Going through separation..very depressed!

[Lonelyag]

My fiance and I have been together for close to 12 years. We have 2 girls ages 10 and 4. The first couple of years we always had our ups and downs and we struggled to stay together. But now, it's been really really hard since I found out he cheated on me when I had just had my second daughter and the woman became pregnant so he has a daughter that is 3 with this woman. We seperated for some time but I eventually forgave him and tried to move on. We never really worked on our relationship, we kind of just swept it under the rug and din't really discuss it because he didn't like to. I was very patient and I was hurt but I wanted to be with him because I loved him and for the sake of the girls. Now I made the biggest mistake of my LIFE...I cheated on him for 2 months as well. It didn't start out as a revenge or anything like that, I never in a million years thought I could be capable of something like this. I hate myself so much for doing this to him and I want to work on us but he will not. He is disgusted with me and wants to separate as we are not married. We are still iving in the same house but it's so hard not to talk to him..he won't talk to me. What can I do or what should I do in this situation.,.Any advice I don't have anyone to talk to about this as I feel very shameful!

[Lonelyag]

We never got married. I just have a ring and never made it to the altar. I actually call him my husband, but legally we are not.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Please, someone, explain to me why anyone would call someone "my finance" for
TWELVE !! YEARS??   or SEVEN !! YEARS??   or even 5 YEARS?  I truely, sincerely don't get that.

[Lonelyag]

Yes, you are most definitely right. I do want to get to the bottom of this. I have seeked help for myself and next week I start counseling. he will not go, he thinks he doesn't have a problem and just blames everything on me. I wish there was a way to get through to him, to help him, but he is stuck on his ways and I just want to work on myself now. This was one pf the problems I always thought about him first and always left myself last which caused alot of resentment. Thanks for your advice it really helps.

[lovemykids465]

I am sorry you are going through this.Infidelity causes so much pain and heart ache. I think before you can work on your relationship with your fiance, you both need to seek help on your own. You both have cheated and even though what's done is done, there are many re precautions that come along with it and you need to get yourself to a place where you can deal with your emotions, hurt and questions. You know how it feels to be cheated on and how miserable it is and yet for some reason you chose to do it yourself. You really need to get to the bottom of it. Because the ones who are really going to suffer due to both of your actions are the two innocent little girls ( actually 3 children, the child with the other woman did not ask to be born into this situation). See if he will go to counseling with you, if not maybe a trial separation is what is needed until you both can truly find yourselves before involving others.