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HSV1 outbreak decades after exposure?

married for 12 years, no other partners for 17 years, no previous outbreaks on penis.  I went to the doc when I had skin irritation on penis head and a pcr test showed hsv1.  my spouse and I hadn't had any activity for 7 months for procreative reasons and normal decrease in activity due to raising young kids.  I was uneducated on hsv and was sure there was no way I could have it but I was obviously thinking it was hsv2.  Only after asking the nurse to read the results did I find it was hsv1.  they ordered igm blood test to see if it was a "new" infection and it came back negative.  I know from reading here that there is some controversy surrounding the usefulness of igm tests but in any case, they are telling me it's not a new infection but I never had an outbreak.  The only other time I ever had a mark at all on my penis was 23 years ago and it wasn't in same spot.  it was smaller than this outbreak.  it was one red dot as opposed to 5 dots.  i'm trying to learn as much as I can before I tell my spouse.  I don't want her to think I went outside our marriage and I want to understand if this lone mark on my penis 23 years ago was in fact a hsv1 initial outbreak, then can I expect to not see this again for another few decades if at all?  any help is appreciated greatly.  I just can't wrap my brain around how this happened and feel like I let down my spouse.  
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I agree with your assessment that IgM, certainly in isolation to IgG, it is not a useful test. An IgG may have been a better bet as a negative there may be a strong indicator of a recent infection.

The most likely situation here is that your partner has an oral HSV-1 infection and has transmitted this to you during oral sex.

The dot 23 years ago, well yes that is also quite possibly herpes and a 23 year stint between genital HSV-1 outbreaks is certainly not unheard of.

Either way, there is no real reason for your partner to suspect infidelity compared to say a chlamydia finding.

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