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Has anyone on here sued your partner for giving you HSV2?
All indications seem to be pointing to my partner knowing that he had HSV2, yet he denied it and always insisted on condomless sex. Can I sue?
I dated a guy who refused to wear a condom. We both were tested in November 2010 and both of us were negative for all STD's (we verbally confirmed this to one another).
He is a veterinarian and has his PhD, and I am a professional too. We both were not considered high-risk for HSV2.
Although we were both tested, I was still adamant that I wanted him to use protection (because I was not on bc). He was equally adamant that he didn't like wearing a condom and said that there was no reason to say no to him since we both were STD negative and that he felt that he would not get me pregnant.
I bought him several different types of condoms that were like wearing nothing so that he would comply with my request for condoms. He would not wear them. I bought female condoms so that he wouldn't have to wear the condom, and would abait my concern, and he would yank them out!!
Then in late Janaury 2011, I started getting a lot of problems down there, and I kept asking him, if he'd been with anyone else or if he has any symptoms? He kept saying nobody else, no symptoms.
I kept going to the doctors and after many treatments for BV and every other non-STD related issue, then in March 2011 I got a culture done, and it came back positive for HSV2!
I had an igG test taken in November and my results were negative, no antibodies detected .27 result. I took another IgG test in March and it came back negative, no antibodies detected .54 result.
My culture however was positive! So this was definitely new because 4 mos after my blood test in November, my bloodwork was still testing negative in March. So I got it from him.
So this guy, in my view, insisted on giving me Herpes. Had he worn a condom the chances would have been significantly reduced, but he would not wear one. Had he told me that he had an exposure to someone with Herpes (which he flat out denied) then it would have been truly my decision to proceed with unprotected sex, which I obviously would not have since I was adamant about it thinking that he was STD free.
I became suspicious that he knew it already because he has yet to go get tested after I gave him the results (it's been 6 mos since I told him) that I am positive. He also has mentioned to me that he was at strippers clubs and that he knew better to have sex with a stripper without a condom ---which was a big red light --I mean why say that at all? I didn't even think that he would be stupid enough to have sex with a stripper much less unprotected.
He has been a total douche about it and even afterward, still insisted on unprotected sex.
I broke up with him but now am wondering about my legal rights. It is so unfair that I have vaginal and anal HSV2 (1st time anal sex too sigh) with a creep that insisted on spreading this to me. He said that I consented, so there is nothing that I can do.
I asked for him to get tested, get on medication, and use condoms so that he can avoid doing this to anyone else. He ignores my pleas completely.
Can I sue?
Any similar stories and there outcomes would be greatly appreciated.
I dated a guy who refused to wear a condom. We both were tested in November 2010 and both of us were negative for all STD's (we verbally confirmed this to one another).
He is a veterinarian and has his PhD, and I am a professional too. We both were not considered high-risk for HSV2.
Although we were both tested, I was still adamant that I wanted him to use protection (because I was not on bc). He was equally adamant that he didn't like wearing a condom and said that there was no reason to say no to him since we both were STD negative and that he felt that he would not get me pregnant.
I bought him several different types of condoms that were like wearing nothing so that he would comply with my request for condoms. He would not wear them. I bought female condoms so that he wouldn't have to wear the condom, and would abait my concern, and he would yank them out!!
Then in late Janaury 2011, I started getting a lot of problems down there, and I kept asking him, if he'd been with anyone else or if he has any symptoms? He kept saying nobody else, no symptoms.
I kept going to the doctors and after many treatments for BV and every other non-STD related issue, then in March 2011 I got a culture done, and it came back positive for HSV2!
I had an igG test taken in November and my results were negative, no antibodies detected .27 result. I took another IgG test in March and it came back negative, no antibodies detected .54 result.
My culture however was positive! So this was definitely new because 4 mos after my blood test in November, my bloodwork was still testing negative in March. So I got it from him.
So this guy, in my view, insisted on giving me Herpes. Had he worn a condom the chances would have been significantly reduced, but he would not wear one. Had he told me that he had an exposure to someone with Herpes (which he flat out denied) then it would have been truly my decision to proceed with unprotected sex, which I obviously would not have since I was adamant about it thinking that he was STD free.
I became suspicious that he knew it already because he has yet to go get tested after I gave him the results (it's been 6 mos since I told him) that I am positive. He also has mentioned to me that he was at strippers clubs and that he knew better to have sex with a stripper without a condom ---which was a big red light --I mean why say that at all? I didn't even think that he would be stupid enough to have sex with a stripper much less unprotected.
He has been a total douche about it and even afterward, still insisted on unprotected sex.
I broke up with him but now am wondering about my legal rights. It is so unfair that I have vaginal and anal HSV2 (1st time anal sex too sigh) with a creep that insisted on spreading this to me. He said that I consented, so there is nothing that I can do.
I asked for him to get tested, get on medication, and use condoms so that he can avoid doing this to anyone else. He ignores my pleas completely.
Can I sue?
Any similar stories and there outcomes would be greatly appreciated.
I'm in Canada and i was dating this loser who insisted to take the condom off and of course I asked him if he gets tested and all that he said yes and that he was clean. 20 days later I complained of soreness and later develop sores got tested and was positive for hsv2. I have 2 kids which means o was tested 2 different times for hsv and was negative mind you I was with the kids father for 9 years. This new guy was the first guy I slept with after my long relationship so it's very clear who I got it from.. now he is back with his x girlfriend having unprotected sex with her. I even told her that he has herpies and see is still with him which leads me to believe that she must have it too...
I got told by a lawyer that these cases have one year only that you can do this kind of legal process. I live outside U.S. so it must be different but still, it is worth it.
I am suing my ex fiance. I found out I had HERPES in the emergency room thinking I had a bad UTI.
He admitted knowing he had it for years but no-one ever complained about getting infected.
I'm constantly breaking out and feel I can't date. It has caused severe depression.
He admitted knowing he had it for years but no-one ever complained about getting infected.
I'm constantly breaking out and feel I can't date. It has caused severe depression.
I have genital herpes which I believe came from my ex husband, I am going to sue him as he was with Thai prostitutes during our marriage..I found this out 6 months before I asked him to leave. Has anyone sue their ex husband?
It was reported in the tabloids that Michael Vick settled for $50,000. Another court recently awarded a woman $900,000 in Oregon because her partner denied having any STDs before having sex. No one should ever have sexual relations with a partner who refuses to use a condom-- they deserve to be respected.
I was with a guy (not using "man" intentionally) for 4 years. We met in July 2008. Became intimate in December of the same year after having numberous conversations about being clean, using protection, and sexual exclusiveness. He wore condoms but it is my belief that the condoms were old/expired, as they broke easily - that is unbenounced to me. The first time I knew we'd had unprotected sex was when a saw a condom floating in the toilet the day after intercourse with him.
He called me in Jan 2009 to say that the women he was ending a relationship with, called him to say that she had herpes - contracted from another man she was sleeping with. I was tested and I now have herpes. He swore up and down that he would never leave me. We stayed in the relationship until recently. While snooping around at his house I ran across a Valtrex prescription bottle from 5/08 - we met in 7/08. I was pissed but what could i do at that point, other than start an agruemnet about it? So, I said nothing about seeing the pill bottle for about a year and a half - besides, that knowledge did not change the facts and we were working on a relationship at the time.
Fast forward to today, we are no longer together because in addition to herpes, he has quite a few other issues that i dont care to deal with. The breakup has been ugly. Based on the Valtrex from 5/08; which i took a picture of, and us meeting two months later. I am going to persue legal action against him and based on my research monetary damages may be the only option. I refuse to let this guy get away with purposely infecting me and lying about never leaving. He didnt work as hard on the relationship as he should have but I'm willing to put however much work is required to hold him accountable.
He called me in Jan 2009 to say that the women he was ending a relationship with, called him to say that she had herpes - contracted from another man she was sleeping with. I was tested and I now have herpes. He swore up and down that he would never leave me. We stayed in the relationship until recently. While snooping around at his house I ran across a Valtrex prescription bottle from 5/08 - we met in 7/08. I was pissed but what could i do at that point, other than start an agruemnet about it? So, I said nothing about seeing the pill bottle for about a year and a half - besides, that knowledge did not change the facts and we were working on a relationship at the time.
Fast forward to today, we are no longer together because in addition to herpes, he has quite a few other issues that i dont care to deal with. The breakup has been ugly. Based on the Valtrex from 5/08; which i took a picture of, and us meeting two months later. I am going to persue legal action against him and based on my research monetary damages may be the only option. I refuse to let this guy get away with purposely infecting me and lying about never leaving. He didnt work as hard on the relationship as he should have but I'm willing to put however much work is required to hold him accountable.
I am sueing my X fiancee. We were together for 5 years. He told me he had herpes for over 20 years. He said he was on supression medicine and was not contagious.He told me that he had not had a breakout in years. He has quite a few breakouts that was an out and out lie.
He said that he had lived with a woman for 7 years and had unprotected sex and she never caught the virus. He lied to me, after I became ill he became abusive. I have been really ill since I caught the virus over four years ago. In the beginniing the doctor was treating me for UTI's and it was herpes and not a UTI.
The Police took my case it is considered sexul battery. I am also sueing him in a civil suit as well. I lost my health insurance and all of my medical is coming out of my shallow pockets.
I am depressed we broke up eight months ago. I have trouble dealing with the reality of what he did to me. I can not imagine having to tell a future boy friend what my X finacee did to me on purpose.
He said that he had lived with a woman for 7 years and had unprotected sex and she never caught the virus. He lied to me, after I became ill he became abusive. I have been really ill since I caught the virus over four years ago. In the beginniing the doctor was treating me for UTI's and it was herpes and not a UTI.
The Police took my case it is considered sexul battery. I am also sueing him in a civil suit as well. I lost my health insurance and all of my medical is coming out of my shallow pockets.
I am depressed we broke up eight months ago. I have trouble dealing with the reality of what he did to me. I can not imagine having to tell a future boy friend what my X finacee did to me on purpose.
No no, not at all.
It is more of a revelation of what occured then anything else. Like looking at things in retrospect. The things said and done are just more magnified now if that makes sense.
I had no reason to believe that he had an STD, he stated he did not, he states his tests said he did not, and he said that he didn't do anything that would result in him having one, so since that did not prove to be the case, looking back at all of the things that he did are even that much more upsetting.
I am not on trial here or trying to convince anyone one way or the other, I was just looking for someone who HAS sued someone for giving them an STD, so I can find out their story and the outcome.
That was my questions intention.
It is more of a revelation of what occured then anything else. Like looking at things in retrospect. The things said and done are just more magnified now if that makes sense.
I had no reason to believe that he had an STD, he stated he did not, he states his tests said he did not, and he said that he didn't do anything that would result in him having one, so since that did not prove to be the case, looking back at all of the things that he did are even that much more upsetting.
I am not on trial here or trying to convince anyone one way or the other, I was just looking for someone who HAS sued someone for giving them an STD, so I can find out their story and the outcome.
That was my questions intention.
Thank you.
I just know that he hasn't gone to get re-tested. Says there's no need since if I have it, he must have it, and since he doesn't have any symptoms, there is nothing pushing him to go now.
So I won't know unless it is court ordered I guess.
I just know that he hasn't gone to get re-tested. Says there's no need since if I have it, he must have it, and since he doesn't have any symptoms, there is nothing pushing him to go now.
So I won't know unless it is court ordered I guess.
1 Comments
Did you ever sue him? What were the results? Please update us since so many people have the same question!
I can't help but agree with petal and jess. Even the way you have talked about some of the incidents, like - "I had been given a lot of wine..." makes it sound like you are completely disregarding any part or responsiblity your decisions played in the whole situation. you may have been given wine but you didn't need to drink it. as everyone has said - not a judgement, we've all been there - but maybe focusing your energy on taking him to court is focusing energy on the wrong issue. i mean honestly- he "yanked" a female condom out of you?? any guy who "yanked" anything on or out of me would have been shown the door, the road and the way home that night and never heard from me again... you deserve better than that.
Sorry I lost you at the end about the strip clubs issue. You posted that he had mentioned that he had gone to strip clubs. I was not clear on the circumstances of that conversation with him since you had said in one of your later posts, "I think he had unprotected sex with a sex worker either at a strip club or a massage parlor." That just sounded as if maybe you weren't really certain which one he had gone to or if he had even gone to one and it may be a presumption or suspicion, at least from that wording.
You mention that he verbally confirmed that he was going to strip clubs as well as confirmed it in an email. I'm just wondering, had you questioned him about the strip clubs and the possibility that he may have caught herpes from having unprotected sex with a stripper (or someone at a massage parlor), that it would even be brought up in the course of the conversation to begin with and that he then stated that he would not have had sex unprotected with a stripper? Seems he would not have just offered up all that information out of the blue that he was going to strip clubs...or a massage parlor.
Either way, bottom line is, it still needs to be confirmed on record that he has HSV2 for your purposes of bringing a law suit at this point, much less whether he had unprotected sex with a stripper or not...which may or may not be true in itself if that's his claim. Once you've confirmed his HSV2 status then you'll have more of a basis to move forward.
You mention that he verbally confirmed that he was going to strip clubs as well as confirmed it in an email. I'm just wondering, had you questioned him about the strip clubs and the possibility that he may have caught herpes from having unprotected sex with a stripper (or someone at a massage parlor), that it would even be brought up in the course of the conversation to begin with and that he then stated that he would not have had sex unprotected with a stripper? Seems he would not have just offered up all that information out of the blue that he was going to strip clubs...or a massage parlor.
Either way, bottom line is, it still needs to be confirmed on record that he has HSV2 for your purposes of bringing a law suit at this point, much less whether he had unprotected sex with a stripper or not...which may or may not be true in itself if that's his claim. Once you've confirmed his HSV2 status then you'll have more of a basis to move forward.
Anal herpes is genital herpes, they are not two types.
I agree with Jess - you made choices by your own free will here; you could have walked away. He did not force you to do anything. You could have insisted on condoms; you could have insisted on current (visible) testing from him, and you chose to still have sex with him. You could have said no to the drinking. You chose to still have sex with him knowing he was having sex with others. None of these are judgments, they are merely observations of the choices you truly had. In every instance, you could have said NO and walked away.
It's unfortunate that you now have herpes. Ultimately we all have to be accountable for our own actions. We've probably all made choices we regret in relationships, but they are our own personal choices that we have to work through and move on and perhaps heal from, instead of blaming others and not taking accountability of our own. Consider working with a counselor in moving forward - a much more positive outcome could come your way.
I agree with Jess - you made choices by your own free will here; you could have walked away. He did not force you to do anything. You could have insisted on condoms; you could have insisted on current (visible) testing from him, and you chose to still have sex with him. You could have said no to the drinking. You chose to still have sex with him knowing he was having sex with others. None of these are judgments, they are merely observations of the choices you truly had. In every instance, you could have said NO and walked away.
It's unfortunate that you now have herpes. Ultimately we all have to be accountable for our own actions. We've probably all made choices we regret in relationships, but they are our own personal choices that we have to work through and move on and perhaps heal from, instead of blaming others and not taking accountability of our own. Consider working with a counselor in moving forward - a much more positive outcome could come your way.
Wow! That is some difference.
That is good to know.
I will discuss it with my provider.
I do have insurance ( I just mentioned the price because had I not had insurance or if I lose it, it would be very exensive), but $10 is even lower than my current copay, so anything to minimize my damages is welcomed.
That is good to know.
I will discuss it with my provider.
I do have insurance ( I just mentioned the price because had I not had insurance or if I lose it, it would be very exensive), but $10 is even lower than my current copay, so anything to minimize my damages is welcomed.
Jess,
Your response is irrefutable about the giving my power away :( I have had issues with that in the past, and apparently it is still a problem that this time has really bitten me in the butt (literally). I am a strong gal, but I am also accommodating and caring to a fault.
Regarding my consent: I consented to having condomless sex with an STD free guy who was having an exclusive relationship with only me. Since I was STD free, then getting an STD was never in the picture, or it shouldn't have been. It was not even a thought at anytime, especially not a life-long one. Nope, no way. I did not consent to this.
Why I dated him: All of my friends were in serious relationships and it was the winter time, so I knew from past experience that they all were going to go into hibernation lol. I get sad during that time because I do not like being alone for that long of a stint of time (just company, not even sex related), so I was looking to avoid being alone--I didn't want to be sad/lonely.
He was sad from a previous breakup and didn't want to be alone for the winter either. I chose him because he was sad from a heartbreak and lonely, seemed harmless (his appearance is non-threatening), was in a small town with not much going on so I could feel for him being bored, he recently lost his license so was stuck and without many options ( I didn't like this part, but again felt bad for him and could see this as being a real downer for him too), must have loved animals since he was a veterinarian and I love animals, was educated and seemingly intelligent, had a very comfy home that reminded me of my youth, and was fairly fun to hang out with.
Why I stayed with him: Although I did care for him, we knew that we did not want to be with eachother long term at all, especially with our outright battles over the condom issue---it was almost exclusively what we argued about (I'd break up, he'd contact me to come over, say he'd wear a condom or say that we weren't going to have sex, and I'd go for it again and again). However once I got diagnosed with Herpes, my self-esteem took a huge huge blow (maybe I should say an additional blow idk) and I was completely feeling like it's all over for me now "that's it, I'm done, no one is going to want me, so I guess I have to stay in this relationship", but after I got Herpes (well diagnosed with it), his treatment got much worse and after all of the time that we had been together (was 5 mos by then), I was thinking I have to leave this situation entirely because I just didn't feel good about myself.
I opened up to a guy that I know is non-judgmental, and he gave me the much needed boost that I needed to cut this guy completely.
I have talked briefly about this to an old therapist that I used to see, and I am going to go back to her to help with my healing.
I have gotten back out there and am dating again (with no intimacy) and am scared to death of the prospects of the "moment of truth" when and if that time comes.
I am much more aware of the social stigmatism of Herpes, the jokes on movies, TV, and by my friends (I haven't told any of them) sting! I've had a fair share of people say (not knowing that I have it) that they would not date a person with Herpes some not even w HSV1 (the good herpes as they call it), and definitely not someone with genital herpes.
I do feel more positive about it, but am at the point of being very angry with him because it is like he couldn't have done anymore than he did to give it to me. Like seriously, there is nothing else he could have done to make sure that I got it more than he has done.
Your response is irrefutable about the giving my power away :( I have had issues with that in the past, and apparently it is still a problem that this time has really bitten me in the butt (literally). I am a strong gal, but I am also accommodating and caring to a fault.
Regarding my consent: I consented to having condomless sex with an STD free guy who was having an exclusive relationship with only me. Since I was STD free, then getting an STD was never in the picture, or it shouldn't have been. It was not even a thought at anytime, especially not a life-long one. Nope, no way. I did not consent to this.
Why I dated him: All of my friends were in serious relationships and it was the winter time, so I knew from past experience that they all were going to go into hibernation lol. I get sad during that time because I do not like being alone for that long of a stint of time (just company, not even sex related), so I was looking to avoid being alone--I didn't want to be sad/lonely.
He was sad from a previous breakup and didn't want to be alone for the winter either. I chose him because he was sad from a heartbreak and lonely, seemed harmless (his appearance is non-threatening), was in a small town with not much going on so I could feel for him being bored, he recently lost his license so was stuck and without many options ( I didn't like this part, but again felt bad for him and could see this as being a real downer for him too), must have loved animals since he was a veterinarian and I love animals, was educated and seemingly intelligent, had a very comfy home that reminded me of my youth, and was fairly fun to hang out with.
Why I stayed with him: Although I did care for him, we knew that we did not want to be with eachother long term at all, especially with our outright battles over the condom issue---it was almost exclusively what we argued about (I'd break up, he'd contact me to come over, say he'd wear a condom or say that we weren't going to have sex, and I'd go for it again and again). However once I got diagnosed with Herpes, my self-esteem took a huge huge blow (maybe I should say an additional blow idk) and I was completely feeling like it's all over for me now "that's it, I'm done, no one is going to want me, so I guess I have to stay in this relationship", but after I got Herpes (well diagnosed with it), his treatment got much worse and after all of the time that we had been together (was 5 mos by then), I was thinking I have to leave this situation entirely because I just didn't feel good about myself.
I opened up to a guy that I know is non-judgmental, and he gave me the much needed boost that I needed to cut this guy completely.
I have talked briefly about this to an old therapist that I used to see, and I am going to go back to her to help with my healing.
I have gotten back out there and am dating again (with no intimacy) and am scared to death of the prospects of the "moment of truth" when and if that time comes.
I am much more aware of the social stigmatism of Herpes, the jokes on movies, TV, and by my friends (I haven't told any of them) sting! I've had a fair share of people say (not knowing that I have it) that they would not date a person with Herpes some not even w HSV1 (the good herpes as they call it), and definitely not someone with genital herpes.
I do feel more positive about it, but am at the point of being very angry with him because it is like he couldn't have done anymore than he did to give it to me. Like seriously, there is nothing else he could have done to make sure that I got it more than he has done.
Thank you so much for your thoughts, you just lost me at the end so I need to just confirm what you're saying.
I just have texts from him saying that he is going to strip clubs and his verbal confirmation (which I did text his statement back to him about this and he did not deny it) that he "knows who to have unprotected sex with and that he would not have unprotected sex with stripper". I might be able to find more out, like who he goes to see etc.
He said that he was tested for Herpes, I do not know if it was an IgG bloodtest like mine was because it was when I wanted to go to the doctor that gave him the test to see that it saiid clean for HSV1 and HSV2 that he said that it would show that he had herpes because he has HSV1. He told me that after I was diagnosed with HSV2 :-/
I think I am starting to see your point with the my word against his word, but if it were March that I got tested and it was still no anti-bodies than it is proof that mine was a new occurence and he was my exclusive partner after January 1, 2011. Additionally, even if he wanted to say that I was the culprit, I never wanted unprotected sex, and I would have proof that I did all that I could to protect him by purchasing condoms for him and by buying and wearing female condoms for me.
He however did not do the same for me.
Additionally, and even more upsetting for me is that hegave me vaginal and anal herpes, it was my first time doing anal sex. That is when it all happened. I had been given a lot of wine, went into the hot tub, was definitely feeling the effects (as he later told me that the hot-tub dehydrates you causing a heightened effect of the wine), and then we did 1st time anal. I had symptoms after that which prompted me to go for help. After weeks of medications without symptom let up, I tested a sore, and it came back positive. So I am infected in both areas.
I think he's a monster!! I think that if he is not at least forced to get tested, then he is going to do the same to other people. He has no feelings about anythng or anyone but himself and his monetary things. Which is why suing him for his monetary things would actually hit home with him.
I went from having nothng at all to having double herpes. He doesn't want me to talk about it at all and he doesn't want to hear a thing. His response is "it's just an outbreak, take meds, it'll go away".
I just have texts from him saying that he is going to strip clubs and his verbal confirmation (which I did text his statement back to him about this and he did not deny it) that he "knows who to have unprotected sex with and that he would not have unprotected sex with stripper". I might be able to find more out, like who he goes to see etc.
He said that he was tested for Herpes, I do not know if it was an IgG bloodtest like mine was because it was when I wanted to go to the doctor that gave him the test to see that it saiid clean for HSV1 and HSV2 that he said that it would show that he had herpes because he has HSV1. He told me that after I was diagnosed with HSV2 :-/
I think I am starting to see your point with the my word against his word, but if it were March that I got tested and it was still no anti-bodies than it is proof that mine was a new occurence and he was my exclusive partner after January 1, 2011. Additionally, even if he wanted to say that I was the culprit, I never wanted unprotected sex, and I would have proof that I did all that I could to protect him by purchasing condoms for him and by buying and wearing female condoms for me.
He however did not do the same for me.
Additionally, and even more upsetting for me is that hegave me vaginal and anal herpes, it was my first time doing anal sex. That is when it all happened. I had been given a lot of wine, went into the hot tub, was definitely feeling the effects (as he later told me that the hot-tub dehydrates you causing a heightened effect of the wine), and then we did 1st time anal. I had symptoms after that which prompted me to go for help. After weeks of medications without symptom let up, I tested a sore, and it came back positive. So I am infected in both areas.
I think he's a monster!! I think that if he is not at least forced to get tested, then he is going to do the same to other people. He has no feelings about anythng or anyone but himself and his monetary things. Which is why suing him for his monetary things would actually hit home with him.
I went from having nothng at all to having double herpes. He doesn't want me to talk about it at all and he doesn't want to hear a thing. His response is "it's just an outbreak, take meds, it'll go away".
you need a prescription from your provider for it. walmart and similar places all have it for that price.
I don't have insurance. How can you get acyclovir for $10 a month. Do I just order it online? I would definitely be interested in getting some. Thank you.
valtrex and acyclovir work to suppress the virus pretty much the exact same - you just take acyclovir more often ( 2x/day vs 1x/day ). For the price difference, it's not worth it! You can get acyclovir for $10/month in the US even without insurance.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there -
I read through this and feel for you, I really do. I've been in this kind of life-draining relationship, and it's awful.
Suing someone for an STD is tricky. You have to prove, via medical results usually, that he knew he had it. With herpes, it's even harder, since it's not usually included in regular STD testing.
I'm concerned for you. You stated that you wanted to use condoms as birth control, but he refused. He even "yanked" out a female condom. You suspect he had sex with a stripper (which seems reasonable since he mentioned condoms with a stripper). He "insisted" on condomless sex.
Yet you kept having sex with him, continued to have a relationship with him. This will absolutely be brought up in a law suit. By continuing to have sex with him without a condom, you were implicitly stating, "Condomless sex is ok with me."
Whatever you decide to do, I hope you consider getting some therapy to help you find peace with this, and to figure out why you stayed with a guy like this. (I am not judging you for this, trust me. I've been there.)
I'm not saying he didn't give you herpes intentionally, or maybe he was trying to get you pregnant for some reason. Really - only he knows the truth about that. I am saying that you gave your power over your body to him, and that's something that may need more attention than finding some sort of vindication or retribution.
Jess
I read through this and feel for you, I really do. I've been in this kind of life-draining relationship, and it's awful.
Suing someone for an STD is tricky. You have to prove, via medical results usually, that he knew he had it. With herpes, it's even harder, since it's not usually included in regular STD testing.
I'm concerned for you. You stated that you wanted to use condoms as birth control, but he refused. He even "yanked" out a female condom. You suspect he had sex with a stripper (which seems reasonable since he mentioned condoms with a stripper). He "insisted" on condomless sex.
Yet you kept having sex with him, continued to have a relationship with him. This will absolutely be brought up in a law suit. By continuing to have sex with him without a condom, you were implicitly stating, "Condomless sex is ok with me."
Whatever you decide to do, I hope you consider getting some therapy to help you find peace with this, and to figure out why you stayed with a guy like this. (I am not judging you for this, trust me. I've been there.)
I'm not saying he didn't give you herpes intentionally, or maybe he was trying to get you pregnant for some reason. Really - only he knows the truth about that. I am saying that you gave your power over your body to him, and that's something that may need more attention than finding some sort of vindication or retribution.
Jess
I can sure understand your feelings. And am very sorry for what has happened to you. In regards to your feelings about him getting all "pissy" and refusing to wear condoms, I understand. When I first started dating a girl years ago and suggested we wear condoms during sex, she got downright offended by it. She said, "I'm not dirty"! And 'she' yanked the condom of me. I subsequently aborted our lovemaking session at that moment. Later we did eventually have one time of unprotected sex. But we didn't date for long anyway due to her difficult attitude about a lot of other things between us besides that. Just wasn't a good matchup to begin with. Anyway, it is amazing how outwardly people pay so much lip service to being careful and practicing safe sex, but when it comes down to it in the bedroom, people either get lazy or feel it doesn't have to apply to them. We as human beings can be so hypocritical in regards to what we say and do as a society vs what we actually put into practice in private.
I wish you luck in getting some kind of peace of mind in your situation, whether you pursue a lawsuit of whatever. You indicated that he told you he had HSV1 after you were diagnosed with HSV2. He still hasn't been tested for HSV2 and so far refuses to. Since it is established that you have HSV2, I think first thing you obviously will need in order to pursue your case is some sort of confirmation that he has HSV2 also. Presuming that he does based on his responses & reactions to your disclosure to him that you have HSV2 is obviously not going to help you much even if you feel he indeed does because there's no where else you would have gotten it from. I'm also not sure there would be anyway to force him to be tested but that will be one thing you'll have to discuss with your lawyer.
Also, you mentioned in one of your earlier posts that you both were tested before you became partners and that early in your relationship you both verbally confirmed to each other you were STD free. You mentioned that "I had no antibodies for (.27) in November when I got a full panel of testing done, and again in March, 4 mos later, I still didn't have antibodies (.57).
Both IgG tests. So it was a new occurence. "
Do you know that he didn't also test for Herpes antibodies at that time you were both tested. He claimed he was clean as well if I understand correctly. He may have actually been clean at that time. But you also say that you think he had unprotected sex with a sex worker either at a strip club or a massage parlor and that is how he got it. Assuming that was after you both had been tested before, you still would obviously have to have a solid basis for saying he did that and be able to prove it. Fact is, if you were be able to get him to confirm that he also has HSV2, he could just as easily try to say he contracted it from you. I'm not saying that is true. But it's his word against yours.
Just giving you some more food for thought. Again, your lawyer will be the ultimate advisor on your options.
I wish you luck in getting some kind of peace of mind in your situation, whether you pursue a lawsuit of whatever. You indicated that he told you he had HSV1 after you were diagnosed with HSV2. He still hasn't been tested for HSV2 and so far refuses to. Since it is established that you have HSV2, I think first thing you obviously will need in order to pursue your case is some sort of confirmation that he has HSV2 also. Presuming that he does based on his responses & reactions to your disclosure to him that you have HSV2 is obviously not going to help you much even if you feel he indeed does because there's no where else you would have gotten it from. I'm also not sure there would be anyway to force him to be tested but that will be one thing you'll have to discuss with your lawyer.
Also, you mentioned in one of your earlier posts that you both were tested before you became partners and that early in your relationship you both verbally confirmed to each other you were STD free. You mentioned that "I had no antibodies for (.27) in November when I got a full panel of testing done, and again in March, 4 mos later, I still didn't have antibodies (.57).
Both IgG tests. So it was a new occurence. "
Do you know that he didn't also test for Herpes antibodies at that time you were both tested. He claimed he was clean as well if I understand correctly. He may have actually been clean at that time. But you also say that you think he had unprotected sex with a sex worker either at a strip club or a massage parlor and that is how he got it. Assuming that was after you both had been tested before, you still would obviously have to have a solid basis for saying he did that and be able to prove it. Fact is, if you were be able to get him to confirm that he also has HSV2, he could just as easily try to say he contracted it from you. I'm not saying that is true. But it's his word against yours.
Just giving you some more food for thought. Again, your lawyer will be the ultimate advisor on your options.
Thanks everyone so much for your replies!
He and I both "just so happened" to have recent tests, we got them in November before he and I were partners, but since they were so recent, and since I hadn't been with anyone else since having been tested, and he claimed the same, then he said "there is no reason for us not to have unprotected sex". He fell back on the clean test results often (altho he did have HSV1 which he didn't tell me until after I was diagnosed with HSV2). I would still argue it and although the test results did weaken my "argument", I would still try to make him wear one, not for fear of an STD because we had promised exclusivity, but because of unwanted pregnancies. That is the only reason that I still pushed for the condom. I had no idea that Herpes could be a possibility. I mean NO idea. I participated in having unprotected sex with him under the premise that he, like me, was disease free and not having sex with anyone else like we promised each other. I had no idea that I was at a risk for anything other than getting pregnant, which is the sole reason I pushed for condoms. I remain in complete disbelief that this guy would be so adamant about not wearing them and get all pissy about it, state that I was being silly, use the STD test resuls as leverage, and say that I was making a big deal out of nothing and was paranoid, only for him to give me a lifelong disease that, even if it doesn't kill me, has had profound emotional and physical effects. While I am sitting here typing I am in the middle of an outbreak while on daily suppressive therapy and no partner!
Also, a lot of what I did that I would never typically do was done after drinking. He was always trying to get me drunk. He'd give me tons of wine to drink (which again he'd get all pissy if I didn't drink, I never exceeded 2-3 glasses ever) but then we'd take a soak in his outdoor hot tub (every time), which I later realized seemed to heighten the effect of the alcohol to which he stated that it does and that that was the point of it. Once I knew that is what he was doing, I stopped drinking wine and would just have water, but by that time it was too late, I was already infected by then.
Between him getting me drunk and his outright refusal to wear a condom (even yanking out the female condoms that I would wear) leaves me feeling there was foul play. He was not surprised at all when I told him the news and he has yet to get checked out! Why? That's indicative of some knowledge right there. It is not a normal reaction to be like, "I don't want to wear one (condom) and there is nothing left for us to worry about anymore", "its not like there's anything else we could get so why need a condom...makes no sense" (these are direct quotes from texts that he sent me that I still have on my phone). That is not a normal reaction or response to finding out that your partner was just diagnosed with HSV2.
I think he had unprotected sex with a sex worker either at a strip club or a massage parlor. That is how he got it and yet he was still insistent (I mean pissy throw a fit insistent) on having unprotected sex with me.
So I will check into it and see because I am a person who would never ever do anything like this to anyone, and if god forbid I was him and I had done this, I would have sincerely apologized, gotten tested, went on therapy too, and stopped insisting that I still go without a condom. I also would have helped with the medical expenses involved including the medication---or at least I would have offered.
All of those things soften an already hard blow on the innocent person.
This guy however has done none of the above. He was dismissive, mean, and still insistent on not wearing a condom.
Grace my OBGYN says that Valtrex is the best (he was pretty clear on that) and since I tolerate it quite well with no notable side effects, I am hesitant to make a change, but I will definitely keep that in mind. Thank you. Additionally, I tend to feel like there is always something that you can do. I, at the very least, have proof of his malicious and wanton negligence, failure to disclose that he participated in risky sexual activity, and failure to protect me from the outcomes of his risky behavior (those just popped up in my mind, I know that there are more). I do think that he knew, so I'd pursue that as well. I have tons of texts of him saying that he only wants to have unprotected sex, that he hasn't had sex with anyone else (uh then where did I all of the sudden get Herpes from when I can prove that it is a first occurrence), and that he has yet to get tested. I do hope to get some form of peace and closure if I am successful in my pursuit of a lawsuit.
Thanks again!
He and I both "just so happened" to have recent tests, we got them in November before he and I were partners, but since they were so recent, and since I hadn't been with anyone else since having been tested, and he claimed the same, then he said "there is no reason for us not to have unprotected sex". He fell back on the clean test results often (altho he did have HSV1 which he didn't tell me until after I was diagnosed with HSV2). I would still argue it and although the test results did weaken my "argument", I would still try to make him wear one, not for fear of an STD because we had promised exclusivity, but because of unwanted pregnancies. That is the only reason that I still pushed for the condom. I had no idea that Herpes could be a possibility. I mean NO idea. I participated in having unprotected sex with him under the premise that he, like me, was disease free and not having sex with anyone else like we promised each other. I had no idea that I was at a risk for anything other than getting pregnant, which is the sole reason I pushed for condoms. I remain in complete disbelief that this guy would be so adamant about not wearing them and get all pissy about it, state that I was being silly, use the STD test resuls as leverage, and say that I was making a big deal out of nothing and was paranoid, only for him to give me a lifelong disease that, even if it doesn't kill me, has had profound emotional and physical effects. While I am sitting here typing I am in the middle of an outbreak while on daily suppressive therapy and no partner!
Also, a lot of what I did that I would never typically do was done after drinking. He was always trying to get me drunk. He'd give me tons of wine to drink (which again he'd get all pissy if I didn't drink, I never exceeded 2-3 glasses ever) but then we'd take a soak in his outdoor hot tub (every time), which I later realized seemed to heighten the effect of the alcohol to which he stated that it does and that that was the point of it. Once I knew that is what he was doing, I stopped drinking wine and would just have water, but by that time it was too late, I was already infected by then.
Between him getting me drunk and his outright refusal to wear a condom (even yanking out the female condoms that I would wear) leaves me feeling there was foul play. He was not surprised at all when I told him the news and he has yet to get checked out! Why? That's indicative of some knowledge right there. It is not a normal reaction to be like, "I don't want to wear one (condom) and there is nothing left for us to worry about anymore", "its not like there's anything else we could get so why need a condom...makes no sense" (these are direct quotes from texts that he sent me that I still have on my phone). That is not a normal reaction or response to finding out that your partner was just diagnosed with HSV2.
I think he had unprotected sex with a sex worker either at a strip club or a massage parlor. That is how he got it and yet he was still insistent (I mean pissy throw a fit insistent) on having unprotected sex with me.
So I will check into it and see because I am a person who would never ever do anything like this to anyone, and if god forbid I was him and I had done this, I would have sincerely apologized, gotten tested, went on therapy too, and stopped insisting that I still go without a condom. I also would have helped with the medical expenses involved including the medication---or at least I would have offered.
All of those things soften an already hard blow on the innocent person.
This guy however has done none of the above. He was dismissive, mean, and still insistent on not wearing a condom.
Grace my OBGYN says that Valtrex is the best (he was pretty clear on that) and since I tolerate it quite well with no notable side effects, I am hesitant to make a change, but I will definitely keep that in mind. Thank you. Additionally, I tend to feel like there is always something that you can do. I, at the very least, have proof of his malicious and wanton negligence, failure to disclose that he participated in risky sexual activity, and failure to protect me from the outcomes of his risky behavior (those just popped up in my mind, I know that there are more). I do think that he knew, so I'd pursue that as well. I have tons of texts of him saying that he only wants to have unprotected sex, that he hasn't had sex with anyone else (uh then where did I all of the sudden get Herpes from when I can prove that it is a first occurrence), and that he has yet to get tested. I do hope to get some form of peace and closure if I am successful in my pursuit of a lawsuit.
Thanks again!
you'd have to prove that he knew he had herpes prior to your relationship. If he didn't know, nothing you can do.
You can sue but it's not easy which is why I recommended talking to a professional about it. I think it's worthwhile hearing how much it will cost, what it means about details about your life that will come out and someone realistically asking you what it will change if you do successfully win your case. A good personal injury lawyer will spell that all out for you and not just paint a rosy picture about how you can make the other person "pay" for their behavior.
grace
You can sue but it's not easy which is why I recommended talking to a professional about it. I think it's worthwhile hearing how much it will cost, what it means about details about your life that will come out and someone realistically asking you what it will change if you do successfully win your case. A good personal injury lawyer will spell that all out for you and not just paint a rosy picture about how you can make the other person "pay" for their behavior.
grace
Can certainly understand your anger.
The only other problem I could possibly imagine that you might have in your argument, (and I'm not a lawyer so keep in mind that I'm not speaking as any kind of authority on the matter) would be, that if you were obviously concerned to the point that you requested that he use condoms but he continuously refused, then his defense might would be to question why you went ahead and allowed him to sex with you anyway? And also the fact that on several more occasions, you allowed him to have sex with you even after repeatedly being refused your request to use a condom. Taking into consideration you both were having a relationship with each other, that might bring up the question of you choosing to go ahead and have consensual sex instead of refusing him or not seeing him anymore because of your obvious concerns when he refused to wear the condoms you provided.
Just a thought.
Like you say though, it ultimately would come down to what a lawyer thought your chances were. Only they can advise you on that. Good luck .
The only other problem I could possibly imagine that you might have in your argument, (and I'm not a lawyer so keep in mind that I'm not speaking as any kind of authority on the matter) would be, that if you were obviously concerned to the point that you requested that he use condoms but he continuously refused, then his defense might would be to question why you went ahead and allowed him to sex with you anyway? And also the fact that on several more occasions, you allowed him to have sex with you even after repeatedly being refused your request to use a condom. Taking into consideration you both were having a relationship with each other, that might bring up the question of you choosing to go ahead and have consensual sex instead of refusing him or not seeing him anymore because of your obvious concerns when he refused to wear the condoms you provided.
Just a thought.
Like you say though, it ultimately would come down to what a lawyer thought your chances were. Only they can advise you on that. Good luck .
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You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
I did some googling and found one site that said, "since the number of cases of sexually transmitted diseases has grown, more and more people are filing civil lawsuits against their partners. Unfortunately for most of these plaintiffs, a lawsuit over sexually transmitted diseases can be extremely hard to litigate, very expensive to pursue, and of little remedy. It can be impossible to prove which partner transmitted the disease, since many STDs have no symptoms, it can be difficult to show negligence. "
It also stated that most lawsuits over sexually transmitted diseases fall under tort law. Basically, "a tort occurs when one person's careless or intentional act causes an injury to another or the property of another. If a tort has occurred, the person committing the act may be held liable for money damages. A New York court, in the early nineties, held that wrongful transmission of "a sexually transmitted disease is a legitimate basis for a lawsuit demanding compensation" from those responsible."
I also found an example mentioned where Michael Vick, the NFL quarterback was recently sued by a Georgia woman named Sonya Elliot for giving her Herpes. At first he denied it but then eventually apologized to her. The case was settled out of court and no monetary damages were disclosed publicly.
As Grace said, you basically would have to get a lawyer to really find out what you could possibly do in a case like you describe.