Skin to skin contact means that your skin (oral or genital) has to come into contact with someone else's skin (oral or genital).
For HPV, which is easier to transmit than herpes, sometimes skin to skin contact without a lot of friction can transmit. Herpes requires a bit more friction (rubbing). In both, transmission depends on a lot of things - are symptoms present (indicating that the level of virus is high)? What strain of either is present? Are condoms, which reduces the risk by at least half, used?
HPV is so common that many experts, the CDC, etc., consider it an inevitable part of having sex. If you've been sexually active, you've been exposed most likely, and the risk gets higher the more partners you've had.
It is important to note that touching means genital to genital contact, and not with the fingers. Fingers can't transmit STDs.
In essence, it's hard to answer your question. What someone else thinks is gentle rubbing could be your more vigorous rubbing (unless you mean just with fingers/hands, in which case, there is no risk).
If there was no skin to skin contact, there can be no transmission.
The act of intercourse, slow or fast, creates friction. Obviously, if it's rougher, it may increase chances of getting an STD, with tears in the skin, etc. That still requires skin to skin contact, though, which you didn't have.