getting scared, hysterectomy 2 days away, how will I feel emotionally?

[twinner1234]

I have a total hysterectomy (cervix and uterus, perhaps an ovary if it is damaged by endometriois, cyst,etc.  I have endometriosis, adenomyosis, a fibroid tumor, and a large, bulky uterus (those are the things that I know of).  I am scared about the pain because I have a low threshold for pain and anytime I need any kind of meds for pain, the "regular" strength doesn't touch it and a lot of the times, neither will the "extra-strength".  I thought long and hard about this surgery. I'm 38 and have had 4 laproscopies for endometriosis, endo always returning. I've been on the continuous birth control but now, even though I'm taking that non-stop, my period comes on time anyway. Have pain, bloated, always had pain with sex and such EXTREME pain with periods...I love kids and I always thought I'd have them but sometimes you have to change some plans in life. I don't want to be in pain anymore.  I want to be able to exercise again and fit clothes again.  I don't want to have pain with sex (or even masturbating).  To tell you the truth since I've had trouble with depression and anxiety all my life, it would be hard to be pregnant for 9 mths...kudos to those that can do it.  But what if I wake up and it hits me really hard--no kids for you.  I mean I've accepted it now (maybe adoption in the future?) but I STILL don't know what my hormones are going to be like right after and maybe I will grieve...but even though I am 100% sure this is the right decision for me, is it still normal to grieve?

[dcgatorwife]

Even though I have the most beautiful 7 year old adopted twin daughters, I too was never able to have my own biological children.  I've never felt I missed out on being a mother, however, I did feel in the early years like I was cheated the joys of carrying a baby.  I know, who really wants to get big and fat?!  ha ha ... I married at 39 and after years of trying to have a family and numerous medical tests, my doctor reported my body would not produce a child.  Interestingly enough I had a period every month like clock work!  I had a laparoscopic hysterectomy five days ago to eliminate the large fibroid tumors that were making intercourse unbearable.  I have a high threshold for pain, so I did not need to use the pain pump they provided me with, nor did I take much pain medication once returning home.  I did notice being a little more sore on the right side than the left, and feeling a little sleepy the first day, but I made an effort to move around a little each day at my doctor's recommendation!   I did not have much of an appetite (still don't) but made an effort to drink 96 oz of water a day because I was so parched and worried about my bowels moving.  I have been eating fresh fruits, veggies and soft food.  I didn't realize my bowls hadn't worked for 3-4 days because I didn't feel I needed to go.  I would suggest start using a stool softener or laxative to jump start things if you haven't gone.  I was a little packed due to the narcotics from surgery!  I feel good and I'm glad I had the surgery.  Take it easy and don't over do it.      

[twinner1234]

Thanks to remar and libmum, I might have to take you up on those chats!

[libmum]

good luck and I hope your op has gone well.  There is pain and Im sure you know you will be sore for a while.  I told myself to think of the bigger picture and after a lifetime of pain I am so relieved to have had a hysterectomy.  I am slowly getting back to normal again and feeling positive again.  Try not to concentrate on the negatives.  When you are feeling well again you can make those big decisions regarding a family, ie adoption.  And yes, it is perfectly normal to grieve.  I didnt think I would but had fleeting moments of sadness but they passed.  I suffered from bloating a lot but since the op I have lost weight and am fitting into my clothes again.  Feel free to message me if you need to chat,  ( I am 7 weeks post op)

[remar]

I understand what you're going through. I also had a complete hysterectomy for endometriosis.
I worried about the pain too but try not to worry because you will receive really good pain meds in the hospital and they will send you home with pain meds.
Follow Drs orders and don't lift anything, take stairs or have sex for 6 weeks. Your body needs that time to heal even though you'll be feeling good much sooner than 6 weeks.
I have one daughter and after the surgery I felt a little depressed because I knew I could have no more children. Things happen for a reason though and it worked out great that she was an only child. You're right, it is a hard 9 months!
I really think once you're out of this pain you're life is going to be so much better. I have never missed having those horrible periods, painful sex, and being so sick all the time.  
I would recommend getting lots of books, magazines and movies. Have your husband or a family member do this for you. When you get home you'll need to rest even though you may feel like doing things. You really should not be doing any cleaning, laundry or anything like that for awhile.
Yes, it is perfectly normal to grieve. Talk to your Dr when you're still in the hospital about hormone therapy. My Dr actually started me on hormones before I left the hospital.
I'm here to listen and answer any questions you have.

[twinner1234]

I forgot to say my operation is in 2 days, May 29, 2013.