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Avatar universal

living with a alcoholic

Going to start treatment soon, living with a drinker/cigar smoker.  This is horrible on the marriage, because it is so hard for me to be around-I miss drinking a few glasses of wine with dinner-and it's hard to be tempted every day.  I feel increasingly angry that he's so thoughtless, refuses to stop drinking.  I find that I want out of the lifestyle and environment and feel trapped.  Want to care for my well being and have the best odds for treatment success-any help/support out there-can anyone relate?  Thank you!
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Avatar universal
It was Ameriboi? something like that?

I'm doing OK..thank you, I've had something like the flu
I guess the last few days, but , I have the garbage can next to
my desk here at work:) but I get so cold, so I have the heater on !!

Now our friend how are you? any thing new?
I'm glad to see you back Rick , truly I am  

I get your e-mails and I thank you
Love and Hugs
Elaine
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hey just wanted to give you a shout out!  Awoke this morning and had you on my heart and mind......Hope that you're doing well.  It has been way too long since I've been here on Medhelp that I couldn't remember my user name and password so I had to resign up,..  I wish that I could remember what I use to tag my post here.  I was thinking that if I could remember that then it my trigger my memory.  Anyway I hope and pray that you're doing well.  Things are OK for me and I hope to be getting back in here for more visits to see all the "old" gang and catch up.  I here everyso often from Ladybug.......Anyway just thinking about you today!  

Sincerely Yours and Securely His,
Rick
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
CA , How are you? ;)

It's very good to see you here

Hugs, and more hugs
Elaine
Helpful - 0
179856 tn?1333547362
HEY CA it's so good to see you again old friend!  :D
Helpful - 0
388154 tn?1306361691
Seems like you might have a "small" alcohol problem your self since you feel tempted to drink a few glasses and we alll know what that (few) sometimes means!!

As NY girl said alcohol can sabotage treatment and if you dont clear you dont wanna wonder if it was because of them glasses.

I´m not pointing any finger here hope you understand that. I my self is an alcoholic been sober since late 1986 , thx too God and He used AA in my case.

Go to AA see if its something for you. If your lucky you may capitulate at you first meeting as I was(did).
And then your hubby will leave you alone and go away and drink where you cant see or smell him, because he will be afraid that this soberness might be contagios.

Anyway glad that the ods are talking in your favor. Best wishes at your tx you gonna get a lot of support if you stay here at forum!!

May the good God (He who alone is good) bless and protect you.

comeagain
Helpful - 0
1420486 tn?1384793153
I re-read your post and realized you said alcoholic. So he may never quit. I guess you should evaluate your relationship and see what you are and are not willing to tolarait. good luck with the relationship. and good luck with your treatment.
Helpful - 0
1420486 tn?1384793153
I think you should have a long hard talk with your spouce. I suspose it is good to have support durring treatment. I havnt started tx yet. I had not had a drink in 3 yrs " in support of his desission to quit"  But he did'nt quit. There were a couple of times I would of liked to have a few glasses of wine. What Im getting @ is I do think it is important he consider your feelings, and maybe realize his drinking makes you miss it. And one drink is poison for you. So if he loves you, he ought to consider your feelings and needs and quit. It is also quite difficult tolaraiting drunks when your sober. A cigar makes me want to puke when Im healthy. I can only imagine how it would make me feel while I were feeling Puny.. He needs to consider your feelings. And if he loves you he will suport you.
Helpful - 0
1225178 tn?1318980604
I agree Mary. Also from reading the above posts, I think there is a difference between living with somebody who drinks and an alcoholic. With an alcoholic, you will never be more important to that person than their bottle, and that is a horrible feeling. It makes you feel like you are nothing, and you tend to blame yourself. It isn't your fault though. That person would be an alcoholic no matter who they had married, and until they are willing to face the truth, there isn't anything you can do to change their mind. I tried for 21 years... didn't work. I've been gone for 9 years now and he still tells my oldest son that his drinking is my fault. My life has gotten 100% better though, so he can say what he wants... I'm finally happy.

Don't condemn yourself to a life of misery. It isn't worth it.

Diane
Helpful - 0
374652 tn?1494811435
the one and only AL-Anon meeting I went to there was a woman  who for 20 years woke her husband to go to work, she was always trying to get him to stop drinking, one day he said to her is that the book, and it was "the book", she said she was so hopeful that he was making some head way and I saw it as they will say anything to keep you from bugging them about drinking.  a light went off in my head i seperated from my husband, gave him enough rope to ...... and he chose the bottle he is a functional alcoholic, but I knew he made his choice.  it hurts big time, but the stress was worse its so difficult to see someone you love do this to themselves.  I could not do it.  I know there are those that can.
I wish you all the best, and try to put yourself in the best situation you can.  Be your own best friend and listen to that best friend.
M4now
Helpful - 0
1372757 tn?1305916571
My wife and I have enjoyed drinking together for years. Not real heavy and not daily. But when we did drink, we drank. Especially on vacations or when we were at our second home for a week at a time or with friends, you know what I mean. I knew that when I started treatment I would have to stop drinking all together. I also hopped my wife would quit or at least slow down. Not the case.  

So, prior to starting treatment, we went to Vegas for 4 days and had blast. Partied, gambled, ate way too much, had a lot of fun. I stopped drinking the 4th day and have not had a drink since, 3+ months. Needless to say it has created problems. Mainly because I do not want to be around people while they are drinking, but when I have no choice I find it really is not that bad. I have realized I do not miss it as much as I thought I would and it stinks. I also feel much better than her in the mornings. Not to mention coming home from a dinner party 2 Saturdays ago where everyone was drinking, a lot, and getting stopped at a sobriety check point.

So I guess what I am saying is give it a chance. Try to avoid the real tempting situations at first and then ease into being around people and your husband while they are drinking. You will always have an out if you feel uncomfortable. Tell people you do not feel good and go do your own thing. If it does not work try some AA or Al-Anon meetings. You may also find good support there for Hip C patients. Keep me posted on how it goes.
Helpful - 0
179856 tn?1333547362
Treatment for the most part of the world isn't really THAT bad.  Most of us manage to work and live life every day during tx, even those of us with really bad anemia take care of our families.  Its only a few people who languish and give in to every ache and pain.  Don't be one of those people - you will just make yourself and everyone around you miserable.  Mostly its up to you to decide whether to dramatize this to the max or just take it in stride.

You cannot do anything to control your husbands actions unfortunately - as everyone has said Al-Anon probably would be a great help to you during this time.  Drinking is a definite no on treatment as the alcohol can effect the medications and make them not work properly.  It can be tough but we've all had to do it too and most of us around those who do drink - maybe not daily but often enough it seems.

You can do it - keep a good mind to it and just tell yourself over and over that you will succeed and remember why you are doing this in the first place. Then after treatment when you have SVRd - you can have a glass of wine to celebrate (I dont know how much liver damage you have so understand I mean if you dont have very much - not if you are very late staged).
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
YES - GO TO AL-ANON.  A  25 year member here - They will help you focus on yourself and getting well. There are meetings almost every night depending on where you live.   No one will "tell" you what to do but they will offer their experience, strength, and hope.  You won't have your answers right away but with patience, you will come to the answers that are right for you at the time.

Good luck to you
Helpful - 0
1225178 tn?1318980604
Living with an alcoholic is one of the hardest things a person will have to do in life. Going through tx is another one of the hardest things a person will have to do in life. You can only expect so much from yourself. We all have a breaking point. If he won't at least not drink around you, you need to put your health ahead of everything else and do what you need to do to make it through tx.

I'm sorry that you have to make decisions like this in this point of your life.
Diane
Helpful - 0
85962 tn?1329981090
It's sort of like quitting smoking, All my friends smoke and I can't expect them to quit because I quit, On the other hand, They don't blow smoke in my face either!, If your spouse is this inconsiderate, It may be time to reevaluate your relationship?
Helpful - 0
374652 tn?1494811435
I am so sorry to hear you have to deal with living with an alcoholic, the advise I got years ago from a psychiatrist drug abuse specialist was they will take you down with them.  
You are a better man than I if you can stay with him..
Helpful - 0
148588 tn?1465778809
Have you ever attended Al-Anon meetings? If you can find the right group, 12 steps meetings can be a great source of support while treating.
Helpful - 0
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