how do i stop trauma from dr's visit affect outcome of hysterectomy?

[twinner1234]

Went to see the gynecologist who is going to do surgery for me in a few months a few days ago( poor bedside manner,blunt and today, downright RUDE. Was talking about the operation he said, " I really wish you could loose some WEIGHT before then." I am really embarrassed because I'm 5'1 and weigh 180lbs. I am so f@*king tired all the time and when I do exercises my muscles get sore really easily or I have pain in my pelvic region. But I was starting to feel better about myself because I got a new haircut again and I felt that it made my face look slimmer...until that day. After he said that, I said, " I didn't think I was THAT big..." and he said, "yeah but you are, you are quite a bit overweight, esp. for your height." It was such a shock to hear that when the beginning of the appointment was going well. I put my head down and my eyes started watering and before I knew it I was crying. HOW HUMILIATING. Then he said, "what are you're thoughts?" and I said, "Well your being blunt and probably because you're a doctor, but it really hurt my feelings. You don't know how hard I've TRIED to lose weight...do you think I want to look like this? I got my haircut and felt my face looked thinner and I was starting to feel better about myself but I don't feel better about myself anymore. I’ve had problems with weight all my life and I’ve been so depressed not being able to lose weight I’ve thought about suicide." GET THIS, he says, "I don't judge you, I accept you for who you are. You have to LOVE yourself." He contradicted himself, stupid a-hole. He's making it pretty f@*king hard to LOVE myself after making me sound like a whale. I cried all the way home, went upstairs to try and sleep but couldn't stop crying. My identical twin just had a hysterectomy and they were scared because after the surgery her heartrate was really fast and her oxygen levels were low. He DID say that he's concerned about my upcoming operation and the same thing happening and my weight having a contributing factor. WHY COULDN'T HE JUST HAVE SAID THAT IN A COMPASSIONATE WAY INSTEAD OF SAYING WHAT HE DID??? I'm the first person to say that I'm REALLY sensitve about my weight and appearance in general but there's a compassionate way of doing things and a rude way and he was the latter. Plus, I weigh about 20 more pounds than my sis...we're usually closer in weight but I don't know whether its because I have low thyroid levels and she doesn't or what because we eat the same things. I'm worried that since he's the surgeon, the surgery might not go as well because I'm so humiliated and angry and depressed. The stupid thing is that after I said I've tried really hard to lose weight he said, "and you probably can't" WTF? I mean, if he even thinks I can't lose weight on my own give me some GOD DAMN WEIGHT LOSS PILLS if he's so worried about my heart and oxygen levels. I have OCD and if my life wasn't screwed up enough, I have anxiety disorders.  So I slept for awhile and when I woke up I had a terrible migraine from crying so hard. Then, good old ocd made the thoughts go round and round in my head, ocd had been described as your brain being a record player that keeps skipping...talk about annoying. I also have chronic depression, I don't have depression all the time, but I've had it since I was little and it comes and goes throughout my life. So its making it even harder to get past. But my question is, how do I have a healthy recovery when I can't stand the thought of my surgeon??? The only reason I haven't told him off is because he is a good surgeon but has the personality of a bedpan....wait, the bed pan shows people more respect.  How do I forget when, with the ocd I obsess about it every day and I DON'T WANT TO. Will that traumatic experience affect my recovery?? How can I stop him from hurting my recovery???

[twinner1234]

Thank-you for your comment and YOUR compassion.  I did tell him when I was telling him off the next morning that he had NO IDEA what its like to have menstrual cramps since the age of eleven and missed so much school because of the pain and he's also never experienced the pain of endometriosis. He said HE HAD A BOWEL SURGERY AND WAS BETTER VERY FAST AND HIS WIFE HAD A HYSTERECTOMY AND WAS BETTER FASTER THAN NORMAL. I told him  that it's like a stigma to heal slower, BUT EVERY BODY IS DIFFERENT.  What do you do when you are traumatized by how others treat you? I don't know how to get over this, its making the pain after the hysterectomy worse I think. I just don't know what to do?

[twinner1234]

Well, I let that SOB of a surgeon do the hysterectomy but the next morning when he came to explain what he did, I know I was just going to ignore his rudeness and arrogance--but I couldn't help it and I ended up telling him what I REALLY THOUGHT OF HIM!! I can't go thru what was all said because to tell you the truth, I am VERY traumatized about what happened but he said that he's been told by many people how skilled he is and I said,"you are a good surgeon, you are a very good surgeon but you have the worst bed-side manner I have EVER seen and I've had quite a few doctors."  And of course as soon as I disagreed with him about healing time, he said I was being "argumentative and was leaving" and I said, " and that is EXACTLY what you did to my sister, you said we're done here as soon as someone doesn't share your opinion."  He walked away in the end being a big baby. The worst part??? How ironic is it that the old woman that I was sharing a hospital room with said, after he left, that I WAS WRONG and he was being nice to me and I was taking it the wrong way. She said that that was the doctor that saved her daughter's life.  ****!!!  An hour before that, that woman and I were talking about our lives and becoming friends (so I thought). I can't believe I told her so much about my life, growing up, missing my loved ones that passed.  And she, was  SO BLUNT, SAYING I WAS WRONG, HOW THE DOCTOR WAS RIGHT, AND BEFORE SHE KNEW WHO THE DOCTOR WAS, SHE AGREED WITH ME????  I feel like I'm going crazy right now, trying to deal with the pain isn't easy for me and I keep seeing the doctor's face, hearing the woman say I was wrong....I couldn't stop crying in the hospital after that happened and I have ocd (obessive compulsive disorder) and my thoughts are like a skipping record.  I don't want to think about it anymore but I don't know how to stop.  I am on medication--luvox which is an anti-depressant that's good for ocd and i'm also on anti-anxiety pills--ativan and clonazepam.  I guess I'm just in shock about having to literally tell him to leave my room.  I just want to erase all of what happened in the hospital from my mind :(

[remar]

Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I wish that Dr was a woman and had to go through this surgery. His bed side manner would change very fast.
Yes, he must have a miserable life but that is no reason to take it out on his patients. You deserve respect and compassion.

[twinner1234]

Hi! Thank-you so much for the nice things you said.  If there were any other way I could get a new gyne (esp. a woman) I would.  But I'm in Canada (Alberta to be exact) and our health care system is crap.  It takes a long time to get referred and then at least 6 mths before you see one.  I saw someone before this ******* who just looked at my chart and said that it looks complicated and just like you, as a patient, get to pick your doctor, I can pick my patients!  WTF???
You know what I've decided to do? Since my hysterectomy is booked for May 29 (two days away....and I'm really nervous), I know since he did a surgery for me in the past, that I will barely have to see him, 5 min. tops after the surgery the next morning.  I will get my stitches out by my medi-clinic doc (that's what my sister did, she had the same procedure by the same ******* and had it out with him too.  I guess if you sit there like an idiot and don't ask questions, oh and weigh 103 lbs. (f*@k him!!), he will be nice to you.  The only thing that I'm worried about is losing my temper for the post op but he gets his students to do all the dirty work anyway (questions, exams).  But my twin sis was still having pain 7 weeks after--a lot of pain and he could have easily wrote out a prescription for the pain because now, he must be worried about something because he wants her to go for blood tests and a bladder ultrasound (she was having issues urinating, which is getting better now, but has the ultrasound the day before my surgery!) Sigh....I'm a better person than him, I would always think of a kind way to word things and if he can't act like a DECENT HUMAN BEING, he must have a MISERABLE LIFE.  ***** to be him!!

[evewisewoman]

Hi twinner1234,

I just finished reading your comments. Personally, I would find another
gynaecologist. This surgeon sounds like a moron. If you possibly can,
I would try and fine a female gynaecologist. There is no way in this world
I would let any man, surgeon or otherwise to talk to me that way, or let a
surgeon who felt that way about me, operate on me, particularly perform
a hysterectomy on me. I'm actually the same height as you, 5' i''. I'll tell
you if any male doctor said hurtful things to me and then asked me what
I was thinking, he'd be sorry he'd ever asked me, because I'd tell him exactly what I was thinking. Find another surgeon. This guy is not the
appropriate choice of a surgeon for you and I wouldn't let him operate
on my pet cat let alone on a person. Any doctor /surgeon who makes
you cry and upsets you, you leave. So you're a little overweight, so what.
So am I actulaly. You say you have anxiety issues and OCD. I can't say
this strongly enough. I would find another gynaecologist, preferably female.
I have a female doctor and I wouldn't have it any other way. My doctor is
compassionate and listens to me and supports me. You need to find
a gynaecologist that supports you, not someone that criticitizes you.
I'm older than you. I'm actually in my mid 50's and the older I get, the
less ******** I'm willing to put up with. Remember that you are beautiful
and smart and capable. Don't let some male surgeon put you down or make you feel sad or desparate. Take good care, Eve :)
p.s. I just reread part of your comments. You say you've suffered from
depression since you were a child. Anyway, I hope you are on some
kind of antidepression medication to help you deal with this. My tendency
towards depression is hereditary. As for your anxiety issues, you could
try using some herbal teas, non caffine. I found melatonin ( available in
health food stores , now in some drug stores) very helpful to aid in
sleeping. Please make sure though if you choose to use herbal medications or products bought in a health food store, to consult your doctor to make sure it doesn't conflict with any of the other medications
you're taking. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and
the stars. Strive to be happy. ( from the poem Desiderata )  Eve :)

[twinner2]

First of all, i'm sorry you had to go through all of that.  As if you didn't have enough to worry about with the hysterectomy coming up!!!  Your doctor is an insensitive a-hole and everybody says, "that's how all surgeons are" like that makes it okay for them to have no bedside manner???  Things have to change!!!  When you have endometriosis (like I had), it is almost impossible to lose the weight.  Just after an exercise session, I would get soooo bloated that it almost wasn't worth it.  After you have the hysterectomy and time to heal from that, THEN you will be able to make some headway concerning weight loss.  I promise!!!

[ticked]

I posted something for you on the Endometriosis board :)