Herpes risk from mutual masturbation/potential rubbing

[Kitchenknife29]

Two days ago I accidentally hooked up with my ex when I was stoned, I was wondering.. to my recollection I remember that I only fingered her, and I may have rubbed my penis against her butt a little bit and her vagina ( I'm not COMPLETELY SURE) I doubt it since she had told me she just got STD tested.

Assuming that she has every STD in the world, how likely am I to be ******?

I'm only asking because I'm currently in a very long term relationship that is monogamous but I made the stupid mistake of being tempted. I already gave my current girlfriend two STds and REALLY Dont want to risk it.

What is the best move that I can make?

Too long didn't read: Two days ago I fingered someone, and rubbed my penis shaft against their genitals for maybe two seconds.

Can I continue to have sex with my partner? or should I wait 12 weeks to mitigate the risk?

[Kitchenknife29]

I also have a 2 month old scar on my genitals from a recent Biopsy. Would that increase the likeliness of me getting HSV?

[auntiejessi]

Assuming she has every STD in the world - mutual masturbation is still no risk. I'm including some links that will help explain why.

If you had rubbed your penis against her vagina and butt, well, that depends on how long, etc. In theory, that could put you at risk for herpes, syphilis, and HPV - all those are spread by genital skin-to-skin contact. However, they require some friction, so it takes more than just some brief touching.

I'm not sure what's happening with your sexual activity that you've already had 2 STDs and transmitted them to your current gf - maybe you need to start using condoms, or ease up on the pot when you are out with friends, or something. You would know far more than I would. (I'm not judging you at all - just trying to help reduce your risk.) Just something to think about.

The scar wouldn't increase your risk so long as everything is healed up.

Here are some posts from our experts (when we had them) that may help -

https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Nervous-about-mutual-masturbation/show/2183476

https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Mutual-Masturbation-STD/show/1968429

https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/mutual-masturbation-sti/show/1858544

https://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Understanding-the-risks-of-mutual-fingering/show/1516796

https://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV---Prevention/Vaginal-fluid-on-hand-touched-inside-of-condom-and-head-of-penis/show/1119533 - read this thread thoroughly. There is an excellent explanation about why certain activities are not risks, and why others are.

[Kitchenknife29]

Is it worth for me to not have sex with my current partner?

[Kitchenknife29]

Or is this guilt

[Kitchenknife29]

I also think it was brief the contact. Maybe 10 seconds at most.

[Kitchenknife29]

Nothing with friction though

[Kitchenknife29]

Also what's the likeliness of me giving her hsv2 iff I have it? Assuming I wear a condom

[Kitchenknife29]

Also! Should I get STD tested?

[auntiejessi]

For 10 seconds of contact, you are worrying way too much. I wouldn't test for anything and I wouldn't avoid sex with your current partner.

I can't help with the guilt, but can tell you that guilt does not equal risk.

[Kitchenknife29]

So, my main concern is because the girl I actually rubbed against would have had a recent infection, I don't wanna sound terrible but I'm 22, and she's 21, she slept with a 28 year old from the projects in our area, and apparently he's kind of promiscuous.

So I'm thinking.. (This is my paranoid thinking of course): If she slept with him for a month, and then they broke up, and then we had this encounter two months after. She must have had a recent infection... I read that recent infections are really contagious.

(They only just met march 15, 2019 and broke up April 12, 2019) She tells me she hasn't had a sore, but she also has the tendency of trying to cover her tracks..

Do you think I have a reason to be this worried?  or am I being crazy ? It's my girlfriend's birthday today, and I don't know if it's a good idea for me to sleep with her.. ( Yes I know I'm a terrible person,  I already am drinking myself to death because of this)

Btw! This all happened April 28, 2019

Would I be crazy if I waited 3 months to get the STD test? like no sex?

Thank you for dealing with us crazy people.  I would have lost my **** if it wasn't for forums like this one. Thank you so much for what you do.

[Kitchenknife29]

And when I say contact, I mean the tip of my penis might have rubbed against her vagina
(Or it was the shaft. I honestly don't remember. I just am overly thinking this)

[auntiejessi]

Okay, so a few things -

Him being from the projects has nothing to do with anything. More affluent people have the same risk for STDs as do those with fewer resources, and sometimes more so, because so many people think only certain types of people get STDs.

His age may actually work in his favor, because it's your age group, not his, that has the highest rates of STDs. Almost 2/3 of all reported chlamydia infections in 2017 were in 15-24 year olds. (https://www.cdc.gov/std/stats17/natoverview.htm)

You are doing a lot of shaming her, which I'm not sure if that's a coping mechanism - a way to make yourself feel better, or a way to make yourself feel worse. In any case, you knew all these things about her before you slept with her, and decided to sleep with her anyway.

I think you are WAY overthinking this.

Let's break it down.

You had some mutual masturbation. That's never a risk. Never. No need to test, no need to avoid sex. That's science.

Your penis may have touched her genitals, in some fashion, for approximately 10 seconds, at best. This is not enough time for transmission. (Though I do note that the time has increased from your first post, which was 2 seconds.) Again, this is science.

You need to talk to someone about your anxiety. Yes, guilt is a real thing, but your coping skills suck, and you may well have a substance abuse issue. (Yes, I'm blunt, but I want you to live your best life. You aren't at the moment.)

If you take nothing else away from this, take that. You need some help. There is no shame in that.

[Kitchenknife29]

Holy ******* **** you're absolutely right. I do have a substance abuse problem absolutely, and in just really scared of infecting my current girlfriend

I also only said ten seconds because I can't imagine a scenario where I would have done anything more than ten seconds lol. I don't actually remember if I did anything.

Do you think this warrants an STD test for herpes? I think my gf would literally stab me in the neck if I gave her another STD (I gave her hsv1 genitally and hpv by accident)  

[Kitchenknife29]

Also I love the honesty, I appreciate this so much  

[Kitchenknife29]

Also.. so.. I forgot how much of a terrible person my ex girlfriend is. She knows I've been wondering how her tests went, and she told me they went well, but she'd get the results of chlamydia today. She sent me a picture of a prescription medication, but without a name to the medication or anything...

If she has chlamydia; could this be a risk? I know I'm asking stupid questions but you seem very knowledgeable and I know so little

[Kitchenknife29]

Also, I read that 1 in 6 people have herpes.. is that only because its rarely tested for..?  

[Kitchenknife29]

Also.. so.. I forgot how much of a terrible person my ex girlfriend is. She knows I've been wondering how her tests went, and she told me they went well, but she'd get the results of chlamydia today. She sent me a picture of a prescription medication, but without a name to the medication or anything...

If she has chlamydia; could this be a risk? I know I'm asking stupid questions but you seem very knowledgeable and I know so little  

[Kitchenknife29]

(She did it so I'd be curious to see if she had anything, but then she'd yell at me for asking what is wrong with her. I know I sound crazy, and I'm sorry)

[auntiejessi]

Oh good lord - what is wrong with her? Is it a bottle of pills? A pill pack?

Seriously, she could be being treated for bacterial vaginitis or a yeast infection or something, neither of which would concern you. Can you upload the pic to imgur or something or to your profile here so I can see it?

Even if she has chlamydia (it wouldn't be gonorrhea, that's treated with a shot), you didn't do enough to get it.

How do you know you gave your gf HPV? Are you her only partner ever? I say this because HPV is considered an inevitability now for sexually active people. If either one of you had partners before, then the HPV could have come from either one of you. Unless you are her only partner, there's no way to know who brought it in.

Get some help for your substance abuse problem. You deserve to live a healthy life, and your gf deserves a bf who is present with her, unaltered. Get some coping skills that don't involve chemicals. Self-medication is a real thing, but there are other ways to cope.

We have an excellent Addiction forum if you want to reach out when you're ready - https://www.medhelp.org/forums/Addiction-Substance-Abuse/show/77 It's a good thing you like honesty, because you'll get it there lol.

I rarely recommend peace of mind tests, because you can get a false positive, and it all ends up in a spiral of doom, but if you can't put this to rest, then get tested. I can see wanting to do it because of your ex with the medication. I do NOT think you have a reason to test, but if it will help with this anxiety, go for it. Right now, the only accurate testing will be for gonorrhea, chlamydia and NGU (which is an infection in the urethra that can be caused by normal mouth bacteria).

I expect it all to be negative.

[Kitchenknife29]

Thank you so much, I'm totally overthinking this. It was a pill pack.  

So.. I know I'm being repetitive. Do you think I can continue my regular sex life? Like having sex with my girlfriend with a condom on?  

[Kitchenknife29]

Thank you so much, I appreciate it. You're the best. This really soothed my  nerves. I think I'm just being really paranoid. Thank you

I should just continue my regular sex life right? Or just stick to condoms ? Or remain abstinent for a bit and check for symptoms/test

I just had a question because you seem really knowledgeable:

What are the chances of transmitting hsv2 with s condom on?


Thank you for your time ! This means a lot

[Kitchenknife29]

Also! I wish I screenshotted the image, she sent it via Snapchat (which deletes after 10 seconds )

[Kitchenknife29]

Btw? do you work in medicine? I've been reading your posts and you seem more knowledgeable than the nurses at my college lol

[auntiejessi]

A pill pack could be azithromycin, which is taken for chlamydia, but is also taken for strep throat, ear infections, bronchitis, sinus infections and a bunch of other things.

Transmitting hsv2 with a condom on, assuming actual sex took place and not a few seconds of touching like you had, is unlikely from a one time encounter if the person didn't have an outbreak. It's possible, but not likely.

Since you are male, and your partners are female, if your female partner has hsv2, and this is a long term, monogamous relationship, the chances you'd get herpes from your partner are about 2-3% a year, if all you do is avoid sex during an outbreak and use condoms OR use daily suppressive meds, like Valtrex. If your partner took also took daily suppressive meds along with using condoms, it would drop it down to 1-2% a year.

If you had hsv2, as a male, transmitting it to a female partner is a bit higher. Just using condoms OR meds is 4-5% a year, and if you use both, it's 2-3%.

HOWEVER, you don't have hsv2. Nothing you did puts you at risk for it.

If it were me, I wouldn't be worried about this encounter. I wouldn't feel the need to take a peace of mind test. I would likely continue my normal sex life.

I'm not a doctor or nurse. I spent years working in the STD field, in disease intervention and public health.

Don't be too hard on the nurses at your college. They have to be up to date on loads of things that affect college students. My area of focus was STDs and HIV. I probably wouldn't be able to help that much if you got bronchitis or an ear infection or the measles, and they would. :)

BUT, now that I know you are a college student, I know you probably have a counseling center of some sort. Use it. :)

[Kitchenknife29]

Sorry to waste your time by the way! I appreciate what you're doing.

I'm gonna continue with my regular sex life, thank you so much.

Just so I could educate myself:

What are the statistics without condoms? Is it two times that? 8% seems so hard to get.. How is it that it's so common? I always hear sex ed teachers tell everyone that they have herpes. Do people mean HSV1?

Sorry if the question seems stupid but you seem very knowledgeable (And Knowledge is power)

I also meant a prescription bottle. I think you're right about the substance abuse issues, I do need to get help. It's a lot easier said than done though, but your geniune concern for my own safety has made a impact on me and I think that this is kind of a sign (if there were to be any signs for me to stop doing substances)


Thank you

[Kitchenknife29]

What are the statistics without condoms?

[auntiejessi]

Ok for hsv2 (which you don't have):

For male to female:

Doing nothing except avoiding sex during an outbreak - 8-10% a year
Adding condoms OR daily meds - 4-5% a year
Adding condoms AND daily meds - 2-3% a year

For female to male -

Doing nothing except avoiding sex during an outbreak - 4-5% a year
Adding condoms OR daily meds - 2-3% a year
Adding condoms AND daily meds - 1-2% a year

We don't have stats on same sex transmission, unfortunately, but it's assumed that male to male is at least as high as male to female, if not higher, and that female to female is the lowest.

Prescription bottle could mean anything. It could be her allergy meds, if she has them, or something she takes for really any possible medical problem, from headaches to heartburn to whatever.

If you want to use me as a sign to get help, go for it. I've lost someone I loved very, very much to addiction, and don't want anyone else to ever go through that. But you don't need me as a sign - you have your own signs - you got stoned and cheated on your gf. You are drinking to cope with that. You are probably self-medicating. You don't need me for a sign at all, but if you can't go to your own signs yet, use me. I'm okay with that. :)

And no, it's not easy, but it's easier than you think. Not living like this is surely easier.

[Kitchenknife29]

You're the best, thank you so much.

If we had more people like you in this world I'm sure the world would be a much different place.

Thank you for everything! I feel a lot better

[Kitchenknife29]

Last question! I promise

I'm having some dull ache on the top of my penis, is that a symptom for any std or do you think it's psychosomatic?

[auntiejessi]

Probably psychological. If you get discharge (and you won't have to squeeze or "milk" your penis to see it), then get it checked. If it is anything, it's not from an STD from this event.

Have you talked to anyone about your anxiety yet? :)

[Kitchenknife29]

Not yet! I'm starting to think that might be a good idea. Everyone keeps telling me to get help for my anxiety loo

[Kitchenknife29]

Perfect, does herpes cause soreness though? I have HSV1 already. Again I'm sorry for wasting your time

[Kitchenknife29]

Also! If I were to ever have genital hsv2, would that mean I can get an anal outbreak?

Are they one in the same ? Like if you get anal hsv2 your genitals break out or visa versa

[auntiejessi]

Why don't you tell me why you are asking about hsv2 so I can answer better, instead of answering these questions one at a time?

So herpes infects nerve groups. Genital herpes infects the sacral ganglia, meaning that you could get outbreaks anywhere in the "boxer short" area. Oral herpes infects the trigeminal ganglia, which means you can get outbreaks in your mouth and nose. There is no such thing as anal herpes vs genital herpes - they are one in the same.

Most commonly, though, people get outbreaks at the site of their infection. If you have receptive anal sex and get infected that way, your outbreaks may be anal. If you are the insertive partner in vaginal/penis sex, than you would more likely get outbreaks on your penis. Anything is possible, though.

An important note about this - no matter your point of infection, you can shed from the entire area. So if your point of infection is the penis, you can still shed the virus from the mucous membranes of the anal area, or vice versa. This means that you can transmit it via anal sex even if your point of infection is the penis.

Another important note - you weren't at risk for hsv2 here.

[auntiejessi]

And yes, if "everyone" thinks you need to get help with your anxiety, you should probably listen. :)

[Kitchenknife29]

Just asking because I've been having a dull ache on my leg, rectum, and penile whaft and I was wondering if it could be a symptom, I read symptoms happen in 5 days on average

[Kitchenknife29]

It's kind of like a dull ache in the back of my left  leg, and on the left side of my penis shaft and rectum..

Does this sound like an std symptom? I feel so ******* annoying but my mind cant stop racing lol

[Kitchenknife29]

Also, I even paid to ask Terri Warren, but she doesn't really care about her forum anymore I think. (She provides REALLY short answers now and only goes on like once in a while) But you've been 40x more helpful than anyone.

Thank you so much

[auntiejessi]

DUDE, time for some really tough love, and to break this down again.

Back on April 29, I said this:

"Assuming she has every STD in the world - mutual masturbation is still no risk. I'm including some links that will help explain why. [scroll way up to see those links]

If you had rubbed your penis against her vagina and butt, well, that depends on how long, etc. In theory, that could put you at risk for herpes, syphilis, and HPV - all those are spread by genital skin-to-skin contact. However, they require some friction, so it takes more than just some brief touching."


You had very, very, very little, if any, risk for anything. Seriously. This shouldn't even be a concern anymore.

I adore Terri Warren. I think she's one of the best there is. If she didn't go on and on, it's because she felt her short answer was enough. She is not a counselor there to help you through your anxiety, but just to answer your medical questions, which I am certain she did. (I'm guessing she told you that you had nothing to worry about.)

I am in no way more knowledgeable than Terri. I probably just have more time.

Those symptoms do not sound like herpes. They sound like maybe a pinched nerve, an anal fissure, or something along those lines. If it lingers, you should get checked.

I will not be around this weekend. You shouldn't be either. You should be researching ways to get help with your anxiety and substance abuse problems. Let me know when that happens. Those are far bigger problems than anything else.

[Kitchenknife29]

Thank you! So even the soreness in the penis isnt a herpes symptom

This was my last post I promise! Thank you for all of your time I'm gonna continue my life regularly

You're the best

God bless

[Kitchenknife29]

Well I obviously gotta get mental help but aside from that
Gonna stop worrying about stds for a little while lol

[Kitchenknife29]

Hey, okay, I'm so sorry to bother you, but my symptoms randomly went away.

Again they were exactly this

I had aching on the side of my penis, aching that ran down my rectum (and all of the area that would  be between my rectum and penis) and aching that ran down my knees

Does this sound like prodome? Since it's like...completely gone now? It only lasted a day. And when I mean day I mean maybe 16 hours but it was REALLY apparent until I went to bed



(I'm also sorry I didn't explain earlier but I'm really spamming this forum and asking many questions because I kind of lost my job and don't even have health insurance so you and Terri are all I kinda have in terms of help lol so I don't waste $300 on a doctor that won't tell me anything and just want to test me early

[Kitchenknife29]

The only only reason I ask is because I read on WebMD (The place I know you shouldn't relate symptoms with) that it causes aching and aching down your leg and to your butt

Sorry to bother you so much and I really wanna thank you

Is there any way I can pay you or anything? I can't believe there's forums with people like you and the other admins here. The world is so ******* dark that when people do nice things I think they deserve the best.

Thanks again

[Kitchenknife29]

Okay, nevermind, the symptoms persisted maybe two days (until sunday evening).  I don't think it's herpes anymore lol

Thank you for your help