Tell her point blank to get over it.
Would she as an adult want her own mother to feel that way?
I was terrified when my daughter got tested --- YES.
But right before I found out the results I made up my mind that no matter what I would deal with it head on.
She MUST be strong for her daughter.
She MUST be strong for both of them.
She MUST realize that there is NO BLAME to be laid.
She MUST know that this could happen to ANYONE.
She MUST know that to fall apart could mean less support for her daughter.
It's hard, yes. But she must be the TRUE Mother... The put-to-the-test mother. The mother who diligently figures out the best route of action from this point on.
Put aside all guilt - all fears --- and instead focus on health and getting healthy.
Focus on Bonding... because as we all know - this can be a Bonding or Breaking experience.
Focus on education ---- learning what is going on --- how to deal with it in the most appropriate way for each individual.
Focus on Being Mom...
Many hugs - and welcome to the Forum. I wish you and your daughter the best of luck and love.
She is all those things!! Slow down :)
I added the 'worry, shock, concerns' because I am sure any mother would go thru that. They are handling all well and looking for more input, education, support in it. They are already going to the Dr.'s, deciding on things. The privacy fall's more into the daughters choice when/if ,etc. as she's an 'adult', but to us mom's...they are still our babies. I don't think you can ever put the fears away until they are cured, tho you have to hide them.
Me....2 of my sons went in for their results, I went with. The other wasn't in yet. A certified letter show's up at the door at 3 PM, they won't tell me by phone (and he's 22) so I made him leave work to rush in there. I was trembling and scared to death because of the 'certified' letter. We get there and the only one to tell the results can't be found, almost 5PM and I'm raising hell! "It's a Friday, we are NOT waiting!" They found her and it was negative. But the fear in that dam 'certified letter' was just a touch of what it must feel like to hear 'positive'. It must take time to settle in, get past the new's to focus better.
They are doing ok, just want to get some mothers with their children positive, exp. for her to talk to.
I just wanted her to know -- that she's a special mom - no matter what.
Marcia's daughter is (one of her twins) positive... So Hopefully she'll chime in.
But she's had to go through all of that really recently. I know the first few moments are all that we feel when we find out -- -and so much more... It's gotta be so very hard.
But we are MOMS!
We are SUPERHEROES!
We have all the SUPER POWERS to kiss it and make it better.
I believe in giving her all the strength she can get. I hope Marcia chimes in.
Super hugs to all of youse guys! You know I love you!
You know I love you! ....
You too :)
Are the ONLY ones up at this hour :) ?
methinks you might be right...
It's ok though --- hopefully some mom's or even some dads can send some helpful techniques her way.
I got all my five children tested. The test came back quite fast with a negative, but one of my 18 year old twin daughters test took ages. Then my doctor called me to say it was positive. I had had a funny feeling, as her test had taken such a long time and so had mine. I prepared to go over to her apartment to tell her the news, this was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life. First she was in shock then she cried, but she actually took it quite well. Her twin sister and the other siblings were all very sad, but were there for her immediately. And her friends became a very good support group. .
A lot of positive things started to happen after that, I could see that the interaction between my children became more intimate and caring. We would gather more often and they would visit each other also more frequent. My daughter told me that it had changed a lot of things in her life and also her friends. They had become more aware of what priorities are in life. She even said that it helped some of her friends go through their exams with less stress, as they were thinking that: Wow, why should be stress this much about exams, when Cat and her mom are going through so much at the moment.
Of course I was blaming my self just a little at the very beginning, but got rid of that feeling quite early. I will post a link to the thread I started when she was diagnosed, as I discussed how I was handling the situation. The thread is more accurate to what my feelings were at the moment and what I was going through. And all the beautiful support I received from all of you.
In the end I must say, that we got a NEGATIVE VL and NO genotype after about 1 month of her testing positive. We had not been aware that she had only tested positive for antibodies all this time and had thought she had HCV. She will have to have another PCR six months after the last. So we are off the hook. Thank God. I had posted a new thread with the 'Good News' immediately after getting the results.
But we went through the whole first month roller coaster of actually thinking she had it.
I'm sending her and her daughter the warmest hugs, and lots of love and pray they will have the strength to go through with it. We will always be here to help out, however we can.
To Lauri's Friend -
Unfortunately terrible things do and are apt to happen to some of our children in life whether it be hep or cancer or leukemia - these things just happen because we live in an imperfect world. My children tested negative for hep however my own daughter has almost died three times since she was born - she has horrible lungs and for the rest of my life I'll know it was my fault because I could have taken better care of her while she was gestating. I just didn't believe smoking could hurt her and even though I cut down as far as I could I did "cheat" on occasion some days. It *****. It hurts. I'd take it back in a billionth of a second if I could. My fault or some random birth defect (her cousins where born with cystic fibrosis so I consider us LUCKY) - who knows but in my mind forever it will be my fault.
I'm not a perfect mother but the love I have for my children seems to overcome my shortcomings. If you ask my daughter I"m the most important thing in the world. A mothers love is STRONGER than anything else that ever existed.
As long as you have that love in great abundance and give it to your child - you've given her EVERYTHING she needs to live, survive and have a happy wonderful life. NOTHING else is equal or comes near that.
So just give her that love and move on knowing that the STRENGTH you are giving her out weighs anything you may or may not have even been involved with in the first place. YOU are the one who's strength is going to carry her through. YOU will show her what the most important gift of them all is and NOTHING else matters.
The END. Just love her. In the end - nothing else will be remembered.
My best of luck and prayers,
I'm rushing out but a quick.....Thanks so much, she's reading :)
Hugs to you all, LL
Our JOB'S as Mother's are many!I think our jobs are to give our precious children Roots and Wings.In between are the bumps and bruises.This is a Huge obstacle for both of you.Huge.I did have my daughter tested also and remember waking up in the middle of the night or riding to work and wanting this thing not to be happening.Praying so hard.Such a rock lifted off when she was neg.Then a phone call, my oldest daughter is an R.N.Doc stuck her in the O.R.Grrrrrrrrr! So far prayers are being answered.You precious Angel, It's so not your fault.It's not your moms fault.
Just Sharing and hope the Best for you and your mom.
As the days turn into nights and visa versa you'll both start to feel better.It doesn't seem like it now, but soon you'll realize it's something you've both have been dealt with.It's NOT a death sentence.There's treatments and hope.You could have just as easily been told something worse.Mom you can do it.Daughter your young,your chances are so much better with youth.Don't waste your time with anger.Hold hands,say your Blessings, love each other,read Meki's Poem and Jump on into this forum and READ and don't stop till you both feel better.
It helped me tremendously to know there were others out there that had passed this on to their kids. I have 2 out of 4 children that tested positive. The shock, guilt, shame are indescribable, but it does get better. Your friend is welcome to send me a private message and I'd be happy to talk to her. I was on this forum a lot when we were first dx, now I read the email summaries and check in occasionally, though we all share in having this, I still feel somewhat "different" having passed it on to my kids. So I have a very long way to go with this. We are all 1a's. I had thought I had been tested for everything-NOT! It was about 4 1/2 years ago when my beautiful, happy and outgoing daughter organized a blood drive in high school - I was at work when she called me after she had gotten a call saying she had HCV. I can't ever forget how I felt, and our lives all changed forever. My son was in pretty bad shape, he treated for a year and remains HCV FREE and feels great. My daughter and I have not tx yet, we are both stage and grade 0 or 0-1. We are all followed by Dr A, it's important to find a specialist that you like. Life goes on, things change and it's not all doom and gloom. Hope this helps
Got it Elaine :)
Your just the most wonderful, caring people! I have never been in any group, work, scenerio where it's so warm, caring and amongst 'strangers' over the net! And I have been in many scenerios, lol!
Meki.....I have got to 'hang' with you someday :) We'd get in trouble :) We staying up late again tonight? :)
Thanks for all the warrm words, your a sweetie.
Elaine....as always, you too. Such a comfort you always are. Your compassion never falters.
Marcia....soooo happy your daughter cleared it! That's a heartwarming post! The whole thing how your family got closer, etc. As it should be. Thanks, Marcia
Nygirl......I'm not a perfect mother but the love I have for my children seems to overcome my shortcomings.........
NONE of us are, it's a learning along the way thing ....all the way thru! Do not kick yourself over a few 'cheating' cigs ! Your a great mother! Seen it in you!
....... If you ask my daughter I"m the most important thing in the world...........
We rock with our children, don't we? :) PRICELESS!
....... A mothers love is STRONGER than anything else that ever existed.....
Also PRICELESS :)
Kickboxin.........to give our precious children Roots and Wings......
True and how it worries us when they spread those wings and start to fly!
Nice words, thank you :)
(post to Dancegirl coming next:)
Thanks all you lovely moms!
Dancegirl/Lisa.....I remember now! My heart goes out to you with 2 children positive. SO very HAPPY your son has cleared and with all these great tx's around the corner, so will you and your daughter, in less time! The 'crying' part got me :( Even to see one of my sons tear up...I start to cry :(
........ I still feel somewhat "different" having passed it on to my kids. .......
Please, please, please....don't feel 'different' here! I, and many, could have passed this to our kids....it just didn't happen but the same risk of it was there. Many things we do as parents affect our children, yet we NEVER would hurt them in any way nor jeopardize their health...we didn't know. I could have been in your shoes, had the same thing happen so, dear, you are NO different in this! You got the unfair side of it, not the 'you did wrong' side!
Please never feel that way here. And the same to the woman I posted this for! We are ALL in this totally together! No matter what or how, together! For us, our children, spouse's, friends. loved ones.
Thanks for your openness and post. She’ll probably PM you also.
Be watching you and your daughters journey through it all, LL
Well hopefully she'll chime in...
We could do with some "fresh" blood... *GRIN* Just kidding.
It'd be really nice to have her here. If she's your friend, she's part of us already.
Much love to all of ya!
Oh - yeah LL - we'd probably be those kind of friends...
A good friend doesn't just Bail you out of Jail when you get into trouble...
A good friend is sitting next to you on the bench - smiling - saying --- "dang - that was awesome!"
*GRIN* and LOL to all that :)
I agreed with Dancegirl/Lisa 100%. After I diagnosed in 10/07, I had all my 3 kids tested, found out that my 18 yrs youngest daughter was positive. It was a heart breaking moment for me knowing that my kid has it too. It was very tough for her because it was around time that she was taking SAT test. I was in a bad shape, stage / grade 3/3. After I read the post from this forum, I decided to treat in 6/07. I completed 48 weeks, and my 1 month post just came back this morning still Undetect. So please read and learn as much as possible that will help you fighting this virus.
Hi. I just tested positive for hep C. My mother had it and possibly passed it on to me, but who knows. I also have tattoo's, previous piercings, and have gotten harsh manicures/pedicures. I don't know how I got this, but I have it and need to deal.
The most important thing you can tell your friend is to get rid of the guilt. When I told my Mom, she freaked and I could feel the overwhelming guilt she felt. This wasn't helpful to me AT ALL. It made me feel bad that she felt bad and question whether I should confide in her. I will be starting treatment soon. I hear it can be rough. Daughters need their mothers to be strong and not fall apart (I know I did anyways). I felt as though it was my turn to fall apart if need be and the only reason I told her was because I thought she would be a good supporter for me. Daughters never stop looking to their mothers to wipe their tears...So, thats my point... It is what it is and your friends daughter needs to be surrounded by positive strong people with positive strong vibes...
I just found out months ago that I have hep c and weeks ago that my daughter who will soon be 4 years old also has it. The specialist says its best for her to go thru treatment while she's young. That it will be harder on her the older she gets. I will need tx soon too. I just don't know what to do and can't find anyone who has been thru this or is going thru this... I am 25 years old. I have a supportive family. But I feel so alone....
I am sorry to hear of your"s and your daughters most recent diagnosis. Without personally having any knowledge of when is the best time to treat for a young child I can"t comment on that.
I would suggest you post your question on the HepC forum instead and that way there may be others see your post and chime in that have been in a similar circumstance .
As far as yourself..you mention you are only 25 and because HCV usually takes many years and often decades to progress, you may want to delay treatment for yourself until their are better meds in the future are have better success rates. Having said that if you know your Geno type ,that should also factor into any treatment plans.
You say you are seeing a specialist hopfully a good Hepatologist or a G.I who is familiar with HCV and treatment regimes and especially knowledgeable about children with the virus.
All the best to you and feel free to ask any question as there are many good folks here that will help
Hopeful,.....I am sorry I didn't see your post, but TY as I agree on that. I hope you have stayed here, to help you along in this.
Allthings.......so sorry to hear about you and your daughter. Guilt is not deserved through anything one did not know of, was not aware of, so I surely hope you will spare yourself that.
PLEASE stick around here, you will not feel 'alone' here. Your are NOT alone here.
As Will said, I don't know enough on children treating. We have several mothers here, Child24angel> a wonderful lady, is one, that maybe could help you in this. Treating a 4 yr old is something I would wonder about, definitely see a few liver specialist in this.
Hope to hear more from you both, deep breaths and slowly move forward, ANY questions- you will have many here to help you, Lauri
When I saw this thread pop back up after all these years, I couldn’t have been more surprised, saddened, pleased and stricken. Ok….mix of emotions to say the least.
Lady Lauri is such a kind soul. She posted this for me during a time that seems like forever ago. Being diagnosed with HCV rocked me to my core. Finding out my daughter was infected as well was almost too much to bear. OMG….the guilt, the shame. How does a mother go on feeling this?
For me it was 2 part. The first was that I knew the tx was tough. No way was my kid going to go through it before I experienced it. My insurance was iffy, so I researched it with the wonderful advice of friends on this forum and found a trial that I thought would give me a good chance at a new treatment, or at the very least give me SOC for free.
I put up a strong front at home (not here tho) during tx, I continued to work part-time and go to school part-time. I forced myself to drink, eat, exercise…. and all that other stuff we tell each other to get through…..but honestly, my side effects were manageable compared to what a few of us here have gone through. I hope my daughter doesn’t compare my ease of treatment to her treatment if she experiences more side effects than me.
Fast forward to today. I’m so far out from SVR that I can’t even remember the dates correctly. The complete joy, celebration , elation…whatever those feelings we have when we get that first UND, that next UND and that final SVR ….all happiness is erased for me by the fact that my daughter still has to treat.
So now for the part 2….. arg…the guilt weighs me down. I’m honestly having a hard time. I know it was best for me to treat first and wait for her to treat until these new protocols become accepted, but it’s ******* killing me knowing that I'm SVR and she isn’t. I don't let it show and keep a brave front because her progression is like mine was, low VL, no liver damage….but I don’t want her to ever think that she can’t come to me or lean on me if she feels she is weaker through treatment than I was. Suddenly being strong makes me wonder if she shouldn’t have seen more of the sick. It just totally *****. I ******* hate it.
To hopefully: I have to say I agree. Moms have to be there and be strong and support their daughters. My daughter has been very clear about the fact that there will be no guilt trips by Mom tolerated and that she owns her disease and any time I spend in regret is wasted time and selfish. Good on one hand, she is strong. Bad on the other, she may deny herself a good source of information and care if she won’t let me help her through treatment. My hope is that when she treats, she will let me help her. Same for you….if you ever need help or support, vent here or PM me. Good luck to you.
To allthingsthruchrist: You’re not alone. Get 2nd opinions before making any decisions. Research is ongoing…..please educate yourself and find the best doctors to guide you. Treatment for HCV is changing so much that I am even watching closely before advising my daughter on when to treat. Don't rush into any decisions at this point in the game.
Long winded, I apologize. I thank you all for being here to help during those trying times in the past and for the ones sure to come with my family’s treatment round 2.
Love ya Lady Lauri!!!!!!! You are truly a kind heart and great friend!!
Hey sugar. :)
Mom to Mom.....any time I wallowed in guilt, my kids would have none of it. She'll let you help her through treatment as long as you don't say "I feel so bad....." You're going to have to sort that out away from her and I know you know that. It will only add to her own pile. She won't feel free to tell you things if she thinks you're going to head directly into a guilt trip.
She WILL let you help her. And when it gets tough, you'll be able to tell her the truth because you won't need to be toughing it out for her benefit, you'll be able to say "yeah...I know how you feel" and the fact you felt the same and got through it will speak to her. She'll ask you how you did it...knowing that you too experienced likewise.
It will be okay. Really, the guilt isn't going to help either of you and you will have to choose to set that aside. And it will help her too to know that you'll choose not to bring it up again. She really doesn't want to hear that. She knows you love her and you'd take it away from her if you could. She loves you also...and she doesn't want you feeling bad all the time.
Mom to Mom....I know it *****. But you have to just forgive yourself for not understanding all the implications of things done at a time when we were young and foolish and carry on.
Love you, my friend.
Such true words. Very well said. I may just have to print that out for future reference.
It feels good to have gotten that off my chest. Pity Party officially over =)
Love you too, Trish!!
Sista, I feel you! You shouldn't worry about all that. You are such a good and loving mom and you are so close to your girl. It will all be well. She knows you are there for her and she will let you help her, I'm sure. But she is right about the nog guilt trip here. And you know that she is right about that.
Miss you girl!