Aa
Going through separation..very depressed!
My fiance and I have been together for close to 12 years. We have 2 girls ages 10 and 4. The first couple of years we always had our ups and downs and we struggled to stay together. But now, it's been really really hard since I found out he cheated on me when I had just had my second daughter and the woman became pregnant so he has a daughter that is 3 with this woman. We seperated for some time but I eventually forgave him and tried to move on. We never really worked on our relationship, we kind of just swept it under the rug and din't really discuss it because he didn't like to. I was very patient and I was hurt but I wanted to be with him because I loved him and for the sake of the girls. Now I made the biggest mistake of my LIFE...I cheated on him for 2 months as well. It didn't start out as a revenge or anything like that, I never in a million years thought I could be capable of something like this. I hate myself so much for doing this to him and I want to work on us but he will not. He is disgusted with me and wants to separate as we are not married. We are still iving in the same house but it's so hard not to talk to him..he won't talk to me. What can I do or what should I do in this situation.,.Any advice I don't have anyone to talk to about this as I feel very shameful!
Seanna, I appreciate your input so much!! Somehow I try to always think this way but something gets into the way and I go back to BLAMING myself for everything..like I'm so much better than this. Know what I mean. I know I can be stronger for my girls. That is my number one priority at this point!
Thanks so much seeana! You're awesome!
Thanks so much seeana! You're awesome!
It is much worse to be cheated on than be the cheater.I will tell you why!!! the cheater has a choice.... the one who is cheated on has NO choice.
Anyway stop beating yourself up ! your guy cheated on you first of all AND he has fathered a child with that woman.
Don't you see its not about what YOU did its still about what he got up to..... and the audacity of the man to be very angry at you.
YOU did not mess up HE did.Do you know what !!! I bet you would never have had an affair if he had not cheated on you.
Somehow this man has convinced you that what you did was so much worse than his affair ...what a piece of work he is.
You do need a plan ! you need to be strong....you have no choice for your girls sake.
I sound hard but cant you see what is happening ?? you are being dominated and controlled I know this because my ex tried to do it to me and it stinks.No way would I want you to feel like I did as it can affect you for the rest of your life.
Take the high ground angel you have that right.
Anyway stop beating yourself up ! your guy cheated on you first of all AND he has fathered a child with that woman.
Don't you see its not about what YOU did its still about what he got up to..... and the audacity of the man to be very angry at you.
YOU did not mess up HE did.Do you know what !!! I bet you would never have had an affair if he had not cheated on you.
Somehow this man has convinced you that what you did was so much worse than his affair ...what a piece of work he is.
You do need a plan ! you need to be strong....you have no choice for your girls sake.
I sound hard but cant you see what is happening ?? you are being dominated and controlled I know this because my ex tried to do it to me and it stinks.No way would I want you to feel like I did as it can affect you for the rest of your life.
Take the high ground angel you have that right.
I wish I could come up with a plan...but it's hard. I'm very weak when it comes to making hard decisions like this! I have to make sure it's right for my girls and I. I don't want to mess up more than I already have.
I see where all of you are coming from. And to be honest I feel like you are all right in the sense that I have to figure out what I want and find myself. I do have a whole life ahead of me and hope to come out of this a better ME. The self-respect is definitely something that has been LOST. I feel like such a FAILURE. I have always done things right..and then this turned my life upside-down.. I seriously feel like being the cheater is so much worse then being cheated on. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I don't know the answer to that. I don't know the answer to alot of things and it kills me. I take full responsibility for what I have done...but WHY did I do this? That is the questions that I so would want to know the answer to..and I know I have to do alot of soul searching to answer that question. Thanks everyone, I really appreciate all your input! It really helps!
Just my 2 cents worth, I think one can have self-respect and still move forward with a current relationship. I think the key is to find out where the lack of self respect came from and deal with that effectively.
Each situation is different even though the traits of the affairs may seem similar. The difference between what happened to me and the difference of what happened to you is simple. One happened to me, one happened to you. We are different people....
What you need to do is take a long look at the whole picture. You need to formulate a plan that will work for you. Seeking help with a therapist is not a sign of weakness, in fact I view it as a strength. Coming to this board can offer all kinds of assistance, and Lord knows its helped me! What you need to remember is that what you have been doing wasnt working, so there needs to be a change. The level of change is up to you. You can start simple then ramp it up, or you can clean house and start over. There are also starting points between the 2 previous mentioned ideas.
Keep in mind of the term flexibility.... you can be flexible with how you deal with this. If you start one direction, it doesnt mean thats the only course of action. Remaining flexible, you can change course when you hit a snag....but keep all options open. Your health comes first here, and thats whats most important.
Each situation is different even though the traits of the affairs may seem similar. The difference between what happened to me and the difference of what happened to you is simple. One happened to me, one happened to you. We are different people....
What you need to do is take a long look at the whole picture. You need to formulate a plan that will work for you. Seeking help with a therapist is not a sign of weakness, in fact I view it as a strength. Coming to this board can offer all kinds of assistance, and Lord knows its helped me! What you need to remember is that what you have been doing wasnt working, so there needs to be a change. The level of change is up to you. You can start simple then ramp it up, or you can clean house and start over. There are also starting points between the 2 previous mentioned ideas.
Keep in mind of the term flexibility.... you can be flexible with how you deal with this. If you start one direction, it doesnt mean thats the only course of action. Remaining flexible, you can change course when you hit a snag....but keep all options open. Your health comes first here, and thats whats most important.
Oh dear did not mean my man now.... I was talking about my ex who died.
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