Wow, that is truly a story. You don't sound cynical at all. In fact you sound quite happy for someone who experienced such heartache. You sound strong. I appreciate your kind words and thank you for sharing your life with us.
Thank you. Blake hole are my thoughts exactly. You seem like such a strong individual. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter.
Wow, your story is a tuff one but it seems as if you are a strong woman. Although the majority of posters on this site are women, I am a man who had an affair. Although the majority of cheaters are men, according to the Atwood & Schwartz Journal of Couples and Relationship Therapy says that 45-55% of women, and 50-60% of men engage in some type of extra marital affair.
Men too are affected by cheaters.
On the other side of that, some men never own up to their affiars. I have done that, and am doing everything I can to repair my relationship. Its a choice that my wife and I made together, and I am truly greatful for the opportunity. I will not let her down this time, and she knows she can walk away from our marriage at anytime and I have to take the blame for what happened. I love my wife, with all I have. She knows that. I made a horrible decison that has changed the dynamics of our relationship forever.
I do know that people/marriages can recover from this. I/we are working on this with all of our might. Some days are better than others, other days are days we both wish never would have to have happened. Through the recovery process, both of us are going to be different people. We are both in couples and individual therapy, addressing issues that should have been addressed years ago. Those issues may or may not have contributed to the affair....I dont know at this point.
For me, how one deals with the problem speaks volumes for that individual or couple. There is really is no wrong or right way to address it, but how it is addressed depends on the couple. The biggest mistake is not addressing it, or pretending it didnt happen.
My problem through life has been that I chose not to address problems. And some of the problems I did address have been misguided by my own ignorance and or anger. I know that I am going to be able to be a better husband to my wife if she choses to stay. I am learning to address all of my problems, and hit them right between the eyes...not dodging anything. I am also learning my short comings when it comes to my relationship. There have been things I should have been doing for years, that I never even thought of. i know them now, and am learning something new almost daily....if not about myself or my wife, about relationships in general.
In closing, I think cheating is the worst thing a spouse can do to their significant other. My heart goes out to anyone who has been a victim of an extra-marital affair. I now know first hand how devastating they are, and not a day goes by now that I wish I didnt know.
I like to think I am strong but alas my mind and body cannot be controlled all the time.
Conflict makes me dizzy and so very tired I am left with depression which drives me crazy as it is out of my control.Takes a day to bring it under control.
The reason I have got this I think is for 10yrs I went through so much hell.. one distaster after the other and in the end when one rolled up I felt no feeling toward it just deal with it ! par for the course.
The worst was my daughter losing it completly .... one terrible day she ranted and raved talking to herself the groans of sheer pain that came out of her were so animal like that my wonderful Golden Ret...Shane sat beside me and trembled with sheer dismay, that is when her father left, I could not get near her..... I just stayed in the bedroom curled up hands over ears.With my 3 dogs surrounding me cuddling up close silent and distressed.
The next day the old daughter was gone and the new daughter took over no love in her eyes when she looked at me...... a stranger, from then on never a kind word only recriminations and blame shouting at me ranting at me.This went on for three yrs it only happened when her daughter was at school... she could turn it off like a tap.
She would not get help.Only in the last 3 months has she come back to me in her mind.
All I could do was not react, just agree just defuse give her nothing to latch on to.
Her healing process has begun with the love and support of a good man.Who like me she met on a dating site.
Brice I hope you mean what you say as what you have done to your wife is beyond cruel.... so you were adopted!!! get over it! stop using that as an excuse ! there are no reasons for what you did only self gratification and excitement .Always take responsibility for your actions I fail to see that getting your rocks off has anything to do with your adoption.
You say you owned up to your affairs hope you did not go into any detail as then it becomes a form of boasting.Stop dwelling on your self... your problems are nothing compared to the damage you have done to your wife.
Write a list of the good things in your life then the bad things, I bet the good far outweigh the bad.Thank god you have your health, your wife, your children, food on the table ... how lucky are you.!!!..be the Man you know you can be,take your baggage out from under the bed and hurl it in the river that way you can never pull it out again to use as an excuse.You can Talk the Talk But can you Walk the Walk.Thats the only thing you have to prove now.
Remember its not about you anymore my angel.... its up to you to love laugh and protect your little family till death! just thank god there are still with you.You are one lucky guy.
Whoa, I am not using my adoption as an excuse. And guess what seeanna? I did go in to all of the details at my wifes urging. How is that boasting? And you mention about moving on, and you are on here dwelling....perhaps its you that needs to get over their selves.
You dont know me, you dont know anything about me other than the fact that I admitted to having an affair on this board.
And you also mentioned 'thank god for your health"? What does god have to do with my health? If god has anything to do with my health, wouldn't he have had something to do with my affair? And speaking of your god, you probably ought not judge. I think it says something about that in your bible.