Had hysterectomy, is this normal....

[twinner2]

Hi, I am new to this forum.  I had a total hysterectomy (plus they removed my left ovary and fallopian tube).  They found extensive amounts of endometriosis--behind my uterus, completely surrounding my left fallopian tube and my left ovary was embedded (making it's way to the wall of my kidney!!), found a couple of fibroids, a cyst and adhesions from past surgeries. I also had adenomyosis.

My hysterectomy was on March 15, 2013 and I am still feeling very emotionally numb.  I had always wanted to have my own children but there was so many things wrong with me "down there" that the doctor told me that my chance of concieving (never mind carrying it to term) would be slim to none and after the post-op report, i can see why.  

I only cried once since I had the hysterectomy.  I just walk around like a zombie, unable to cry but feeling so depressed I don't know what to do with myself.  I have been sleeping ALOT.  I feel very weak still (since the surgery) and with the depression, all I want to do is sleep.  I was on Paxil, clonazepam, ativan (as needed) since wayyyyyyyyyyy before my hysterectomy.  

I am single, have no children and I don't have anyone to confide in except for my Mom and my sisters--since I don't have any friends outside of my family.  I don't know why but I feel guilty that I had the hysterectomy.  I had an abortion when I was 21(stupid one-night-stand) and sometimes I feel like God is kind of punishing me for terminating that pregnancy because now I can never get pregnant.  So it's also bringing up guilt issues surrounding the abortion.

Does anyone else have this numb feeling and depression 3 weeks post-hysterectomy? Anyone want to share their story?

[remar]

How have you been feeling lately? Have you talked to your Dr about hormone therapy?

[twinner2]

Hi jam, I am 38 years old and I STILL need my mother.  I will ALWAYS need my mother.  Not having had any children, I can say a few things with certainty (I have a BA in Psychology).  Boys are much different than girls.  A lot of times, it's easier for boys to leave the "nest" than it is for girls.  You have boys.  They may not SHOW you in obvious ways that they need you, but they are probably at the point in their lives where a lot of things are going on--career, relationships, etc. where they forget to tell you how much you mean to them.  But believe me when I say this:  NO ONE can take the place of a mother.  No one.  Depression is a terrible thing and I've had it almost my whole life so I know how crippling it can be....how deceptive it can be to your mind.  It is telling you that no one would miss you if you were gone.  NOT TRUE.  IT'S THE DEPRESSION TALKING.  Are you taking any psych. meds?  If not, I think it's worth exploring.  I am and I wouldn't be able to survive without them.  Good luck and we can chat any time you want.

[jam1970]

I know what you are feeling. I too had an abortion. And I had a hysterectomy several years ago. NOW I am seeing blood on my panties. I deal with severe depression and don't want to to to the doctor. I am hoping that I had put too much pressure on that area when I was showering and the skin was dry and I tore the skin..I can't handle going to  the doctor and waiting for results to come back. I have chosen to stop thinking about it. If more bleeding happens than I will probably have to see the doctor but for now I am going to try and forget about it. I have many meds for my depression that will help me get though this horrible time. I am thinking that the area was just dry from lack of estrogen in my body. That is what I have chosen to believe..and I have had everything removed so what could it be?? Maybe the little bit of the vaginal area that is left. I will be thinking of you and hoping all is well with you. I have three grown boys and have no reason to live anymore since they are all far away and I don't get to see them very often. They call home often but they don't need me anymore so if it is something serious I would prefer to keep my head in the sand and live what life I have left not knowing. I just can't go through that wait for the tests to come back...It's too much for me. I feel like  I have nothing to live for anymore anyway...I am almost 60 years old and that really sounds so old. I know that I sould really messed up but with my depression, I can't deal with anything else. I wish you well...

[expectingandhopeful]

I also had hysterectomy on April 19th. I was shocked wen I found out that's my only option. Now I am praying that the results, which I learn about next Monday are good news :-( I have four kids. I had two miscarriages and beat myself up thinking maybe I strained my body too much and that's why I miscarried. God does not punish us. We choose the way we want to go and he is right beside us. Maybe if you pray more you will find the healing? Maybe if you get involved in voluntary programs helping kids from abusive families you will find a way to cope. There are a lot of babies who are born addicted to drugs already and I know you can become a 'baby huger'. Those baby's need someone to hold them while they scream their way through the withdrawal. It could be good for you.

On the other hand, I can completely relate to the depression after my surgery. I can't take hormones because we don't know yet if the tumor I had was hormonally active. I fear the news on Monday :-( At this point I just worry that I live long enough to raise my 1.5 year old twins, my 6 year old and my 15 year old daughters. I feel selfish now for having kids this late in life, my twins were born when I was 36. I took health for granted and now I pay for that.

I understand where you're coming from and wish you smooth recovery and healthy life ahead <3

[remar]

That's exactly what I was thinking too. What about adoption? There are so many children that need a loving mom to take care of them.
You did'nt say if you were taking any hormones? It's not uncommon for women to feel tired. depressed and numb after this surgery. I started on hormones while still in the hospital and have felt good every since.
Talk to your Dr about hormone replacement therapy to see if it's right for you.

[twinner1234]

I know how FRUSTRATING it is when you desperately need someone else's point of view and no one answers.  I too am going to have a total hysterectomy and have a feeling I, too will feel numb.  Its like, you're glad you won't have the pain and bloating ALL THE TIME, but its change and I'm not good with change.  I know it is permanent and that's probably why you feel numb but permanent, down the road could spell RELIEF.  You're problems sound like mine and my pelvic area is too messed up as well to carry a child to term, much less conceive.  You did the right thing.  As for when you were 21, you measured your options and did what you thought you could handle (esp. it being a one night stand).  I am pro-choice and the fact that you feel bad about it means you're someone who thought, maybe different timing, with a different person, maybe even different financial situation(who knows?) your decision might have been different.  But the past is the past, you did what you thought was best for all concerned (you probably didn't want to be a welfare Mom, always worried about providing for a child).  Maybe you are meant to adopt when you find the right man down the road...or have cats, they're the best!!! teehee. Don't be hard on yourself, your lifechart was planned before you were born so, I believe this was meant to happen. Don't beat yourself up!

[twinner2]

Please, will someone read and reply to my post from April 4, 2013???