Aa
hsv-1 disclosure
I am a female in my late 20s and was diagnosed with genital hsv-1 last summer. Based on testing, it was clear that it had been transmitted to me (like so many others) through oral sex with a boyfriend.
I have had one (clear) recurrent outbreak in the past year and have done a lot of research and know all the standard lines: genital hsv-1 is associated with fewer outbreaks and less asymptomatic shedding because it is not in it's site of preference, most genital hsv-1 comes from oral sex, a significant percentage of the population has hsv-1 already (I've read 60-80%) with many acquiring it in childhood, having hsv-1 in one location reduces the chance you can get it in another location, genital-genital transmission of hsv-1 is possible but unlikely.
I understand (and am irritated with) the commonly held social standard that everyone who tests positive for any kind of hsv should disclose to any/all partners...all the time...period. This is irriating as a HIGH percentage of people have oral hsv-1, plenty of whom have no idea (including my exboyfriend who had never had a coldsore)...and there is never the expectation that someone who knows that have hsv-1 orally will disclose to partners prior to kissing. For example, if someone who knows they have oral hsv-1 (with or without symptoms) said, "I don't disclose my hsv status to partners" no one would gasp in horror or start lecturing. Even though MOST genital hsv-1 is aquired from someone with oral hsv-1, somehow the person with the less contageous (though more stigmatized version) is somehow bound by this "ethical oblication" to disclose.
I am a caring and responsible person who obviously doesn't want to pass this to anyone...though I also feel it isn't and shoudln't be viewed as traumatizing and earth shattering as people do.
So, what is my question? I want to be responsible, but I also want to enjoy a "normal" sex life the way everyone else does...including those who are ignorant about their own status or people who "just get pesky cold sores." I will obviously make up my own decision about disclosing, but am interested in what other people think:
So here it is: If I have casual sex with a guy (i.e. no long term relationship, no deep meaningful talks, etc.) and I a) make sure to avoid sex during an obvious outbreak, b) take antiviral medication to reduce outbreaks and asymptomatic shedding (which are rare as is), and c) USE A CONDOM (obviously as I would want to protect myself as well) - would it be safe to say that the risk of transmission is nearly microscopic? Yes, possible, but highly highly unlikely? Do people really feel like 100% disclosure is really the only way to be a moral and responsible person even if all efforts are made to protect this person...from this extremely common virus...which said guy statistically speaking is already likely to have?
I have had one (clear) recurrent outbreak in the past year and have done a lot of research and know all the standard lines: genital hsv-1 is associated with fewer outbreaks and less asymptomatic shedding because it is not in it's site of preference, most genital hsv-1 comes from oral sex, a significant percentage of the population has hsv-1 already (I've read 60-80%) with many acquiring it in childhood, having hsv-1 in one location reduces the chance you can get it in another location, genital-genital transmission of hsv-1 is possible but unlikely.
I understand (and am irritated with) the commonly held social standard that everyone who tests positive for any kind of hsv should disclose to any/all partners...all the time...period. This is irriating as a HIGH percentage of people have oral hsv-1, plenty of whom have no idea (including my exboyfriend who had never had a coldsore)...and there is never the expectation that someone who knows that have hsv-1 orally will disclose to partners prior to kissing. For example, if someone who knows they have oral hsv-1 (with or without symptoms) said, "I don't disclose my hsv status to partners" no one would gasp in horror or start lecturing. Even though MOST genital hsv-1 is aquired from someone with oral hsv-1, somehow the person with the less contageous (though more stigmatized version) is somehow bound by this "ethical oblication" to disclose.
I am a caring and responsible person who obviously doesn't want to pass this to anyone...though I also feel it isn't and shoudln't be viewed as traumatizing and earth shattering as people do.
So, what is my question? I want to be responsible, but I also want to enjoy a "normal" sex life the way everyone else does...including those who are ignorant about their own status or people who "just get pesky cold sores." I will obviously make up my own decision about disclosing, but am interested in what other people think:
So here it is: If I have casual sex with a guy (i.e. no long term relationship, no deep meaningful talks, etc.) and I a) make sure to avoid sex during an obvious outbreak, b) take antiviral medication to reduce outbreaks and asymptomatic shedding (which are rare as is), and c) USE A CONDOM (obviously as I would want to protect myself as well) - would it be safe to say that the risk of transmission is nearly microscopic? Yes, possible, but highly highly unlikely? Do people really feel like 100% disclosure is really the only way to be a moral and responsible person even if all efforts are made to protect this person...from this extremely common virus...which said guy statistically speaking is already likely to have?
I know you replied a long time ago but you still missed the point.
This is not about risking people's health at your own expense - this is about taking personal responsibility to a reasonable and applicable degree. For both people that are about to have sex, not just the one that has hsv!!
If you don't know your status, you don't know if you have it. Do you have HPV? Most people don't know/care. Do you have Herpes? You simply might not know! 80% of people have no symptoms. If you don't ask and just have sex with somebody, you agree to a certain risk. It doesn't matter if you understand this or not, ignorance is no excuse here. We are all adults. There is always some risk. Use a condom to protect yourself from the bad stuff and unnecessary risk. Have a talk when and if it is adequate. But this idea that casual sex requires a sit down and deep and meaningful conversation each time is beyond ridiculous - in fact it is only topped by the idea that you should tell people you got a cold sore 7 months ago before you kiss them. It is wishful thinking and not realistic, and in the end the disclosure expectations are made even more ludicrous by how very little there actually is to be concerned about, both statistically and medically.
This is not about risking people's health at your own expense - this is about taking personal responsibility to a reasonable and applicable degree. For both people that are about to have sex, not just the one that has hsv!!
If you don't know your status, you don't know if you have it. Do you have HPV? Most people don't know/care. Do you have Herpes? You simply might not know! 80% of people have no symptoms. If you don't ask and just have sex with somebody, you agree to a certain risk. It doesn't matter if you understand this or not, ignorance is no excuse here. We are all adults. There is always some risk. Use a condom to protect yourself from the bad stuff and unnecessary risk. Have a talk when and if it is adequate. But this idea that casual sex requires a sit down and deep and meaningful conversation each time is beyond ridiculous - in fact it is only topped by the idea that you should tell people you got a cold sore 7 months ago before you kiss them. It is wishful thinking and not realistic, and in the end the disclosure expectations are made even more ludicrous by how very little there actually is to be concerned about, both statistically and medically.
I recently passed the bar exam, and there is no way a person would be found guilty of transmitting HSV-1 in a civil suit. Since most adults are infected with HSV-1, and kissing as well as sexual activity is commonly involved in society, the judge would have to pin HSV-1 back to you. That's extremely difficult to do since after the age of 20 approximately half of adults have HSV-1, and that number peaks out at 90% infection rate by 70 years of age. It would be extremely difficult to trace this back to one source since the majority of folks carry HSV-1, and it would also be difficult to find an attorney to take a case involving HSV-1.
Another aspect is that they would have to prove that you knowingly had it and spread it to an individual. There is no criminal charges that can be filed for HSV-1 or HSV-2, but civil lawsuits can be placed and can potentially be made public although unlikely. When a person files a civil lawsuit regarding herpes for instance, the information can be made public, and not many people who file a lawsuit want others to know they have HSV-1 or HSV-2. It's as close as impossible as it gets for a case regarding HSV-1 since in most, if not all cases, it cannot be linked back to you unless you're the only person another person has kissed his/her life. If a case involving HSV-1 was miraculously brought to court then you could counter with a defamation suit since there really is no way this can be traced back to you. He/She would have to prove that no one they've been with in the past had HSV-1 orally or genitally, and unless this guy is a hermit or virgin, this is impossible to do since 50-90% of the adult population has HSV-1. Once again, HSV-1 has an infection rate from 50-90% depending on age and race, which would make it extremely, extremely, extremely unlikely to hold up in court.
HSV-2 is a different story to an extent since only 20% have it between the ages of 14-49. That percentage of HSV-2 infections is probably closer to 10% at the age of 20, and it doesn't reach 20% till 40 years of age. Since its not as prevalent as HSV-1, there is a slight chance a civil suit could be filed and be successful, but it's extremely rare. Once again, the judge would have to be convinced that every partner this individual has had didn't have HSV-2, which is pretty much impossible to do.
All of the cases I've seen involve HSV-2 and most of these deal with celebrities. A person can sue for anything, but there are laws that protect you from being exposed to the public and the main one is the right of privacy.
Bottom line: No lawyer will take a case regarding HSV-1 for the most part, if one does then the plaintiff will not win, and you won't be publicly scrutinized for it unless you're a celebrity.
Another aspect is that they would have to prove that you knowingly had it and spread it to an individual. There is no criminal charges that can be filed for HSV-1 or HSV-2, but civil lawsuits can be placed and can potentially be made public although unlikely. When a person files a civil lawsuit regarding herpes for instance, the information can be made public, and not many people who file a lawsuit want others to know they have HSV-1 or HSV-2. It's as close as impossible as it gets for a case regarding HSV-1 since in most, if not all cases, it cannot be linked back to you unless you're the only person another person has kissed his/her life. If a case involving HSV-1 was miraculously brought to court then you could counter with a defamation suit since there really is no way this can be traced back to you. He/She would have to prove that no one they've been with in the past had HSV-1 orally or genitally, and unless this guy is a hermit or virgin, this is impossible to do since 50-90% of the adult population has HSV-1. Once again, HSV-1 has an infection rate from 50-90% depending on age and race, which would make it extremely, extremely, extremely unlikely to hold up in court.
HSV-2 is a different story to an extent since only 20% have it between the ages of 14-49. That percentage of HSV-2 infections is probably closer to 10% at the age of 20, and it doesn't reach 20% till 40 years of age. Since its not as prevalent as HSV-1, there is a slight chance a civil suit could be filed and be successful, but it's extremely rare. Once again, the judge would have to be convinced that every partner this individual has had didn't have HSV-2, which is pretty much impossible to do.
All of the cases I've seen involve HSV-2 and most of these deal with celebrities. A person can sue for anything, but there are laws that protect you from being exposed to the public and the main one is the right of privacy.
Bottom line: No lawyer will take a case regarding HSV-1 for the most part, if one does then the plaintiff will not win, and you won't be publicly scrutinized for it unless you're a celebrity.
if someone was really that hurt that their partner didn't tell them, why didn't they themselves ask? it takes 2 to tango and there is always a chance of getting some kind of illness from someone you are sexually involved with, yet people don't ask so it's just as much their fault as the other person! I have HSV1 and i got it from my ex boyfriend via oral sex. i'm only 19 and got it just under a year ago. sure it sucked knowing i had it, but im not going round saying how horrible my life is now..i hardly ever get an outbreak, and at those times when i do it really is not a life altering debilitation like you say it is! if anything its just annoying for a few days then passes. having it really is not a big deal, you don't see people with a coldsore cracking on about how horrible their life is, its no different for us with genital HSV1. if anything its better, less occurances, less chance of transmission and its not on your face! if you're talking about HIV which is literally life threatening then sure, those people that don't say anything are idiots. people with HSV1 shouldn't be put into the same catagory! if you want to know the risks of sleeping with someone, you should go and ask. simple!
1 Comments
I would like to comment to clair614. You are so very luck that herpes is the only result of your sexual encounter. And sometimes asking your partner isn't always an option, especially when it is someone that you took a vow with to love honor and trust for the rest of your life.Let me tell you what happened to me. My husband gave me herpes which he contracted from a woman he was having an affair with. She was a married woman who decided to "give it to everyone she could" because she was mad at the man who gave it to her. My husband waited several months after he found out that he possibly had it to even get tested, then still waited several more weeks before he told me that he was having the affair and tested positive for the virus. All the while he was having sex with me. I got tested and my doctor gave me a large dose of Valtrex to hopefully prevent any outbreaks should I be positive. He also gave me a prescription for an anti-nausea medication because the Valtrex was very powerful dose. I wasn't warned about the side effects though. I am now in stage 3 kidney failure and it completely destroyed one of my kidneys. I only have one functioning kidney left and it is only functioning at 35%. When I get to stage 5 and if there is no kidney available from a relative my chances of getting on the donor list is slim. I have other health issues now from this and I am now almost 63 years old. So, please don't think that the effects of herpes is always just vanity or what other people will think about you. It can effect your life literally too. I want to live. I want to watch my son get married and I want to see him have children. That may not happen. My heart breaks for the things that my not be, all because of something that I did not have any control over. I trusted my husband. He admitted the whole thing at our divorce hearing, so it is documented in court documents. I thought about sueing him, but I don't thing I want to spend anymore time in court with him. Not sure if I can sue Valtrex.
i think it's selfish and morally wrong to get what you want at the expense of someone else. that other person should have a choice in the matter. they may not want to be involved with someone with hsv. there's always a risk of transmitting the disease - no matter how great or small. it's unfair to take matters into your own hands, assuming that you have "the answers." that is far from the truth and it's like playing russian rouletten with someone's life, health and well-being. if the scientists haven't quite figured it out - to the degree that as of yet, there is apparently no cure, then how can we determine that we've got this thing down. it's a chance, a risk. but why usurp your will over another - someone who might not want to take the risk. i think that's how most, if not all of us, got in this predicament. i wish someone had a discussion with me about their status. i would have been able decide how i wanted to handle the situation also. i believe that we should to do others what we would want done to us. i just don't agree with deceit and taking advantage of people. even if it's a 5% chance, that's still a chance. i know people who got hsv1 by kissing, oral and genital sex. they were devastated because they thought the risk was low. question: how would you feel if someone passed this virus onto you and never even told you that they had the virus? this virus interferes with a person's quality of life, causes physical pain and adds emotional stress. who wants that???? if a person is not willing to share this with their partner, then they should not put themselves in a vulnerable position....
i sure hope that there is a known cure for this so that we can put this thing to rest.
i sure hope that there is a known cure for this so that we can put this thing to rest.
I know this thread is older but i am new to this and i am struggling. I think we have a lot in common as far as our sex life goes. I am also struggling with the disclosure issue. I am hsv1 positive and newly diagnosed, I am an attractive female that had a wonderful sex life. In all the reading I have done it seems to me that men would almost be safer sleeping with me with HSV1 at this point. If 60-90 percent of people over 40 have Hsv1 and have a normal sex life and are having oral sex and intercourse it seems odds are pretty good in contacting hsv at some point. According to studies if I have hsv and take antivirals, use condoms and don't have sex during an outbreak then there is only a 1 percent chance of transmission, so me knowing and taking precautions lowers their risk. Am I just trying to rationalize not disclosing or am I right. I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences since you last posted.
I just entered grad school and figured it was a good Idea to get a general screening for STDs. I found out that I had HSV-1. So I freaked out and have been reading about it non-stop. Basically, I have come to the same conclusion you have. Although I don't know where it is, I assume my mouth, I feel very little resposibility to disclose this information to someone I might hook up with. Why do we have the moral responsability to tell someone that we probably care very little about, the definition of a random hook up, when the massive majority of the population has the virus themselves? The odds are very good that they themselves have it. How are we any less responsible than someone who has never been tested but is passing the virus along nonetheless? Essentially everyone has the virus, one that has very little physical impact on the body. People are passing it along to one another every day without knowing it. If I told a girl that I wanted to hook up with, she would tell me to **** off and then go sleep with another guy that has it too, but doesn't know. At least accept the numbers, because they don't lie. If I was rejected 10 times and each time that girl hooked up with someone else, 8 of them would have it anyways. I don't see how it makes any sense for me to tell them. I will take the necessary precautions to ensure that there is essentially no chance of passing it to her, a courtesy should would not otherwise receive when hooking up with someone that is ignorant to their situation.
However, if there is a girl that I feel strongly about, there is no way in hell that I wouldn't tell her. It would suck so much *** to do so, but I would. As for the rest of the population that has no idea what is going on in the world, I don't see an issue. I am not going to intentionally get them infected, but 90% of people have the virus by age 50. I mean seriously, get over yourselves. If you don't have it now, you will.
However, if there is a girl that I feel strongly about, there is no way in hell that I wouldn't tell her. It would suck so much *** to do so, but I would. As for the rest of the population that has no idea what is going on in the world, I don't see an issue. I am not going to intentionally get them infected, but 90% of people have the virus by age 50. I mean seriously, get over yourselves. If you don't have it now, you will.
I found this on a very well organized website on the matter of STD lawsuits. One thing you need in order to successfully sue someone is something called "burden of proof:"
Burden of Proof: To be successful in an STD lawsuit, the plaintiff (that is, the person unknowingly infected with a serious STD) must prove that the defendant (that is, the alleged “infector”) knew or should have known that they were infected with an STD. They must also prove that the plaintiff was unaware of the defendant’s STD at the time of the sexual encounter. Third, the plaintiff must show that they were infected by the defendant and no one else.
So they had to PROVE they didn't know (how one proves that is beyond me)...AND that it isn't possible that ANYONE else had given it to them. Considering that hsv stays in your body forever...you don't always get symptoms and if you do it's not necessarily a short time after infection...AND there is no way to know when the original infection occured...someone who gets genital hsv1 would have a hard time making a case. They would have to prove that they didn't have any sexual contact (oral, genital, etc) around the time they were with you...or after for that matter. They would have to prove that they KNEW they didn't have the virus before. Which is unlikely...as I might have mentioned, many STD testing sites will ONLY test people for herpes who have symptoms or who know they've been exposed. So, they would need to show proof that immediately prior to you they had a test that showed they were negative for hsv...and then after being with you (and NO ONE ELSE) they would have to prove they THEN have a positive test...making you the only person it could be.
And what someone needs to consider before filing such a suit is that when you make this accusation and take someone to court for this...the burden of proof is on YOU. Anyone, interested in trying: Good luck!
Burden of Proof: To be successful in an STD lawsuit, the plaintiff (that is, the person unknowingly infected with a serious STD) must prove that the defendant (that is, the alleged “infector”) knew or should have known that they were infected with an STD. They must also prove that the plaintiff was unaware of the defendant’s STD at the time of the sexual encounter. Third, the plaintiff must show that they were infected by the defendant and no one else.
So they had to PROVE they didn't know (how one proves that is beyond me)...AND that it isn't possible that ANYONE else had given it to them. Considering that hsv stays in your body forever...you don't always get symptoms and if you do it's not necessarily a short time after infection...AND there is no way to know when the original infection occured...someone who gets genital hsv1 would have a hard time making a case. They would have to prove that they didn't have any sexual contact (oral, genital, etc) around the time they were with you...or after for that matter. They would have to prove that they KNEW they didn't have the virus before. Which is unlikely...as I might have mentioned, many STD testing sites will ONLY test people for herpes who have symptoms or who know they've been exposed. So, they would need to show proof that immediately prior to you they had a test that showed they were negative for hsv...and then after being with you (and NO ONE ELSE) they would have to prove they THEN have a positive test...making you the only person it could be.
And what someone needs to consider before filing such a suit is that when you make this accusation and take someone to court for this...the burden of proof is on YOU. Anyone, interested in trying: Good luck!
1 Comments
I sued it wasn't as hard as you say
Oh, and the salmonella thing also doesn't stick, because there IS a reason people don't ask about health risks at restaurants. It's because there are health codes at restaurants which are formalized and required by law in order for restaurants to be up and running. There is obviously no such health inspector for people.
Without that known protection, people who have protected (and more specifically unprotected) sex with a partner and DON'T ask about the other's status a) assume that just because the person didn't disclose they don't have anything or b) understand there's a risk, but don't think it will happen to them...or c) know there's a risk and decide it's one they're willing to take. So, people who are a C, take responsibility for their own behavior. People who are a B, are clueless (as I was), but also will likely take responsibility if things go awry...and people who are an A...well, (in my opinion) those are the people who take zero responsibility for their own actions (probably have not been tested themselves) and are the most likely to sue you. Just food for thought (no pun intended).
Without that known protection, people who have protected (and more specifically unprotected) sex with a partner and DON'T ask about the other's status a) assume that just because the person didn't disclose they don't have anything or b) understand there's a risk, but don't think it will happen to them...or c) know there's a risk and decide it's one they're willing to take. So, people who are a C, take responsibility for their own behavior. People who are a B, are clueless (as I was), but also will likely take responsibility if things go awry...and people who are an A...well, (in my opinion) those are the people who take zero responsibility for their own actions (probably have not been tested themselves) and are the most likely to sue you. Just food for thought (no pun intended).
Thank you for writing. I welcome your thoughts and questions. First, I have to say, I give credit for doing research about your possible infection and for exploring/questioning.
I understand herpes can be painful...my first genital hsv1 outbreak was very painful and distressing. I do not have this discussion lightly. In fact, if you (others) read my entire stream carefully, it reflects that since my diagnosis last summer I have only had one new partner to whom I DID disclose BEFORE any sexual contact.
I understand your comparison with salmonella, however, it is quite different. My stance is that people should not jump to blame people who know (vs those who don't). The reality is that people who don't know they are infected are the ones (typically) unknowingly infecting others. I feel the misinformation and the witchtrial-esq stance approach people take to STDs are WRONG and contribute to the stigma and people not being tested themselves.
Do you think any untested person reading these forums is going to run out and say, "Hey, I've never had symptoms, but let me run out and beg my medical professional for a test. Maybe I'll find out that I have antibodies for hsv2 (or1) and I'll have to warn all my past, present, and future partners, risk legal action, risk public ridicule, etc."? Of course not. The truth of the matter is that if you did test positive for hsv1....and never had symptoms...most medical professionals would tell you not to do anything different. They'd pat you on the head, say most people get it as kids, and deny that you "have" to disclose. Heck, oral herpes are not even considered an STD...though it's what causes genital hsv1, which is still genital herpes. This nearly made my brain explode when I realized that I now have an STD...and TECHNICALLY the boyfriend that gave it to me doesn't.
By continually coming down on people who are positive who even SUGGEST not disclosing, we are fueling the fire of ignorance and accounting responsibility in the wrong direction.
I have done my research. Though I STILL have not decided if I would disclose in a CASUAL encounter (with comdoms and antiviral medication), I know MY virus. Genital hsv1 is not NEARLY as active as genital type 2...OR oral hsv1 ("cold sores"). My virus is statistically LESS contagious than the one most people consider "harmless" when they go out making out with strangers and don't think anything about it. Why don't MOST people think one thing about disclosing before kissing? True, some people don't know they have it (i.e. my ex). Some people know they have it, but don't know it can be transmitted when they don't have symptoms (still talking about cold cores). And some people (see Grace above), KNOW they have it and KNOW it can be transmitted without symptoms...but believe kissing is an "implied risk"? For the sake of argument (as someone who HAS type 1), I'm glad I have it below my waste instead of on my face. The cold sore type recurres more, is extremely painful (from what I've heard), is unsightly, and has actually more risk of medical complications (i.e. ocular herpes).
From what I've read from REAL LIFE medical professional as well as those on sites like this...genital hsv1 is actually DIFFICULT to transmit to a partner. Some providers have expressed they believe it's near impossible...possible....but highly highly unlikely. It doesn't like to be below the waste (hence it losing some of it's umpf with the reduced recurrences). It doesn't like to be there on me...and it doesn't like to be below the waste on my partner. Plus...envisioning the added protection of a condom (which, yes, is not 100% either)... I guess my point is that we are not talking about REAL risk. We are talking about a general fear of anything going on below the waste. If we were talking about people only needing to disclose if they were ACTUALLY risky...well, that would be a difficult and slippery slope.
I find the article you sited interesting...but I'm not too worried about it. Certainly if people who are married are not having these conversations there's something wrong...and there obviously was...they got divorced. Do you know that in many states sadomy is also illegal? And, yes, a woman's attorney during a divorce, dusted off this old law book and the husband ultimately was charged with something absurd and she got all kinds of money. To clarify, they participated in consensual anal sex...as many couples do...but some old random law resulted in him getting...well, screwed. Heck, people can sue a mistress for alienation of affection...also absurd...people have free will. Just because someone CAN sue, doesn't make their argument reasonable...or one that should support social standards.
Again, I will respond to any post that is respectful and actually welcomes dialogue. I appreciate your experiences and thoughts on the matter. (Sorry this was so long and wordy.)
I understand herpes can be painful...my first genital hsv1 outbreak was very painful and distressing. I do not have this discussion lightly. In fact, if you (others) read my entire stream carefully, it reflects that since my diagnosis last summer I have only had one new partner to whom I DID disclose BEFORE any sexual contact.
I understand your comparison with salmonella, however, it is quite different. My stance is that people should not jump to blame people who know (vs those who don't). The reality is that people who don't know they are infected are the ones (typically) unknowingly infecting others. I feel the misinformation and the witchtrial-esq stance approach people take to STDs are WRONG and contribute to the stigma and people not being tested themselves.
Do you think any untested person reading these forums is going to run out and say, "Hey, I've never had symptoms, but let me run out and beg my medical professional for a test. Maybe I'll find out that I have antibodies for hsv2 (or1) and I'll have to warn all my past, present, and future partners, risk legal action, risk public ridicule, etc."? Of course not. The truth of the matter is that if you did test positive for hsv1....and never had symptoms...most medical professionals would tell you not to do anything different. They'd pat you on the head, say most people get it as kids, and deny that you "have" to disclose. Heck, oral herpes are not even considered an STD...though it's what causes genital hsv1, which is still genital herpes. This nearly made my brain explode when I realized that I now have an STD...and TECHNICALLY the boyfriend that gave it to me doesn't.
By continually coming down on people who are positive who even SUGGEST not disclosing, we are fueling the fire of ignorance and accounting responsibility in the wrong direction.
I have done my research. Though I STILL have not decided if I would disclose in a CASUAL encounter (with comdoms and antiviral medication), I know MY virus. Genital hsv1 is not NEARLY as active as genital type 2...OR oral hsv1 ("cold sores"). My virus is statistically LESS contagious than the one most people consider "harmless" when they go out making out with strangers and don't think anything about it. Why don't MOST people think one thing about disclosing before kissing? True, some people don't know they have it (i.e. my ex). Some people know they have it, but don't know it can be transmitted when they don't have symptoms (still talking about cold cores). And some people (see Grace above), KNOW they have it and KNOW it can be transmitted without symptoms...but believe kissing is an "implied risk"? For the sake of argument (as someone who HAS type 1), I'm glad I have it below my waste instead of on my face. The cold sore type recurres more, is extremely painful (from what I've heard), is unsightly, and has actually more risk of medical complications (i.e. ocular herpes).
From what I've read from REAL LIFE medical professional as well as those on sites like this...genital hsv1 is actually DIFFICULT to transmit to a partner. Some providers have expressed they believe it's near impossible...possible....but highly highly unlikely. It doesn't like to be below the waste (hence it losing some of it's umpf with the reduced recurrences). It doesn't like to be there on me...and it doesn't like to be below the waste on my partner. Plus...envisioning the added protection of a condom (which, yes, is not 100% either)... I guess my point is that we are not talking about REAL risk. We are talking about a general fear of anything going on below the waste. If we were talking about people only needing to disclose if they were ACTUALLY risky...well, that would be a difficult and slippery slope.
I find the article you sited interesting...but I'm not too worried about it. Certainly if people who are married are not having these conversations there's something wrong...and there obviously was...they got divorced. Do you know that in many states sadomy is also illegal? And, yes, a woman's attorney during a divorce, dusted off this old law book and the husband ultimately was charged with something absurd and she got all kinds of money. To clarify, they participated in consensual anal sex...as many couples do...but some old random law resulted in him getting...well, screwed. Heck, people can sue a mistress for alienation of affection...also absurd...people have free will. Just because someone CAN sue, doesn't make their argument reasonable...or one that should support social standards.
Again, I will respond to any post that is respectful and actually welcomes dialogue. I appreciate your experiences and thoughts on the matter. (Sorry this was so long and wordy.)
I just found this forum because I'm looking for advice on my own possible HSV infection. I'm pretty frightened that I might be infected, to be honest. Worse, I might have had the virus transmitted to me not through sexual contact but through the sharing of smoking implements. I just found your thread and I felt compelled to comment.
"Those people who don't ask, don't know their own status, don't demand to use protection, don't demand to see their partner's test results, etc. etc. have no one to blame but themself. "
I don't understand your logic. Let's say you go eat a restaurant and you get salmonella poisoning that left you ill and cost you money in terms of medical care. You find out that the chef knew that his food was contaminated and served it to you anyway. Would you say it was your fault for not asking the chef if his food was contaminated? After all, anytime you eat certain foods you run the risk of getting salmonella ... and if you had asked, the chef would've told you his food was contaminated. It seems absurd to me. There are social and legal conventions that require that we warn people when we're knowingly putting their health at risk. It's what allows for social trust and allows society to function without people having to be paranoid and assume the worst.
People should be encouraged to ask questions and be safe, of course. But if you knowingly run a risk of affecting someone's health you should let them know. Just because it's not a big deal for you does not mean it wouldn't be for them. Based on what I'm reading, the virus reacts differently depending on a person's immune system. What might be asymptomatic for you might be a horrendously painful infection requiring thousands of dollars in retroviral medication for someone you infect. The fact that you would tell them if they ask but not if they don't seems like you're taking your particular ethical stance for self-centered reasons: so you can avoid having uncomfortable discussions or run the risk of having your overtures rejected ... unless someone calls you out. Personally (not saying this reflects widely held opinion or not) I am fairly certain I have oral HSV1 but I would be utterly devastated if I had sex with someone who could transmit genital HSV1 to me, no matter how low the risk. I'm now getting educated on this topic and would know to ask someone before hand but there are a lot of reasons someone might not ask their partner about the risks beyond ignorance or apathy. A lack of access to educational resources on the topic is one big reason.
I just googled "lawsuit HSV" and found a wealth of material on the legal topic you asked about. This comment from a Time magazine article stands out:
"These claims are being given momentum by an appellate court ruling last December in New York, a state that exerts substantial legal influence beyond its boundaries. The decision upheld the right of Jane Maharam, 56, to sue her former husband Robert, 56, on her claim that he had herpes and did not tell her. The court found that such partners have a legal duty to inform each other about their venereal diseases."
I don't know if this legal ruling still holds precedence, the Time article ("Sexes: The Cost of Kissing and Not Telling" if you want to look it up) is from 1987. But at the very least it demonstrates that federal courts have awarded multi-million dollar settlement against HSV infected people who knowingly passed on the virus in the past.
"Those people who don't ask, don't know their own status, don't demand to use protection, don't demand to see their partner's test results, etc. etc. have no one to blame but themself. "
I don't understand your logic. Let's say you go eat a restaurant and you get salmonella poisoning that left you ill and cost you money in terms of medical care. You find out that the chef knew that his food was contaminated and served it to you anyway. Would you say it was your fault for not asking the chef if his food was contaminated? After all, anytime you eat certain foods you run the risk of getting salmonella ... and if you had asked, the chef would've told you his food was contaminated. It seems absurd to me. There are social and legal conventions that require that we warn people when we're knowingly putting their health at risk. It's what allows for social trust and allows society to function without people having to be paranoid and assume the worst.
People should be encouraged to ask questions and be safe, of course. But if you knowingly run a risk of affecting someone's health you should let them know. Just because it's not a big deal for you does not mean it wouldn't be for them. Based on what I'm reading, the virus reacts differently depending on a person's immune system. What might be asymptomatic for you might be a horrendously painful infection requiring thousands of dollars in retroviral medication for someone you infect. The fact that you would tell them if they ask but not if they don't seems like you're taking your particular ethical stance for self-centered reasons: so you can avoid having uncomfortable discussions or run the risk of having your overtures rejected ... unless someone calls you out. Personally (not saying this reflects widely held opinion or not) I am fairly certain I have oral HSV1 but I would be utterly devastated if I had sex with someone who could transmit genital HSV1 to me, no matter how low the risk. I'm now getting educated on this topic and would know to ask someone before hand but there are a lot of reasons someone might not ask their partner about the risks beyond ignorance or apathy. A lack of access to educational resources on the topic is one big reason.
I just googled "lawsuit HSV" and found a wealth of material on the legal topic you asked about. This comment from a Time magazine article stands out:
"These claims are being given momentum by an appellate court ruling last December in New York, a state that exerts substantial legal influence beyond its boundaries. The decision upheld the right of Jane Maharam, 56, to sue her former husband Robert, 56, on her claim that he had herpes and did not tell her. The court found that such partners have a legal duty to inform each other about their venereal diseases."
I don't know if this legal ruling still holds precedence, the Time article ("Sexes: The Cost of Kissing and Not Telling" if you want to look it up) is from 1987. But at the very least it demonstrates that federal courts have awarded multi-million dollar settlement against HSV infected people who knowingly passed on the virus in the past.
In my honest opinion, anyone who pursues legal action against someone that "gave" them an STD needs to take a long hard look in the mirror and take some personal responsibility. Whenever you engage in a sexual interaction with someone else, you get whatever comes with that. Those people who don't ask, don't know their own status, don't demand to use protection, don't demand to see their partner's test results, etc. etc. have no one to blame but themself.
Did I know that I could get genital herpes from receiving oral sex from my boyfriend, who NEVER had a cold sore? No. And neither did he. Would I feel differently if he did know and didn't tell me? Perhaps. But the truth is that the responsibility would still lie with ME. He did not force his head between my legs. Even if he had known...I'm not going to cry and bring him to court. That's absurd. I'm a grown woman and made a choice. Period.
I would still love to hear about any case in which someone was successfully prosecuted (in civial or criminal court) for transmitting hsv-1. Whether or not it would be necessary to prove "intent to harm," the person making the acusation would AT LEAST have to prove that YOU were the one that "harmed" them (i.e. gave them type1). And the truth is that many people get it as children...and people (particularly men) are not tested until they have symptoms...even after first getting symptoms, there's NO way of knowing when exposure first happened. If there's no way to prove it, technically they are trying to say that you "harmed" them with something they very well could have already had.
You are right...I was hoping to get people's opinions because I feel the issue of disclosure needs to be discussed. I was not looking for someone to put their values of moral or sexual responsibilty on me that they are completely unable to support with their own behavior, a particular law, or statistics associated with REAL medical risk.
Did I know that I could get genital herpes from receiving oral sex from my boyfriend, who NEVER had a cold sore? No. And neither did he. Would I feel differently if he did know and didn't tell me? Perhaps. But the truth is that the responsibility would still lie with ME. He did not force his head between my legs. Even if he had known...I'm not going to cry and bring him to court. That's absurd. I'm a grown woman and made a choice. Period.
I would still love to hear about any case in which someone was successfully prosecuted (in civial or criminal court) for transmitting hsv-1. Whether or not it would be necessary to prove "intent to harm," the person making the acusation would AT LEAST have to prove that YOU were the one that "harmed" them (i.e. gave them type1). And the truth is that many people get it as children...and people (particularly men) are not tested until they have symptoms...even after first getting symptoms, there's NO way of knowing when exposure first happened. If there's no way to prove it, technically they are trying to say that you "harmed" them with something they very well could have already had.
You are right...I was hoping to get people's opinions because I feel the issue of disclosure needs to be discussed. I was not looking for someone to put their values of moral or sexual responsibilty on me that they are completely unable to support with their own behavior, a particular law, or statistics associated with REAL medical risk.
there are several people on hhp as well as herpes coldsores who have successfully sued the partners that transmitted hsv to their genitals. There are also entire forums set up for it now on the herpes dating sites too. It's why I mention it.
once again no one is telling you what you have to do. you obviously have the information you need to make your own decisions about your hsv1. you asked for opinions and information and you got it.
once again no one is telling you what you have to do. you obviously have the information you need to make your own decisions about your hsv1. you asked for opinions and information and you got it.
Are you also suggesting that I am somehow MORE bound by the obligation to disclose that I MIGHT have oral type1 (though statistically speaking it is just as likely that I do not) than you have an obligation to disclose to those you kiss that you KNOW you have oral type1?? Such an implication is absurd, offensive, and wildly hypocritical.
If you make the decision to disclose your own status based on the arbitrary rules that you create...which have no correlation with the actual contageousness of the virus and the statistical risk of transmission, then you are far from being in a position to make sweeping statements about "sexual responsibility" or judgements about what others need to be doing.
If you make the decision to disclose your own status based on the arbitrary rules that you create...which have no correlation with the actual contageousness of the virus and the statistical risk of transmission, then you are far from being in a position to make sweeping statements about "sexual responsibility" or judgements about what others need to be doing.
I have never heard of a lawsuit involving hsv1, which is why I respectfully ask that if you (as a supposed expert) know of one to please share it with me. Unless you can cite an example of this (as you brought it up), I am not longer interested in any further feedback.
Thank you.
Thank you.
google it. plenty of info on herpes and lawsuits out there when you do so.
when I said implied risk with kissing I meant of contracting something in general - colds, flu, gastroenteritis etc. same goes with ebv, cmv etc hence why I mentioned them.
also it worth mentioning that you also might have hsv1 orally but just no easy way to know it unless you get an obvious cold sore. The few studies we have on it show that anywhere from 1/4-2/3's of folks who have hsv1 genitally,also contracted it orally around the same time. It's worthwhile to discuss this with potential partners to decide if protected oral is worthwhile or not too. Most folks who contract hsv1 orally don't get obvious cold sores to know it.
grace
when I said implied risk with kissing I meant of contracting something in general - colds, flu, gastroenteritis etc. same goes with ebv, cmv etc hence why I mentioned them.
also it worth mentioning that you also might have hsv1 orally but just no easy way to know it unless you get an obvious cold sore. The few studies we have on it show that anywhere from 1/4-2/3's of folks who have hsv1 genitally,also contracted it orally around the same time. It's worthwhile to discuss this with potential partners to decide if protected oral is worthwhile or not too. Most folks who contract hsv1 orally don't get obvious cold sores to know it.
grace
Please cite one case where someone with genital hsv1 (not 2) was sued for transmitting it during intercourse. I find it unlikely as I have read that there has not been one documented case where it's clear it was passed this way. In addition, there are no known laws that require disclosure with hsv1 or 2.
Aside from this, all that threatening legal action does is scare those already hesitant about getting tested....into remaining ignorant (and NOT being tested) out of fear of being sued. I would think that someone in your position would prefer to be working against criminalization of such a thing, versus perpetuating the fear tactics that imply that anyone with any strand of this virus (who happens to KNOW about it) is a reckless criminal for not disclosing their status...in spite of other attempts to be educated and protect their partner(s).
And I would disagree with you that kissing is more of an implied risk than sex. I believe the general population has FAR more of an understanding about the risks of what can be transmitted during sex. Most people feel kissing is by nature benign and would be shocked to know that you could get this "incurable virus" (that can later be passed orally OR genitally) when there is not even any sign of a cold sore.
On general principal, I obviously have nothing to say about your decision not to disclose before kissing. But if you're going to imply directly or indirectly that I am sexually irresponsible for not disclosing a less contagious version...then that same rule applies to you.
Aside from this, all that threatening legal action does is scare those already hesitant about getting tested....into remaining ignorant (and NOT being tested) out of fear of being sued. I would think that someone in your position would prefer to be working against criminalization of such a thing, versus perpetuating the fear tactics that imply that anyone with any strand of this virus (who happens to KNOW about it) is a reckless criminal for not disclosing their status...in spite of other attempts to be educated and protect their partner(s).
And I would disagree with you that kissing is more of an implied risk than sex. I believe the general population has FAR more of an understanding about the risks of what can be transmitted during sex. Most people feel kissing is by nature benign and would be shocked to know that you could get this "incurable virus" (that can later be passed orally OR genitally) when there is not even any sign of a cold sore.
On general principal, I obviously have nothing to say about your decision not to disclose before kissing. But if you're going to imply directly or indirectly that I am sexually irresponsible for not disclosing a less contagious version...then that same rule applies to you.
actually no it is very realistic. Many folks have been sued in civil court for knowing they had it and not informing partners. It's pretty easy to do since it's civil court. No malicious intent is needed.
So why don't I talk about my hsv1 prior to kissing? Well I don't talk about my cmv , ebv or any of the other herpes viruses I know I have that can reactivate at any time and shed and be contagious either. to me kissing is a far more implied risk for folks than sex/oral sex is. As I said, it's a choice I've made even though indeed I am well aware that hsv1 orally sheds far more than hsv1 genitally does.
grace
So why don't I talk about my hsv1 prior to kissing? Well I don't talk about my cmv , ebv or any of the other herpes viruses I know I have that can reactivate at any time and shed and be contagious either. to me kissing is a far more implied risk for folks than sex/oral sex is. As I said, it's a choice I've made even though indeed I am well aware that hsv1 orally sheds far more than hsv1 genitally does.
grace
And the reference to the court piece is far from a realistic concern as they would have to prove that you acted with the intent to give something to them. If someone had consensual sex with someone who has hsv-1 (which the majority of people have), was taking valtrex, and used a condom...they would have a tough time proving that anyone was maliciously trying to harm them. Besides...since so many people have hsv1 as children and never know (because they're not tested)...they would also have to prove that they KNOW they got it from you...also unlikely.
Like everyone else, my goal is not to give someone what I have. But insistent that responsibility for educating someone eles and preserving their health is up to me, and threatening legal action, adds fuel to the stigma that people who have been diagnosed with herpes are a reckless and filthy bunch. This is not true of me...as I act toward protecting myself and others in a way I see fit...nor is it true of my ex...who inadvertently gave it to me and is for sure NOT disclosing that fact before he proceeds forward with other intimate relationships (which, yes, include kissing).
Like everyone else, my goal is not to give someone what I have. But insistent that responsibility for educating someone eles and preserving their health is up to me, and threatening legal action, adds fuel to the stigma that people who have been diagnosed with herpes are a reckless and filthy bunch. This is not true of me...as I act toward protecting myself and others in a way I see fit...nor is it true of my ex...who inadvertently gave it to me and is for sure NOT disclosing that fact before he proceeds forward with other intimate relationships (which, yes, include kissing).
Besides...you're MUCH more likely to give someone HSV-1 by kissing them than I'm likely to pass it by having vaginal intercourse with them...that's the truth. And it's the same virus.
I appreciate your opinion and I agree that the stigma needs to change and that education is a big part of it. I find it interesting that you make the personal choice (yes, like everyone else) to not tell partners you have oral hsv-1 before kissing them. And just like anyone else, I support your decision...as everyone has the right to make their own. But what is the reason other than the stigma of something transmitted sexually (i.e. below the waste). If you don't "kiss" them below the waste it is therefore not an STD and therefore not as bad? (I don't think either is "bad," but this is just for argument's sake.) But what if you gave oral hsv-1 to one of these unsuspecting individuals when kissing them (and not disclosing) and they gave it to someone else performing oral sex because they had no idea they had it? Yes, we make decisions based on our own moral judgement, but we also make decisions based on what is socially acceptable and since anything below the waste is stimatized....well, that's the air we all breathe. But if you're saying that any time there's an exchange of bodily fluid people should disclose...well...that would include kissing.
I totally agree too with discussing your herpes status with a partner ( it's a discussion - ie 2 way, not a confession ) when you are aware of being infected. Now I'm always 100% honest here and I've said before that I don't disclose my hsv1 status prior to kissing - it's my personal decision I've made and I'm the one to live with the consequences so I"m certainly not anywhere near "perfect" myself either. Of course if someone asked prior to kissing me, I would tell them. I do discuss my hsv1 prior to performing oral sex though because I feel that's an important time to do so even though the odds at my age of a partner not having hsv1 orally overall are very low as well as the odds of transmission of my oral hsv1 to their genitals is overall very low. Even one night stands/casual sex, it's something I bring up ( along with my hsv2 status too of course ). I am not naive enough to think that a new partner of any sort, casual or long term, is going to be honest with me and as you already pointed out, there is a lot of implied risk with casual sex but to me, I see it as I don't have to add to it all plus perhaps my talking about what I know I have, will get a partner to bring up something they know they have that they weren't going to talk to me about otherwise. also we live in a very litigious society and if you would happen to transmit your hsv1 to a partner and didn't talk to them about it first, they can pursue legal charges against you. It's a lot more than it being the "right" thing to do, it's about protecting yourself too. No one wants their name all over the local paper about being sued for transmitting herpes to someone.
to me when you don't discuss your herpes with a potential partner, you are just adding to the stigma of std's too. Not saying this is why you don't want to discuss your status all the time but for some folks, it's a fear of not getting laid if they do bring it up which means not discussing it is just adding to the stigma because in your mind, it has a stigma. You have to get rid of your own ideas about sex and std's in order to get rid of the stigma society has unfairly placed on std's. we don't think twice if you sit at the lunch table at work talking about the wart you have on your foot that you think you got from the hotel room you stayed in last month but for some reason even though sex is everywhere around us and we are all having it, we still have the mistaken thought that if it's from sex, it has to be "bad" even though there isn't a darn bit of difference between a wart on the foot and a wart on your genitals. we go to the grocery store and someone sneezes on us and we aren't surprised when a week later we have a cold but for some reason we get naked and exchange body fluids with someone and we are surprised that we have transmitted germs between us and a partner. Makes no sense to me. this should be something we don't think twice about talking about with a potential partner. Perhaps if we stopped insisting that our politicians have to be church going people, we could get some of the Victorianism about sex and std's out of our daily lives and start being realistic about a lot of things about sex including premarital sex. , birth control and std's. If folks would allow our schools to actually teach us what we need to know about std's instead of insisting that they can only teach us just say no until we have a ring on our finger, that too would be a huge step in the right direction. obviously this is a soap box of mine....he he he.
It is sexually responsible to discuss std's and testing with a partner and not rely on just a condom as being protection so you don't have to worry about it. it's not about being ignorant or being fearful at all - it's discussing something you know you have and finding out if your potential partner has had testing or not. since you have hsv1, you can still contract hsv2 so knowing if a partner gets tested regularly or not and if they even know if they get tested for herpes or not when they do is important for yourself too.
bottom line is it's totally up to you whether you talk about your herpes or not. We really don't care one way or another unless we are sleeping with you. It's about making the choices you can sleep with at night as much as anything.
grace
to me when you don't discuss your herpes with a potential partner, you are just adding to the stigma of std's too. Not saying this is why you don't want to discuss your status all the time but for some folks, it's a fear of not getting laid if they do bring it up which means not discussing it is just adding to the stigma because in your mind, it has a stigma. You have to get rid of your own ideas about sex and std's in order to get rid of the stigma society has unfairly placed on std's. we don't think twice if you sit at the lunch table at work talking about the wart you have on your foot that you think you got from the hotel room you stayed in last month but for some reason even though sex is everywhere around us and we are all having it, we still have the mistaken thought that if it's from sex, it has to be "bad" even though there isn't a darn bit of difference between a wart on the foot and a wart on your genitals. we go to the grocery store and someone sneezes on us and we aren't surprised when a week later we have a cold but for some reason we get naked and exchange body fluids with someone and we are surprised that we have transmitted germs between us and a partner. Makes no sense to me. this should be something we don't think twice about talking about with a potential partner. Perhaps if we stopped insisting that our politicians have to be church going people, we could get some of the Victorianism about sex and std's out of our daily lives and start being realistic about a lot of things about sex including premarital sex. , birth control and std's. If folks would allow our schools to actually teach us what we need to know about std's instead of insisting that they can only teach us just say no until we have a ring on our finger, that too would be a huge step in the right direction. obviously this is a soap box of mine....he he he.
It is sexually responsible to discuss std's and testing with a partner and not rely on just a condom as being protection so you don't have to worry about it. it's not about being ignorant or being fearful at all - it's discussing something you know you have and finding out if your potential partner has had testing or not. since you have hsv1, you can still contract hsv2 so knowing if a partner gets tested regularly or not and if they even know if they get tested for herpes or not when they do is important for yourself too.
bottom line is it's totally up to you whether you talk about your herpes or not. We really don't care one way or another unless we are sleeping with you. It's about making the choices you can sleep with at night as much as anything.
grace
I don't think that "the problem" is that most people don't know they are infected. If that were such a problem then herpes tests would be included in the standard STD testing - problem solved! Honestly, I believe the reason it's not is because the MAJORITY of people have HSV-1 and it's thought of as nothing because in most cases it is. Even when it is something it's far from earth shattering (and I'm saying that as someone who has it). And herpes is so heavily stigmatized that, if people found out they had it (particularly if they on't have symptoms), there'd be widespread hysteria. And the truth is most people who find out they have HSV1 are told there's nothing they need to do...both in terms of disclosure and in terms of altering their sexual practices. Suggesting that people who have cold sores (even those who know) disclose before they kiss someone, particularly when they are not symptomatic, is absurd.
I am not trying to argue with you, because I think your input is thoughtful, kind, and accurate. However, I think it is important to think about what we're all really talking about...and challenge the mainstream feelings and assumptions about herpes (INCLUDING the insistence that everyone MUST disclose ALL THE TIME in order to be responsible and moral)...because this "mainstream" mostly involves people who are ignorant and who live their life based on fear not the facts.
I am not trying to argue with you, because I think your input is thoughtful, kind, and accurate. However, I think it is important to think about what we're all really talking about...and challenge the mainstream feelings and assumptions about herpes (INCLUDING the insistence that everyone MUST disclose ALL THE TIME in order to be responsible and moral)...because this "mainstream" mostly involves people who are ignorant and who live their life based on fear not the facts.
As to your point about folks with oral HSV1 not disclosing, and oral sex being involved, well most don't realize perhaps that it can be transmitted via oral sex, especially in the absence of an active cold sore. My partner and I did not know it - at all. I knew he had had cold sores as a teen, but none in the time we dated. Yet of course, it happened to us through viral shedding (which we knew NOTHING about). So, much of it is lack of knowledge about how herpes is transmitted. I know when I shared this with a few of my close friends, none of them knew this was possible either.
I think most people are honest about their STD/herpes status, when in fact they know it - the problem is, the majority of folks who have herpes truly don't even know they are infected.
I think most people are honest about their STD/herpes status, when in fact they know it - the problem is, the majority of folks who have herpes truly don't even know they are infected.
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Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
