Mentally Burnt Out

[charm27]

Just came back from doctor for my checkup. Doing shot 45 tomorrow. My HGB is holding at 10.5 still.
He said if after 1 year of stopping meds if   Im clear then Im cured. Not before. If Im clear 3months after stopping tx
that is  hopeful. And 6 months PCR after stopping tx gives us more hope. However the  12th month  test is the one.
I know all this....however sometimes I feel like Im fighting for such a small percentage.....He was encouraging that I made it this far into tx, but felt he was being honest and just brought me down. I know this is true, was told this ny 3 hepatologists....the truth is hard to hear sometimes.............

He said my color isnt great and my skin exceptionally dry he called it some name......but I dont remember.
I showed him what my scalp looked like he told be to put a hat on and gave me a small hug!
Im just tired.........and worn.

Im going to do the 52 or 53 shots he said it couldnt hurt..........So we shall see.

Im just so fried mentally.
Thanks for listening to me crab........
Love,
Charm

[eureka254]

"... me crab," you said...

If so, I've never seen a more gracious crab.  
(And from my perspective, far from being fried!)
You're a one-of-a-kind charm, and charms are what WIN numbers games, even against the odds...

Wishing you SVR whole-heartedly,
~eureka

[comeagain]

The songs title is like a rose sung bye a sparrow I was thinking about the rose you planted when you started tx .

It is so beautiful and so are you.

[charm27]

Marcia-Thanks alot for your well wishes..............been a long year.

Comeagain-Thanks as aways for your continuous support-Being a music person I LOVED the song. Thanks!

Both of you hang in there as well!!

[comeagain]

Here is some more encourage from a woman with courage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7psSTndmDI&feature=related .

[charm27]

Thanks to everyone! Yeah Im still keeping up the work!  In for home stretch in several weeks!

I love rollercoasters! but not this kind!

Like someone here said the magical misery tour!


Thanks for all your encouragement.
CHARM

[Marcia2202]

I'm sending prayers your way... May you have the strength to get through the last stretch.

Marcia

[l-horn]

hang tough...you've come a long way. Keep up the work, keep poppin' those pills and taking those shots. Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead.

[geterdone]

Charmer, why are you doing 52 weeks?

Why am I doing 52? Cause I have them in fridge-no other reason.

God I love this kind of talk, you are my hero charm! Hedging your bets by going the 4 extra weeks to insure that you don’t have to go through this again. If you’re that set in doing so you might want to re-read HR’s reasons for tapering down going into the last 4 weeks, just a thought. But to the task at hand, keep moving forward the pebbles are getting smaller and you’ll be “walking like an Egyptian soon enough”.

jasper

[jdwithhcv]

You are in the homestretch and we are cheering you on.  Hold on to hope.  You've come so far.  Wishing you the best.

jd

[Kristina538]

I haven't 'spoken' to you, as such, Charm, but I have to say, having only been here 3 months, that your posts have touched me and inspired me, and while I have't participated in your journey, if silent prayers have the same power, I have often sent them your way.  

I started with a 50/50 chance and, while the odds initially weren't great, I could only hope that the voyage was enlightening and that I had the strength to do my best.     In my humility that strength has come from the likes of you, and in my heart of hearts,  I am hoping for the best possible outcome for you. I know my outcome, ultimately, is between God and me and luckily I have have been shown a few inklings as to why this voyage was important amongst the pain and brain fog....    A lady I've met locally has only 3 shots to go of 48 and is very similar to you, but seems to still have her good days...  I really hope you're feeling a little better soon - not toooo long to go.

[comeagain]

Mom thanks for posting.

ca

[kickboxingmom]

I am sad to read you are burnt out.I understand that and just wanted to try and Cheer You.

                                                 FAITH
We've been blessed with a savvy and spirit that isn't given to everybody.
And let me say that this refusal of total or full acceptance of one's disability, (HCV) all hooks up with one thing--- faith, an almost divine faith.
Down in the reception room of the Institute of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation, over on the East River at 400 East 34th Street in New York City, there's a bronze plaque that's rivited to the wall.During the months of coming back to the Institute for treatment --- two or three times a week --- I rolled through that reception room many times, coming and going.But I never quite made the time to pull over to one side and read the words on that plaque that were written, it's said, by an unknown Confederate soldier.Then one afternoon, I did.I read it and then I read it again.When I finished it for the second time, I was near to bursting--- not in despair, but with an inner glow that had me straining to grip the arms of my wheelchair.I'd like to share it with you.


                  A Creed For Those Who Have Suffered

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak, that I might humbly to obey...

I asked for health, that I might do great things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things...

I asked for riches, that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might be wise...

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God...

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things...

I got nothing I asked for--- but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.

I am, among men, most richly blessed !

                                                                                              Roy Campanella

Charm your unspoken prayers will be answered.Hope you start feeling better. God Bless

[charm27]

Dear Trish-Your funny  I hope your hanging in too, you brought tears to my eyes reading your post....I hope to finish this tour in one piece, and I thank you for all your encourgagement.
Of all I things I lost, I miss my mind the most- So true.
Thank you Trish.

Mikki-Youve been on a tough ride as well as the rest of us and I always thought you were such a trooper as well! You never complain! Thanks so and I will keep the fuel burning! at least will try!

Xenigma- Oh Thanks your always there for encouragement as well and I admire you drom the beginning! Your right the end of this misery tour is quite emotional and draining.
Thank you for all the kind words.

I will be laying low the next couple of weeks I will be in touch after its over!!!!
Im really burnt out.
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

[Xenigma]

The last bit is the slowest.  I guess it's the anticipation of finishing tx.
You're almost there!!  You are stronger than you think.

When I had days that I felt down and couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror
to get ready for work I'd always refer to #7 of the
"Ten Commandments of HCV survival"...

7. Thou shalt never relinquish hope, no matter how thou may feelest at that moment, for thou knowest, in the deep recesses of thy heart that your discouragement is but fleeting and that a better day awaits thee.

A better day will await you as well...
enigma

[Mikkimoe]

Dear Charm,

Trish is right...time to turn on the rocket boosters and fire up for seperation where you can be free of the weight and the pain and circle the earth until you glid gently back down to the ground with the wind beneath your wings like the proud bird you are and the inspiration you have been to all of us.

We love you and respect you and so identify with your ups and downs for we too are experiencing this hilatious journey - this ride that seems to never end, that takes us to far courners of the universe, places we had hoped to never see...but through it all we gently guide each other through the storms and celebrate our accomplishments. This is truly your moment to celebrate and don't let that be taken from you, we are there for you and with as you have been for us...that guiding light...Keep that Ethyl fuel burning bright your almost home.

Mega hugs,

Michelle

[Trish77]

You are SO amazing and you don't even know it.  I'm reading a post that starts out "Mentally burned out" and I read you're at Week .. FORTY -SIX!!!!  and.. after everything you've been through.. what do I read a little while after that??  You're going to WEEK FIFTY-TWO.  Mentally burned out my a$$.  You have no idea of your own courage and strength you're just so used to being that way.  I'm SO excited for you.. I can't wait til you drag your a$$ over the finish line and you're SO close!!!!   You and I headed into this treatment journey of discovery together and then you got started and then it was me getting started .. and here you are practically DONE!!!!   You have amazed me and you continue to be my hero, Charm.  You have had virtually no support other than the forum and your sense of humour and your spirit has been an inspiration to me.  

You'll finish the last weeks in plenty of Charm style .. start picking your cape for the finish line.. you're ALMOST THERE!!!!

Love and hugs,

Trish

[charm27]

Yes Ive been doing ok but the doctor just brought be down with statistics.I guess Im just
turning the corner now and wanted some encourgagement..........not what I heard even though it might be correct.

I just need a day or two to regroup and I will be fine!
Just a bad day.
Comegain, thanks for your statistics I like yours better!
And I know whatever will be will be.
THANK YOU
Charm

[Deb_c430]

Goofy Ethel, we all suffer with this thing,  some get past it quickly, some don't. The thing to remember for me is no one is that more special than anyone else, all of us struggle. So if i had the stop smiley i would use it. Stop Embarrasing me.

This is about you, about almost finishing, about the brave journey you have taken, not me or anyone else. About YOU!  Right now you ETHEL are my hero!

I will have to make you a silly story in my journal, Ethel the  girl who ...

Deb

[comeagain]

I talked to my ex zazza today because I have been written in to some posts lately that as a geno 1 UND 12 week you have 80% SVR chance doing 48 weeks, she confirmed it and shes a g1 her self and quite good at figures and facts so I trust her on that one.

The 40-50 % SVR rate for geno 1 is if I understand everyone included non responders slow responders also the  RVRs of course.

You were UND week 8  and your stage 2  what is that pessimism coming from.

PCR at after 12months that is if you stage 4 your doc doesn´t seem uptodate on that one.( could be some other factor I´m not familiar with though)

Soon its all over i have also been offered 3 extra shots that zazza has left but I`m turning it down enough is enough i have 10 left  to do feels like nothing.( if it ends there)

Have a good good feeling for you

ca

[charm27]

You havent said anything wrong! I apprecaite whole heartedly you taking the time to reply to my post! I thank you..
We all have our moments I just needed to vent very much.
Yes we all share those down moments.....its all part of the cycle.

Again thank you so much for your support it means so much.
Thats why we are all here.

Wishing you all a good-nite-  

[portann]

Hi Charm,

I don't know you but it broke my heart to read your post. I try very hard to pull myself up by my bootstraps but sometimes, anguish just bursts into my door and I cry. My chances for SVR are the same, 50%, no matter which way I'm feeling but one way, it looks gloomy and the other way, like a chance. I can't be strong all the time and letting my hair down (what hair?) makes me able to take another go at trying to take the iffiness of it all in stride.

I hope I haven't said the wrong thing. All the best.

[charm27]

Thank you all.

Rita why am I doind 52? Cause I have them in fridge-no other reason.
Thanks so much for your support. I have no words today Im in a totally mushy mood.
Rita last week you had your wek, Im having my down week now. -We all have our days.

Andiamo-You treated 8 times and you admire me going 52?? My friend you should be given SEVERAL medals of courage and determination, and the lotto ticket!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deb- You are the trooper, Infergen, Procrit, Neupogen and the possibility of 72 weeks!!
You have made me laugh Lucy and you know it. And youve done this before!
Your amazing , but your LUCY and thats why everyone loves you!

Thank you
Charm

[Deb_c430]

Your so close to being done,  the last mile in a marathon is always the hardest.    But you have already won, you are a fighter, a major hero to me, a winner,

I am with your Doctor, I think a year, I relapsed at 9 months everyone still thinks I am crazy wrong about that.  But I think you have a awful good chance  of it.

Every day I have seen your courage, your humour.   Every day I have seen you reach out to those hurting,  Once you posted to me Deb "deb your a real human being" I would like to say that to you. My heart and your heart are good friends, so I have no words to let you know how special  you are to me. How proud I am of you.   How sure I am you will achieve SVR, put that aside for now,  get on with life, (after you finish)

your the least self absorbed person I know,

Ethel, your a super hero in my book.

Love you

Lucy!

[rita863]

Charm,

I know how you feel, it feels like this is never ending, and the exhaustion starts to take over.  I know you can do this, and although we dont know what the outcome will be, its better then never trying. The rash is horrible, i know i have the same.  I think that as we come to the end cycle of this tx, our bodies and our minds are saying Enough!!.  We are worn out both physically and mentally.  But we need to stays strong,,,,

And as Eric thought said, I also thought 24 week as SVR test.  I also am confused about treating 53 weeks, (why am i treating 48 weeks).

Sending you hugssssssssssss and hoping you feel better soon.........

Peace
rita