Aa
Just had 'the conversation' again...
Sitting here shaking in my skin because I really like this person. For those of you who don't know, I call the time when I first have to tell a potential sexual partner of my being hcv positive 'the conversation'. I know in my heart that if this is meant to be it will, and if he likes me as much as he said he did, he will end up accepting it. He did say it scared him and that is understandable. It scared me too, when I first found out. It still doesn't feel good, and I had to make a post as a little therapy to myself. The waiting is hard. He said he'll be in touch tomorrow, and this guy has never not called, texted when he said he would, but tomorrow seems like an eternity.
Changing diapers at 50 lawd can't even think about something like that I could barely handle it when I was in my 20s! I simply cannot imagine trying to handle a teenager when i'm almost 70 (unless it's a grandkid and I can give them back at the end of the day!)
God bless the people on this forum - always making us see the glass half full that is for sure! ♥
God bless the people on this forum - always making us see the glass half full that is for sure! ♥
Hi Annie...GAWD! That would not even be funny to be pregnant anywhere close to 50! -I'm there with you! LOL
Brent (That's right, isn't it?) -I heard a slightly different variation...If it has wheels, batteries, or balls...;) ~Melinda
Brent (That's right, isn't it?) -I heard a slightly different variation...If it has wheels, batteries, or balls...;) ~Melinda
Brent, I've heard that one more than once!
medicmommy: That first one is great advice. I had to think a little about the second one, but get it. Yes, Lol. I don't have to worry about that, can't have any more anyway and don't want to be changing diapers at 50 so even if I could I wouldn't.
medicmommy: That first one is great advice. I had to think a little about the second one, but get it. Yes, Lol. I don't have to worry about that, can't have any more anyway and don't want to be changing diapers at 50 so even if I could I wouldn't.
Speaking of conventional wisdom: "If it has tires or testicles, it's gonna give you trouble!
Hi Annie,
You know what they say about men? -They are like parking stalls...The good ones are all either take or handicapped...;)
When I was 9 yrs old, my great-grandma gave me two pieces of advice I will never forget...This first was,"If you ever meet a man who can't get along with a dog, -don't give him your time.." and the second,"After you've had your first child and you want another, grease the outside of your bedroom doorknob with vaseline...-It keeps the others out" (I puzzled for years over what she meant by the second one..LOL)
I hope you are doing better. I always dreaded having "the conversation" with anyone, -especially coworkers in the health care field. (They really are the worst!) A jerk is a jerk regardless if you want an intimate relationship with them, or just have to work with them...((((((((((HUGZ))))))))~MM
You know what they say about men? -They are like parking stalls...The good ones are all either take or handicapped...;)
When I was 9 yrs old, my great-grandma gave me two pieces of advice I will never forget...This first was,"If you ever meet a man who can't get along with a dog, -don't give him your time.." and the second,"After you've had your first child and you want another, grease the outside of your bedroom doorknob with vaseline...-It keeps the others out" (I puzzled for years over what she meant by the second one..LOL)
I hope you are doing better. I always dreaded having "the conversation" with anyone, -especially coworkers in the health care field. (They really are the worst!) A jerk is a jerk regardless if you want an intimate relationship with them, or just have to work with them...((((((((((HUGZ))))))))~MM
I am very happy for you. If you find a person who truly loves you, nothing else would matter-diseases, problems, your negative traits (everybody has a few). Love overcomes much more difficult obstacles than hepatitis C. Guys you met before just didn't love you, that is all. I wish you all the best with this one. Relationships are so important in life.
I may have found a good relationship. Things are going pretty well with the fellow I mentioned in my last post (the maybe it's booty call). Well, maybe it's not. *hoping*. I truly believe in karma and things happening for a reason. The presentation in front of the class went well, too. The professor and one of my classmates thanked me for sharing it so openly. I usually talk with this one guy after class all the time, and we had our usual conversation like nothing was different at all. Got 100% on the assignment and glad I did it.
sorry this response is really old, and sorry too bring that up again for you, but i haven't looked on here in a long time and somehow I re read this.
My response was off, I read too quickly and my post came betwixed and between others and before reading your out come.
I am glad you have the self esteem to cut that guy loose.
In my work, I get to know alot of poeple, and it still amazes me the different ways people think.
People come from so many different places and have so many different reasons in why they think and act the way they do.
And I see alot of very selfish people too. Alot...that is really scary . I truly wish you the best.
I know you will find a good relationship, cuz it doesn't sound like you will tolerate anything less.
pitter
My response was off, I read too quickly and my post came betwixed and between others and before reading your out come.
I am glad you have the self esteem to cut that guy loose.
In my work, I get to know alot of poeple, and it still amazes me the different ways people think.
People come from so many different places and have so many different reasons in why they think and act the way they do.
And I see alot of very selfish people too. Alot...that is really scary . I truly wish you the best.
I know you will find a good relationship, cuz it doesn't sound like you will tolerate anything less.
pitter
Good for you I am SO GLAD to see that you are feeling better. You are one strong woman girl - don't ever forget that and certainly don't let some cretin ever get you down again (but if he does...we're here for you).
Wow! This ended up being a great thread! I value all of the opinions expressed here and can see all sides of this issue. When I am met with a reaction like this, and it has only been at or near this level twice. See my original post here: http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Hepatitis-C/Potential-sex-partner-freaking-out-about-my-infection/show/92307
I always do think back on how freaked out I was when I first found out about my infection and always consider this when assessing the persons reaction. Actually, it was the remark about 'crazy drugs' that set me off, and that's when I let him have it with both barrels. To me, it's an 'I'm better than you' attitude. One of my newer close friends termed it 'small mindedness'. She said it would have turned up in some other way sooner or later, be it somebody being gay or something else controversial that would have caused an insensitive remark to come out of his mouth. I'm still going through the post that Willy shared, and he had mentioned it being a screening process. I wholeheartedly agree. If my tx had been successful, the conversation would still have been had. I want a person I am going to be that vulnerable with, to be someone I can tell anything to, hopefully my best friend at some point. So, no harm done, I didn't sleep with him, he didn't deserve that, he stayed safe and I kept my dignity. I realized something very huge from this. I had been seeing someone else prior to this, someone that I had 'the conversation' with on the first date, and who wasn't fazed in the least by that or the fact that I had a past history of drugs. He asked one question about it and I answered it, and that was that.I didn't think he paid enough attention to me, lack of phone calls, always me calling him, etc., whereas this new one was in touch all day and every day and all that attention really had me going. I realized what I had with the first guy was priceless to me because all the cards were already on the table. This person has never done drugs either, (he's a cop) and neither did the guy I wrote about in the above mentioned thread. They didn't feel they needed to judge me for some very old stuff. Anyway, to make a long story short, I sent a text to the cop the other night, and ended up having a VERY nice time with him this weekend. Was it booty call? Maybe, maybe not, but having all that stuff on the table and not to have to worry about what I say...priceless. Every new relationship is a risk that we will be hurt in some way, and for me, wanting to have that level of closeness, I will continue to have 'the conversation' with any potential new lovers. Totally worth it. Someday, I may be able to have it in past tense, but it will still be had. I think the vast majority will respect the honesty and honesty and open communication are core to a good relationship.
Tonight I present my paper to my class, and have another 'conversation', albeit this one will be a little easier as I am not anticipating any intimate contact with anyone in my Grad class! If I educate just one person in that class, then it will be worth it for me to blow my anonymity on my hcv status.
I always do think back on how freaked out I was when I first found out about my infection and always consider this when assessing the persons reaction. Actually, it was the remark about 'crazy drugs' that set me off, and that's when I let him have it with both barrels. To me, it's an 'I'm better than you' attitude. One of my newer close friends termed it 'small mindedness'. She said it would have turned up in some other way sooner or later, be it somebody being gay or something else controversial that would have caused an insensitive remark to come out of his mouth. I'm still going through the post that Willy shared, and he had mentioned it being a screening process. I wholeheartedly agree. If my tx had been successful, the conversation would still have been had. I want a person I am going to be that vulnerable with, to be someone I can tell anything to, hopefully my best friend at some point. So, no harm done, I didn't sleep with him, he didn't deserve that, he stayed safe and I kept my dignity. I realized something very huge from this. I had been seeing someone else prior to this, someone that I had 'the conversation' with on the first date, and who wasn't fazed in the least by that or the fact that I had a past history of drugs. He asked one question about it and I answered it, and that was that.I didn't think he paid enough attention to me, lack of phone calls, always me calling him, etc., whereas this new one was in touch all day and every day and all that attention really had me going. I realized what I had with the first guy was priceless to me because all the cards were already on the table. This person has never done drugs either, (he's a cop) and neither did the guy I wrote about in the above mentioned thread. They didn't feel they needed to judge me for some very old stuff. Anyway, to make a long story short, I sent a text to the cop the other night, and ended up having a VERY nice time with him this weekend. Was it booty call? Maybe, maybe not, but having all that stuff on the table and not to have to worry about what I say...priceless. Every new relationship is a risk that we will be hurt in some way, and for me, wanting to have that level of closeness, I will continue to have 'the conversation' with any potential new lovers. Totally worth it. Someday, I may be able to have it in past tense, but it will still be had. I think the vast majority will respect the honesty and honesty and open communication are core to a good relationship.
Tonight I present my paper to my class, and have another 'conversation', albeit this one will be a little easier as I am not anticipating any intimate contact with anyone in my Grad class! If I educate just one person in that class, then it will be worth it for me to blow my anonymity on my hcv status.
I don't understand your post to Dointime. She is speaking to Annie's pain. She offers a painful life experience of her own in order to show Annie a possible perspective coming from the man who chose not to be in a relationship with her because of her HCV.
I've read and reread it. "
Gosh maybe sometimes people just need a pat on the back and to be told "it's ok, everything will be alright" (ref back to Annie - just like Dointime did) - especially from people who are similarly in the same exact boat. Being told to get some self esteem really makes no sense to me at all - not in this context of someone who was badly hurt and is relating in compassion to another human being - even though they DO understand it all don't you see they just wanted someone to agree and make them feel better in the end (on both parts really)?
Wheres the love, understanding and compassion in that response.
That's "support" on a "support group" oy vey!
I've read and reread it. "
Gosh maybe sometimes people just need a pat on the back and to be told "it's ok, everything will be alright" (ref back to Annie - just like Dointime did) - especially from people who are similarly in the same exact boat. Being told to get some self esteem really makes no sense to me at all - not in this context of someone who was badly hurt and is relating in compassion to another human being - even though they DO understand it all don't you see they just wanted someone to agree and make them feel better in the end (on both parts really)?
Wheres the love, understanding and compassion in that response.
That's "support" on a "support group" oy vey!
I like all the responses on this thread, it's a great discussion. And I really like the way Trish put forward the alternate point of view. I sure do remember how it felt when I was first diagnosed and it was scary!
I have had to have "the conversation" several times and I was never rejected due to having HCV - out of the people I had the "conversations" with 4 continued on to become longer relationships, the last one leading to marriage as I earlier mentioned. Actually I have been rejected for lots of reasons other than HCV! On one occasion, when I told the guy he told me he had it too! We still broke up later but not because either of us had HCV! Although, I do remember feeling "nervous" about being intimate with him despite knowing what I know and having HCV myself. Silly eh, but human I would say! Our minds work in mysterious ways when it comes to self preservation and the survival instinct.
I believe you did the best thing when you told him and I have no doubt that the timing was correct. You have to have built up a level of trust before you can divulge such personal information. Like you, I don't think announcing your HCV status as part of your personal introduction is necessary or practical. You may have HCV but your are not HCV!
And you won't have HCV for the rest of your life!! I think that when the time comes to let a person know about it it's good to have some reading material on hand that is medically correct and non-prejiduced. I always did that so that the fear of the unknown didn't have time to magnify in their mind, and so that they didn't end up talking to uneducated people with little knowledge of Hepatits. There are some very good long term studies out there regarding the the rate of transmission in a long term monogomous relationships. And of course you should always practice safe sex. Not just because you have HCV but to protect YOURSELF. Not everyone knows what they have got or are prepared to reveal that information.
On another level, this wasn't the guy for you and the HCV was just the excuse. I'm not bagging the guy here at all. Truly, if he wasn't interested in you over and above your "condition" then he is not your guy! Much better you know that now rather than waste any more time. There really are plenty more fish in the sea! And remember we have to kiss a lot of toads before we meet the prince!!
Epi :)
PS: The other thing I found was the way in which I told people was very important. People often respond to how we are feeling, the emotion we are projecting rather than the words we are saying.
I have had to have "the conversation" several times and I was never rejected due to having HCV - out of the people I had the "conversations" with 4 continued on to become longer relationships, the last one leading to marriage as I earlier mentioned. Actually I have been rejected for lots of reasons other than HCV! On one occasion, when I told the guy he told me he had it too! We still broke up later but not because either of us had HCV! Although, I do remember feeling "nervous" about being intimate with him despite knowing what I know and having HCV myself. Silly eh, but human I would say! Our minds work in mysterious ways when it comes to self preservation and the survival instinct.
I believe you did the best thing when you told him and I have no doubt that the timing was correct. You have to have built up a level of trust before you can divulge such personal information. Like you, I don't think announcing your HCV status as part of your personal introduction is necessary or practical. You may have HCV but your are not HCV!
And you won't have HCV for the rest of your life!! I think that when the time comes to let a person know about it it's good to have some reading material on hand that is medically correct and non-prejiduced. I always did that so that the fear of the unknown didn't have time to magnify in their mind, and so that they didn't end up talking to uneducated people with little knowledge of Hepatits. There are some very good long term studies out there regarding the the rate of transmission in a long term monogomous relationships. And of course you should always practice safe sex. Not just because you have HCV but to protect YOURSELF. Not everyone knows what they have got or are prepared to reveal that information.
On another level, this wasn't the guy for you and the HCV was just the excuse. I'm not bagging the guy here at all. Truly, if he wasn't interested in you over and above your "condition" then he is not your guy! Much better you know that now rather than waste any more time. There really are plenty more fish in the sea! And remember we have to kiss a lot of toads before we meet the prince!!
Epi :)
PS: The other thing I found was the way in which I told people was very important. People often respond to how we are feeling, the emotion we are projecting rather than the words we are saying.
I was dx'ed after a marriage ended and I bought life insurance to provide for the kids should I die. In the process I got a health test and the rest is history.
(that's another story, but remember...... I was first devastated and later came to feel grateful that I was DX'ed instead of remaining infected and unknowing. Our perspectives *can* change from our initial response)
I'm still single, now some nearly 10 years after the end of the marriage. Part of it is raising kids and just staying busy, but some of it is I believe, self imposed seclusion.
Good for you for getting out there. I feel that we not only insulate ourselves from pain of possible rejection, but in the process end up insulating ourselves from happiness and society. It doesn't need to be thus.
I find myself looking at this from a few angles. I probably see things more from the POV of Trish. We have a few hurdles to face when we date, but I prefer to see this more as an opportunity. When we have the talk we end up screening a lot of people in the process. That's OK. Generally speaking all that we need is one. ; ) The goal is to get a good one, not to get into a relationship with a so-so individual for a while. HCV may be our friend in this quest. ; )
Speaking of Points of View....... as has been mentioned, remember how we first thought about our virus when we were diagnosed? I thought of it close to being DX'ed with HIV or cancer. It took some time to understand it as I now do.
For a fresh dose of what the general masses think.....enjoy this read.......
(or not enjoy it) ; )
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts5360237.aspx
best,
Willy
(that's another story, but remember...... I was first devastated and later came to feel grateful that I was DX'ed instead of remaining infected and unknowing. Our perspectives *can* change from our initial response)
I'm still single, now some nearly 10 years after the end of the marriage. Part of it is raising kids and just staying busy, but some of it is I believe, self imposed seclusion.
Good for you for getting out there. I feel that we not only insulate ourselves from pain of possible rejection, but in the process end up insulating ourselves from happiness and society. It doesn't need to be thus.
I find myself looking at this from a few angles. I probably see things more from the POV of Trish. We have a few hurdles to face when we date, but I prefer to see this more as an opportunity. When we have the talk we end up screening a lot of people in the process. That's OK. Generally speaking all that we need is one. ; ) The goal is to get a good one, not to get into a relationship with a so-so individual for a while. HCV may be our friend in this quest. ; )
Speaking of Points of View....... as has been mentioned, remember how we first thought about our virus when we were diagnosed? I thought of it close to being DX'ed with HIV or cancer. It took some time to understand it as I now do.
For a fresh dose of what the general masses think.....enjoy this read.......
(or not enjoy it) ; )
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts5360237.aspx
best,
Willy
I don't understand your post to Dointime. She is speaking to Annie's pain. She offers a painful life experience of her own in order to show Annie a possible perspective coming from the man who chose not to be in a relationship with her because of her HCV.
I've read and reread it. Years ago she had a boyfriend diagnosed with HCV. She humbly admits her fear and her vulnerability. Her fear makes her incapable of supporting him at the time. Years later Dointime is diagnosed with HCV. After all these years he is there for her. She's counting her blessings, that's all. She unwraps a small but beautiful and vulnerable piece of herself, places it in the palms of her hands and holds that piece up for us here in order to teach.
Thank you for the lesson Dointime. I wish you the very best.
Trish certainly has valid points, and well expressed. I don't really disagree with her. Everyone certainly has the right and obligation to do their best to protect themselves. Before I was diagnoses, I imagine my reaction to "the conversation" from someone I was dating would have been so much different than it would now.
Because I see it from the other (our) side now, my feelings are different. I suppose that simply betrays the typical human foibles that most of us have. I think it is good to try and understand what a big leap it is for someone on the outside to have the understanding and compassion that we do.
Fortunately I was married for 25 years before found out and had "the conversation" with my wife. Also fortunately, I had a similar conversation with her before we got married to disclose the fact that a few years before we met I had been a drug user as well as a general all-around miscreant, something I had resolved to change and had been trying to change since then. So, it wasn't a big surprise to her about my past, but still a shock that the consequences of those actions would ambush me 25 years later after I had gotten married and raised 5 great kids. I think my story is probably typical considering the natural history of HCV. My story could be much different if I was still single and dating. My wife says that if I date, I will be single!
Still, I think that if I really loved someone, "the conversation" would not be a deal breaker. For that reason I say he lacks courage if he did love you, and he lacks some manners or social skills for the way he handled it even if he didn't. The fact that he has these weaknesses just makes him all too human, I suppose.
Don't blame yourself, or him either, for that matter. He's not for you but someone will be. In the meantime my thoughts and compassion go out to you.
Brent
P.S. If he has the right to what he did, then I say you have the right to call him a jerk. We're all human :-)
Because I see it from the other (our) side now, my feelings are different. I suppose that simply betrays the typical human foibles that most of us have. I think it is good to try and understand what a big leap it is for someone on the outside to have the understanding and compassion that we do.
Fortunately I was married for 25 years before found out and had "the conversation" with my wife. Also fortunately, I had a similar conversation with her before we got married to disclose the fact that a few years before we met I had been a drug user as well as a general all-around miscreant, something I had resolved to change and had been trying to change since then. So, it wasn't a big surprise to her about my past, but still a shock that the consequences of those actions would ambush me 25 years later after I had gotten married and raised 5 great kids. I think my story is probably typical considering the natural history of HCV. My story could be much different if I was still single and dating. My wife says that if I date, I will be single!
Still, I think that if I really loved someone, "the conversation" would not be a deal breaker. For that reason I say he lacks courage if he did love you, and he lacks some manners or social skills for the way he handled it even if he didn't. The fact that he has these weaknesses just makes him all too human, I suppose.
Don't blame yourself, or him either, for that matter. He's not for you but someone will be. In the meantime my thoughts and compassion go out to you.
Brent
P.S. If he has the right to what he did, then I say you have the right to call him a jerk. We're all human :-)
I only have a few minutes right now but I got absorbed in this thread, replies.
There is some very interesting and valid points, comments up there. While I'm sure most of us were/are posting our 'comfort' words to Annie, the rest of this conversation is good to go into, discus and bring us back to before our own experiences, dx's with Hep C. A few yrs back there was a thread going that myself, several, had stated we do understand some peoples fear, reservations concerning others with any types of transmitted diseases. Especially when knowing little about it. It is understandable. Of course he had the right to decide not to put himself at 'risk', per how he views it. (I still stand by he could have used more compassion, and surely worded things better). When to tell someone is such a touchy subject. If someone told you after you'd been intimate with them, whether it be sex or heavy 'petting' (what do they call that these days??) that they had any transmittable type disease, would you be upset? I would be. That's me, not everybody. So how close can you get, without 'making out' at least, to be close enough? How many 'fall in love' without at least that much? It's a very tough call. While WE realize, having been in this situation, become aware, the risk of transmission, someone you have spent 6mths making out with and then tell them, just may not, may be very upset. I have a friend that got genital herpes and never had intercourse with him and she's very bitter that he never told her. If you google that, it is stated that it can be transmitted through french kissing, fore play. He had to know that.
What many of these people don't realize however, is how many people they are around everyday with Hep C, B, Aids, herpes and don't (or do!) even know it...TO tell them. How many they could be sleeping with that have it and don't yet know it. How many of us dated for yrs, while perhaps being cautious, safe sex, going to Dr.s, check up's , yet Hep C was never found until yrs later? This man and many could easily be in that mix. The lack of testing, awareness in the past (and now) is how that happens. That said.....I always found it ironic, when preaching to friends on safe sex, that not one ever said 'and he was negative for Hep C too', in their attempts for 'safe sex', relationships. NOT saying we transmit it thru sex, we know it's RARE, but it IS possible, so it IS something a person would want to know. Yet few ever even think about it, as they do other diseases.
I myself, to this day and forward, am cautious of ANYONES blood these days, anywhere.
And in all honesty, I don't know how I would react to some of those things, given that situation. Tho I surely would give a much kinder rejection if I did.
I guess I have to say I agree or understand all opinions up there. That has got to be a first!
There is some very interesting and valid points, comments up there. While I'm sure most of us were/are posting our 'comfort' words to Annie, the rest of this conversation is good to go into, discus and bring us back to before our own experiences, dx's with Hep C. A few yrs back there was a thread going that myself, several, had stated we do understand some peoples fear, reservations concerning others with any types of transmitted diseases. Especially when knowing little about it. It is understandable. Of course he had the right to decide not to put himself at 'risk', per how he views it. (I still stand by he could have used more compassion, and surely worded things better). When to tell someone is such a touchy subject. If someone told you after you'd been intimate with them, whether it be sex or heavy 'petting' (what do they call that these days??) that they had any transmittable type disease, would you be upset? I would be. That's me, not everybody. So how close can you get, without 'making out' at least, to be close enough? How many 'fall in love' without at least that much? It's a very tough call. While WE realize, having been in this situation, become aware, the risk of transmission, someone you have spent 6mths making out with and then tell them, just may not, may be very upset. I have a friend that got genital herpes and never had intercourse with him and she's very bitter that he never told her. If you google that, it is stated that it can be transmitted through french kissing, fore play. He had to know that.
What many of these people don't realize however, is how many people they are around everyday with Hep C, B, Aids, herpes and don't (or do!) even know it...TO tell them. How many they could be sleeping with that have it and don't yet know it. How many of us dated for yrs, while perhaps being cautious, safe sex, going to Dr.s, check up's , yet Hep C was never found until yrs later? This man and many could easily be in that mix. The lack of testing, awareness in the past (and now) is how that happens. That said.....I always found it ironic, when preaching to friends on safe sex, that not one ever said 'and he was negative for Hep C too', in their attempts for 'safe sex', relationships. NOT saying we transmit it thru sex, we know it's RARE, but it IS possible, so it IS something a person would want to know. Yet few ever even think about it, as they do other diseases.
I myself, to this day and forward, am cautious of ANYONES blood these days, anywhere.
And in all honesty, I don't know how I would react to some of those things, given that situation. Tho I surely would give a much kinder rejection if I did.
I guess I have to say I agree or understand all opinions up there. That has got to be a first!
please person... you need to work on your self esteem, you sound like worse than your own worst enemy...you need to start standing up for your self BIG TIME...if you do not do it NO ONE will!!! You have got too!!!!
Years before I found out I had hepC, an ex of mine was diagnosed with it. I still remember how freaked out and paranoid I became around him, and how I avoided touching him. I never got tested at the time, the rational being that it's not transmitted via sex, but actually I was just too scared to face finding out if I had what was at that time an incurable disease.
I think that folk who have had a while to deal with hepC maybe forget just how scary this disease is to the uninfected. I do know a few couples where the uninfected partner just took it in their stride but on average I think it is unrealistic to expect that to happen. So since I found out that I have hepC I have avoided getting into the zone where 'that conversation' would need to happen. It's not a great solution, I know, but it would be a lot harder if I were younger and still wanting a husband and kids.
Just as a matter of interest, that ex guy is still a friend and, unlike I was, has been very supportive since I found out about my hepC. I don't deserve him. He got SVR years ago.
dointime
I think that folk who have had a while to deal with hepC maybe forget just how scary this disease is to the uninfected. I do know a few couples where the uninfected partner just took it in their stride but on average I think it is unrealistic to expect that to happen. So since I found out that I have hepC I have avoided getting into the zone where 'that conversation' would need to happen. It's not a great solution, I know, but it would be a lot harder if I were younger and still wanting a husband and kids.
Just as a matter of interest, that ex guy is still a friend and, unlike I was, has been very supportive since I found out about my hepC. I don't deserve him. He got SVR years ago.
dointime
"I'm not questioning his motivation. He has the right to do whatever he wants for whatever reason he wants. But his people skills stink. Even if he's never come into contact with Hep C before and knows nothing about it, he still has the responsibility to be considerate and polite. He HAS come into contact with other people's feelings before, hasn't he?
Or maybe not. "
Yup...no argument there. Just tossing out "big picture" perspectives on "the conversation" as a whole, that don't necessarily pertain to this one and might cause Annie to feel not so badly about it. Had a few of those "conversations" ... made me not want to have any for awhile because, regardless of how nice they were ... I still ended up feeling battered in some way.
Or maybe not. "
Yup...no argument there. Just tossing out "big picture" perspectives on "the conversation" as a whole, that don't necessarily pertain to this one and might cause Annie to feel not so badly about it. Had a few of those "conversations" ... made me not want to have any for awhile because, regardless of how nice they were ... I still ended up feeling battered in some way.
Oh, Annie, In a perfect world......Recall the horror of when you were first diagnosed. Recall the process of the news sinking in. Recall the research and self education to come to where you are now.
I recall. I recall the shock, the humiliation, the feeling of somehow being dirty and infectious. I recall the news sinking in. I recall the research, the self education, the acceptance and the six months of Peg and Riba and then the 73 weeks of daily Infergen and then the healing.
I recall the anger, rage and the wars I waged on those uneducated. I recall the letters typed to news stations chastising uneducated journalists making inaccurate statements about this disease.
I don't think you knew this man long or well enough to share something as personal as this with. It's hard enough to tell your dentist, never mind a potential lover. This is an area where the old adage Ignorance is Bliss is quite fitting. It was easier before I knew. My heart goes out to you. Your openness and honesty brought you heart ache. The only time I think I've ever seen the scenario you have laid before us work out is in a novel or the movies or maybe romantic poetry.
It was easier for me because I already had a wonderful and loving husband of 20 years and so we had already weathered many storms together.
For all the anger and rage I vented towards the uneducated and the swearing to myself that I would wage that war forever I am ashamed to tell you that the toll and the recollection of what those 73 weeks of Infergen did to my body, mind and soul has now only made me more aware of guarding, protecting and honoring my body and those of whom I love.
I am SVR three years now this summer. I have no after effects. I'm physically very healthy. Intellectually I am very aware that Hep C is not generally sexually transmitted. Intellectually, I know it's not generally easy to transmit period, unless there's direct blood to blood contact. The circle of friends and family I belong to are way more educated nowadays and yet..... There are a few within my circle who carry this virus and for one reason or another have chosen not to treat. Occasionally there are accidents. Someone gets scraped up working or playing. I'm always the first one to spot the blood. I frantically scan my circle for a child with an open cut, or an elder with broken skin. I frantically offer up a hot wash cloth and band aids. I carry them in my purse, my car, at home.... I'm band aid crazy. Occasionally one of these few respond way to cavalierly in my judgement. "Oh, it's okay. I'm not bleeding bad" as they wipe their blood on their jeans and I start to sweat. The circle of ignorance comes 'round.
I could not bear for someone I loved to go through the hideous treatment I went through. So dear Annie, it's just my opinion but I think you should wait so that you can spare yourself the heartache you've already endured. Love will come and you'll be sure. It's not a perfect world dear Annie. And for all my rants and rages against ignorance past, I am not a perfect person at all. I'm afraid. That's all. I'm just afraid.
I recall. I recall the shock, the humiliation, the feeling of somehow being dirty and infectious. I recall the news sinking in. I recall the research, the self education, the acceptance and the six months of Peg and Riba and then the 73 weeks of daily Infergen and then the healing.
I recall the anger, rage and the wars I waged on those uneducated. I recall the letters typed to news stations chastising uneducated journalists making inaccurate statements about this disease.
I don't think you knew this man long or well enough to share something as personal as this with. It's hard enough to tell your dentist, never mind a potential lover. This is an area where the old adage Ignorance is Bliss is quite fitting. It was easier before I knew. My heart goes out to you. Your openness and honesty brought you heart ache. The only time I think I've ever seen the scenario you have laid before us work out is in a novel or the movies or maybe romantic poetry.
It was easier for me because I already had a wonderful and loving husband of 20 years and so we had already weathered many storms together.
For all the anger and rage I vented towards the uneducated and the swearing to myself that I would wage that war forever I am ashamed to tell you that the toll and the recollection of what those 73 weeks of Infergen did to my body, mind and soul has now only made me more aware of guarding, protecting and honoring my body and those of whom I love.
I am SVR three years now this summer. I have no after effects. I'm physically very healthy. Intellectually I am very aware that Hep C is not generally sexually transmitted. Intellectually, I know it's not generally easy to transmit period, unless there's direct blood to blood contact. The circle of friends and family I belong to are way more educated nowadays and yet..... There are a few within my circle who carry this virus and for one reason or another have chosen not to treat. Occasionally there are accidents. Someone gets scraped up working or playing. I'm always the first one to spot the blood. I frantically scan my circle for a child with an open cut, or an elder with broken skin. I frantically offer up a hot wash cloth and band aids. I carry them in my purse, my car, at home.... I'm band aid crazy. Occasionally one of these few respond way to cavalierly in my judgement. "Oh, it's okay. I'm not bleeding bad" as they wipe their blood on their jeans and I start to sweat. The circle of ignorance comes 'round.
I could not bear for someone I loved to go through the hideous treatment I went through. So dear Annie, it's just my opinion but I think you should wait so that you can spare yourself the heartache you've already endured. Love will come and you'll be sure. It's not a perfect world dear Annie. And for all my rants and rages against ignorance past, I am not a perfect person at all. I'm afraid. That's all. I'm just afraid.
I'm not questioning his motivation. He has the right to do whatever he wants for whatever reason he wants. But his people skills stink. Even if he's never come into contact with Hep C before and knows nothing about it, he still has the responsibility to be considerate and polite. He HAS come into contact with other people's feelings before, hasn't he?
Or maybe not.
Or maybe not.
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