I really appreciate your concern for your family, and your eye health, because ocular herpes is very serious, but there is no risk here.
Hands do not transmit herpes the way you think they do.
Herpes requires direct skin to skin contact, but it's mouth to mouth contact - kissing (for oral herpes), mouth to genital contact, unclothed genital to genital or genital to anal contact. It also requires friction, usually the kind associated with intercourse.
If someone has herpetic whitlow, they can transmit it only if they have a sore. Most people don't leave it uncovered, and wouldn't just casually use it for things. It's very painful.
I don't know what's happening with your eye, but you should let your doctor see it. It's not herpes, though.
It sounds like you might have a fear of herpes. I don't know if it's based on misinformation, or a phobia or anxiety, but if it's a phobia or anxiety, talk to your doctor about that.