Once again the old chestnut do as I say not as I do.....if I was you I would kick his bottom from here to kingdom come.
How dare he !!!!! has he a problem with HIS memory what a piece of work he is.
You have got yourself a dyed in the Wool male Chauvinist Pig.
But sorry ......hun two wrongs wont make it right and you Must put your children first as what ever you do will impact on them for a long time.It might be a good idea if you did separate as I would think it is not a happy household at this time.
I might be old fashioned but I would never do something I know I will regret later.
When my ex had an affair I never thought of doing the same thing I simply could not go there.Although I would have had a hard time refusing Elvis in his heyday and Paul Newman..... but they rightly belong in my fantasies only.
You know this is what I keep hearing...kick him out!..It's sad to me but in reality that is what's best. And I thought the same, how dare he get all huffy and blame everything on me. We are both at FAULT here. I accept what I have done and I'm trying to get through this. And yes you are right, Male Chauvinist Pig he is!!!
I really appreciate your honest opinion.
What I am suggesting is the word "finance" implies pending marriage and after 12 years (or 7, or 5) maybe marriage was never the "intent" and if one is not ready to commit (as in a marriage) maybe we shouldn't be living with these guys and making babies with them. If things are ever going to change it would be up to US to change them. We could start by dropping the attitude "boys will be boys" AND the attitude "what can I do to make sure this never happens again?". If WE change our attitudes THEY will HAVE to change theirs.
seeana, I love Your humor!!
Hey, let me interject for a minute. First off, finding yourself help is key so be glad that youo started there. Your stability will be paramount when it comes to raising those kids.
Secondly, if the guy doesnt want to address his problems, they arent going to go away. Take it from me, a man who for 30 some years either blew up or swept things under the rug. These problems will bite him in the hind quarters.... and if these problems don't, not knowing how to deal with future issues will. It's a given.
I would never tell anyone to give someone the boot. This is a decison that only you can make. Take a good long look at yourself and your situation.... take a good long look at him and this situation..... be fair while judging. (I am fortunate enough to have a 2nd chance and I am doing all it takes and then some to try and save the marriage)
I do not believe "once a cheat, always a cheat". The interesting dynamic here is that you both cheated.
Good luck, get help and listen to your therapist
So you take him back ater not only having an affair but also having a child with someone else whilst with you,brave woman that would of been the end for me,i could and have forgiven an affair,but another child na,soory i couldnt,so then you go and have an affair,as you said not for revenge,it was a mistake,but one your partner cant forgive,so tell him to get,you can forgive him and not even be allowed to discuss it with him and the same with your affair,do to him wot he has done about his affair swwep it under the carpet and forget him,i honestly think this relationship has gone through to much damage,i am really sorry and i feel for you.
I agree with Brice here. Lonelyag, you need to find yourself first. This is not a stable environment for the children either.