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Anxiety & fear regarding potential HSV-1 infection

Hi,

I've posted questions to Dr. HHH and Terri and have gotten good answers. However my anxiety is getting the better of me again and I wanted to run this by the community as well.

I'm a 32-year old male. Recently had a session with CSW where she gave me unprotected oral and we also kissed using tongue. I'm worried about catching HSV-1. I also found out that the CSW has HSV-1 and gets outbreaks "about once a month" but did not have an obvious sore on the day. I myself was tested negative via IgG test 22 days post exposure.

Timeline:

6 days PE(post encounter): saw a doctor who said my chances to catch anything are low but ordered tests for chlamydia, gonorrhea

7-10 days PE: I start panicking about herpes, inspect my penis rigorously, when it got a little red I applied antiseptic liquid and tons of hydrocortizone. I also try to see inside my urethra for herpes lesions. My urethra starts to tingle and itch. This goes away in few days but is replaced by pain in the pelvic region and low pressure in urine stream. Prostate hurts when touched and also feels like it's constantly irritated, not relaxed.

11 days: see a doctor who thinks I've got UTI (but doesn't order tests), presses my lower stomach, which feels painful. Prescribes 5-day course of trimethroprim (160mg, 2/day).

12-14 PE: UTI & prostatitis type of symptoms start going away and disappear after taking the antibiotics. On evening of day 14 I go to do some outdoor activity with heavy clothing and my groin area is sweating a lot. I did not shower or wash afterwards.

Day 15: I notice two red patches on the tip of my penis (glans). I'm uncircumcized. There are no visible sores, blisters or any fluid coming, no pain, no itch. I was unable to get a swab done at this time. The patches were not raised, seem to be part of the skin rather than on top of it. I applied hydrocortizone 1% on the patches.

Day 16-17: I continue to administer hydrocortizone in the mornings and Bepanthen for the nights. On evening of day 16 patches look like they are recovering, day 17 gone.

No symptoms after this except a mild throat infection on day 23, which went away in less than a week.

The most worrisome symptom is the red patches that appeared on day 15. I can't seem to get past that and my mind keeps going in circles around this. Somehow I've convinced myself that it was herpes, especially because it can cause so different symptoms in different people. I'm afraid that it was a mild outbreak. I was unable to see a doctor but two doctors have told me based on my description it doesn't sound like herpes. They base it on the fact that it went away in 2 days and that it reacted favorably to moisturizer and hydrocortisone. I also realize that there is a lot of other things that could've caused it. I was on trimethroprim at the time. I had almost finished the meds when the rash appeared. I had also masturbated two days prior to relief the tension in my prostate. I did not feel like masturbating so I had to be quite rough. I might've damaged the skin. This combined with the sweating might suggest nothing than damaged skin reacting to sweat.

I have a regular partner and two kids so I think part of this is psychological. I've convinced myself that because of one stupid mistake I deserve to be punished. I have also noticed that quite many men get these symptoms (tingling, prostatitis) after regretting a sexual encounter and feeling extreme anxiety.

Nothing to do now but wait. I was planning to get tested at 12 weeks post exposure but I think I'll take one test at 8 weeks, the waiting is just killing me. And if I get a negative at 8 weeks, it would be encouraging result.

I've not kissed my wife or my kids since the incident. I have moved my toothbrush to the other bathroom. I wash my hands more frequently. Also no sex with wife but I fear how long I can keep this up before she starts to suspect. I just don't want to infect her with anything.

I have already gone through my confession in my head if I end up being positive. I am prepared to live with no sex for the rest of my life. I just don't want to lose my family.
77 Responses
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101028 tn?1419603004
let's hope so!!!

congrats!
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Avatar universal
Just got 5 month IGG results and they were all negative. Time to put this one to rest for good.
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Avatar universal
Argh, don't know what happened to my previous post, the references disappeared except the positive :)

the ranges were

less than 0.9 = negative
1.0 - 1.09 equivocal
more than 1.1 = positive

My results were in the 0.0x range.
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Avatar universal
I was on a business trip to the US and decided to get tested through Anylabtestnow. It was a type specific IgG test that according to the papers was performed at Elite Clinical Laboratories.

I don't know what test they use and if it is comparable to the HerpeSelect in reliability but the results were nonetheless negative for both, as I was actually at this point already expecting.

I am now 99% confident I don't have herpes and I shall complete my remaining counseling sessions to leave this ordeal fully behind.

The results were:

HSV-1 IGG 0.093

HSV-2 IGG 0.064

the ranges for both were:

= 1.1 Positive

My results look like very clear negatives, and the test was performed 13 weeks post encounter.
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Avatar universal
Ok just came from the doctor. Very good doctor, one of the best ones I've ever had.

He listened to my story and looked at my pictures. Then he started to calm me down and said, first of all my risk was so small it is basically almost theoretical (without active cold sore on my partners lip). He said my pictures and my description are in line with balanitis, not herpes. He said that he would personally stop testing and trust the 7 week test based on the fact that no obvious symptoms and small risk to begin with.

He said that to calm me down I can go ahead and have a final test at 16 weeks and that I should definitely take that as a conclusive result. He said he would personally be fine with the 7 week results already but to give closure to me he was willing to put in one more test.

Then he also referred me to counseling, I'm about to book the meeting right now. My company medical contract is very good and I can have several sessions with a counselor without it costing me a dime. My doctor also said that the counseling is very important and that I should book the meeting ASAP.

He also adviced me to not think about herpes or other STDs and just concentrate on living my life, see the counselor and have the remaining tests at the appropriate times and put this behind me.
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Avatar universal
Ok, due for my doctor's appointment in 3 hours. Interesting to hear what he will think of the rash I had (I have some photos) and the most important thing of course to get referred to counseling.
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Avatar universal
What was I rambling, the friends are coming over in a few hours, not tomorrow :)
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Avatar universal
Argh, I should have been smarter and booked the counseling weeks ago. I'm feeling the anxiety creeping up a bit but still not as bad as before.

I guess my main fear is still that I had a rash with tiny weeping cuts on my penis. Although my doctor said wounds resulting from herpes would be more painful and wouldn't heal so quickly (mine healed in couple of hours) I have trouble letting go. I guess that's where the counseling will help.

Also I'm having trouble accepting no need for further testing. I don't trust the 7 week results to be conclusive...

Oh well, I'll talk with my doc on Monday. Back to my weekend routine it is. Having some friends come over tomorrow, which is good.
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Avatar universal
Ok I've booked a meeting for next Monday. I will see a doctor and ask to be referred to counseling.

I also want to discuss the rash with the doctor and ask opinion based on my pictures. I'm still afraid of herpes because the rash had those ulcers that were weeping clear fluid.

I explained the symptoms to my doctor again on the phone and doctor did say that it would be highly unusual for herpes ulcers to be so small that you can barely see them and heal so quickly that they were gone when I saw the doctor (less than 24 hours since noticing the rash). She says she still sees no reason for more testing.

I think the counseling will be best route for me. I've been feeling pretty good, only occasional worry & fear over my situation, not debilitating like before.
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Avatar universal
Okay, it's been about two weeks since I got my 7 week negative test results. I've been feeling mostly OK but sometimes anxiety has still reared it's head. I've not booked a counseling meeting yet, which I admit has been a mistake. Well, today I left a callback request for my doctor. She will call me on Thursday.

I still sometimes have this suspicion that I have herpes but it's not as bad as it used to be. I've had no genital symptoms since the rash in the beginning of August. I've had a few cases of pimples or folliculitis on my upper lip border but I assume they are related to shaving and since they go away in a day or two I doubt it's oral herpes. Plus they have been so tiny that I doubt anyone else but myself has even noticed anything. Also none of the herpetic symptoms like pain or itching, tingling or any of that.

Today has not been the greatest day. While on the computer,  I accidentally stumbled upon some of the photos of the penile rash I took. I have consciously avoided looking at the pictures or searching online for information ever since I got my 7 week negative test results. Seeing those photos ignited some fear in me again.

So here's my plan: since the doctors who have been treating me were not aware that my rash had weeping ulcers, I shall book a meeting with my doctor  (when she calls this Thursday) and discuss the rash, show the pictures, and ask for their opinion based on this new information. The time when I showed the rash, I forgot to take the pictures with me and forgot to mention the tiny weeping ulcers on the rash on the previous night. In the morning at the doctors, they were healed so they only saw the red rash without weeping wounds.

At the same meeting, I will ask that she refers me to counseling.

I would feel a lot more confident if I hadn't had that ulcerous rash in the beginning of August. I just feel like I should have another test at say 16 weeks  for confirmation. Well, I'll see what my doctor makes of the photos on Thursday and if based on that she will recommend any further testing. I think the counseling will also do me a world of good.

With all said, I've been feeling mostly well during these past few weeks. I've not browsed online for STD information, not tried to diagnose the rash but instead I've gone back to my usual routine: spend time with the kids, play some computer games, write some music, watch some movies etc. I've also been able to concentrate at work and I haven't had any anxiety attacks anymore.
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Avatar universal
I also want to thank you for the comments you have made in this thread. They were helping me to cope. Take care!
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Avatar universal
I am glad you are feeling better. This situation took the past 6 months of my life. I had so much anxiety and I haven't started moving on until this past week. This forum and following your posts have changed everything for me. I want to thank you and Grace for helping me through this. Best of luck to you!
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Avatar universal
I've actually been feeling better today than I've felt in ages. I just got home with my daughter and we picked up milkshakes for the whole family on the way home.

I'm about to put some buns in the oven for supper. They're pre-baked so we didn't actually bake them :)

I've still got occasionally this voice in my head saying that I might have herpes but I've managed to keep it in control and I believe when I have a chance to talk to a professional I will be able to keep it this way. My main worry is still that I tested too soon (7 weeks) but then I just keep telling myself that I've got so many people, who know this subject better than me, telling me to let it go.

It will take time to fully heal from this but I actually feel like I've got my life back! Last night when I had free time I didn't search online for herpes information but actually continued to work on writing music and just browsing for news & stuff - back to my usual self. We also watched a movie with my wife. And I've started to smile again.
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101028 tn?1419603004
best of luck working through this :)   turn off the computer and spend time with the kids and keeping busy while waiting for that appointment.  pick up a cooking with kids cookbook or something and make a total mess in the kitchen - just going shopping for aprons for you and the kids to wear keeps you busy.  Anything to keep your mind off of this. physical activity helps as well as if you've been busy at work and withdrawn with worry, your family needs you back :)
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Avatar universal
I've been thinking about the advice given by my doctor, by you and Dr. HHH and I'm starting to accept that I don't need more testing.

My doctor was very specific on the phone today. She said you need to forget about herpes, it doesn't heal as fast as your rashes, the doctor who saw the rash did not think it was herpes, you don't need more testing.

This many people telling me I need to let it go is hard to ignore, so I will do my best to make it happen. You are right that even one false negative test would send me tumbling down from the cliff.

I don't want to end up like one of those guys I've seen here: conclusively tested negative but still won't let go.

Today has actually been the only day in a long while, that I've felt something else than fear and despair. I want to hold on to these positive feelings and not get caught up in a self-feeding negative loop.

And I think the best way to do it is to seek counseling to offload all these feelings I've been carrying inside me for 7 weeks.

I made a mistake earlier in my life, when my wife got serious health issues after delivering our first baby. She was hospitalized and I was left alone with our baby and uncertain about our future. I decided to carry all that pain and fear inside me and not seek counseling. I was able to hold on for 2 months while she was recovering. I didn't speak to anyone, not even my parents about how I really felt. I just braced myself and kept going forward. But I swear I came very close to suffering a nervous breakdown.

These 7 weeks I've been feeling exactly the same that I felt back then, the same despair, the same fear.

I appreciate the support that everyone has given me during this hard time. You have made this at least a little bit easier to cope.
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101028 tn?1419603004
you need to let go of this. there's no need for any further testing. if you get a false positive next time then you'll just start being anxious even more about this all along with having to invest time and money into more expensive testing.

give your clinic a call and ask them to refer you to a therapist and make that appointment pdq. your money is far better spent there at this point than it is on more herpes testing.
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Avatar universal
I know I should probably trust my doctor and stop testing but I just want to make it as sure as possible that I don't infect my partner with anything. It has been stated many times in these forums that 7 weeks is too soon for a conclusive test.

If I get no symptoms from now to 16 weeks it should be smooth sailing, and then I'll just pop in to the clinic, give some blood and get the results and accept them.

Needless to say I will take care of my hygiene regularly and will only look at my genitals while doing business in the toilet.
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Avatar universal
Grace, unfortunately I forgot to talk about the counseling with my doctor when she called. I was way too worked up at the time, as you can probably see from my posts before receiving the call.

I will definitely arrange it soon.
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Avatar universal
Congratulations! I thought you would be fine. If your doctor doesn't think you need another test don't even bother with it. If she thought you had herpes, I'm sure she would have you retest again.
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101028 tn?1419603004
have you sought out professional help yet to help with your anxiety?
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Avatar universal
Just got called by my doctor.

All results NEGATIVE!

IgG for HSV-1 and HSV-2 negative!

IgM also NEGATIVE!

Doctor said she feels no need for more testing (She knows my case) and she looked at the visit history from when I showed the rash. The doctor who looked at the rash had written in his notes that he had not thought it was herpes. Also my doctor said that herpes would not heal as fast as my rash did.

I think I will still do a 16 week test just to put this finally behind me but I will take this result as an encouraging step on my journey to finally get over this.
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Avatar universal
I have a very difficult time concentrating at work. My heart is racing and I'm feeling a high level of anxiety. I feel like getting up from my desk, and running somewhere, I don't care where. I'm also shaking a little bit, as if it was cold but it's normal room temperature.

And even if this result is negative, I know it will turn positive by the 16 week mark. I was browsing the herpes community forums few minutes ago and there was a case where someone was negative at 6 weeks but positive at 16 weeks.
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Avatar universal
Also remembered something HHH has said in a few threads. He has said that you will feel herpes before you see it, so no need to check your genitals. Both of my rashes appeared as complete surprises, no pain, itching or tingling present. Was blown away on both times when I rolled back the foreskin and saw them.
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Avatar universal
I've been doing a lot of research as well.

The things that I find support a yeast infection:

- both times rashes started after not taking care of hygiene properly
- first rash started during the latter stage of being on a course of antibiotics
- rashes have always been only on areas that are covered by the foreskin

However:

- there was no itching
- there was no white discharge typical to yeast (however there was a lot of some dry white narrow strand/fiber looking stuff under the foresking, from the extreme close ups it looked like the skin was so dry that small strands/fibers where coming off from the entire area of the glans)

Also I'm worried it's herpes because at least the 2nd rash seemed to have a very clear course: red patch that looked to be under the skin, then inflammation and bumpy skin, then small ulcers that were weeping clear fluid, then healing stage

There were no blisters but I've read it's typical for uncircumsized men. Only thing is that I don't think the ulcers formed themselves. I only noticed them after taking a shower and after that I roughly dried the tip with a piece of toilet paper and then proceeded to take some extreme close up photos of the inflamed skin. So it's feasible that the long warm shower caused the area of the rash to become soft and as it was already tender it easily broke open when the rough toilet paper swiped over it.

Then there's also some mixed info out there. Dr. HHH says that when an outbreak starts, it cannot clear in under 7 days, or something along these lines. But other websites say that genital OB can last anywhere from 3 days up to about 2 weeks. Dr. HHH also said it's not typical to have a recurrent OB so shortly after the previous one (my rashes were 3 weeks + few days apart) but for example Grace has stated that it's typical to have another OB shortly after the first one.

Dr. HHH also said to me that herpes wouldn't cause so small ulcers that you can barely see them, but again other websites contradict this.

I should get the results from my 7 week test today within the next 6 hours or so.
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