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If you have HSV-1 when do you tell someone?
If you have HSV-1 when do you tell someone? It is hard to do this on a first date, which may even complicate things further when your date kisses you unexpedely. And what if your date did kiss you. How do you tell them when there could be a possibility already that they have contracted the virus?
HI GRACE,
I recently found out i had hsv1 but my breakout was on my vagina. it first appeared after having oral with a new partner 3 days later. prior to that i had not been with anyone for a year. what are the chances i got it from this guy?
I recently found out i had hsv1 but my breakout was on my vagina. it first appeared after having oral with a new partner 3 days later. prior to that i had not been with anyone for a year. what are the chances i got it from this guy?
Hi...the same thing happened to me... But my bf tested negative...we'll ex bf...idk how, when, or where I got it but it's been a year since I found out and it's jus been tormenting... I'm dating a new guy and every time he goes in for a kiss I turn away. I just don't have the guts to tell him...I have hsv 1 by the way and never had a breakout but I just don't know wat to do....
Hi Grace,
Im a male and recently found out that I was exposed to HSV1. It was about 4.9 in my blood.I dont recall having any outbreaks at all and my doctor said that I should be fine. SHe said not to worry and always have protected sex. She made it seems like it's not a big deal at all because I'm not showing symptoms. But It kills me to know that there's still a chance that I might be passing it to someone else and I don't want to do that to anyone.
I have a partner that I love very much and before we decided to have unprotected sex, we both got tested for STD and HIV/AIDS and we were clean. But we never checked for HSV1 or 2. Now I dont know If I have passed it down to her yet as she's in the process of getting tested.
My question is How can you tell how long you've attracted the virus? How do you live with it thinking that something is not right about you? Thinking that you're limited sexually? Can you actually move on and date and have a family? Will that have any birth defects?
I am just taking it hard, I sometimes find myself crying thinking about it because I feel like that's it for me. And If by chance my partner does not have it, I think that I should break up with her in order to not pass down anything to her. What do you think.. Please help. My doctor is acting too vague about it and tell me to not worry but I just cant.
Im a male and recently found out that I was exposed to HSV1. It was about 4.9 in my blood.I dont recall having any outbreaks at all and my doctor said that I should be fine. SHe said not to worry and always have protected sex. She made it seems like it's not a big deal at all because I'm not showing symptoms. But It kills me to know that there's still a chance that I might be passing it to someone else and I don't want to do that to anyone.
I have a partner that I love very much and before we decided to have unprotected sex, we both got tested for STD and HIV/AIDS and we were clean. But we never checked for HSV1 or 2. Now I dont know If I have passed it down to her yet as she's in the process of getting tested.
My question is How can you tell how long you've attracted the virus? How do you live with it thinking that something is not right about you? Thinking that you're limited sexually? Can you actually move on and date and have a family? Will that have any birth defects?
I am just taking it hard, I sometimes find myself crying thinking about it because I feel like that's it for me. And If by chance my partner does not have it, I think that I should break up with her in order to not pass down anything to her. What do you think.. Please help. My doctor is acting too vague about it and tell me to not worry but I just cant.
I'm being accused of having type 1 herpes by a guy I hooked up with. I proformed oral sex on him, and he said he has a rash on his testicles, but my mouth was only on his penis. What do I do about this?... my doctor told me there's no diagnosis for herpes, so how does HE know he has them?.. and that they're from me?... I've been with other guys before, and he's the only one to say anything about this.
Thanks a lot Grace. Actually i lost sleep over this last night, and i think you're totally right. We are not a walking biohazzard, and if he is as great as i think he will be fine with it ;-)
It's never too late :) You should be talking about all std's, condoms and birth control with all partners.
grace
grace
Hi All, I have HSV2, taking suppressent therapy, and fortunately (i actually will say this), i know exactly when i have an outbreak (just 2/3 a year, each time i feel a tingle)... i haven't got an outbreak in months, and i know i do not have an outbreak at the moment ..... I started to see that great guy, we had sex, but to be honest i did not even thought about telling him (no tingle, no outbreak, using condoms) nevertheless, i want to tell him now ..... do you think it is just to late?
You have every right to ask potential partners to get full std screenings done. It's the sexually responsible thing to do and we all should be doing it. Unfortunately that's far easier said than done most of the time and even when you do ask or std testing, usually it's only testing for 2 or 3 std's :( ok , getting off my soap box....lol
germs are germs whether they are common cold germs you get from standing within 3 feet of people while they breathe, something you pick up from touching a surface or something you get from being naked and sweaty and exchanging body fluids with someone during sex. don't let it mess with your head just because it's sexually related.
grace
germs are germs whether they are common cold germs you get from standing within 3 feet of people while they breathe, something you pick up from touching a surface or something you get from being naked and sweaty and exchanging body fluids with someone during sex. don't let it mess with your head just because it's sexually related.
grace
Thank you for your insight. Sorry I am such a worrier. Just one more thing, I feel guilty and bad to even ask the next guy I may be intimate with to get tested. First I feel guilty saying so I have HSV-1 so do you still want to date me and oh by the way will you yourself get tested. It just seems like a lot to go over with another, without making it too heavy of a conversation. Especially when the two of you do not know each other that well. I guess I could start with my news of HSV-1 and then ask later if he would go get tested and I again, but I am fearful that if I do not ask upfront, then I will not ask him to do so later because I have gotten to know him better and then you know the mind - well he is such a great person blah blah blah ... so I should be fine. You see I have only been intimate with a couple of people and obtained HSV-1 recently from my now ex-husband (not the reason we didn't last very long & are now divorced). However, my ex-hubby just like most boys is a prime example of blowing off symptoms and not being responsible by going to the doctor for fear of what they may be told. So because my ex-hubby was not told by a doc or anyone that he had HSV-1, he just assumed that he did not, unlike his brother and father who do and take medication for HSV-1- of course my ex-hubby failed to tell me any of this til my outbreak. Go figure. So what my ex-hubby did was and is human nature. He brushed his own thoughts of having HSV-1 under the rug. Out of sight out of mind. So you see, I am fearful that the next person that I may be intimate with would say something similar just as my ex-hubby did - no I have never had any symptoms and yeah I guess I was tested a few years back for life insurance or something along that line.
So I guess my biggest fears are telling him that I have HSV-1 and deciding on when I should ask him to get tested. I just know if I wait, then I will not ask him later on in the relationship. But I feel ackward asking him up front - weeks away from us possibly being intimate. I just want to be safe so I can avoid obtaing HSV-2, but not come across like some freak who worries and over analyzes everything.
Also thank you for being so upfront and honest in your responses. It's awful to say and I feel really guilty but I have always been extremely fearful of any STD's - even overly cautious around roomates etc... in the past., but now having HSV-1 I realize how ignorant and close-minded I was.
So I guess my biggest fears are telling him that I have HSV-1 and deciding on when I should ask him to get tested. I just know if I wait, then I will not ask him later on in the relationship. But I feel ackward asking him up front - weeks away from us possibly being intimate. I just want to be safe so I can avoid obtaing HSV-2, but not come across like some freak who worries and over analyzes everything.
Also thank you for being so upfront and honest in your responses. It's awful to say and I feel really guilty but I have always been extremely fearful of any STD's - even overly cautious around roomates etc... in the past., but now having HSV-1 I realize how ignorant and close-minded I was.
I've had hsv1 orally since I was a lil kid. I've had hsv2 genitally since I was 19. Both are just a part of me now. I certainly have not stopped giving oral sex or having genital sex because of either.
yes I've had to educate most of my friends about hsv1 too . These are folks in the field of medicine who know nothing about it. I stopped thinking average joe's knew anything about herpes in general long ago. I've found most folks just assume they don't date "those" kinds of people. By the time I'm done teaching, they are much better educated....lol.
Really you are not a walking biohazzard who is shedding herpes 24/7/365. you are always not contagious more often than you are contagious. Common sense about herpes really does go a long way.
And no I've never had anyone upset that I didn't tell them about my hsv1 prior to kissing them. Even my hsv2 has only been an issue twice in my lifetime. most partners have no problems at all with it.
grace
yes I've had to educate most of my friends about hsv1 too . These are folks in the field of medicine who know nothing about it. I stopped thinking average joe's knew anything about herpes in general long ago. I've found most folks just assume they don't date "those" kinds of people. By the time I'm done teaching, they are much better educated....lol.
Really you are not a walking biohazzard who is shedding herpes 24/7/365. you are always not contagious more often than you are contagious. Common sense about herpes really does go a long way.
And no I've never had anyone upset that I didn't tell them about my hsv1 prior to kissing them. Even my hsv2 has only been an issue twice in my lifetime. most partners have no problems at all with it.
grace
Good grief, have you been in my brain? I have been beating the hell out of myself over the same stuff. Do I tell, when do I tell, how should I tell. I told the guy I'm with before any intimate contact and he was ok with it (I have hsv1 & 2). Then when we did actually have sex and I told him afterwords that I thought I was broke out (I'm new to all this) he flipped and didn't talk to me for a week! Makes me want to crawl in a hole. The social stigma of this disease is alive and well I can assure you.
Funny thing is, I feel like such a hypocrite. I dated this guy before him that told me he was 2 positive and I quit seeing him. This was before I found out I was positive. I recently contacted him again and apologized profusely and he has amazingly been very supportive and a good source of information as he has had it for 20+ years.
It's a crap shoot. Either the guy I'm seeing now is so totally in love with me that it won't matter to him, or he'll do like I did and just say adios! I wish you luck in your dating world, as for mine, I'm thinking more cats. :( It's just not worth the stress.
Funny thing is, I feel like such a hypocrite. I dated this guy before him that told me he was 2 positive and I quit seeing him. This was before I found out I was positive. I recently contacted him again and apologized profusely and he has amazingly been very supportive and a good source of information as he has had it for 20+ years.
It's a crap shoot. Either the guy I'm seeing now is so totally in love with me that it won't matter to him, or he'll do like I did and just say adios! I wish you luck in your dating world, as for mine, I'm thinking more cats. :( It's just not worth the stress.
Yes. Has anyone ever gotten upset with you for not telling them until the point of oral/genital sex? Has anyone ever felt betrayed after you told them? Also, have you limited or decreased how many times you would perform oral sex? What I hate is that I feel guilty, yet who knows what this person may have if we progress to that level of intimacy. What if the person is ok with me having HSV-1, does not need time to ponder...My mind would start racing like lightening. I would start to think well maybe this person is so open bc they have never been tested. Or they say that they have but they are not aware that you have to ask to be tested for HSV-1 verses HSV-2, so they assume that their results were for HSV-1 and they are just simply asymptomatic. I know this is nonsense, but if I were to go into this much detail with the person I will probably freak them out. However, if I do not, I may freak out. If and when I have kids in the future I do not want to have to worry about am I shedding HSV-2 bc I was stupid and did not be specific with a sexual partner on their testing which then would lead me to also get HSV-2. Obviously contracting HSV-1 has made me a worrry wart.
In reference to knowing about oral herpes / hsv-1, the person probably would not be aware that it can be transferred via oral sex to the below the belt area. Honestly, until I was just blessed by the gift of HSV-1, I did not know that one could spead it to another via oral sex/fellatio
It just sucks..... I feel stupid now thinking oh great should I tell the person on the third date or feel guilty. Also, the person may be upset that we did kiss and I did not say anything. I hate this stigma....And what is worst is I know plenty of people who because they have HSV-1 verses 2 would not say anything at all - close friends. So if and when I tell the person do I need to explain, look not into performing oral sex out of fear of passing this misery on to another, even if HSV-1 rarely sheds or causes outbreaks in the below the belt area.
Where is the fine line to all of this?
In reference to knowing about oral herpes / hsv-1, the person probably would not be aware that it can be transferred via oral sex to the below the belt area. Honestly, until I was just blessed by the gift of HSV-1, I did not know that one could spead it to another via oral sex/fellatio
It just sucks..... I feel stupid now thinking oh great should I tell the person on the third date or feel guilty. Also, the person may be upset that we did kiss and I did not say anything. I hate this stigma....And what is worst is I know plenty of people who because they have HSV-1 verses 2 would not say anything at all - close friends. So if and when I tell the person do I need to explain, look not into performing oral sex out of fear of passing this misery on to another, even if HSV-1 rarely sheds or causes outbreaks in the below the belt area.
Where is the fine line to all of this?
I removed your other post. if you look on the left side of your screen there is a link to all your posts you've ever made on medhelp. Makes it easy to find the one you were looking for :)
you didn't get hsv2 orally. not many folks have it orally and those who do, it hardly ever sheds to be transmitted to someone. this was just your hsv1 reoccuring.
Most of the time the virus is shedding 24 hours prior to actual lesions though that varies.
the way I've dealt with my own hsv1 oral infection is, unless someone asks, I just wait and talk about it before oral/genital sex. Not necessarily the right thing to do but it's been my choice. I figure if someone will kiss without asking,that is someone who isn't all that concerned. to me if you get to be in my dating age range and haven't heard of oral herpes....
Is this someone you think you will have more dates with?
grace
you didn't get hsv2 orally. not many folks have it orally and those who do, it hardly ever sheds to be transmitted to someone. this was just your hsv1 reoccuring.
Most of the time the virus is shedding 24 hours prior to actual lesions though that varies.
the way I've dealt with my own hsv1 oral infection is, unless someone asks, I just wait and talk about it before oral/genital sex. Not necessarily the right thing to do but it's been my choice. I figure if someone will kiss without asking,that is someone who isn't all that concerned. to me if you get to be in my dating age range and haven't heard of oral herpes....
Is this someone you think you will have more dates with?
grace
Sorry when I first scrolled through the questions I was not able to find mine so I posted again.
My thoughts, honestly I don't know. Bizarre but what happened was I went on a date. Was kissed unexpectedly but then of course I kissed back and we kissed some more, and about three days later I had an outbreak on my face in the same location that I have had an HSV-1 outbreak before. I was tested recently in the past prior to this date and I was HSV-1 positive and HSV-2 negative. I am not certain if I was just stressed/nervous for the date which caused my outbreak three days later or could I have contracted HSV-2 from my date?
Also, I read somewhere that a person who is symptomatic generally sheds the virus 3 to 7 days prior to their outbreak (around the time that we kissed/hooked up). It is hard to miss skin to skin contact on the site where I typicall have an outbreak when kissing another. So I am not sure what to do. The person is a bit older so I doubt they really understand that HSV-1 is herpes. On the other hand because of this person's age, there is a possibility that they have been exposed already in the past.
What I am worried about is that let's say I tell this person I have HSV-1 and what it is and then the person gets scared and goes to get tested and they test positive for HSV-1. I just don't know if I should tell at this point. I hate dating.
My thoughts, honestly I don't know. Bizarre but what happened was I went on a date. Was kissed unexpectedly but then of course I kissed back and we kissed some more, and about three days later I had an outbreak on my face in the same location that I have had an HSV-1 outbreak before. I was tested recently in the past prior to this date and I was HSV-1 positive and HSV-2 negative. I am not certain if I was just stressed/nervous for the date which caused my outbreak three days later or could I have contracted HSV-2 from my date?
Also, I read somewhere that a person who is symptomatic generally sheds the virus 3 to 7 days prior to their outbreak (around the time that we kissed/hooked up). It is hard to miss skin to skin contact on the site where I typicall have an outbreak when kissing another. So I am not sure what to do. The person is a bit older so I doubt they really understand that HSV-1 is herpes. On the other hand because of this person's age, there is a possibility that they have been exposed already in the past.
What I am worried about is that let's say I tell this person I have HSV-1 and what it is and then the person gets scared and goes to get tested and they test positive for HSV-1. I just don't know if I should tell at this point. I hate dating.
it's totally up to you. some folks tell before the first kiss, others wait until later and of course some don't tell at all.
at this point, what has been your thoughts about this?
grace
at this point, what has been your thoughts about this?
grace
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Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
