Herpes Community
27.5k Members
Avatar universal

Herpes or just UTI?

I have the cold sore virus hsv-1, as determined by IgG blood tests, which I acquired as a young boy. I found out about a year ago when I had the first outbreak on my mouth I could ever remember, and got tested. The doctors told me that I didn't need to tell partners as it was so common (60-90% of adults), just not to contact someone when I felt a sore coming on or had an active cold sore. Both doctors, a sexual health doctor at the clinic and my primary care physician, said the same thing. I didn't date for a long time as I felt dirty and ashamed (even though I know cold sores are no big deal to most), but several months ago met an amazing girl whom I've been intimate with. I didn't tell her about my hsv-1 on the doctors advice. Last weekend, I went down on her for the first time Saturday late night, and we had sex several times over the night and next day. On Monday she began having symptoms of a Urinary Tract Infection, UTI, such as lower abdominal pain, frequent urination, constant feeling of the need to go, and painful urination. She began taking something for it on Tuesday. Today is Thursday and she said that she is beginning to feel a bit better finally. I researched UTIs and found that they can resemble herpes symptoms, and that I can in fact spread hsv-1 without any symptoms. I am horrified. My question is does this sound like a genital hsv-1 infection, or simply a UTI? I am distraught with guilt and shame, and am really hoping that I haven't infected her.
4 Responses
3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi, if you did not have any lip sores the risk you passed it with oral sex is close to zero as shedding doenot occur that often. Those most at risk are in long term mono relationships where one partner is infected. You fall into a very low risk group.
What did you read where UTI can resemble herpes symptoms? First time herpes symptoms start off with a sore that opens and spreads the virus to the sourronding area in a cluster type grouping and then flu like symptoms can develope. I dont see the connection to a UTI as those consist of urethra discomfort and a puss discharge.
Also her symptoms started to early to be herpes connected.
Avatar universal
Thank you for your answer! That is very comforting. I had read online that herpes sores in the uterus can cause painful urination as urine passes over the sores. Additionally, on this site and several others, I had read that people were treated for UTI only to find out later that they were in fact infected with herpes on their genitals. Lastly, I had read that while rare, that cystitis (bladder infection), and urinary retention were associated with the early stages of a herpes outbreak. I went to the std clinic today, and they echoed your sentiments. That the timing of UTI symptoms was much too early to be associated with herpes infection, which usually presents later than 1 1/2 days after contact. That the risk of me passing it on asymptomatically was very low, And that urinary problems, while sometimes associated with herpes infection of the uterus, was a rare condition. I wanted to write this to confirm what you said in case others are struggling with this same situation and questions. Again, thank you for your answer!
Avatar universal
Women can get a UTI from a lot of sexual intercourse which you said you had over a two day period.  It's important that your girlfriend pee after each time you have intercourse as that flush bacteria out if her system.  If don't mean if you have sex  a second time 10 minutes later ;)
But if you take a hour long break or more, she should urinate.

Also, I've been w/ a man with oral virus for 19 years and haven't contacted it Yet, but it's my choice to have taken that risk!
You shouldn't be being ashamed of having but you should be ashamed you out her at risk!!!  Have the "embarrassing" conversation.  Tell her what her risks are and let it be HER choice!  She may want to hold off on sex or kissing until she feels your the one, or a least, a good contender.  Don't feel rejected or dirty, but you probably will, but think if it more as she wouldn't kiss you if you had the FLU and this is for life.  Plus, since you were worried you passed it on to her Gentiles -- she would suffer much worse than; risk of infertility and also much greater chance of rejection if your relation Doesn't work out!  Also, do you know how she handles stress?  She could have a gentian outbreak once every ten years or be like a my nervous nilly friend who gets an outbreak about 4x/yr!

Also, w/ knowledge, she can have great sex w/ you and help you determine of your having an outbreak or a pimple.  My husband (yes I married the "dirty boy" and he's not a "dirty boy" because of any virus but because of creative things he does to me) became very conscious his outbreaks were caused by shaving Because I pointed it out - he uses a hair clippers most of the time and wears a short stubble unless he Needs to shave & then he take Valtrex before & after as preventive!  Also, Tea tree oil is amazing at clearing up outbreak in like 3-4 days!  If he feels it coming in, tea tree oil can make it look more "hostile" or seem like it's causing it to be worse, but I think by clearing u outbreak so fast, it's forcing virus out of his system, so it looks worse!
Last, when he feels it coming on or he get a scratch/shaves we're very cautious!  Cautious does NOT mean abstinent!  We just don't kiss.  I  personally, like most women & men, think kissing is a big part of intimacy.
** so is having your hands held down while your lover hovers his lips over your face and says, "no, you're too naughty to kiss."  We also sometimes kiss thru t-shirt (even when not having sex -- just because we both need the contact during a 7-day outbreak.  Don't get t-shirt wet or defeats purpose).  
Last, during sex, try wear a bandana/scarf to cover face/mouth.  That w/ dirty talk (from my dirty boy) allows for occasional mouth contact but also role playing that stimulates mind into Loving no contact!  
My idea, my choice!  If you infect her, with her knowledge, it will be traumatic, but you have lived with it for decades along with tens-of-millions of others people!
But if you infect her & then have to tell her you have been putting her at risk & lied, that's not an embarrassing conversation, that's one I think should be a crime!  I think anyone who knowingly infects someone else should be arrested!  I have fibromyalgia & it would be dangerous for me to get an lifelong virus that stimulates my immune system!!!!
Oh, hubby got it doing kissing scene in play by actress who knew & didn't warn him-- JERK!  Cousin got it at wedding by "someone" as she got kissed by 100 people happy to see her.  They might or might not have known they were infected.  Women 30 years ago we're told to c-sections if they had gential herpes  because vaginal delivery could make baby blind.  That means at least one of your friends' 60-yr-old mom's or the grandmas at your work has herpes.  How can you be dirty if grandmas have it?  Why should you be embarrassed if most people don't even get oral heroes through sexual contact?  And if you did get it thru sex, so what?
So be dirty as a lover Not as the Jerk she describes to all her friends/future boyfriends as the guy she regrets ever meeting who Knowingly infected her.  Have the "talk.l  
Avatar universal
Follow-up, After me not him--'he was first

Pls ignore typing errors--bad hand day & I & O are right next to each other!  So if becomes of & vice-versa!
Feel free to contact me or have her contact me as 19 hrs is long time.  I was 22 when I met hubby and was more scared if getting AIDS at the time.  But, everything in books/info handed out said, "having 1 STD made it easier to get others"-- so it was a hard choice to make.  Think if u had to make it & don't get hurt if she needs time to research it.
Also, don't get offended at me calling u a jerk!  You are obviously nice guy so imagine how guilty you'll feel if u actually infect her & it wasn't her choice to take risk!
PLUS, she will absolutely dump you if she finds out u infected her or even knowingly put her at risk-- so just tell her, you obviously like/care for her very much.  Tell her that to.

Use dental dams -- not as much fun, but it's safer! (Not all the time, but until yr both comfortable in relationship & until yr absolutely sure you can feel virus coming on).

** Don't use ANYTHING with nonoxynol-9!!!
It's still touted as beings preventative for AIDS/HIV when they KNOW it causes GREATER RISK!!! It causes micro-tears that let's virus infect more easily because it's going thru cuts and not skin.  It should be pulled from market and hasn't been.
Avoid nonoxynol-9 because it'll make infecting her almost a guarantee!
Have an Answer?
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Here are 16 facts you need to know to protect yourself from contracting or spreading a sexually transmitted disease.
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A breakthrough study discovers how to reduce risk of HIV transmission by 95 percent.
Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia provides insight to the most commonly asked question about the transfer of HIV between partners.
The warning signs of HIV may not be what you think. Our HIV and STD expert Sean Cummings reports in-depth on the HIV "Triad" and other early symptoms of this disease.