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149675 tn?1416676733

Joke of the day

Since the last joke thread is buried I thought I would start another to help brighten things up a little. We all could use it.

Two Trees and a Woodpecker
It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one:

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.

A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, 'Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.

The birch says, 'Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell i f that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?'

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, 'It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch.

It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my ****** into.'
55 Responses
320078 tn?1278348320
That was a good one, made me laugh...thanks for starting the thread, i think we could all use right about now!!!!
320078 tn?1278348320
Pa Won't Like It    

     A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon

149675 tn?1416676733
338734 tn?1377163768
I love the jokes. Laughter is truly the best medicine!

Thanks - Brent
Avatar universal
What Starts with F and Ends with K?

A first-grade teacher, Mrs. Robin Graber, was
Having trouble with one of her students. The
Teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade.
My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than
She is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Mrs. Graber had had enough. She took Harry to
The principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher
Explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Mrs. Graber he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his
questions, he was to go back to the 1st grade.

And behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were
explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal
thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Mrs Graber and tells her,
"I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Mrs. Graber says to the principal, "Let me ask
Him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Mrs. Graber asks, "What does a cow have four
Of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Mrs. Graber: "What is in your pants that you
have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Mrs. Graber: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Mrs. Graber: What starts with a C, ends with a T,
is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging

Mrs. Graber: "What goes in hard and pink then
comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Mrs. Graber: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Mrs. Graber: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told
Mrs. Graber, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got
the last seven questions wrong...... "
149675 tn?1416676733
Nice way to start me day! Funny stuff
547181 tn?1255150106
Really great one.. me too have last questions wrong :)
388154 tn?1306365291
10 out of 10
388154 tn?1306365291
I loved yours to
303646 tn?1214951327
a piece of string walks into A bar, sits down at the bar and yells"HEY BARTENDER
The bartender says" no way we don't serve strings iin here and throws the string out.
the string gos to a hair salon and has The lady there to tie him in A knot and to tease one end up so he had a fro.
the string goes back in the bar and says"hey bartender give me A beer"
the bartender says "hey aren't you that same string that was here earlier"?
and the string said

"no I am afraid not"
Avatar universal
Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck!
Avatar universal
OMGosh!!!!!  That string joke has been my all-time favorite joke to tell...I LOVE telling that joke and it still made me laugh when I read your posting of it.  

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