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Disclosing Genital Hsv-1
I was wondering if anyone had any personal experience/stories/advice about disclosing genital hsv-1 to partners. I know genital hsv-1 is less studied than hsv-2 because it is usually less severe and has lower risk of transmission. I have also read on this forum, from doctors, and on other forums that disclosing after a certain time period is maybe not neccessary esp. to short term partners because hsv-1 is so common. However, I certainly was not happy that I contracted genital hsv-1, even though it's not a big deal, it was initially emotionally difficult. I would not want someone else to be put in the position I was. I contracted it from someone who, I'm assuming, did not know.
People freak out when they hear herpes. Using that word is what scares me the most, although I know to change the stigma we need to start somewhere. I guess the best approach is educating your partner & having them tested, chances are they already have hsv-1 and will be interested in learning how much of a non-issue it really is. What also scares me is I'm pretty sure who I got it from, what if they get a blood test that is a false negative? Is HerpeSelect one of the most accuracte blood tests?
Any personal stories from someone who has already tackled this obstacle?
People freak out when they hear herpes. Using that word is what scares me the most, although I know to change the stigma we need to start somewhere. I guess the best approach is educating your partner & having them tested, chances are they already have hsv-1 and will be interested in learning how much of a non-issue it really is. What also scares me is I'm pretty sure who I got it from, what if they get a blood test that is a false negative? Is HerpeSelect one of the most accuracte blood tests?
Any personal stories from someone who has already tackled this obstacle?
Thanks for your thoughts! I agree that I should find someone who thinks I am worth it, it's still scary though. I've read though that HSV-1 does not increase risk for HIV by doctors posting on here, unless of course there is an open sore present--I haven't had any recurrences. I guess I will ask him to be tested himself, I feel almost evil for saying this but I would be very relieved if he was positive for HSV-1...not just because I think I contracted it from him, but because then we really wouldn't need to worry & he could understand how common & not a big deal it is since he doesn't have symptoms (unless he never told me)..we'll see how this goes =/.
I wish I could give you an honest answer on how to approach it. I can't though. My thoughts would be open an honest. Explain that You have genital hsv-1 don't need to explain HOW you got it just you have it. Explain the facts and invite him to read up and heck post questions himself. These forums are open to anyone and answers will come. You are not alone in this matter. But I am a direct person and I prefer to be direct. If someone can't deal with this cowardly virus are they worth your time? If you ask me... No they aren't. Even if they were to get HSV it is not the end of the world. There is no known major health risks with HSV except being more likely to catch HIV but even then given your lifestyle I doubt that's going to happen.
For some it is not something they want to deal with. This hasn't changed who he started to like. He liked you for a reason and that reason he will know if it was enough for him to go forward or not. So with that being said he may find someone else later in life if he passes on you that has it and doesn't know about it and shares it with him.
For some it is not something they want to deal with. This hasn't changed who he started to like. He liked you for a reason and that reason he will know if it was enough for him to go forward or not. So with that being said he may find someone else later in life if he passes on you that has it and doesn't know about it and shares it with him.
Thank you. I'm really stuck here and don't know how to approach the topic--my doctor has told me it's nothing to worry about--but I want to be honest with him, I was very upset when I learned so I know it is the right thing to do even being just type 1. I just don't know how to begin to explain...
Given the request in here I wish I could help you. I haven't had to go through this. I am going to "bump" your thread up so that it doesn't get lost on page 2. Petal and some other regulars here are some of the best people I could tell you to listen to and take their advice. I truly wish you the best.
I need some advice. I'm coming to the point where I'm going to need to talk to a new partner about this. Thing is, it's a little complicated (even more so than it would be already!) I kind of think this same guy is the one who gave this to me...
In the 2 months before my symptoms came up I had intercourse with two partners. The first one (who I am seeing again now) was unprotected (I know, stupid--the only time ever) and about 5/6 weeks before symptoms and the second was protected (about a week or two before symptoms). Neither involved oral sex yet I contracted hsv-1 confirmed by culture.
I know hsv-1 is hardley ever contracted through intercourse, but I'm pretty sure that's how I got it (unless I contracted it over a year ago from my first partner with no symptoms ever & very limited exposure, I was young & my blood test was negative at 6 weeks--I know tests sometimes miss hsv-1 but they do catch 90% of them!). Unprotected of course being the more likely culprit and I knew less about his sexual history (even though 5 weeks falls out of the average--my exposure was atypical in every way I think!). I did talk to this partner asking about his history/symptoms when I found out, but did not disclose herpes because we were no longer talking (& if he tested positive for hsv-1-it really had no implications because at least 1/2 of everyone will).
We are talking now, and I want to move forward with him but am very scared. We are both early 20s which I think really matters, so if he tests negative for hsv-1 honestly I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to date & contract something right in the middle of "dating years". I have NO idea how to approach this topic and am honestly terrified. I'm always very careful except that one time and have had 3 total partners--and yet this still happened to me--!! Help =/...
Sorry for the length!!
In the 2 months before my symptoms came up I had intercourse with two partners. The first one (who I am seeing again now) was unprotected (I know, stupid--the only time ever) and about 5/6 weeks before symptoms and the second was protected (about a week or two before symptoms). Neither involved oral sex yet I contracted hsv-1 confirmed by culture.
I know hsv-1 is hardley ever contracted through intercourse, but I'm pretty sure that's how I got it (unless I contracted it over a year ago from my first partner with no symptoms ever & very limited exposure, I was young & my blood test was negative at 6 weeks--I know tests sometimes miss hsv-1 but they do catch 90% of them!). Unprotected of course being the more likely culprit and I knew less about his sexual history (even though 5 weeks falls out of the average--my exposure was atypical in every way I think!). I did talk to this partner asking about his history/symptoms when I found out, but did not disclose herpes because we were no longer talking (& if he tested positive for hsv-1-it really had no implications because at least 1/2 of everyone will).
We are talking now, and I want to move forward with him but am very scared. We are both early 20s which I think really matters, so if he tests negative for hsv-1 honestly I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to date & contract something right in the middle of "dating years". I have NO idea how to approach this topic and am honestly terrified. I'm always very careful except that one time and have had 3 total partners--and yet this still happened to me--!! Help =/...
Sorry for the length!!
Most people don't even know they have oral herpes to begin with, unfortunately. And even then, most don't realize (I know I didn't) that it could be transmitted, without any symptoms, via oral sex. My partner hadn't had a cold sore in years, not in the five years we were together. I never knew about viral shedding, and I don't believe the average person does, either. It's only after the fact that we become educated about it.
I disagree with your nurse. I'd much rather have genital HSV1 and not oral, knowing now what I know. It's really a non event in my life, and I may never have another outbreak, or statistically very, very few. Oral herpes on the other hand broadcasts to everyone that you have herpes, and it's not the prettiest site, either.
I disagree with your nurse. I'd much rather have genital HSV1 and not oral, knowing now what I know. It's really a non event in my life, and I may never have another outbreak, or statistically very, very few. Oral herpes on the other hand broadcasts to everyone that you have herpes, and it's not the prettiest site, either.
I wasn't questioning what was morally right, because I would want someone to tell me. I agree with you, hsv-1 is such a low risk & rarely causes issues that it shouldn't be a big deal to someone who really cares about you.
On the other hand, I think someone with oral hsv-1 has just as much responsiblity to tell partners before oral sex as someone with genital hsv-1 before intercourse. They cause most cases of genital hsv-1. But, people would rather not call cold sores "herpes" I guess. This frustrates me. When my nurse told me I had genital hsv-1, she said she had the virus too but it's on her mouth so it doesn't really matter....that was annoying. It's the same exact thing.
On the other hand, I think someone with oral hsv-1 has just as much responsiblity to tell partners before oral sex as someone with genital hsv-1 before intercourse. They cause most cases of genital hsv-1. But, people would rather not call cold sores "herpes" I guess. This frustrates me. When my nurse told me I had genital hsv-1, she said she had the virus too but it's on her mouth so it doesn't really matter....that was annoying. It's the same exact thing.
" I would not want someone else to be put in the position I was."
I think you answered your own question. It's the right thing to do. And yes, educating your partner is really key.
I have genital HSV1, and have not yet had to tell a new partner. But I plan on it when the time comes. Even if he doesn't have HSV1, the risk of passing it is so very small, as it only sheds about 1% of days annually. And I like to think that I'm well worth something as trivial as herpes; if I'm not, then he's definitely not the guy for me.
Yes, herpeselect is a recommended blood test for herpes. But even the best blood tests miss 1 in every 10 HSV1 infections, so feasibly some folks can have a false negative.
I think you answered your own question. It's the right thing to do. And yes, educating your partner is really key.
I have genital HSV1, and have not yet had to tell a new partner. But I plan on it when the time comes. Even if he doesn't have HSV1, the risk of passing it is so very small, as it only sheds about 1% of days annually. And I like to think that I'm well worth something as trivial as herpes; if I'm not, then he's definitely not the guy for me.
Yes, herpeselect is a recommended blood test for herpes. But even the best blood tests miss 1 in every 10 HSV1 infections, so feasibly some folks can have a false negative.
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Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
