Aa
Random questions..
I just wanted to know when the thoughts of what the cheater did go away? Roughly how long did it take to get over what they did?
I also just wanted to ask y ppl cheat when they have some they say is amazing and treats them so well?
And y do women/men go for ppl who they know is in a relationship and happy?
Thanks, Trina
I also just wanted to ask y ppl cheat when they have some they say is amazing and treats them so well?
And y do women/men go for ppl who they know is in a relationship and happy?
Thanks, Trina
They don't get away scott free in my opinion. They have been the one who has been rejected despite their attempts at breaking up a home. They now have to start over again. I also believe in karma and feel that it will come back to them somehow. My fiancés w hore loved him and had to go through the heartache when he told her he wasn't leaving me. She wasted 2 years of her life and she's in her late 30's and wants marriage and kids and now she will have to find someone else for that. Oh well good hope she suffers.
I beleive our men made the choice to cheat ( or women in some cases) but I do also blame the other person. I mean no one forced our significant other to cheat but if the other person knows they are in a long term relationship with someone else, if there are children involved and they know that then they are responsible for their part too. I think infidelity is an act of selfishness. I mean really all they care about at that point is getting their needs met at that time and half the time it is not a need just something that is accessible at the time. Funny thing is we suffer the consequences of their actions, the hurt, the pain, the loss of faith and trust. And I guess they, the cheater, suffer to, just not enough for my liking at times, but I know my husband feels terrible for his actions and hates that I do not trust him and how I look at him differently now, how our children have lost respect for him, but the one they cheated with gets off scott free! That does not seem right.
I can understand some of what your saying,,but not the part about she gunuinely loves you,,a woman who would continue to put you threw this is my belief she does not love you to stop,,or get help to do so,also why would you whant to be with her for your own love for her,,when you dont get it back,,yes we have been through are spouces haveing an affair but they dont continue to do it,,and are trying to make it work at any cost,,they are not displaying repeat behavior,,cause they no we are gone,,thats just adding injury,,,please dont get me wrong,,im sorta here to work it out and have kids and finances to,,,but my husband is trying hard to make it up,,he is not throwing another woman in my face,,and if he would,,i would leave at any cost,,but im trying and he is trying even harder ,,but if while im trying to work it out and he would continue ,,its GOODBYE
lol no it's fine. i just wanted you all to chime in and answer my questions. I guess everyone has different issues and I would be insensitive to tell u guys not to speak. It's what I want.
Thanks everyone for your input. I just ask cuz although I'm really happy and have forgiven, I can't help but think about every time I've been cheated on and been told that they "love me"... I guess I just felt like every guy is the same but now I see that women are evil too...
I don't know if you guys know but most of the bible stories have a woman involved in a man's downfall...
Thanks everyone for your input. I just ask cuz although I'm really happy and have forgiven, I can't help but think about every time I've been cheated on and been told that they "love me"... I guess I just felt like every guy is the same but now I see that women are evil too...
I don't know if you guys know but most of the bible stories have a woman involved in a man's downfall...
Apologies for hijacking this thread with my issues!
mami1323 has this about right, although I'm happy to expand on that a little.
I still love her. As far as I can tell, the way she behaves when we're together, she still very genuinely loves me. We enjoy being together. We are loving, considerate, friendly, supportive, and intimate together. We have 3 young kids, and there's no way either of us is prepared not to be a full-time, on-site parent to them.
It is extremely difficult for me to take. But, I understand her reasons for doing as she does. I only have 3 realistic options:
1. Leave. Leave the woman I love, the kids I love (and even if I lived just round the corner, I'd still not be as much of a father to them, and they would inevitably be traumatised by the event). Suffer the financial hardship of living separately. Oblige my wife to return to full-time work to cover the extra costs, depriving my kids of the care she provides for them. I am socially very awkward, I do not make friends easily, I genuinely believe that I may never find someone else if I did leave.
2. Stay, and insist that my wife stops. She might stop, but it would leave an irresistible itch in her that I just cannot scratch for her properly - I am not afraid to accept that fact. She would eventually become unhappy with that, plus she'd resent me for stopping her. I think we actually have a happier, more relaxed relationship with better long-term potential if I give her the freedom to do this, however much it hurts me. Or she might not stop, she'd just become more secretive about it and lie to me, which is the way it was for a period before. I know when I'm being lied to (about this at least); if it is going to happen, it's much better that she's honest and open about it.
3. Stick with the current situation, and try to cope with the pain it causes. Hope that one day she decides to stop. I think it may all be part of a mid-life crisis for her (there are several accompanying symptoms that would suggest that), so it might finish.
So, three not-so-great options. But of those, my judgement is that the last option is the best, for me, for her, for my family.
I don't expect everyone, or even most people, to understand, and I'm sure plenty would not choose the path I have chosen. But it works for me. Sort of.
I still love her. As far as I can tell, the way she behaves when we're together, she still very genuinely loves me. We enjoy being together. We are loving, considerate, friendly, supportive, and intimate together. We have 3 young kids, and there's no way either of us is prepared not to be a full-time, on-site parent to them.
It is extremely difficult for me to take. But, I understand her reasons for doing as she does. I only have 3 realistic options:
1. Leave. Leave the woman I love, the kids I love (and even if I lived just round the corner, I'd still not be as much of a father to them, and they would inevitably be traumatised by the event). Suffer the financial hardship of living separately. Oblige my wife to return to full-time work to cover the extra costs, depriving my kids of the care she provides for them. I am socially very awkward, I do not make friends easily, I genuinely believe that I may never find someone else if I did leave.
2. Stay, and insist that my wife stops. She might stop, but it would leave an irresistible itch in her that I just cannot scratch for her properly - I am not afraid to accept that fact. She would eventually become unhappy with that, plus she'd resent me for stopping her. I think we actually have a happier, more relaxed relationship with better long-term potential if I give her the freedom to do this, however much it hurts me. Or she might not stop, she'd just become more secretive about it and lie to me, which is the way it was for a period before. I know when I'm being lied to (about this at least); if it is going to happen, it's much better that she's honest and open about it.
3. Stick with the current situation, and try to cope with the pain it causes. Hope that one day she decides to stop. I think it may all be part of a mid-life crisis for her (there are several accompanying symptoms that would suggest that), so it might finish.
So, three not-so-great options. But of those, my judgement is that the last option is the best, for me, for her, for my family.
I don't expect everyone, or even most people, to understand, and I'm sure plenty would not choose the path I have chosen. But it works for me. Sort of.
sammy has been through a lot of soul searching with this decision. He's come to this conclusion because he doesn't want to lose her or the life they have and that includes doing what was best for his kids. I'm sure it's hard for him but it works for his family for now. Sorry sammy, not sure if that would've been your answer but since I know your story I thought I would chime in.
i just dont get why you would accept this,,if it was not a one time thing,,i mean how does that really make you feel as a man to accept a situation like that to no that she still does it???????and what kind of message does that give her,,im not trying to be mean by any words,,im just curious
My thoughts to your questions:
1. Must be different in every situation - both from what happened and how it happened, and also what sort of person you are and how you react and cope. In my case? Well, my case is unusual. My wife still occasionally sees this other guy, not exactly with my blessing, but with my full knowledge and acceptance. I understand that she gets something from him that (with the best will in the world) she can't get the same from me. I don't exactly like the situation (that's a bit of British understatement for you right there), but I am coming to terms with it. It has taken a LONG time, and a lot of fluctuations in our relationship. I doubt I will ever completely get over it, even if / when she stops doing this.
2. Again, so many reasons. In my wife's case a combination of things - our marriage getting a bit stale, with putting our efforts into 3 kids we'd been rather neglecting our own relationship, the passion and intimacy had died down. Also, on the first occasion at least, she was at a wedding at a hotel (without me, it wasn't practical to travel so far with the whole family), having fun, probably had a reasonable amount to drink, which probably contributed; having done that the first time, I guess it became easier to cheat again. Thirdly, she's into certain stuff sexually that (while I have no problem with it) doesn't really do it for me so much so I can't really satisfy that side.
3. As for the guys who my wife has been with, I don't think they care one way or the other whether she was married or single, how good or bad her marriage was. She's female, attractive, and willing - not much else matters to most guys, particularly if it is more casual sex than a relationship (which it always was). Some of them probably didn't know, they didn't live locally so she only saw them on odd weekends when travelling away. The guy she sees occasionally at the moment is also (apparently) married, although not very happily, so he's hardly likely to worry about the fact that she's married when he's cheating himself.
I think for some girls who are attracted to married (or long-term attached) men, it's because their successful marriage proves that they are desirable, dependable, attractive, fertile men - there may be a feeling that if a guy is still single it can only be because he's ugly, undesirable, or an a-hole. Then there's the morale boost they get from knowing that they are desirable enough to pull a married man away from his wife.
For men who sleep with married women, I'd guess it's totally different - the attraction is that she's likely to stay with her husband and kids, so there's a much better chance of an on-going no-strings-attached sexual relationship without her becoming clingy and wanting commitment from him.
In either case there's a thrill to be gained from feeling that you're doing something you shouldn't, you're getting something you shouldn't have. Naughty feels good.
1. Must be different in every situation - both from what happened and how it happened, and also what sort of person you are and how you react and cope. In my case? Well, my case is unusual. My wife still occasionally sees this other guy, not exactly with my blessing, but with my full knowledge and acceptance. I understand that she gets something from him that (with the best will in the world) she can't get the same from me. I don't exactly like the situation (that's a bit of British understatement for you right there), but I am coming to terms with it. It has taken a LONG time, and a lot of fluctuations in our relationship. I doubt I will ever completely get over it, even if / when she stops doing this.
2. Again, so many reasons. In my wife's case a combination of things - our marriage getting a bit stale, with putting our efforts into 3 kids we'd been rather neglecting our own relationship, the passion and intimacy had died down. Also, on the first occasion at least, she was at a wedding at a hotel (without me, it wasn't practical to travel so far with the whole family), having fun, probably had a reasonable amount to drink, which probably contributed; having done that the first time, I guess it became easier to cheat again. Thirdly, she's into certain stuff sexually that (while I have no problem with it) doesn't really do it for me so much so I can't really satisfy that side.
3. As for the guys who my wife has been with, I don't think they care one way or the other whether she was married or single, how good or bad her marriage was. She's female, attractive, and willing - not much else matters to most guys, particularly if it is more casual sex than a relationship (which it always was). Some of them probably didn't know, they didn't live locally so she only saw them on odd weekends when travelling away. The guy she sees occasionally at the moment is also (apparently) married, although not very happily, so he's hardly likely to worry about the fact that she's married when he's cheating himself.
I think for some girls who are attracted to married (or long-term attached) men, it's because their successful marriage proves that they are desirable, dependable, attractive, fertile men - there may be a feeling that if a guy is still single it can only be because he's ugly, undesirable, or an a-hole. Then there's the morale boost they get from knowing that they are desirable enough to pull a married man away from his wife.
For men who sleep with married women, I'd guess it's totally different - the attraction is that she's likely to stay with her husband and kids, so there's a much better chance of an on-going no-strings-attached sexual relationship without her becoming clingy and wanting commitment from him.
In either case there's a thrill to be gained from feeling that you're doing something you shouldn't, you're getting something you shouldn't have. Naughty feels good.
Hi lor, we've been looking for you, is everything ok?
NO you never get over it,,its always there,,like mami says it gets less but i dont believe it ever will go away,,and as for the woman who go along with cheating men,,well beside the fact they take out our garbage,,,they feel more special because he is with them not us for the time being that is,,till something goes wrong,,but hey dont blame them they did not make the commitment to us,,,its our spouces choice to engage in it with them,,they did not rape our husbands,,and our husbands were very willing to hit the sack with them,,so as far as im concerned who cares about the other person,,they really are none of our buisness our spose is full responsible for the action of the affair,,they choose it,,,
Everyone is different and have their own time frame to get over being cheated on. Honestly from my experience I don't think you ever get over it fully however the pain is less and less each day. Its taken me a year to just being comfortable in my decision to stay. The thoughts of betrayal are less fresh and you think about it less frequently as time goes on. People cheat for all different reasons so you can't really answer that question. They may be bored, they may struggle with faithfulness their entire life, they may be immature or can't resist temptation, they may feel neglected in their current relationship or haven't been having sex as much as they want. So many reasons why they cheat. People who go after unavailable men in my opinion are desperate and have low self esteem. They may feel wanted or more attractive getting attention from a taken person. They have no values or self worth. Of course this is my opinion.
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