Cold sores are oral herpes. It's usually caused by Herpes type 1.
Genital herpes is...genital herpes. It can be caused by Herpes type 1 or type 2.
If your had protected oral sex, there was virtually no risk of getting herpes from that stripper. Meaning you wife most likely did not catch her oral herpes from you (and therefore from such encounter). Around 80% of people have herpes type 1 and a lot of them get oral symptoms. It's that common.
So your wife's cold sore might be a manifestation of an older infection that is not recurring. It didn't necessarily come from you and it's necessarily a new infection. Make sense?
odds are that neither you nor your wife have ever been tested for herpes before. have you asked her if she's ever had cold sores before that she can recall?
protected oral sex is not a risk for herpes.
oral herpes is almost exclusively transmitted through romantic type kisses as an adult. could you have contracted oral herpes from kissing someone , not gotten an obvious cold sore yourself and transmitted it to your wife? yes you could've. could either of you have had hsv1 prior to all of this and just never knew it? of course.
at this point you'll probably never figure out the when and from whom parts.
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