped taking them with great difficulty on my own about a year befor tx started for I knew I was going need these tablets to work at some point threw treatment I have taken the odd one but not been taking them with the fear of a horrible rattle when I need stop tx, I'm so scarred to tell anyone how low I been not brushing teeth not opening blinds or door just wish could hide till all over people wondering why I not got my kids and why it bothering me. I know I need get out cause it helps. I can't seem to do it. During theses two weeks this the worst I been. This pain in right side and sick feeling is it the treatment or I just feel so alone I want to make this fight but I'm struggling and I to scarred to tell any of the tx nurses and my phycatrist cause they will pull the plug and all I want is to be free of this. And let my kids have there palls round as for I knew how ignorant people to hep c would react bad my kids would suffer , my kids got all clear. I keep crying , it's all took a u turn my tx. I'm so scarred to go hospital this Wednesday cause I feel so ill that i know something will be cut or wrong, I don t know or have the trust to turn to anyone , it helped having my kids to get out to school and be there but it got un fair in my eyes them seeing the rage and tears that started around week 13 un lucky for some. My teeth been at dentist 8 times since treatment feel as if going fall out my mouth , I can't let them out play like they want when I so tired I'm just can't stay awake. I not took a period this month. I'm sorry and I thank ou for your answer
It breaks my heart that I cannot help you and soothe you in your desperation.
Sometimes the meds we take for hepc destroy good chemicals also in our brain that help us relax and figure things out.
You are reaching out for help and it will come to you in a way you may not recognize. You do not know me or I you but do 2 things for me. First ask the creator to give you a little help, then think of the blessings in your life ( your children), and also I think a quick fix might be to call your dr. or his secretary and find out about some of the anti-anxiety drugs(SSRI) that many of us are taking to get us through tx.
I know I get real depressed when I think about things too much, like when my girlfriend had an abortion and my children were ripped limb from limb from her womb. I really cannot think about that for more than 2 seconds without falling apart. I know you are probably stronger than myself but please ask for one thing.....STRENGTH!
thnx for listening, Bootcampbilly
Thank you for you honesty and your share it really helps to know this is just part of riding the storm. Everything down to nutrition to the guilt of not attending to kids or dog:-) is so true , I live in a small town say 13,000 and everyone knowes everyone. I never played into this as feel if they can talk about another to me who meet out shopping what they going say about me. My mum she great for kids to have that but the pain I feel when the cling on and cry to come with me my youngest 4 had never left my side. I know what your saying about got push ma self cause it dose help I just feel like a total reck and getting scarred off people wondering , I just said to two close friends that been put on jag from phycatrist for moods and it's bad side effects and then when bad kidney infection and tooth ache. Running out of excuses so close but never felt so far. I was every week at hospital then two and this is first time they left me for a month and due to the big official meeting covering there arse to give me tx with every phcatrist that been involved with since 11 I tried get to when found out ten year ago when pregnant they wouldn't t touch me with a barg pole . Now I got it and living with it made me into terrible OCD when suffered with phycosos and all other labels voices ect since young but as I said they do think I take my anti phyctic ect but I learned that over the 32 years off my life not to be scared but this is me and know when need ask for help. But they will blame it all on tx I know for all they went on about was the fear off me loosing my mind taking my life , selfish I thought three kids would never but now I feel my mind going dark places and my bodys letting me down. Thank you , I hate sounding like a moan but thank you I had get that out x
I can t thank you enough for your quick response I was on this site at start and my name was Dayatime but the fear of kids taking iPad up to grans and my sister or someone seeing I deleted my page. After suffering sever trauma as a kid at the hands of a so called born again I find it hard to reach out to the creator during my teenage years I found N.A and slowly became to believe in a power grater than myself I call mother nature! Thank you! I would love to let someone in but won't hang my self out to the wolves for the kids. What a horrible memorie your head has of your girlfriends abort I truly hope you can not forget but forgive and hope that if your wish for kids is what you'd love then hope you are met with this in your life, the only way I can get threw the past is to say it happened for a reason it's made me a stronger person today and understanding person not judgmental and I think what for me wont go by me. I thank you for helpin me threw this darkest part of my tx. And wish you well x
Nature is God. It is the source that runs through us all.
And let me finish by saying you are the only one ever to put it so nicely about my two lost children that never were.