OK. Long story. I have HSV 2 genitally. Few outbreaks, only treated them per episode. There was a point in time during an active outbreak that I thought i may have spread it to my lips. A few months later a bump popped up on my lip, a little cut/almost a blister appeared. It came and went quickly and was never a full blown blister. My tongue became white, and it appeared i had some sores on my tongue but this was after the thing on my lip went away. My face was itchy for a solid week or 2 following. When the "sore" first erupted, I don't know if i was in denial, or I just didn't really realize what it was. But i have this terrible habit of plucking my eyebrows in a magnified mirror. i was plucking with the heel of my palm directly on the "sore", then I moved my hand to get another angle on my poor brows, and the heel of my palm was directly on my left upper cheekbone, close to my eye. A day or 2 after my sore looked all healed, i went to realx and get a facial. Which i would never have done had i known this lady was going to wipe my lip, then wipe my eyes. Both, and immediately.
I went on anti-virals, and anti-depressants. But I was having strange sensations on the side of my face where the heel of my palm had been, and my head felt very strange at times. I don't know how else to explain. Waves almost. I read up on the antidepressant i was on, and found that lots of people said that facial numbness was a side effect. So I stopped taking it to see, but still had the symptoms. At this point i had also stopped taking the anti-virals to see what would happen. I should mention, I got blood tested again, and still only had HSV2, no new infection.
I never had anything pop up on my face. But my eyes became very red and irritated. I went back on the anti-virals. I went to my eye doc, expressed my fear, he looked and said no sign of ocular herpes but agreed they were very irritated. Went again a while later, same thing. I told him I was on anti-virals, and asked if it was possible that they were just keeping an outbreak at bay. Other than the irritation, i am having throbbing pain on the left side of my face, sometimes it is dull, sometimes a little itchy. Very disturbing. Also felt as thought there were something pushing on the inside of my left eye. I noticed a slight sensativety to light. Also a little bit of tearing in my L eye. Went to an opthamologist. He said, no sign of viral infection, but said my eyes were irritated and gave me some drops, bepreve I believe.. They seem to be doing nothing. Went back to my GP, who tells me it is not what I think, i have not spread it to my face, or my eyes. My question is, why not? If I was able to spread it to my lips, why not again? These symptoms are real, and i feel as everyone thinks i am crazy. No answers, just it is not what i think. My doc isn't even convinced i spread it to my lip. I am.
I need help. Of some sort. i'm not sure what exactly. I can't handle that i have done this to myself. And that nobody believes me. I know I should take solace in the fact that 4 doctors have now told me I don't have ocular herpes. But I am still convinced. What the hell else could it be? I feel as though I am really about to lose it. Thoughts of suicide.