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Avatar universal

just diagnosed Herpes 2

I just got back my results. My fiance broke up with me in May 07. we had unprotected sex for the year we were together. I knew he had Herpes1 just becasue one time he had a cold sore. He did not take medication and we did not talk about it. In July 07 I had protected intercourse with a man and unprotected oral sex twice with him. That is it. I have not had any sex since then. Now I have been diagonosed with Genital Herpes (2) and I am negative for Herpes 1. I figure I got it from the oral or the protected sex with this one man. It makes me feel very hurt that I thought that using a condom would make me safe and yet I was at risk. WHen they called me with the test results they told me that  it means I have had it for at least six months. So there is no way for me to know really if I got it from this "encounter" or from my former fiance ( but I doubt it). Anyway what to do now and how and when do I tell a future partner?
15 Responses
Avatar universal
I think it's pretty unlikely you got type 2 from one encounter of protected intercourse. I'm not sure how you think you could contract type 2 from oral sex?? Did he have oral type 2 on his mouth?  That would be really rare as well.  

Sounds more likely that you got it from the guy you had the unprotected sex with in the longer relationship. Or maybe you even had it before that guy. Who knows? If the ex-fiance never got tested for type 2, there's no way to know if he had it or not.

Figure out what your outbreak pattern is going to be, then if you want to control it, you can use suppressive medication. You tell future partners when you are comfortable telling them. I usually tell my potential partners when it appears we both want to move forward with a sexual relationship. Otherwise, there's no reason for them to know about it. I've had very good outcomes with telling partners about it. I always insist that we both get tested, and these guys always come up negative for type 2, and they still want to sleep with me (or worse: some of them even want relationships with me).

Type 2 is really common. About 1 out of 4 sexually active people has it. The chances are good you'll meet future partners who either already have it, or who have some experience with it because they've already had partners with it, or they have friends with it or whatever. It's just not that big a deal. It certainly hasn't affected my life negatively.  
Avatar universal
I am reading the Herpes handbook that is on the Westhover clinic site. It says a symptom is a reoccuring urinary tract infection. I Have had that from Sept 2006 as I am looking back on the prescription. I started dating my ex fiance in May 2006. But I just dont feel I got it from him. THough he never brought up about having Herpes1, a lot of people dont think it is a big deal when they have a cold sore. In fact the first and only time I noticed him with the cold sore, and he said dont kiss me, I said honey I will kiss you anyway as I never thought about what it could mean. We did not kiss anyway and a week later it was gone. He had prostrate cancer and was very sexually inexperienced. I know he had been with a hooker at some point in the past, but he was always pretty open. THe only meds he had was for his athletes foot and his viagra and that was it. if he had herpes I should have seen some meds, or some signs of something, but I never did.

I recall shortly after my short relationship that I saw two small blisters. I wondered what they were but they went away and caused no pain. I Also inside my mouth, the soft tissue in my jaw, I would feel like I was getting a rash, or an allergy or an sore, but then it would just go away. I never thought about herpes as nothing came out on my lips like I see in the photos.

I guess I just wonder if I really had it all this time or I got it from this short experience when I thought I was beign safe. But I was being concerned about HIV.

I got tested for HIV twice now since that encounter, including again now and it was negative.



Avatar universal
First of all, just because he had genital herpes doesn't mean he would be using medication. So "not seeing medication" in his house means nothing. And just because he was aware of his type 1 on his mouth doesn't mean he also was aware he had type 2. 90% of people walking around with it don't even know they have it because their symptoms are so mild, or they have no symptoms at all.

How you "feel" about your partner  has nothing to do with basic biology and transmission of viruses. If you and your partner never got tested for type 2, then you truly can't say you knew he was negative. Sorry. It's possible you both had it when you hooked up, he had it and passed it to you, or you already had it and could have passed it to him.  

Being with a professional sex worker also means nothing in terms of having herpes. Generally, sex workers are probably safer partners overall than folks in the general population because they practice safe sex more regularly.

It's prostate, not "prostrate."
Avatar universal
Prostate..of course. It was a typo. sorry.

You are right. I guess it is harder not knowing when or how long I have had it.

Thanks.
Avatar universal
People always want to look backwards to figure out where and when they got it. I think personally that that is rather unproductive myself. If you have it, you have it. Once you are certain (via blood testing) that you have it, you need to move forward and just take care of your health and learn as much as you can about it so you can protect future partners if you have to. Placing blame, trying to figure it all out, reconstructing a "time line," or whatever other gyrations you want to go through to relive the past and figure it all out always sounded like a waste  of time to me.  

I was actually advised by my doctor not to start medication when I found out I had it. He wanted me to see how many or even if I had any outbreaks in the future, because I guess a lot of people just don't have any symptoms. Turns out I don't need medication unless I have a negative sex partner (which seems to be every fricking guy I meet! Where are the positive  guys?!?). So I use daily suppressive therapy when I'm getting laid, otherwise I don't bother because I don't have enough symptoms to warrant it.

That westover book is pretty badly edited from what I've seen. Too bad they can't spend any money for a decent editor. You can also learn a ton of stuff just perusing the doctor side of the STD forum. Those two doctors there really know their stuff, and they have a  cool attitude about herpes in general.

LIke I said, type 2 is REALLY common. I can't get a read from your posts how you are feeling about knowing you have it, but you sound a lot more levelheaded than some people who post here who don't even put themselves at risk for it! You'll be fine. The "telling" part can be a little unnerving, but you'll see that most men are really accepting of it, especially if you tell them you use medication to protect them. Good luck.
Avatar universal
Thank you for the time.

I feel very calm as I take very good care of my body and know it well, so when I saw that bump and felt that tingling and it would not heal, I knew something was wrong. Research told me what it was. I found sxcheck so I could do a test confidentially and it came back positive. THey called me and also were surprised at my reaction. I had already reconciled myself to the results. Sxcheck said I can call them when I have the3 next outbreak and they will send a prescription to a pharmacy nearby which I think is great for me, as thenI dont have to see a doctor.  I am not in the USA now but I will do that as soon as I am there, as I want to have a supply always on hand.

I am communicating through match.com with four nice men and plan to meet them soon.
So now I have this news, I am not sure what to do with it. Honestly I want to go on suppressive and keep this information to myself. I just cannot imagine telling someone this and being rejected. One of them is a doctor.

I got a sore inside my mouth today. It was a blister. So I really feel I got it from that one off encounter (two times oral sex and one protected intercourse). I had asked him to take an HIV test and then he got evasive and we stopped communicating. Somethiing tells me that though the odds were slim, taht perhaps he had an herpes outbreak and just got carried away ( as I did) and could not stomach to tell me after. Not nice, but such is life. Nothing can turn back the clock.

My sister died of AIds two years ago. So I always am careful about that and really you dont get HIV from oral sex, so I really thought I was being safe. I really did not know much about herpes. I am not going to stress myself as this seems like something that is manageable and it could have been worse. Aids is horrible and then there would be no chance for a new man in my life. So I consider myself lucky. It has been six months and I have done two HIV tests so I know I am okay but even so I did not take the risks associated with HIV to really worry.

So I feel I let down my sister who always said to stay safe. I feel I let down my moral standards by having a casual affair because of my depression, but overall I feel I hve learned a big lesson the hard way. I want to find a way to be a sounding board for people in my island home, as I am sure there are hundreds like me and many just need someone to talk to. I will find a way to serve in that capacity.

My only fear right now, is telling a partner.

Do you want to hear something that is VERY strange? My best friend called me yesterday. She is a Christian and she has fallen in love with this wonderful man. She said she had something to tell me that she has never shared with anyone. She told me. I have Herpes. I said...oh you mean cold sores. she Said...no I have had genital herpese since 1988. I got it from my ex husband. I never had symptoms for 10 years but I have it monthly now. So she is telling me that she told her new boyfriend and he is going to work with her through it as he loves her, but he is upset that she never told him earlier (they have been intimate but only orally and she was sure she was okay those times).
ANyway he is okay with it. At that same time, my overseas cell phone rings and it is SXcheck saying my results are positive. Is that wierd or divine intervention or what was that? We have been friends for about 17 years and she never told me. And now she is telling me on the same day and within 10 mins of telling me ,a nd while she is on the phone I get my news?  So I did share my news with her. I wont tell anyone else.

If I loved a man, I would love him regardless but I am a very passionate woman and I would hate to fele that the man cannot make love to me, just because he is afraid. We will  not have a good relationship.

I just feel if  I go on suppressives, then I can be more in control of my sexuality and return to a "normal" life and not have to worry about it.
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