Going through separation..very depressed!

[Lonelyag]

My fiance and I have been together for close to 12 years. We have 2 girls ages 10 and 4. The first couple of years we always had our ups and downs and we struggled to stay together. But now, it's been really really hard since I found out he cheated on me when I had just had my second daughter and the woman became pregnant so he has a daughter that is 3 with this woman. We seperated for some time but I eventually forgave him and tried to move on. We never really worked on our relationship, we kind of just swept it under the rug and din't really discuss it because he didn't like to. I was very patient and I was hurt but I wanted to be with him because I loved him and for the sake of the girls. Now I made the biggest mistake of my LIFE...I cheated on him for 2 months as well. It didn't start out as a revenge or anything like that, I never in a million years thought I could be capable of something like this. I hate myself so much for doing this to him and I want to work on us but he will not. He is disgusted with me and wants to separate as we are not married. We are still iving in the same house but it's so hard not to talk to him..he won't talk to me. What can I do or what should I do in this situation.,.Any advice I don't have anyone to talk to about this as I feel very shameful!

[seeana]

Yes I regret he died we were together 40 years .But now I do not miss him at all.

[seeana]

I know what you mean Tink but in my case I think I lost myself respect. I was in my mid fifties when it happened for the second and last time I felt old and ugly convinced that noone would want me as my ex did not.
It was only when I tried internet dating and found out there was lots of guys who wanted to go out with me and did ! that I felt still attractive.

I just wanted to show the pronk( my made up word) that other guys wanted me even if he didnt But.... he was in the UK wasent he Grrrrrrrrrrrr.And when I found my wonderful man he up and died didnt he.Typical......

Tell you what he wont be looking down on me he will be looking up.Thinking  back..... he did me a favour .

[TTinKKerBBell]

I so agree with with what seeana says here about respect for him but I would add - what about SELF Respect?  If We had SELF Respect most of Us wouldn't tolerate the cheating in the first place.  And SELF Respect wouldn't allow us to "retaliate" by cheating back.  I still believe with all my heart there is NO validation/excuse/reason for cheating on a relationship/marriage.

[seeana]

I was reading about an interview with Gerry Hall she said that she put up with Mick Jaggers affairs for years until he fathered a child with one of them and that was it.

Your guy is a Rotter .... the more I think of it the more irate I feel for you.There are not many guys like Brice.....I think his marriage will work out stronger than ever as it has given him a wake up call.... guys like him are rare as hens teeth and he has the strength and stamina to change (don't read Brice as you will get cocky).

You are only a baby still ....you have your whole life ahead of you to find the right one.Let some other female take him on...just imagine having him with you for the rest off your life,one thing we both know is your respect for him has gone.Why cheat on him if the respect was still there in the first place.???

[lovemykids465]

I agree with Brice here. Lonelyag, you need to find yourself first. This is not a stable environment for the children either.

[cheshchesh819]

So you take him back ater not only having an affair but also having a child with someone else whilst with you,brave woman that would of been the end for me,i could and have forgiven an affair,but another child na,soory i couldnt,so then you go and have an affair,as you said not for revenge,it was a mistake,but one your partner cant forgive,so tell him to get,you can forgive him and not even be allowed to discuss it with him and the same with your affair,do to him wot he has done about his affair swwep it under the carpet and forget him,i honestly think this relationship has gone through to much damage,i am really sorry and i feel for you.