Can you get beyond it?

[ataloss417]

So some of you may know my situation from the relationships community where I had a question about leaving my relationship. I had discovered my fiance was cheating on me and was thrown into a complete depression of what to do or not to do etc. I have been given lots of emotional/mental support by doctors and counsellors and took a major time out for myself by going home to stay with my folks for a few weeks. After several conversations with my fiance we decided to give it another shot. I was happy with this decision because I love this man very much and would like things to work out for us. I've been home now with him for almost two weeks (not long yet I realize) and things have been great between us. We get out and do things together and are able to laugh and talk the way we used to. But I still have this lingering feeling in the back of my mind of whether I can trust him fully again or if I am always going to wonder what he is doing behind closed doors. Will this feeling get better and go away? It hasn't caused any problems to this point and I should say I'm not suspicious that he is doing anything...it is more like a constant worry, like when is the floor going to fall out from beneath me again? I want this to work and I suppose if I have to feel this way for the rest of my life, well, I just don't know if that is feesible. So does it get better? Do you learn to just relax again? And if so how long until I can be one of those people again?

[brice1967]

Mami, be strong and keep youre head in there!  We too are relying on hope and both of our strong wills.  From talking to you in this forum, you seem to be a real strong woman.  If your guy is half as strong and committed as you are, its a sure bet that it will work out.

[mami1323]

We are and have been. I just hope its enough.

[GroovyDeeDee]

Mami,
Are you and your guy in counseling.  That is the thing that reassures me that my very easily manipulated, hopeless romantic husband won't get drawn away again . . .

[lovemykids465]

I am sorry Mami,  The good thing is he is with you now and we can not let fear of the unknown eat at us. I know b/c I have. Just want you to know you have been such a strength to me! Dee dee, Same here the WHY is a killer but they don't even know the answer. If you dwell on it , it eats at you so I have to let it go. It tries to pop up every know and again.

[mami1323]

I wish I could say the same thing :(....but I feel differently about my fiance then you both feel about your husbands.  Do I think he's being faithful to me now?  Yes.  Do I think he's cheated on me in the past where I couldn't actually prove it?  Yes.  Do I think perhaps he will do it again?  I don't know.  I love him to death but I can totally see why he got sucked into an affair.  He's very easily manipulated.  He doesn't understand consequences until he's right in the midst of it.  I know he loves me but at times I do struggle with whether or not he can walk the straight and narrow.  I just take it one day at a time.  

[GroovyDeeDee]

Yes, it sounds like Brice and Joe have a lot in common!  How do great guys like them get sucked into these messy situations?  That's one of the questions that drives me crazy!  Brice has always been very forthright and honest, and I was so shocked to learn that he had set his principles aside for this woman - for a tawdry long weekend!  The "why" of it, which he can't answer is what drives me crazy.  

It is getting easier to just not think about it, though.  We ARE making progress.