Avatar universal

My Story.......

I married at age 15 to escape an alcoholic mother who was physically (& emotionally) abusing me. I was anorexic at age 3 (before anyone knew what anorexia was) It wasn't about diet as a 3 year old, it was about control in an environment that was totally out of control. As a Child it never occurred to me there was anything wrong with her - I thought "something" was wrong with me - that I was not only unloved but UNLOVABLE. My husband was 18 and I saw him as my Hero, my Savior, He LOVED ME and he Rescued me from my mother!! Children came rapidly, a Son & 10 1/2 months later a Daughter. I was delivering my Daughter when I learned of the 1st infidelity. I WAS DEVASTATED!! I was 17 years old, had 2 brand new Babies & nowhere to go except home to an alcohlic mother who beat me. My husband had never hit me - it seemed the lesser of 2 evils to stay with him. 3 years later another Son was born. Over the years he had NUMEROUS affairs that I learned of (I'm sure there must have been some I didn't know about) Thru it all I still believed there was "something" wrong with ME (my own mother didn't love me, why should he?) So as the affairs continued I became more & more obsessed with making him happy. I also found myself further & further isolated as he intentionally targeted friends & family members. Through it all I took responsibility for his behavior & would "forgive" him time & again. Thru all this he professed his love for me.Then he had the affair with our 192 pound sister-in-law. After YEARS of pleading with him to tell my why he continued to do this FINALLY he gave me an answer - he said:
"Some orgasms are better than others but there's no such thing as a bad one"
This answer totally crushed my spirit and suddenly(???) I could not "deal" with this anymore. I could not stand the sight, the sound, the touch of him. I was never intimate with him again & I became desperate to get away from him. By this time I was 30yrs old and had never even driven a car. I learned to drive, got my GED, got my 1st job & I left because he refused to go. I didn't tell my Children the truth. They loved their Daddy & I didn't want them to know what he had been doing all those years. This backfired on me BIG TIME. My 2 Sons NEVER forgave me for leaving Their Dad & They also became involved in drugs. My oldest Son moved away 20 years ago and has nothing to do with me. He has 20 & 17 year old Sons that I've only seen once. My Baby Son died from a drug overdose 2 1/2 years ago without ever forgiving me. My Daughter & I are close, She's an RN & has 3 Beautiful Daughters who call me GrandMommy & They think I'm the cat's meow!!  My present husband was also cheated on. We met & became friends in 1976. We were best friends for 7 years & THEN to our UTTER AMAZEMENT!! WE FELL IN LOVE!! We were married in 1984 & still can't believe our Good Luck!!  I said in an earlier post:  A Good Marriage is when 2 imperfect People who have suffered in one way or another (as we ALL have, we ALL have baggage) who, if They are Very Lucky & Work Very Hard At It, Can Sometimes Heal EACH OTHER.  My Husband & I did all this "work" with one another before We Fell In Love and Married so all We have left to do now is Enjoy One Another.
Life is Good now but I still have HUGE holes in my Heart where My Sons and My GrandSons are supposed to be. I've tried to be brief here - there is so much more & try as I might words do not convey the anguish - This is a very hard story to tell.
5 Responses
145992 tn?1341345074
Thank you for sharing, that must've been hard to write. I am truly sorry for the loss of your son.  The death must have been absolutely devastating.  I wish your other son would understand why you left.  Life is short for him to hold on to such anger and resentment.  Especially when you were the victim in all of this.  I'm glad you have your daugther though and a wonderful husband.  You have been through a lot and so young.  I wish you all the best.  Your ex husband has to be sick.  In order to go after all of those women, family and friends the like, well it just shows that he has a sex problem.  Maybe an addiction.  But who cares, he's not your problem anymore.  
Avatar universal
Thanx, for Your Sentiment and Yes, It Was VERY Hard for Me to Share This.

My Son who died - it's STILL Devasting - 2 1/2 Years later.  I suppose it ALWAYS will be. He was my Baby Son. There was a Time when He was Beautiful and Charming - He Charmed Us ALL & We  ALL Loved Him SO MUCH!! He was EveryOne's Baby. He was also addicted to Drugs and Alcohol and it was His Addiction that took Him Away and My Heart Will ALWAYS Be Heavy that He's GONE!!  His Unhappiness was Never Resolved & He died Still carrying resentment for me.  I Love Him and I Miss Him!!

I don't look for my Oldest Son to "come around".  It's been 20 years since He left here and He's not a Young Man any more - He's 48 Years Old This Year and apparantly He has a good relationship with His father.  I guess I should be glad for Him that He has that.  But I still feel the loss and I still feel sorry for myself about this.

I do have my "new" Husband and my Wonderful Daughter and Her 3 Wonderful Daughters so I am GrateFul.

Yes, there's no doubt my ex husband was "sick" & had a "sex problem".  I (once again) don't follow form here - I don't buy "sex addction".  I think that's an excuse to do what You want, when You want - and once again I say - I believe it ALWAYS comes down to "choice" - bad choice, maybe, but choice none the less.
Avatar universal
Thanx for Your Sensitive Words.
Because I've stated my Own Observation of my Own Situation isn't to say that I think it's a bad move for YOU to "forgive".  I DON'T THINK THAT!!  In fact, I think You should "Forgive".  I did  it MySelf, for a Very Long Time.  I do think You should give it Your Best Shot to Forgive & To Go On but I ALSO think You are the "injured" party here and no matter how Hard it might be for Him, it is His "job" to Endure "whatever comes" because it's what He chose to do that brings You Both to This Place today.  I'm somewhat disturbed by His term that You "attack out of nowhere".  - It ABSOLUTELY is NOT out of NOWHERE and He needs to "get" that!!

It did not work out for me to "forgive and forgive again and again" but ABSOLUTELY I hope it's a successful move for You & Brice.  Most Certainly if this is what You and Brice want.

I'd like to take this moment to reply to an earlier post in which Brice asked about PTSD:
I too was diagnosed with PTSD and this is some of what I learned:  Psycological trauma causes changes in a persons basic biological functioning.  As a result of being traumatized chemical changes in the brain actually take place.  A person may become hyper-vigilant or "on the lookout" to protect herself - the "fight or flight" instinct that resides in all of us.  It is also difficult to have restful sleep when You feel this "need" to be "on the alert".  With PTSD chemical changes actually occur in the brain and one has to have medical intervention to get these chemicals back on the "right" track.

I do wish You the Best,
1388999 tn?1370042814
Oh my dear what can I say! you truly are a remarkable human being, it says a lot for the human soul and how much we can bear.I for once cannot express my respect and amazement that you have come out of this as sweet and kind as you are.

And I thought I was strong my Angel.

Avatar universal
You ARE Strong & I Admire That In You As Well !!  I Value Your Kind Words Here. Thank You Very Much.

I see You've had Tall Mountains to Climb too & in spite of Your Huge Challenges You have emerged as a Strong and Insightful Woman.

You have much to offer here.
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