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Concerns about genital hsv 1 (Grace pls :( )

I was newly diagnosed with ghsv 1 through a culture test on the vulva. It came back positive for hsv 1. My bf at the time did not have a visible cold sore but developed one shortly after I was diagnosed. Because of this he has dumped me because he tested negative and had no std's whatsoever. My GYN said that since he had a visible blister on his mouth that he clearly has hsv 1 and was probably not tested for hsv 1 since doctors do not test for this. She said its very common and almost 80% of people I have already dated have it and it is not a big deal.

I do not believe this is not a big deal as I am very hurt that my bf left me and I look at eveyrone differently now. I have a lot of concerns and woudl like some help with it. I have read most if not all the forums here and periodically check back to see if there is new information available.

1. My GYN said that having ghsv 1 on the genitals is better than hsv 1 because a) it rarely recurrs if not at all and b) its the same virus on the mouth so why should it affect the way i think about the virus

2. Is genital to genital hsv 1 transmission rare? I have a new partner and he is hsv negative for both types.

3. Is ghsv1 really not a big deal? I am having a hard time believing this. I feel like I'm a walking disease :'( and cry myself to sleep because I could have avoided this if my ex would have told me he had it.

4. Will it affectmy sex life without me being paranoid about infecting my partner?

5. If the risks are so low why am I obligated to tell my partner about my ghsv1? Im afraid he will leave me. People that have hsv 1 oral do not disclsoe this information to their partners.

6. What are the risks during pregnancy. I would love to have a family one day and have healthy children without passing this to my partner and my baby. I was wondering what tests do they do one the baby is delievered. Do the doctors make it obvious that something was going on down there or can I hold my baby once its out of the womb?

7. Is ocular herpes common with ghsv 1? Im afraid of touching my face. I always wash my hands but am afriad this might go up frmo my genitals to my eyes.

I have not disclosed this to my family because I am ashamed :( I have ALWAYS been careful and overly cautious with my body and this is very unfair. My ex bf has nto been supportive and leaving me at a time like this when he clearly gave this to me was an **** move.

Can someone please help me ease my mind. I have contemplated suicide but have evaluated myself because I am educated I have a great job and have a great family thats why I cannot believe that I am living with this.
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Avatar universal
Im scared now that i might have it both orally and genitally and being twice as contagious now :'(
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101028 tn?1419603004
no easy ( or cheap ) way to know if you also have hsv1 orally. That's why you and your partner discussing this and his getting tested to know his own status is so important for the two of so you can make educated decisions together about what precautions to take for all sexual contact.

we don't have transmission stats for hsv1 genitally. It is almost exclusively transmitted from oral to genital contact and since 1 out of every 2-3 people has hsv1, too hard to study to get the same stats like we have with hsv2.

it's being sexually responsible to talk about this with your partner. the "talk" won't get easier the longer you put it off so just sit down with him and do it. be sure to also talk about his own std testing status too if you haven't done that before this. odds are he's never been tested for herpes before if he even gets properly tested for std's.
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Avatar universal
Are there any statistics on the rates of transmission for ghsv 1?

I havent told my bf about my hsv 1. Im scared. Hes been really sweet lately and I dont know how to break it to him.

We havent had sex as we both have busy schedules and I am not on suppresive therapy.

im not sure if I contracted ohsv 1 as well because my ex and i kissed a lot. I havent had an oral outbreak but am scared of transmission because my bf likes drinking off of my straw. is there a way to tell if i contracted oral as well or is that unlikely?

When i was diagnosed the GYN told me i contracted ghsv 1 because i had shaved prior to intercourse.
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101028 tn?1419603004
yes the virus is more active the first 6 months to 1st year but with hsv1 genitally, it's not a big deal more active during that time.  
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Avatar universal
Thank you so much Grace! This has helped so much I have been freaking out but feel so much better.

I have a few more questions. Is it true that you are infectious the first year of infection? If I chose to have sex with my new partner will he be at much more than a higher risks to aquire my ghsv1?

I really dont want to put him at any risk and would hate myself if he got it even though it is just an annoying skin condition.
Helpful - 0
101028 tn?1419603004
most folks are not tested for herpes when they get std testing done. Hard to tell if your ex was actually tested or if he was tested and experienced the common false negative hsv1 igg results issues that are a problem with the test. He had an obvious cold sores, it's obvious he has hsv1 orally. If he wants to be in denial, so be it. hopefully at some point he receives proper education and realizes to take precautions with future partners.

so is hsv1 a big deal? Not really but the IDEA of genital herpes is for many people. We've been taught to fear std's in general, no one ever takes the time to properly educate us on them :(  Statistically 1 out of every 2-3 people you know has hsv1 either orally or genitally - It's THAT common!!  by the time we are collecting our retirement checks, 80% of us in the US alone have it. in some countries, that many folks have it before they finish high school even.

hsv1 genitally on average, doesn't reoccur for about half of the people who have it. Of those who do get recurrences, the average is 1 additional ob the first year and then 1 ob every other year after that.  It doesn't shed often and it's not likely to be transmitted to a partner though it can be. Unless you get an obvious cold sore too, no way to know if you only have it genitally or if you also have it orally or not.  When you have a new partner, be sure to get them tested for herpes so you can make educated decisions together about what precautions to take for oral sex as well as genital/anal sex. You also can contract hsv2 genitally too which is another reason to make sure a partner is tested before starting to have unprotected sexual contact.

I highly recommend Terri warren's book "the good news about the bad news" - it's under $20 on amazon.  It really goes into the psychological side of having genital herpes which sounds what you most need help with.  It's ok to be scared about having herpes - it's something new for you and it'll take time to adjust to the idea of having it as well as to realize that it's just something you have, not the only thing that defines you.  If you start to feel like taking your own life again, immediately call your local suicide hot line and talk to someone!!!  It's never, EVER worth ending life over herpes!!

will you spread herpes to your own eyes? Not at this point.  typically in adults, when they have hsv1 in their eyes, it's actually from the virus migrating up the facial nerves anyways, not from transmitting the virus there. Always wash your hands before touching your eyes - that's good hygiene and protects you against all sorts of infections.  

do you have to tell a partner? Yes you should. It's being sexually responsible to do so :)  Is it easy to tell, especially the first few times? Oh heck no!!!  We all should be discussing std's, testing, condom use and birth control prior to sex and you disclosing your hsv1 status, shows a partner that you are on top of things and care about them enough to talk about this with them.  is the risk to them higher for oral sex just because hsv1 prefers the oral area? No it is not. In general it doesn't shed much so the risk is low regardless of the sex act.  

Is daily suppressive therapy helpful for hsv1 genitally?  Not a lot.  It won't hurt but it's really not worth the money and effort for most folks since hsv1 genitally doesn't shed often and doesn't reoccur often either. If your partner has hsv1 also, they have significant protection against contracting it on another body part so it's very , very unlikely they'd contract hsv1 from you. Even if a partner doesn't have hsv1, the overall risk is still very low.

when you decide to start a family, your hsv1 is only an issue around the time of delivery and is less than a 1% risk of transmission to baby if no obvious lesions are present at the time of delivery.  If you would have a recurrence near delivery, a c section will be done to protect baby.

keep asking questions :)


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Avatar universal
Also, if my partner give me oral sex what are his chances of him catching hsv 1 on his mouth since this is the preferred site?

Im sorry Im asking so many questions im just very concerned and anxious about knowing what this entails.
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Avatar universal
From reading the forums here it says that valtrex is not necessary since ghsv 1 dosent reccur and does not shed. Is this true? I only took valtrex when i had my outbreak and the lesion was gone in 2 days. My gyn said it was a good idead to get back on valtrex if i do get another outbreak so that it can heal faster and if i were to be sexually active again.

Im not sure whether I should take it as suppressive or episodic I dont want to take anything that will do nothing for the hsv. What do you suggest I do.

People tell me im making this into a big issue when its really not but those are the same people aho arent infected and i just feel so low and every tingle i feel i relate to this. This is so annoying and I wish I would have never got it.  
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