I am in a very tough situation in my life. I been married for 20 years and have 2 teenage kids. My husband is a nice guy and provides a lot for me and the kids. We were always very open about our relationship. We been with other guys/girls, together, 1:1 and that was ok. But couple of years ago I met this guy, we were friends to begin with and before we realized it changed into an affair. And it became very intense very soon, both emotionally and physically. Due to some circumstances, now the scene is that my husband and his wife are completely aware about this. My kids can see that our relations is completeley devastated, they have some doubts, some ideas, but they are not sure why. Kids are saying that me and my husband always had issues in our marriage since last 10 yrs and thats how they always remember our relationhship. They strongly feel that either we should give a serious try to to see the counselor and make it work however we can, or we should just separate. It has been impacting them a lot all these years, they have seen us arguing, yelling, screaming, verbally abusing and even physically abusing to the point where we couldve killed each other. Things are very ugly at this point and kids do not care about either of us, they don't even want to live in this house. They don't have any ore patiecne to deal with us, either we need to fix it soon or we need to separate.
My husband always loved me. But now he says that I have been cheating for couple of years even though we had a open marriage, he is very heart broken, he says this marriage is over for him, he tried to fix it many times, he doesn't want to do it any more. He told me to make decision he doesn't care if I want to move out n then file the divorce. He said, if you choose to stay in this house for kids, then we will live as strangers, we won't have anything in common, If you keep working out things you may win me back or else we may never be together. I know that my kids are totally shattered and i don't want to walk away from them, i do want to fix things for them even if it means moving out. But i don't want to be out of their lives.
The other guy that I love, i know that I am deeply in love with him and so is he. He said it many times that I am his soulmate and he wants to spend his life with me and he would marry me in a heartbit. He loves his wife and is sad that she is hurt, He is ttrying to fix things with her, he isn't sure if she will choose to live with him or not. He says that if she leaves him then he will be with me. He knows that he loves her and as an obligation and his husband responsibiltiies, he need to stay with her. But he says that he loves me more than he loves her, he loves me more than his own life, his heart is with me and he really wants to tell her that and just be with me. I feel the same way. We would be together in a heartbit. We know we would have a happy life together. We know we love each other a lot than we love our spouse. He doesnt have a courage and a heart to tell his wife openly and leave her. I cannot tell that to my husband and leave him because i am scared of loosing my kids. But me and my lover are hurting a LOT, life is misrable for us. We know that if for some reason our spouses are out of picture, then we both would be together. We are trying to stick to our families, but we are finding it very hard not to talk, not to meet and we hope that one day we would be together. I have couple of friends I could confide in and they tell me only one thing that we live life only once and we should be happy so I should seek my happiness. I can't live my life being miserable like this.
Its a weird situation. My lover is scared to leave his wife, because he thinnks I will still not leave my husband because of my kids and then he will be alone rest of the life. And I think the same way. I dont feel I really love my husband, I want to walk away from him. But I am scared that if I do it, my lover will be still with his wife and I will alone for rest of the life. I know we both are unhappy apart from each other, don't know what to do.