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Avatar universal

Gay Male relationship

My boyfriend recently gave me genital herpes.  He has anal herpes.  I am currently trying to come to terms with this.  I have decided to take him back and learn to live with this together.  Could you please explain to me how to learn to live with this virus and have a relationship together and not spread this virus all over our entire bodies ?
24 Responses
101028 tn?1419603004
If you both have the same type then it's not an issue. just avoid sex anytime you have any obvious lesions in an area that would make it uncomfortable to have sex.  You won't spread herpes all over the place.

have you both been tested for hiv?  hsv2 increased the odds of hiv acquisition so if you haven't been tested for hiv while you've been together, be sure to do so now.

grace
Avatar universal
Yes I arranged for hiv testing before we were intimate.  At that time I asked the hiv clinic how we would go about getting tested for herpes.  They explained that herpes was not included in std testing.  I researched it some more and called some free clinics and got discouraged.  The few clinics minimized the need for this test. So I figured since it was so difficult to find someone to test us for herpes than this must be uncommon or unordinary and here I am.

What do you mean when you said if we both have the same type than its not an issue ?
101028 tn?1419603004
Testing for herpes is easy as can be  and is readily available. sorry to hear that the clinics you contacted weren't aware of this :(  

Well your partner could have hsv1 orally and hsv2 genitally. He could've transmitted either infection to you. What testing have you both had done to know who has what?  How were you diagnosed as having genital herpes?

grace
Avatar universal
I had sores on my penis.  He had sores in his anus. He had a positive culture.  We both tested a few months later.  Both blood tests were positive for hsv2.  Both blood tests were negative for hsv1.  This was my introduction to genital herpes. Will my sores stay on my penis and will his sores stay in his anus ?  Since he has anal herpes can his penis give me anal herpes ? Can someone have anal and penile herpes ? Do we have worry about infecting our lips, my anus, his penis ?
Avatar universal
Grace said to bump up my question when she got back on tuesday
101028 tn?1419603004
anal herpes and genital herpes are the same thing. it's all the same set of nerves. What this means is you both already have it in both places and where actual lesions occur is somewhat meaningless.  Since you both have hsv2, it's not an issue anyways - just avoid sex anytime either of you have lesions that would make it painful to have sex with.  Don't perform oral on active lesions either.  other than that, if either of you are getting frequent recurrences and want to prevent them, consider suppressive therapy so that the virus is less active and you are bothered less by it.

keep asking questions :)

grace
Avatar universal
Ok, so we both have it from the waist down.  It also sounds like theoretically sores can can move around but in most cases sores generally stay at the spot of entery ?  I dont think i have seen anyone on this site talk about out breaks occuring in differant spots or spreading around ?

You said avoid sex when lesions are active for pain reasons.  I can see my sores because they are on my penis.  I cant see his sores because they are in his anus. How would I go about that ? for oral sex or genital sex ?
101028 tn?1419603004
You can expect over time to have ob's anywhere in the entire boxer short area as we call it.  About 1/4 or so of folks will have ob's in more than just the same general area. Over time you'll definitely recognize the "favorite" spots your herpes has to reoccur but they can change.

You both have herpes so you can have sex with active lesions present. To put it rather bluntly, if his *** hurts, don't have sex until it doesn't. make sense?   Also if he thinks he's having a recurrence anally, I wouldn't perform oral sex on his penis due to shedding. You aren't likely to contract hsv2 orally at this point but err on the side of caution. the virus sheds from the penis skin also during ob's even if the actual lesions are on his anal area.  same goes if you have active symptoms on your penis, he shouldn't orally stimulate your anal area because of shedding too.  

keep asking questions :)

grace
Avatar universal
ok, it sounds like we both have an HSV2 immunity to each other below the waist, but not above the waist ?  For example: say he was having an out break analy and he didnt know it because he wasnt having discomfort or because it was early in the outbreak.  Would the fluid from his anal sores touching my penis instigate an out break on my penis ? or is my body only going to have out breaks when my own body chooses to ?

How does taking the valtrex work. Say there was no such pill or medication to stop outbreaks ? would it keep out breaking and growing larger forever ? Say I did not take valtrex when I see my next out break what would happen ?  I have read that studies have shown people who got to their doctor the fastest when they first caught genital herpes to get anti viral medication on their first out break are more likely to have less out breaks over their lifetime and also have less severe episodes of out breaks.  True or not false ?
101028 tn?1419603004
His having ob's won't trigger them in you or vice versa.

Valtrex works by disrupting the viral replication process so that when the virus is active, it can't reproduce very well . The thought being that if you stop this process early on ( with daily suppressive therapy ), it doesn't get to the point where viral shedding is happening so you get less viral shedding ( which is important when you are involved with a partner who doesn't have herpes ) and you also get less obvious lesions to disrupt your sex life. when you just take it when you have ob's, it just helps your body shorten the length of the lesions so that you are more comfortable sooner.  

there are no studies that I"m aware of that show that folks who are treated early on for newly acquired herpes infections have less ob's in the long run. Feel free to post any links to any that you've found and I can help explain them to you better perhaps.

grace
Avatar universal
How does the freequency of out breaks work ?  I have not had an out break since my first one which is a little over a year ago. Is this any indication of what I am in for or could things change for the worse at any time ?  Based on my reading it sounds like everyone generally has 3-5 out breaks within the first year ?

Do you personally believe a cure will ever happen ? If so, do you think it would be anywhere in the near future ?  Why cant viruses ever be cured ?  I personally dont think a cure will ever happen because there is too much money to be made by the researchers, institutions, colleges, governement grants, pharmacutical companies etc.  These guys would go out of business.  Have you ever heard of a medication called BHT (butylated hydroxytoluene) ?  It sounds great.  It has the ability to unlock a virus's envelope or the fatty acid that lock's in or protect the virus from getting destroyed by anti viral medications or our imune system.  This medication is good for all viruses, HIV HPV, HSV etc. However it sounds like this is an underground type of research and the world of science dosent recognize it and dosent want to research it.
101028 tn?1419603004
I know you aren't complaining that you aren't having more frequent recurrences right?  :D  Only time will tell how often you'll have ob's.  

We don't have a cure for any viruses at this point. I honestly doubt we'll have one in the next 10 years. Pessimistic I know but you asked for my 2 cents.  I don't buy into the conspiracy theory though that they aren't looking for one because they make more money out of treating it. there's HUGE bucks in a cure not to mention what it would do for the reputation of the company that finds one.  

I don't know of anyone who had consistent and long term results from bht use for herpes.

grace

Avatar universal
What does shedding really mean ? Does it actually mean skin flaking off ?

Do out breaks get more freequent as you get older ?  Does your imune system get weaker as you get older ?  Sould I expect to see more or less out breaks as I get older ? Should I expect to see an out break every time I get sick, flu cold etc ?

Is there any differance between the freequency of out breaks in "people with hsv1 oral, cold sores" vs "people with hsv2 genital"
Avatar universal
I wanted to bump up my question.  I think I have asked you too many questions.  The above question is my last one
101028 tn?1419603004
shedding means that the virus is active on the surface of the skin. It's not literal shedding of the skin.

Ob's for many folks get less frequent over time but one study showed that after 5 years of being infected 1/4 of folks had less ob's, 1/4 of folks had more and the other 50% had about the same number of ob's.  As I said, only time will tell how it will be for you.  

On average, genital hsv2 reoccurs more often than hsv1 oral infections do though some studies have shown that hsv1 orally actually sheds more often than hsv2 genitally does.

clear as mud yet? lol

keep asking questions and keep bumping them up when they get missed. this forum on average gets 100-200 posts a day so often times they get onto page 2 before they are seen.

grace
Avatar universal
Oops I thought of another question,

We both have HSV2 below the waist.  We dont have HSV1.  Can we spread our HSV2 to our mouths/lips when we have oral sex ?  Is it possible to have both HSV2 above the waist and HSV2 below the waist ?
101028 tn?1419603004
You aren't likely to contract hsv2 orally at this point. Just don't perform oral on active symptoms to err on the side of caution.

it's doubtful either of you have hsv2 above the waist.

grace
Avatar universal
hello again,
I have had unusual watery stool for the last 2 or 3 days and today i noticed it was bloody.  yesterday i sweated alot on the toilet enough to soak and my body and my shirt. the next day much better but not great or my normal.  I feel fine and im not sick.  I am the one with penile herpes.  My boy friend is the one with anal herpes,  Does this sound like I now have anal herpes too ?    I took my temperaute a few times and it was normal.  If it was a herpes out break would I have a fever or not ?  I researched some stuff,  Could it be an anal fissure ?
101028 tn?1419603004
sounds more like something non-herpes going on. you have blood in your stool so you need prompt follow up on this.

grace
Avatar universal
ok, thank you. I will make an appointment tomorrow
Avatar universal
Hi grace,
Im new to herpes so every time i dont feel perfect I think im dying.  Thats a joke and serious at the same time.  I feel like I deserve what I got because of choosing a gay life style.  Since my boy friend gave me hsv I always think he is going to give me HIV next.  I communicate this to him so he understands my fears.  I have turned into an hsv and hiv hypocondriact sorta.  So since I last wrote you I had another hiv test just for a piece of mind.  I know that im a stupid man.  Maybe one day I will wake up and date girls.  My hiv test was negative too. It turned out that I had a kidney stone.  I just finished up having all that taken care of by a urologist.  So that was the reason for the blood in the urine.  I think the blood in the stool was me just looking into everything too much.  I also started eating my fruits and veggies again so all stool situation i sperfect again. I really appriciate all your time and advice.  I'll send you a message if anything comes up or i think about a question again.
101028 tn?1419603004
You don't deserve to get anything because of who you sleep with. Why would you ever think anything like that?

Your partner doesn't have hiv. as long as neither of you have other partners, you don't have to worry about hiv.

glad you found out what was going on and are feeling better :)

grace
Avatar universal
Hello.

I have HSV1 anally. I've had three outbreaks in total. The first lasted 5 days but cleared up fine. The second was only a day long and the third was about 4 days. I use Aciclovar 5 times a day during outbreaks, as well as dabbing the area with salt water and tea bags - as apparently tannins can help to stop the pain and keep the area dry.

Is it true that transmission of HSV1 from the anus is much lower than with HSV2? My partner is HSV negative and we don't have any kind of sex when I have an outbreak. I'm worried that any kind of anal stimulation may provoke other outbreaks. I know that when I'm stressed I'm more likely to have an outbreak. But I have a history of blood spots/dabbing when I wipe my anus - it's been checked out repeatedly by doctors who don't think there's any problem. Does breaking the skin provoke a Herpes outbreak?

It's unnerving. We have a very healthy and fun sex life and this is kind of ruining it at the moment.
Avatar universal
Is the main cause of herpes accuring Male Sex. (Meaning gay sex) is it. Very popular.
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