Im sorry that any of you are having a tuff go right now. Lovemykids465, even with me being a man, I cannot figure out what Joe was doing there either. I understand the need to be able to tell your story, but I wont be telling mine to any other female unless she is my counselor/therapist.
I understand my boundaries. I am 100% transparent. Dee Dee can check up on everything I am doing. I am in one of 3 places at any given time, or in transport to one of those 3 places....home, work, or the gym. I am being supportive. I am doing my best to be understanding. I am telling the truth.
The simple fact of this matter is, I love my wife and am in this for the long haul. I regret what I've done to my wife and my marriage, but I am doing evrything that is requested and suggested, plus some other things that arent.
If I cant keep my marriage, if there is too much damage, I take full responsibility. But I know my wife better than anyone. I know that when she sets her mind to something, she will get it done. She is far stronger than she's ever given herself credit for. She has more fortitude and drive than anyone Ive ever met.
PTSD and its symptoms are a monster. Contrary to what some guys think, the hyper-vigilance is the least of my concerns, simply because I am not hiding anything. I prefer her to be hyper-vigiliant....she can always check on me.
She/we are on the verge of beating this. She is keyed up on what is real and what is the PTSD conjuring up things that arent true. Now we need to both get the tools to be able to address this. The truth is what matters. That past has happened, and no matter how much I want to take it all bck, I cant do that. What we can concentrate on is the present and the future. We can concentrate on helping each other through this. What we have to do is put us first. I know that the past cannot be erased, and maybe saying to concentrate on the future is easier than it really is. But I do know that numerous people have survived this. Many people have gone through this before us, and many of them have survived. It is doable.
I want my marriage, I want Dee Dee to be in my life forever. If I cant have that, I imagine I will live on, but know that I will do it alone. I dont care for anyone else, and I will not allow myself to care for anyone else. I cant risk doing that. I know by staying in my marriage that I WILL NEVER let her down again.
Not to freak you out or anything but that is what I thought too. asnd look what happened again.
OH gosh, LoveMyKids! You sound like me. Checking phone records, plotting them out on a calendar . . . ugh. But I truly believe Brice is done with it.. I know he is.
Not having such a good day with my thought process. I still can not figure out made him think that it was even ok to start talking or texting another woman once again. When I go back and look at records it was him initiating contact not her and many times she just ignored it and did not answer.Well not may times just the last day all the rest were on work days but the last was on saturday 2 weeks ago. He messaged her 3x and she did not answer. Finally her bf did and said to cut it out. Joe said he was texting her to tell her that they could not talk anymore, but I have no proof of that. I guess I do not know y I need it, it is what it is and it is over but he says there was no emotional connection but then Y contact her on the weekend, it was not work related and we were not fighting. HE says it was just friends and he knew it was wrong, and he is sorry and it will never happen. so i guess i should settle for that but i need to know Y!
Amen, lovemykids!!
In spite of how this turns out - You really DO need to take Your Life back!! AND - He needs to know You are going to do exactly that!! You once depended on Him for Your Happiness & He blew it. He needs to know that You are in charge of what You intend to do with the Rest of Your Life. I'm NOT saying I think You should leave - instead I am saying You need to take charge of Your own Happiness - whatever that turns out to be.
Good Luck and I'm Hoping the Best for You
I know where you are. I would not allow myself to be alone. I volunteered where ever I could on my days off. Or my best friend would come over and we would watch movies or what ever so I was not alone. I did not believe people when they said over time you would feel better. I did and do. Yes this has changed me, I am no longer the person I was before, I am not as trusting but I am also better for it if that makes sense. Even this last incident, you know what I feel I'm dammed if I do and if I don't so I am doing to do things for me now. If I want to go out with the girls I go, The past 12 months I spent all my time with Joe so he would not feel I was neglecting him and guess what, he still craved attention form someone else, so it is his issue not mine, yes it affects me but I am not going to be a prisoner to his needs and emotions while I sacrifice mine.