Avatar universal

Extremely worried Husband

Dear Community,
My Wife and i have been married for 10 Years, we have 3 Boys 3,5&7.  My Wife had a Hysterectomy in Nov 2014 she had previously an OP to remove endremetreosis in Feb 14 which almost went horribly wrong as she lost a lot of Blood.   She has been in the Menopause since approx. July 13.   She is taking since Jan 15 Oestrogen patches.   My Wife has changed so much and is showing signs of Severe Depression and has since Dec 14 started to annalyse everything in her life.   We Bought a house in Aug 14 and moved in Feb 15.   She now wants a divorce.   Everything that has happened in our 10 years is being questioned and her future doesnt involve me at all.  She wants to move out because she Needs to live again.  I control her, she Needs to be Independent.  She never wants Sex with me again.   In October 14 i ordered her her Dream Car, she was so happy, now she says ist not really hers because i paid for it.   There are so many things that dont add up and ist causing extreme pain to all 5 of us.   We have not argued about this as i have tried to be as underdstanding as possible.  We have been to a counciling and she saw us together twice and then recommended that she works with my wife alone.  My Wife is still going to her.  Im not seeing any signs of improvement and im not sure how Long i can take this.  I would like some advice please.  Many thanks an extremely worried husband.  
4 Responses
Avatar universal
I am SO very sorry you are going through this! I also had a hysterectomy 9 years ago and it literally changed everything about me. My husband and I had a great marriage and sex life (aside from the normal challenges of any relationship). I had true affection for my children. Those feelings changed. I know I love my husband and children but it no longer feels genuine and that strong bond is gone.

I also became severely depressed, very irritable, anxious, and impatient. I had a hard time functioning not only because of the mood changes but a whole laundry list of other "surgical menopause" symptoms (loss of memory and cognition, inability to sleep, nausea, loss of motivation and focus, blurry vision, agoraphobia, repulsed by the thought of sex, etc.). It didn't help matters that I aged overnight due to major hair loss, graying, and skin collagen loss.  

These are all quite common after effects of "surgical menopause." The uterus and ovaries have life long functions just as a man's prostate and testicles do. Women's ovaries are akin to men's testicles.

I was also on the patch for 1-1/2 years and did horribly on it. It did not help my symptoms much at all. I felt like I was living a nightmare. I am now on generic Estrace tablets which have improved almost all my symptoms and I am much more functional. I still don't have any desire for sex but am no longer repulsed by it.

I hope, at least for the sake of your children, that you and your wife can work this out. Thankfully, my husband has been very supportive despite the changes to our relationship. I hope this helps.
Avatar universal
I am truly very sorry for all the sudden changes in your life. I will pray for you, your kids and also for your wife.  First of all I want to say we women feel so attached to ourselves.  When I was ordered for an hysterectomy in 2013 I ran away from the Doctor.  I knew that I would not be able to cope with this. It is 2015 now and my ovaries are still functioning well.  I felt that I was going to loose a huge and IMPORTANT part of my female thing.  I love my body and I am not going to allow  the doctors to  make decision for me.
Be Patient my dear,  She might overcome out of it.  It is good she is getting help,  Things would change. Give her sometime.  Honestly all women should get a second or even third opinion before allowing their Doctors to get rid of the most important part (OVARIES) of our organ.  You take care of yourself and stay strong for your children.

God Bless.
Avatar universal
Hello, I just wanted to share my experience as I can understand what your wife is dealing with and all I would say is be patient and she needs better hormone replacement therapy (especially the estrogen)

I too was led astray by a Dr. it took me 13 years to figure out that I had endometriosis so I went in and asked for the laparoscopy to prove or disprove that I had it...first the Dr. made me to all the ultrasounds/mri's and such which showed nothing so he like so many Dr.'s that had dismissed my concerns and pain...he said nothing shows on the tests so I most likely did not have it..but we did the lap anyway and I had deeply infiltrated endometriosis, all my abdominal organs were glues together...he closed me up and said hysterectomy along with ovaries removed....I wanted children...husband did not so I proceeded with the hysterectomy/bso (ovaries removed) which is castration so rather then the gradual decline in hormones a woman has with natural menopause we are thrown into instant menopause...and it's not pretty! I was not warned by my Dr. but he did put a patch on me right out of surgery, but that was no where near enough for a young woman ....so I refer to it as my hormone hell...I went from a hysterical suicidal cry baby to a raging mad lunatic...I could no longer orgasm..I was seriously dead down there which literally broke my heart and rather then talk to my husband I pushed him away out of shame and guilt of what I now was...considering the Dr. said all would be fine.. believe me I asked prior to the surgery. The divorce word came up often over the next several months and it was a very hard time for both of us...luckily neither of us reacted on the "D" word...and we are fine now...sex...well, that is unfortunately that is forever changed...it's very hard to have an orgasm, but I can actually have baby "o's" now that my nerves have healed...it took a naturalistic Dr. to get my hrt a bit more balanced and I still continue to tweak it here and there (I use bio-identical hrt) ...if you can weather this storm it will calm down, but it's going to take some time and it is definitely messy...try to be patient because she is a complete mess and not in her right mind so to speak and I mean that in the kindest way as someone who has been there...those hormones truly effect EVERYTHING! I think of that hormone hell as me sort of having a nervous breakdown because it really felt that way...I was contemplating suicide all the time and that is not who I am...I literally would stand over a mountain are I hike and strongly contemplate jumping...I was hunting my husband down accusing him of cheating on me...again...not who I am at all..The organs are gone so there is no going back...only forward, but you can all get through this... things will be different,  she is forever changed but it can be good again...I would STRONGLY recommend since she has endometriosis she see an endometriosis specialist because this Dr. who did her hysterectomy/bso is obviously NOT current on the latest research on this disease...I had all that done and still had endometriosis and now several surgeries and many years...I am ok...she can be to....but she does need to have blood work to see where her hormone levels are at as well as going by her symptoms, I had so many blood draws for the couple years after that surgery my veins were collapsing when they tried to get blood, but to get balanced (or semi balanced as the hrt will never be what our ovaries did)...this is menopause! I found also for me, it made me a tougher woman...I just don't/won't put up with much... I am sorry because I know this must be hard for the man who loves the woman going through this to understand...but we too are thrown into a horrible state when we are castrated and it takes time to figure it all out, digest and process the changes...please feel free to pm me or have your wife pm me if she would like to chat more in depth...Hang on it's going to be a bumpy ride but it can get better if she can get her hormones to a more normal level for her age...not for a castrated women! I would try to not go the divorce route (unless you want out) because things will shift, she will come back into a more normal place...with the right hrt! She will never be who she was exactly, but you can all find a new way...new place to start....hang in there this is a brutal place to be...
Avatar universal
Personally, I would have the hormone levels checked by a saliva panel, it is much more accurate.  You will see just how really low/high the levels are and also the ratio of Estrogen to Progesterone (very important).  There are other things besides conventional medicine you can do, one suggestion in addition to bio-identical hormones, you might want to find yourself a really good homeopath.  I've used homeopathy successfully for other things for family, friends and neighbors.  It's pretty gentle and might help in addition to balancing the hormones.
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