Heroin users/ ex users Community
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MY STORY(not a question)

My name is Jen & I'm the creator of this group. I just wanted to take a moment to share my story of Heroin addiction. I have never been a big fan of drugs. I experimented as a teenager but never touched heroin until 3 years ago. I lived in VA Beach at the time. I was unaware that my boyfriend was an active addict until after we moved in together. He came home one day and said that he had given someone a ride and all they had for payment was 1 cap of H and he thought that I might like t try it. I am a curious person and since I never became addicted to any of the drugs i tried in the past, I thought it would be fine to try it once. I can not say that I was addicted the 1st time I tried it and little did I know, my boyfirend was actually trying to turn me on to it so that I wouldnt leave him for using it. Over the next year I only used it occasionally.. always caps which I'm sure You already know is a weaker form. On my birthday of 2012 I tried raw heroin for the 1st time. I overdosed and was hospitalized. I believe THAT was the time that got me addicted... mentaly. Since childhood, I've struggled with depression amongst other things and at that time I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. I found that while on the drug... I was NOT depressed, NOT SUICIDAL.. I FELT GOOD sooo, i begin to use it more often... about 3 times a week. My boyfirend was the only person at the time that I could get it from and he wouldnt let be use it daily as an effort to keep me from getting physically addicted but that mental addiction was already there. I met other users and begin to use it almost daily. In Nov of 2012 my boyfriend went to jail for a little over a yr. When he left, I no longer had to hide my usage and begin using several times a day. I had a good job so I could afford it. I made a tight nit group of friends who were also users and moved in with them. Ofcourse there were a lot of "good times" involved but also I felt I finally had a family. We were all very close and took care of each other and this was very alluring to me. Needless to say, i quickly built a tolerence and begin to steal things in order to get the drugs. Over the next 3 months i had stolen atleast $3,000 worth $ and goods from my employeer and other buisnesses. Having litle concern for personal safety, I usually tried to get as high as possible.. my motto on it was "give me just enough to kill me... then take a tiny pinch out". In March of 2013... while waiting on my next score... feeling mildly "dope sick" I came to the realization that if I continued this, I would VERY soon be dead or inprisoned. Again, I didnt have much concern for living but I absolutely could not handle being in jail. I'm a "drifter" by nature, i cant even handle living in one place for more than a year! So, I decided to quit and a week later i moved to my home town which is 4 hours away from VA beach. I knew that if i had such easy access to it, that there was no way i could sustain cleanliness. I also knew that my hometown is a ****** little country town in the middle of no where and in the 20 years i lived there before, I had never ran accross heroin or anyone who used it. I have 2 family members that live here and we're not at all close and besides them, i know no one. I got on the suboxone program here which took care of the physical addiction and helped with the mental addiction. I've been clean off heroin since April 2013 and it is now FEB 2014. I was recently kicked out of the suboxone program because while in a rage, i threw a dest at a nurse there. The thing is... I'm very lonely here, I no longer have transportation to get out and meet new ppl. I'm very depressed and even think of suicide occasionaly. Lately, I've been having a VERY strong urge to use heroin again. not like before but maybe on my birthday thats on the 15th of this month... just to get away from myself for one day. I realize that this is probably not a good idea. however, im struggling with that decision because i think its actually possible to get away with only doing it once here because 1. it is almost impossible to find around here and i have no car and 2. I currently only make $100 every 2 wks. 3. This is a ****** broke down country town so hustling for $ is relly not happening. On one hane I know that being clean is best but I also know this and i think some of you can relate to this.... suffering from serious & chronic mental/ emotional illnesses is FAR more dangerous than ANY drug.
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