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1388999 tn?1370046414

Sex Lies and Infidelity

Hi everyone I am from the dog forums but was wandering around and dropped in on this forum.The deep raw pain brought back so many dark memories which I have been trying to throw out.
A couple of the ladies on here are in that black hole of hell.Which I am sure that the male has no idea really what he is doing to someone he loves!!!

Well read or not... this is my story in a nutshell...First I am adopted found out when I was 15yrs from the bully up the street.An after the war baby I am half American was adopted when 8months as there was so many babies in that era.Ok I either let it affect me or get on with life thought about it and out of respect for my wonderful mum and dad i decided to get over it .....and i did no big deal as far as I was concerned they love me! do not want anyone else in my life muddying the waters.

Got married emigrated to Australia after the death of my parents with our one daughter.Got into breeding and racing horses, my daughter became the best lady Jockey in Aus beating the guys hands down
My ex was a successful Horse trainer they worked together happy times.

Daughter had a bad fall in a race and became an incomplete Quad everything fell apart... never to ride again! move forward 12months her husband then left her 7months pregnant.The day after she had a beautiful little girl she got a letter from lawyer demanding full custody of her baby
mother and sister in law were behind it.
To cut a long story short she has full custody a hundred and fifty thousand dollars later what we went through cannot be described lets just say evil walked our way.

My ex then  had a stroke a couple of yrs later, nursed him back to health but he was never the same.  Daughter could walk slowly but all 4 limbs affected for ever.
My ex and daughter's beloved father and grandfather walked out and returned to England to hook up with his older brothers younger widow. He left all three of us  in Aus we had no one else, the men in our lives walked out when the going got tough.
Daughter dropped her bundle, who to take her hurt out on ......who was left? yes me.Boy that was tough ! the only thing to do was get angry all i wanted to do was get my hands on my sister in law but had to look after my two girls and again tough it through.

So after a while i joined  a couple of dating sites not much hope, as felt old and ugly but met so many guys and had a ball... but  now being a real cynic I found out that the male of the species are basically all the same did not meet one guy who said it was my fault my marriage broke down figure that ha.

Dated about 50 slept with five ,well I was true for 40yrs... and believe me I learnt so much. Wow good fun. Where am I now ! well met a gentle academic a high school teacher 6yrs my junior who adores me! think i will keep this one.
My daughter is now engaged to a wonderful guy who loves her and  daughter very much.

As for my ex he got brain cancer and died a month ago did not feel a thing did my grieving when he left.
As for my sister in law that's two brothers she has buried  there are another two to go.I told you I was a cynic.

Through all this just imagine a 100 times worse.

I know that pain of sheer hopelessness no sleep just tears and blackness.

Anyways remember when the going gets Tough the Tough get going. Am I a man hater? no of course not, they are made differently they cannot seem to take responsibility for their actions its always someone elses fault why they do these  awful things ... yea the devil made me do it. Oh dont get me wrong there are some truly wonderful guys out there and if you try really hard you might spot one flitting by but be quick off the mark  ladies they dont last long.lol  Never wrote this down before hope you dont mind but my heart bleeds for you my darling girls.

Every word of my story is true no one could make that up.
14 Responses
145992 tn?1341348674
Wow, that is truly a story.  You don't sound cynical at all.  In fact you sound quite happy for someone who experienced such heartache.  You sound strong.  I appreciate your kind words and thank you for sharing your life with us.
Avatar universal
Thank you. Blake hole are my thoughts exactly. You seem like such a strong individual. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter.
Avatar universal
Wow, your story is a tuff one but it seems as if you are a strong woman.  Although the majority of posters on this site are women, I am a man who had an affair.  Although the majority of cheaters are men, according to the Atwood & Schwartz Journal of Couples and Relationship Therapy says that 45-55% of women, and 50-60% of men engage in some type of extra marital affair.

Men too are affected by cheaters.

On the other side of that, some men never own up to their affiars.  I have done that, and am doing everything I can to repair my relationship.  Its a choice that my wife and I made together, and I am truly greatful for the opportunity.  I will not let her down this time, and she knows she can walk away from our marriage at anytime and I have to take the blame for what happened.  I love my wife, with all I have.  She knows that.  I made a horrible decison that has changed the dynamics of our relationship forever.

I do know that people/marriages can recover from this.  I/we are working on this with all of our might.  Some days are better than others, other days are days we both wish never would have to have happened.  Through the recovery process, both of us are going to be different people.  We are both in couples and individual therapy, addressing issues that should have been addressed years ago.  Those issues may or may not have contributed to the affair....I dont know at this point.

For me, how one deals with the problem speaks volumes for that individual or couple.  There is really is no wrong or right way to address it, but how it is addressed depends on the couple.  The biggest mistake is not addressing it, or pretending it didnt happen.

My problem through life has been that I chose not to address problems.  And some of the problems I did address have been misguided by my own ignorance and or anger.  I know that I am going to be able to be a better husband to my wife if she choses to stay.  I am learning to address all of my problems, and hit them right between the eyes...not dodging anything. I am also learning my short comings when it comes to my relationship.  There have been things I should have been doing for years, that I never even thought of.  i know them now, and am learning something new almost daily....if not about myself or my wife, about relationships in general.

In closing, I think cheating is the worst thing a spouse can do to their significant other.  My heart goes out to anyone who has been a victim of an extra-marital affair.  I now know first hand how devastating they are, and not a day goes by now that I wish I didnt know.
1388999 tn?1370046414
I like to think I am strong but alas my mind and body cannot be controlled all the time.
Conflict makes me dizzy and so very tired I am left with depression which drives me crazy as it is out of my control.Takes a day to bring it under control.
The reason I have got this I think is for 10yrs I went through so much hell.. one distaster after the other and in the end when one rolled up I felt no feeling toward it just deal with it ! par for the course.
The worst was my daughter losing it completly  .... one terrible day she ranted and raved talking to herself  the groans of sheer pain that came out of her were so animal like that my wonderful Golden Ret...Shane sat beside me and trembled with sheer dismay, that is when her father left, I could not get near her..... I just stayed in the bedroom curled up hands over ears.With my 3 dogs surrounding me cuddling up close silent and distressed.
The next day  the old daughter was gone and the new daughter took over no love in her eyes when she looked at me...... a stranger, from then on never a kind word only recriminations and blame shouting at me ranting at me.This went on for three yrs it only happened when her daughter was at school... she could turn it off like a tap.
She would not get help.Only in the last 3 months has she come back to me in her mind.
All I could do was not react, just agree just defuse give her nothing to latch on to.


Her healing process has begun with the love and support of a good man.Who like me she met on a dating site.
1388999 tn?1370046414
Brice I hope you mean what you say as what you have done to your wife is beyond cruel.... so you were adopted!!! get over it! stop using that as an excuse ! there are no reasons for what you did only self gratification and excitement .Always take responsibility for your actions I fail to see that getting your rocks off has anything to do with your  adoption.

You say you owned up to your affairs  hope you did not go into any detail as then it becomes a form of boasting.Stop dwelling on your self... your problems are nothing compared to the damage you have done to your wife.

Write a list of the good things in your life then the bad things, I bet the good far outweigh the bad.Thank god you have your health, your wife, your children, food on the table ... how lucky are you.!!!..be the Man you know you can be,take your baggage out from under the bed and hurl it in the river that way you can never pull it out again to use as an excuse.You can Talk the  Talk  But can you Walk the Walk.Thats the only thing you have to prove now.

Remember its not about you anymore my angel.... its up to you to love laugh and protect your little family till death! just thank god there are still with you.You are one lucky guy.

Avatar universal
Whoa, I am not using my adoption as an excuse.  And guess what seeanna?  I did go in to all of the details at my wifes urging.  How is that boasting?  And you mention about moving on, and you are on here dwelling....perhaps its you that needs to get over their selves.

You dont know me, you dont know anything about me other than the fact that I admitted to having an affair on this board.  

And you also mentioned 'thank god for your health"?  What does god have to do with my health?  If god has anything to do with my health, wouldn't he have had something to do with my affair?  And speaking of your god, you probably ought not judge.  I think it says something about that in your bible.
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