How to ask a gf to get tested in the early stages of a relationship

[goosemoose]

Wasn't sure what group to join for this question but since ive been in this one ot learn more I had a question  regarding
In the midst of potentially getting int oa relationship with somone that could last a very long time. How do you bring it up to your female partner about the idea of getting tested? Like I dont want her to think I dont trust her or think that I feel she "gets around" or is dirty but at the same time I don't want to put myself at risk if we eventually stop using condoms btw we are in are early twenties and still in college. Also do women get test automatically for when they go in to see their geno? or is that something they have to request or does their examination  and peeing or blood work tell them?

[gracefromHHP]

Why not approach it from the standpoint of - ok so this might seem like a weird conversation to you but I believe in being responsible sexually and we need to talk about a few things before this relationship progresses to a more intimate level. I get tested regularly for std's and have a copy of my last test results that I will share with you.  I also really would like you to go and get tested for std's too just so that we both know who has what from the gitgo so we know if we have anything to worry about or not.  Offer to go with her and then both of you can share your std results with each other so that you both know who got tested for what. Make sure you are both getting tested for herpes too - that isn't always a part of routine std screening.

No women do not automatically get tested for std's during their "yearly" appointment.  Some women mistakenly believe that getting a pap test yearly is getting tested but it's not.

grace

[goosemoose]

Yea thanks for the input I get tested regularly so I know where i stand I just was mainly looking to ideas in how to come acrossed it with her I guess i was being a bit nieve of thinking how she would react negatively but looking at the bigger picture I guess you guys are right in making it a mutual affair and thanks for the input

[waringblender]

Really good points by the millie poster. If you aren't comfortable discussing sexuality, you probably shouldn't be having sex.

It sounds like you are also inexperienced in communication in general. Good communication is essential if you are going to succeed in relationships. (And believe me, it doesn't get easier as you get older.) :o)

You also seem to have some misconceptions and stereotypical thinking about STDs. STDs don't make people "dirty." Using the word "dirty" to describe people with STDs is offensive anyway. People can have many partners and never get an STD. They can have only one parter and become infected with something. It's not about "getting around" or not getting around.

By you picking up the ball and saying "Let's both get tested so we know where we're at," you are showing her that you care about her health, too.

[millieluvsu]

not trying to be mean..but if you cant talk about sex comfortably with your partner, you shouldnt be having it together. plus if you DO stop using condoms and your BOTH still in college i would suggest SOME kind of birth control. children arent mistakes you and her both know what can come from you joys of adulthood. i guess im just trying to say be careful.

in other senses, do it together[testing]. that way you know she doesnt feel like your pinning it all on her.

[again.]

[waringblender]

You sit her down and tell her that BOTH OF YOU should get tested for STDs so that you BOTH know what you are dealing with.

Stop throwing this on your girlfriend. You are just as responsible for getting tested yourself so that her health is protected, as vice versa. This is not just about what STDs she may have - it's about what STDs you may also have.