Aa
Living with HCV
All of us start life with dreams and aspirations and for our first few years, there are few limits placed on the dreams. As life teaches us our limits, we begin to focus on things that are attainable, but we always continue to dream.
At first life appears infinite and we feel invincible. We move through life and we undergo a natural transition toward feeling that life is short and we are vulnerable. We have ample evidence of the frailty of life: as we age, relatives and friends begin to demonstrate this to us. We humans are strong and we are fighters as well, so we remain optimistic where ever possible.
I contracted HCV in 1961, but was lucky enough not to learn about it until 1987 when I was first diagnosed with non a – non b hepatitis. I had a liver biopsy and was told, in 1987 vernacular, that I was stage 3.
That diagnosis took away my dreams. There were no treatments – they didn’t even know what it was. Dreams give substance to our daily lives and this loss was very dark. I am a fighter though, and soon I started to dream again. This time, the dreams were about killing the dragon!
At long last, there are drugs that will finally end this disease and I can dream once again about the beauty of life.
As I wait for my test results, I think that I will never again stop dreaming of the good things in life regardless of the outcome of my last treatment.
Eric
At first life appears infinite and we feel invincible. We move through life and we undergo a natural transition toward feeling that life is short and we are vulnerable. We have ample evidence of the frailty of life: as we age, relatives and friends begin to demonstrate this to us. We humans are strong and we are fighters as well, so we remain optimistic where ever possible.
I contracted HCV in 1961, but was lucky enough not to learn about it until 1987 when I was first diagnosed with non a – non b hepatitis. I had a liver biopsy and was told, in 1987 vernacular, that I was stage 3.
That diagnosis took away my dreams. There were no treatments – they didn’t even know what it was. Dreams give substance to our daily lives and this loss was very dark. I am a fighter though, and soon I started to dream again. This time, the dreams were about killing the dragon!
At long last, there are drugs that will finally end this disease and I can dream once again about the beauty of life.
As I wait for my test results, I think that I will never again stop dreaming of the good things in life regardless of the outcome of my last treatment.
Eric
Thank you for sharing that with us Eric. I only found out last year that I had contracted hcv and now at times while on tx I am in that dark place. This is while knowing that a cure is probably within reach for all. I cannot imagine the dark place you were in, knowing that the medical world did not have a clue what the were looking at, in addition to being stage 3 straight up. I know of your tx journey and your amazing resilience and courage. I am at week 16 and have just been switched from Roche trial to SOC due to slow response, which means that I will do 64 weeks (16+48). While I brace myself for this journey I will think of you, your journey, courage and amazing resilience. Thanks mate. Emi
Eric....WHERE'S THE RESULTS???? I still don't see them here. Anxious for you!
That was so true, nice above. Life sure doesn't go as we 'plan' when young. We can still dream, and I still do very much, but responsible thinking always steps in on some of it.
I've often said life was so much 'funner' before I became so responsible :)
I have a few new 'dreams' since tx-ing, UND. They are obtainable and I'm determined :)
Our 'roads' and how we handle them are what make us who we are. So many end up bitter, angry, selfish and uncompassionate, let alone with no passion left within them.
That is sad and I'll never let any road put me there, as I can tell you haven't either.
Brent!! I was about to PM you today! Haven't seen you here (tho I haven't been on much) and was wondering how you are?
LL
That was so true, nice above. Life sure doesn't go as we 'plan' when young. We can still dream, and I still do very much, but responsible thinking always steps in on some of it.
I've often said life was so much 'funner' before I became so responsible :)
I have a few new 'dreams' since tx-ing, UND. They are obtainable and I'm determined :)
Our 'roads' and how we handle them are what make us who we are. So many end up bitter, angry, selfish and uncompassionate, let alone with no passion left within them.
That is sad and I'll never let any road put me there, as I can tell you haven't either.
Brent!! I was about to PM you today! Haven't seen you here (tho I haven't been on much) and was wondering how you are?
LL
Thank you for putting it so perfect, Everyone who is going through the treatment should read this every time they get an injection. I wish I had. I pray that you are cured and continued SVR. Many Blessings to you!
sadd
sadd
Thanks for the constant inspiration, Eric. And, cruelworld, the poetry was touching. It seems that all my life, I have never wanted for good role models. My good fortune continues here.
Like, Hector, a trip for me to the transplant center always puts my life in perspective. I am truly one of the fortunate.
We usually do not get to choose our battles. We must fight in the battles where we find ourselves thrown.
Brent
Like, Hector, a trip for me to the transplant center always puts my life in perspective. I am truly one of the fortunate.
We usually do not get to choose our battles. We must fight in the battles where we find ourselves thrown.
Brent
I dream of knee transplants that last forever.
My knee worries me more than the HCV. Got this big hit of remorse when I was looking at a friend and work's pictures of his latest hikes.
My knee worries me more than the HCV. Got this big hit of remorse when I was looking at a friend and work's pictures of his latest hikes.
eric...as i read your post it made me get up and go play bob segers "like a rock" ...hope all goes well for you....billy
Keep dreaming friend, and thank you for your inspiration, and hope, and for sharing what you have gone thru, and your sailing stories. Many good things will be coming your way!
You said you were Lucky enough Not to learn you had HCV until many years after the fact. Me too...but I'm not so sure that was Lucky for me. I just found out in 08. I keep thinking had I known sooner I might have been in better health today. I'm doing my first tx now. Had I treated as many times as you have I might consider it lucky. I guess it's six of one and a half a dozen of the other!
Waiting with you. They drew my six month post on last week.
You will win this time.
You will win this time.
DReams is what life is about, if we dont dream we have nothing,,.,dont let hcv hold us back,i have had some real rough daysand i make my weak but get up and live to the fullest just in lower gear, but i think that is my goal to make myself do it, and not hold me back.. and i got some bad news today my grand that is 3yrs old has a major mass on her bone in her leg, she is at Kings daughter hosipital in Virginia, they are unsure what is going on.. they are doing a MRI in am, also all her blood work is normal think goodness,iam down..
The master and his words! I misunderstood and thought you were 12 weeks clear instead of waiting to hear. I'm waiting to hear on 4 or 6 not sure. But I'm believing that you will be fine as you've never gone this long before...
Thanks for sharing as it's always good stuff!
Take care Eric!
Thanks for sharing as it's always good stuff!
Take care Eric!
Hector: beautifully said. I certainly agree with you.
Cruelworld: Thank you for the poetry.
Marcia: Thank you for the kind words. Don't be sad though ... life has been good to me overall ... I have great family and friends and that is the most important thing in life. Waiting for the test results is difficult, but no matter what they are, I will keep dreaming and fighting.
Eric
Cruelworld: Thank you for the poetry.
Marcia: Thank you for the kind words. Don't be sad though ... life has been good to me overall ... I have great family and friends and that is the most important thing in life. Waiting for the test results is difficult, but no matter what they are, I will keep dreaming and fighting.
Eric
Thank you Eric for your enlightening sediments. Hang in there buddy. You have overcome so much! And you keep on plugging away. I admire your tenacity.
I think it is human to dream to hope no what our circumstances are. Yes, there are times when the darkness can overwhelm us. When all seems lost. I can’t imagine what it must have been like when you were diagnosed and there was no treatment. I am so glad there is treatment that now works, at least for some of us. That gives me hope.
I try to say to myself I did my part. Suffered through the treatment even though I knew the odds weren’t great that I would succeed. That all I can do. I can’t control how my body reacts to treatment. That’s what I tell myself anyway. Maybe it’s my own defenses that make me look at things this way. Maybe the truth is too overwhelming?
I believe I have learned a few things on this journey though. This illness and it consequences can be a humbling experience. For me at least that has been a good thing. I also have a better appreciation for the suffering of others. Every time I go to the hospital or the Liver Transplant Center and look around I know I’m one of the lucky ones. I have a lot to be thankful for. Things could be definitely worse.
As long as we have hope/dreams we can manage whatever comes our way. We do the best we can. Not perfection but enough.
Remember we are not our disease. Our disease is a part of us true, but we are so much more. Sometimes we get so focused on our illness we forget to look at the big picture. We have found hope and encouragement inside ourselves. In the beauty of the everyday routine. In just being alive and being conscious that we are truly alive. How many of the healthy people we know can say that. We have friends and family who have supported us through this. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by some of the people in my life who have come through for me. We have gone through things and overcome them that we never imagined possible. Sometimes we forget to take stock of all we have accomplished. I think we must realize that if and when we beat this illness everything in life will not be bliss. Life will always be a challenge. If we were to clear the disease today we would still have the good, bad, and ugly of our current lives. Is that good enough? I think so. I try to concentrate on what I can control and affect. I try to make the rest of my life (beyond this illness) as happy and fulfilling as I can, while remaining hopeful that new treatments will work for you and me and everyone else who is suffering with whatever burden they are bearing.
Keep up the good fight.
Best of luck on your lab results!
Keep on dreamin’!!!
Hector
I think it is human to dream to hope no what our circumstances are. Yes, there are times when the darkness can overwhelm us. When all seems lost. I can’t imagine what it must have been like when you were diagnosed and there was no treatment. I am so glad there is treatment that now works, at least for some of us. That gives me hope.
I try to say to myself I did my part. Suffered through the treatment even though I knew the odds weren’t great that I would succeed. That all I can do. I can’t control how my body reacts to treatment. That’s what I tell myself anyway. Maybe it’s my own defenses that make me look at things this way. Maybe the truth is too overwhelming?
I believe I have learned a few things on this journey though. This illness and it consequences can be a humbling experience. For me at least that has been a good thing. I also have a better appreciation for the suffering of others. Every time I go to the hospital or the Liver Transplant Center and look around I know I’m one of the lucky ones. I have a lot to be thankful for. Things could be definitely worse.
As long as we have hope/dreams we can manage whatever comes our way. We do the best we can. Not perfection but enough.
Remember we are not our disease. Our disease is a part of us true, but we are so much more. Sometimes we get so focused on our illness we forget to look at the big picture. We have found hope and encouragement inside ourselves. In the beauty of the everyday routine. In just being alive and being conscious that we are truly alive. How many of the healthy people we know can say that. We have friends and family who have supported us through this. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by some of the people in my life who have come through for me. We have gone through things and overcome them that we never imagined possible. Sometimes we forget to take stock of all we have accomplished. I think we must realize that if and when we beat this illness everything in life will not be bliss. Life will always be a challenge. If we were to clear the disease today we would still have the good, bad, and ugly of our current lives. Is that good enough? I think so. I try to concentrate on what I can control and affect. I try to make the rest of my life (beyond this illness) as happy and fulfilling as I can, while remaining hopeful that new treatments will work for you and me and everyone else who is suffering with whatever burden they are bearing.
Keep up the good fight.
Best of luck on your lab results!
Keep on dreamin’!!!
Hector
Your post made me sad... for what you must have been going through. All the treatments you followed. Wow ! I found out about hepc now, at an age where most of my kids are grown up and I don't have any special dreams about accomplishing certain things in life. I am content with my life. And there is a cure. I may call myself fortunate!
Experiences in life hopefully make us wiser. Life is fragile and it can be taken away from us any second. But as you say we are fighters. And we do not know why we have to go through what we are going through? Will we ever know? I am taking this whole experience as a gift... A gift I didn't ask for, but one I have to accept. There is nothing much I can do about it, as I cannot give it back. So I might as well try make the best out of it. Life is strange... We gain through hardships and sometimes lose through good things.
Eric, thanks for sharing your beautiful philosophy.
Marcia
Experiences in life hopefully make us wiser. Life is fragile and it can be taken away from us any second. But as you say we are fighters. And we do not know why we have to go through what we are going through? Will we ever know? I am taking this whole experience as a gift... A gift I didn't ask for, but one I have to accept. There is nothing much I can do about it, as I cannot give it back. So I might as well try make the best out of it. Life is strange... We gain through hardships and sometimes lose through good things.
Eric, thanks for sharing your beautiful philosophy.
Marcia
You write so beautiful. A true masterpiece for all of us.
Very touching and ever so true.
Thank you Cruelworld
for sharing that.
Charm27
Very touching and ever so true.
Thank you Cruelworld
for sharing that.
Charm27
"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do."
I would add multiple exclamation points to that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
I would add multiple exclamation points to that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
i forgot the most important part.
this is a obviously tribute to you and the many other Warrior Gods around here who
have always helped the rest of us and never flinched in the heat of battle.
in doing so, you all have inspired, guided and made life in the trenches so much easier for the us foot soldiers.
the art of bravery at its finest.
thanks.
now lets go drink a beer!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
this is a obviously tribute to you and the many other Warrior Gods around here who
have always helped the rest of us and never flinched in the heat of battle.
in doing so, you all have inspired, guided and made life in the trenches so much easier for the us foot soldiers.
the art of bravery at its finest.
thanks.
now lets go drink a beer!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
very inspirational maestro!
you reminded me of the 20th week of my treatment when i
found out that i still had not cleared the virus. i was already
horribly depressed and at that time this bad news brought me to a new low.
one of my coping mechanisms was to write this little piece
about relapsers and non responders. that was all i could think about at the time.
im 3 months post right now and havent tested so i still may end up in yalls relapsers fraternity. ironically, by compensating with overdosing and extending i was able to beat the depression completely because of the improved hope factor. in fact, right now my optimism has never been higher. ive got plenty of fight still left in me if needed. ive posted this before but maybe it can inspire some of the people who have never seen it.
as you read it, you will see that i flunked english and an editor would probably have a field day with it (LOL) but the message is there.
The Warrior Gods
The grisled warlords of treacherous ramparts.
The invincible yet ephemeral human warriors.
Desperately paying their dues for freedom
yet the cold prison bars won't yield.
Trapped in a place devoid of light.
A color of disaster is in their every imagined vista.
An ominous shadow lurks in their every thought.
The bravery of these humans can only be glorified as a
SUPERNATURAL POWER.
We shrink in fear when we imagine their condition,
as they are lost in a sea of nothingness.
Interminable and destructive pain saturates their soul.
So many crushing failures in the unending war for freedom.
It is of no matter that the war is against outside forces, or onesself.
The darkness of a lost battle cannot be described.
Locked in a stalemated death war,
The vicious Black Dragons will not yield.
Nor will The Warrior Gods.
As they force their way through repeated
bloody battles, a heavy toll is extracted.
Still, The Warrior Gods march forward. Defeated, yet undefeated.
Blind Bravery. Unimaginable Strength.
It is only they, who can know of how this feels.
Woe to our Hero's and Heroine's
who have slipped into this black hole.
A new light is coming for these stoic indefatigables.
New weapons, a new spirit, a new way out.
Now they will get revenge on their enemy,
at last, they will overwhelmingly annihilate it.
The win will truly come at an extreme price, but what is ones life worth?
It is through their own oxymoronic invincibility that they
may finally stroll the walk of Freedom.
It is through their strange crusade of stubborness that they, once again
may enjoy sunlight with their name written on it.
We throw Confetti, Flowers and Cheers to these unsung heros
At last they can parade through the glorious victory lane,
with throngs of screaming supporters and bands blaring.
After all these years of mind numbing sacrifice,
the prison cell can finally open. The nightmare can finally end.
Let these coveted Warrior Gods continue to be
the spearheads of our human battle against destructive forces.
They teach us how to never give up in this fight for our lives.
you reminded me of the 20th week of my treatment when i
found out that i still had not cleared the virus. i was already
horribly depressed and at that time this bad news brought me to a new low.
one of my coping mechanisms was to write this little piece
about relapsers and non responders. that was all i could think about at the time.
im 3 months post right now and havent tested so i still may end up in yalls relapsers fraternity. ironically, by compensating with overdosing and extending i was able to beat the depression completely because of the improved hope factor. in fact, right now my optimism has never been higher. ive got plenty of fight still left in me if needed. ive posted this before but maybe it can inspire some of the people who have never seen it.
as you read it, you will see that i flunked english and an editor would probably have a field day with it (LOL) but the message is there.
The Warrior Gods
The grisled warlords of treacherous ramparts.
The invincible yet ephemeral human warriors.
Desperately paying their dues for freedom
yet the cold prison bars won't yield.
Trapped in a place devoid of light.
A color of disaster is in their every imagined vista.
An ominous shadow lurks in their every thought.
The bravery of these humans can only be glorified as a
SUPERNATURAL POWER.
We shrink in fear when we imagine their condition,
as they are lost in a sea of nothingness.
Interminable and destructive pain saturates their soul.
So many crushing failures in the unending war for freedom.
It is of no matter that the war is against outside forces, or onesself.
The darkness of a lost battle cannot be described.
Locked in a stalemated death war,
The vicious Black Dragons will not yield.
Nor will The Warrior Gods.
As they force their way through repeated
bloody battles, a heavy toll is extracted.
Still, The Warrior Gods march forward. Defeated, yet undefeated.
Blind Bravery. Unimaginable Strength.
It is only they, who can know of how this feels.
Woe to our Hero's and Heroine's
who have slipped into this black hole.
A new light is coming for these stoic indefatigables.
New weapons, a new spirit, a new way out.
Now they will get revenge on their enemy,
at last, they will overwhelmingly annihilate it.
The win will truly come at an extreme price, but what is ones life worth?
It is through their own oxymoronic invincibility that they
may finally stroll the walk of Freedom.
It is through their strange crusade of stubborness that they, once again
may enjoy sunlight with their name written on it.
We throw Confetti, Flowers and Cheers to these unsung heros
At last they can parade through the glorious victory lane,
with throngs of screaming supporters and bands blaring.
After all these years of mind numbing sacrifice,
the prison cell can finally open. The nightmare can finally end.
Let these coveted Warrior Gods continue to be
the spearheads of our human battle against destructive forces.
They teach us how to never give up in this fight for our lives.
You are so right.
DREAMS ARE IMPORTANT...
Sometimes it's not attaining them --- but the dreams themselves that are so worthwhile.
Much love.
Meki
DREAMS ARE IMPORTANT...
Sometimes it's not attaining them --- but the dreams themselves that are so worthwhile.
Much love.
Meki
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