I always use condoms with new partners, even if they have a clean STD test. Trust is earned for me in every aspect of a relationship, and so that means condoms too. Statistically, even with a negative partner, the chance of me transmitting it is very low (read the herpes handbook if you haven't - google it - it's under westover heights clinic). There you'll read that HSV1 sheds very little. That aside, try no to predict anything about a future partner; their herpes status, how they'll react, how you'll deal if he has HSV2, etc. Just as everything goes in starting a new relationship, this is only a very small part of it.
As to the "TALK", do remember it's a two way street. As I said, you're not damaged goods. STDs/birth control goes both ways. Most men will understand and want to be educated about it, I think.
As to what to do to feel better, well, some of that just plain and simple comes with time, and education too. If you have someone who's a true support person, confide in them. It doesn't even have to be a peer; maturity, kindness and caring is what you need. Also, the book I mentioned is a good resource.
Lastly, if the fear and anxiety is in fact feeling like it's "consuming" you, please do seek a counselor to speak with. While your feelings are no doubt valid, it's not a great place to be in (I can vouch for it too) - but herpes clearly is nothing to be afraid or ashamed of. Try to keep reading my posts and the one from Nickie89 as well.
I will try to cheer you up a little bit... :) I got diagnosed with HSV-1 10-11 months ago. I cried like a baby for a few days and I remember my parents putting up the Christmas decorations. They wanted me to help but I was so devastated I stayed inside and cried. (I'm 23 by the way)
Later on, my mom came in to talk to me and was telling me I was over reacting big time (I so was!) She told me it's just a little virus that causes discomfort, it's not going to kill me! She then said: Why is it ok to have it orally, but not genitally? They're the same virus!" This is when I realised that I was being a complete idiot about it. She's right! She also went on to say that she thinks she has it too but never made a big deal out of it. (I love my mom)
I also told a few of my really good guy friends about it and they told me everything will be ok and that well.. they'd still get it on with me if they could. So that kind of made me feel better in a way. I was also saying to one of them that I'd die alone and he said: No way, you're too much of a good catch."
So there it is, just live your life, don't let this virus ruin it, you're worth it!
I'm writing you because your post was really comforting for me. I feel very lost right now. Have you ever had sex with a negative partner with no condoms? I plan to have children one day. Its hard imagining trying to get pregnant without infecting the potential father. I know I may be getting way far ahead of myself but I'm trying to know as much as possible. Do you have any tips on how I could possibly get through this....I'm having a really hard time. I'm so young, with at least 4 years of school still to accomplish and I'm so scared of the dating scene, gossip, etc. I am trying to focus on bettering myself once I get back to my college classes and so on, but this fear and anxiety and embarassment I feel has completely consumed me. I don't plan on having that "talk" with someone until I KNOW for sure that he is a good person and worth a long term relationship. I am tired of the immaturity college boys who are only looking to sleep around. But I still have such anxiety and shock and I am at a loss of what to do or feel
thank you so much. that post really means a lot and its been kindof eye opening. a lot of people do have it and you are right, it really is only a pesky skin condition. I am hoping that maybe this will all be a blessing in disguise and that this will make me a better person. Maybe it'll help me weed out the right guy some day. its going to be hard going back to school and acting normal infront of all of my friends who fall all over stupid frat boys... but then again i think there are more of those people that i hang around with who have it than dont. I am going to re-read your post a lot :)
it does get easier over time. the more you talk about your herpes , the easier it gets to put it out there with a new partner I think.
I'm going to ask Petal to stop in and comment - she has hsv1 genitally herself and is great to talk to :)
Do you have any tips on how to get through this? I just found this out and I have big changes this week and it has literally been driving me nuts. I need tips on getting over the fear of rejection and self loathing over all of this. Maybe this will help me weed out the right men in the end who care about me as a person... May I ask how you dealt with it when you first found out about your hsv? And do you know of people who still have unprotected sex in a serious relationship with hsv1?
is it easy to tell someone you have genital herpes before you've had sex with them? of course not! It's part of being sexually responsible though and part of the "talk" we all need to be having before we are intimate with a new partner. You disclosing your genital hsv1 infection that you know you have, starts the conversation of what testing they've had to know their status. you still need to protect yourself against hsv2 as well as you and a partner can't decide what precautions to take for sex until you know their hsv1 status too. you also need to talk about condom use and birth control too. not the most exciting conversation to have with someone you are attracted to but an important one. most folks don't get full std testing so asking is important.
have you had your gardasil shot series for hpv yet?
is your hsv1 genital infection going to interfere with finding a husband or starting a family? not really. hsv1 genitally doesn't reoccur very often in general so it isn't a big disruption to your sex life. it also doesn't shed very often so the odds of transmitting it to a partner are pretty low. since at your age, 1 out of every 3 people you know has hsv1 either orally or genitally, good odds that your partner would have it too.
keep asking questions!!
That's rediculous that your bf left. Wow. I'm really sorry.....I plan on telling nobody until I know that I can trust that person who I know ill want to be with for the rest of my life. I don't even plan on saying the word "herpes" I just think that I will say that I carry the virus for cold sores in my body, you could possibly contract it from me, or you may not and try to shrug it off as no big deal. I guess I'm just still in a state of shock.
That's rediculous that your bf left. Wow. I'm really sorry.....I plan on telling nobody until I know that I can trust that person who I know ill want to be with for the rest of my life. I don't even plan on saying the word "herpes" I just think that I will say that I carry the virus for cold sores in my body, you could possibly contract it from me, or you may not and try to shrug it off as no big deal. I guess I'm just still in a state of shock
I was asking for symptoms bc I just don't know if its oral or genital. My results were IGG >5.00 so my doctor said if I never had any symptoms it is most likely oral. And have had it for a while.
Don't say those things, I'm 24, so I'm really young too. Don't let some thing like herpes define you, sooo many people have it, I myself didn't even know until I took the blood test, the more people I talk to I realize have it, not ghsv but oral which is the same thing doeesnt matter where it is. I was devasted at first and my bf left me, his dad gets cold sores! And that's exactly what hsv 1 is. I talked to a lot of ppl about my hsv results, and found out my dad gets coldsores, my sister, friends. I hope you feel better soon. Don't tell anyone unless you truly truly trust them. :-) its college and like u said ppl talk. The person that really cares about you will not run away, they will get educated about herpes and love you no matter what
I also am dying at the thought of telling someone this before sex. I don't want anyone to ever know! Because I'm so fearful of being rejected and then having gossip spread. That's how college is...
I had a few sores and I was tested, put on valtrex and after 6 days the sores are gone. It wasn't painful just itchy and annoying. I'm pretty healthy so hopefully rare outbreaks. I'm just really scared of the future, rejection over this, transmitting it, etc. I feel absolutely hopeless and this is so unlike me. I'm not myself...I'm letting this rob my life and its driving me nuts. I'm seeing a counselor this week and am on anxiety meds as needed but nothing seems to help. All I have ever wanted in life is to be loved and I feel like that isn't going to happen because of this stupid mistake.
It's going to be okay alot of people have hsv1 about 1 out of every two to three people. I have it I never had any symptoms my dr told me not to worry ... what were ur symptoms? I'm curious. I got diagnosed via igg blood test but never had anything happen
I am also scheduled to move into my new town home and go back to school this week and I wish i could do ANYTHING for this to be back to normal so I can enjoy college life and my friends without this burning in the back of my mind..... please help