Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Oral and beyond with HSV2

I was married for over 30 years and thru my husband, had contracted HSV2. Now that I’m new to the dating scene, I’m very anxious about this topic - knowing I’ll need to share my HSV2 with any potential partners. Blood tests from last week came back negative for HSV1 and positive for HSV2.
I gave oral sex to my new boyfriend (unexpected as I had planned on telling him all this before - so no vaginal sex yet). Could I have transmitted HSV2 to him thru oral sex to him? He is healthy. I also had a swab test two days later and it came back negative. Like others, I’m totally freaking out about all this - although I’ve lived with HSV2 for over 30 years with one partner - but sex life was sad. I want to get back out there but afraid to start.
Also, I’ve been on 1000mg of Valtrex for about 2 weeks now per my doctors direction. Thank you for any quick response.
1 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
207091 tn?1337709493
COMMUNITY LEADER
So first - have you had genital symptoms? Were you diagnosed only by blood test or because you had symptoms?

You are only infectious from the site of your infection, which I'm assuming is your genitals. That means you can give oral sex and not transmit it.

You say the new guy is "healthy" - do you know that for sure? Have you seen any test results? Have you had any conversations with him?

The thing to know about having herpes is that you can transmit without symptoms. This is because of asymptomatic viral shedding. This is when the virus is present on the skin without symptoms. Because you've had it for so long, you are probably shedding about 17% of days if you are having outbreaks, and 9.3% if you aren't.

The odds of transmission are probably lower than you think, too. As a female, the odds of transmitting it to an uninfected male are about 4% a year. Using Valtrex reduces that by about half. Condoms used by uninfected men while having sex with infected women reduce the risk of transmission by 30-50%.

Telling him should be part of an overall STD conversation. Unless he's a virgin, he has the possibility of having STDs. You need to know about those.

Let me know what questions you have. :)
Helpful - 0
4 Comments
Hi and thanks so much for the quick reply. I had a blood test for both HSV1 and HSV2 and the HSV1 was negative and the HSV2 was positive. I did have my doctor do a swab test as I felt a kind of tingling/burning in the genital area, although she said it didn’t look like an outbreak. The swab test came back negative. My doctor said that since I had gone so many years (decades!) with no HSV2 treatment, she thinks I could have nerve pain in the genital area similar to what one might experience with Shingles. She prescribed a doubling of the 1000g (so every 12 hours of Zaltrex) for a total of 2000g for 7 days and then follow up. She also prescribed a compounded cream with lidocaine and Gaba5? every 12 hours. Outbreaks (never blisters - only redness and burning) over the years have been minimal but certainly have had them.
You make a very good point about asking him about his testing. He’s also recently divorced after 29 years. So one can’t assume a long term marriage means no transmission. I so DREAD this conversation and not sure I’m ready for it but know it’s necessary.
So to be clear: I can perform oral on him (yes, need his testing) as I don’t have HSV1. And can I also perform oral on him even if I have an outbreak in genital area or not? And assume kissing thru mouth only is safe as I’m HSV1 free (and need to ask him?). Do I have this straight?
Lastly, as long as I don’t have an outbreak, and on Valtrex, (and better with condom), vaginal sex is ok? And oral on me is ok also? (With knowing there is 2% risk of female to male transmission. ).  Long questions - thanks for your help.
What were your actual results on the hsv2 test? Do you have a number/index value on it?

You could have 20 blisters on your genitals, and still be able to give him oral. Herpes infects nerve groups, and genital herpes infects the sacral ganglia. This affects only the area covered by boxer shorts, basically. This means it's not a systemic infection. It doesn't travel through your body. Whatever is happening with genital herpes has no impact on your mouth.

He is perfectly safe with you giving him oral.

He can perform oral on you so long as you don't have an outbreak. Oral hsv2 is rare. So long as you don't have any symptoms, he shouldn't ever get it from you orally. The Valtrex will help prevent that even further.

Kissing is safe. I can't find the study now, but you are really unlikely to get hsv1 after getting hsv2, so even if he has that, you're fine. He can still get hsv2, though, if he has hsv1. That protection doesn't go both ways.

Don't presume that just because he's been married that he is STD free. I mean, you aren't, right? You don't know if he was completely faithful, or if his wife was, or if they were mad swingers, or had an open marriage. took breaks, etc. "Recently divorced" can mean a whole lot of things, too. I dated a guy who told me that once. The first time I went to his house, he had mail for her there, she still had clothes there, etc. Turned out, "recently divorced" meant "separated and she had moved out a few weeks prior".

I'm not saying this to scare you - he is probably a great guy. Just proceed with caution. You are newly divorced yourself, and haven't dated in a long time. As a single woman in my 50s, I can tell you dating hasn't gotten any easier than it was when we were younger lol.

The good news, though, is that dating with herpes is probably easier than you'd think. By the time men are our age, things like herpes aren't big deals for most of them. Only one guy I've told has had an issue with it, and he had such a germ phobia he could barely sit in the restaurant and use the forks that others had used, even though they'd been washed.

I always start the conversation with, "So it's looking like we're going to be having sex soon (or intimate or something - whatever word feels right), and I'd like to talk about STDs. You should know that I have herpes type 2, and I take valtrex daily, so if we don't use condoms, your chances of getting it are about 2% a year. I'm happy to answer any questions you have about it. Can you tell me about when you were last tested, or if you have anything I should know about?"

I don't say anything about it being a big deal, or that it's terrible, or give them an out. If I make it a big, terrible deal, they'll think it's one. Everyone has an out when they are dating - it's implicit, and I don't need to remind them of it. It's also not a confession, but a conversation. I'm not ashamed.

So take it slow, have the conversation, and relax. :)
I can’t tell you how much your thoughtful and comprehensive response means to me and so very helpful to me during this time. I was 100% faithful in my marriage - and not judging those that aren’t - but that was my thing. But you’re right, I can’t assume he falls into this same camp.
My doctor didn’t give me any numbers on a scale at all but I can give her a call and ask. What would this help me to know? Not sure if she’s confirmed I’m HSV2 positive, how the numbers influence my options? No idea so thanks for any info.
Nice to know I can have some fun and give some fun and not be as totally freaked out about that. If I don’t have an outbreak, would you still recommend condom use always (assuming he is negative if all things)? And also want to mention that the Valtrex - at this point - seems to be making things worse with a current outbreak...since I started taking it. It’s generic FYI. Not sure if others have that experience.
Your straight forward talking points to help share this news are incredibly helpful and I am so grateful. I’m sure I’ll figure out how to navigate this new life - and dating with HSV2 - but its scary for sure.
Your encouraging words are a gift. Happy Friday and thanks again.
I'm asking about your numbers because there are false positives on the hsv2 IgG test - and also because it's important to know if you had the IgG test, and not the IgM test, which is unreliable. On the IgG test, if you had an index value of below 3.5, it needs to be confirmed. The positive cutoff is 1.10, officially, but anything below a 3.5 needs to be confirmed, and sometimes even over that.

Your symptoms, if they are just stings and such, are not typical of herpes. I just want to make sure you've been properly diagnosed.

How is the Valtrex making it worse? If your symptoms are only neurological in nature - like nerve pains, stinging sensations - then yes, that's a common side effect of Valtrex. You are also on a really high dose - the initial outbreak dose, and there's no evidence that this is your initial outbreak. You don't need valtrex. You can stop taking it any time, or lower the dose - there are no rules here. This isn't a bacterial infection that you need antibiotics to cure.

Let's say you've had it for 30 years, since before you were married. (Is your ex husband positive? Has he tested?) Or, as you say, you got it from him at some point in the marriage, but have had it for 30 years. In any case, you've had it for a really long time. That means your body has already made antibodies, which means that any outbreaks you have are going to be milder than an actual initial outbreak someone gets when they are newly infected. That's when they get the high initial dose of Valtrex, because they have nothing else to help them fight it.

The dose for a recurrence is 500 mg twice a day for 3 days.

I'm glad I'm helping you figure this out, and that my little speech helps. You'll find the words that work for you. Just remember that we all have things we'd rather not have to share, right? Yours is herpes. His might be herpes, or maybe it's that he cheated, or something else - maybe a criminal record, a bankruptcy, spotty employment, the reason for his divorce - who knows?

Did your doctor test you for anything else? Yeast, bv, other STDs? How long have you been divorced/last sexually active?

You were married for over 30 years, so I'm assuming you're in your 50s-ish, and are menopause-ish. There can be thinning of the vaginal tissue due to lack of estrogen. That can also cause burning and such. I have that, too. Has your doctor mentioned this? (This is a grand stage of life, isn't it?)
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Herpes Community

Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.