Aa
bump in the road
Well, here we are again. I do not know what to think. Is it the same thing, No. But it is still wrong because he knew how it would make me feel. And once again he can not answer why. Okay fool me once shame on you but again Shame on me. How much is to much. I found out that Joe had been talking to one of his clients about our situation. That is okay. I mean I do the same thing here, We all need a time to vent, someone to talk to, but this was a woman and they were secretly talking on the phone! Come ON! That is how the situation started the first time. I know without a shadow of a doubt it was just a casual friendship because I went to her office and confronted her without Joe knowing and she did tell me exactly what he said, She said that they hid it b/c her fiance did not know Joe and would not have liked that she was talking to another man on the phone even though they were just friends and that Joe knew I would not like it. SO WHY THE H E L L do it!
But what makes me mad is that he would delete them off his phone so I could not see the calls. He knows I check the log periodically. She said he only talked to her when Kate was ill or when we had a bad fight and so on. Still makes me feel like dirt. He did something he knew would hurt me, even if he thought it was a stupid thing for me to get upset about, he still choose his feelings over mine.
And he said there was nothing there but the calls were becoming more frequent and the funny thing is we were doing great. SHe said she was having trouble in her relationship and that is what they talked about. IDK it is not right. He said there was no attraction but then when I saw her, IDK. I am so sick of this crap.
I told him he took me right back to last summer. I can not believe I am feeling this all over again, It has been a week. I have not been able to talk about it only to one individual. ( thank you) I told Joe it was like last year he took my heart and broke it and we have spent the last 11 months piecing it back together. It is not perfect any more, there were cracks in it and it was very fragile but back together and then he intentionally drops it again and this time it shatters.
When I ask him why he did not just come out and tell me he was talking to someone and not hid it he said he knew I would say no way and he is right. I would have said this is how you ended up cheating in the first place, go back to counseling or talk to one of your guy friends ( he said getting a woman's view was better. I agree but then talk to a mutual friend) so for him to do it knowing how I would feel really hurts me.Then I ask why her, he said she was nice and easy to talk to, a bit flirty in the beginning but he told her that he does not play that game. UGH! Why can't I just hate him.
I asked him to leave for a while. He stayed with family for a few days and then came back home on Friday ( our eldest son was coming home on leave) things were good all weekend and sunday was actually enjoyable. Friday night we went out and talked and I thought I was ok but then Sunday night I just freaked out. Went nuts, scraming and yelling, even beat him on his chest. I was so mad at him for doing this to me again. He said he could not believe things were going so well we seemed so happy and then bingo I blew it!!!! I told him just like he did to me. Things were going so well and then bingo he blew it.
According to her they talked most of the time in the office ( started in June ) first time b/c Kate was in the hospital and I was staying with her and was real moody and we were arguing a bit. Then our son went in for surgery and once again I was there and we did have a fight about how he is not there for me and the kids and so on. IT ended up being pretty bad and yes the Scarlett issue came up. She said that is when she gave him her # and said if you need to talk. They had not talked until two weeks ago today. She was coming out of her office and crying when Joe went in so he called her to see what was up. She had a fight with her fiance, then I see that they talked all the way until Sat. a few x a day. Really pi$$es me off!
But what makes me mad is that he would delete them off his phone so I could not see the calls. He knows I check the log periodically. She said he only talked to her when Kate was ill or when we had a bad fight and so on. Still makes me feel like dirt. He did something he knew would hurt me, even if he thought it was a stupid thing for me to get upset about, he still choose his feelings over mine.
And he said there was nothing there but the calls were becoming more frequent and the funny thing is we were doing great. SHe said she was having trouble in her relationship and that is what they talked about. IDK it is not right. He said there was no attraction but then when I saw her, IDK. I am so sick of this crap.
I told him he took me right back to last summer. I can not believe I am feeling this all over again, It has been a week. I have not been able to talk about it only to one individual. ( thank you) I told Joe it was like last year he took my heart and broke it and we have spent the last 11 months piecing it back together. It is not perfect any more, there were cracks in it and it was very fragile but back together and then he intentionally drops it again and this time it shatters.
When I ask him why he did not just come out and tell me he was talking to someone and not hid it he said he knew I would say no way and he is right. I would have said this is how you ended up cheating in the first place, go back to counseling or talk to one of your guy friends ( he said getting a woman's view was better. I agree but then talk to a mutual friend) so for him to do it knowing how I would feel really hurts me.Then I ask why her, he said she was nice and easy to talk to, a bit flirty in the beginning but he told her that he does not play that game. UGH! Why can't I just hate him.
I asked him to leave for a while. He stayed with family for a few days and then came back home on Friday ( our eldest son was coming home on leave) things were good all weekend and sunday was actually enjoyable. Friday night we went out and talked and I thought I was ok but then Sunday night I just freaked out. Went nuts, scraming and yelling, even beat him on his chest. I was so mad at him for doing this to me again. He said he could not believe things were going so well we seemed so happy and then bingo I blew it!!!! I told him just like he did to me. Things were going so well and then bingo he blew it.
According to her they talked most of the time in the office ( started in June ) first time b/c Kate was in the hospital and I was staying with her and was real moody and we were arguing a bit. Then our son went in for surgery and once again I was there and we did have a fight about how he is not there for me and the kids and so on. IT ended up being pretty bad and yes the Scarlett issue came up. She said that is when she gave him her # and said if you need to talk. They had not talked until two weeks ago today. She was coming out of her office and crying when Joe went in so he called her to see what was up. She had a fight with her fiance, then I see that they talked all the way until Sat. a few x a day. Really pi$$es me off!
Im sorry that any of you are having a tuff go right now. Lovemykids465, even with me being a man, I cannot figure out what Joe was doing there either. I understand the need to be able to tell your story, but I wont be telling mine to any other female unless she is my counselor/therapist.
I understand my boundaries. I am 100% transparent. Dee Dee can check up on everything I am doing. I am in one of 3 places at any given time, or in transport to one of those 3 places....home, work, or the gym. I am being supportive. I am doing my best to be understanding. I am telling the truth.
The simple fact of this matter is, I love my wife and am in this for the long haul. I regret what I've done to my wife and my marriage, but I am doing evrything that is requested and suggested, plus some other things that arent.
If I cant keep my marriage, if there is too much damage, I take full responsibility. But I know my wife better than anyone. I know that when she sets her mind to something, she will get it done. She is far stronger than she's ever given herself credit for. She has more fortitude and drive than anyone Ive ever met.
PTSD and its symptoms are a monster. Contrary to what some guys think, the hyper-vigilance is the least of my concerns, simply because I am not hiding anything. I prefer her to be hyper-vigiliant....she can always check on me.
She/we are on the verge of beating this. She is keyed up on what is real and what is the PTSD conjuring up things that arent true. Now we need to both get the tools to be able to address this. The truth is what matters. That past has happened, and no matter how much I want to take it all bck, I cant do that. What we can concentrate on is the present and the future. We can concentrate on helping each other through this. What we have to do is put us first. I know that the past cannot be erased, and maybe saying to concentrate on the future is easier than it really is. But I do know that numerous people have survived this. Many people have gone through this before us, and many of them have survived. It is doable.
I want my marriage, I want Dee Dee to be in my life forever. If I cant have that, I imagine I will live on, but know that I will do it alone. I dont care for anyone else, and I will not allow myself to care for anyone else. I cant risk doing that. I know by staying in my marriage that I WILL NEVER let her down again.
I understand my boundaries. I am 100% transparent. Dee Dee can check up on everything I am doing. I am in one of 3 places at any given time, or in transport to one of those 3 places....home, work, or the gym. I am being supportive. I am doing my best to be understanding. I am telling the truth.
The simple fact of this matter is, I love my wife and am in this for the long haul. I regret what I've done to my wife and my marriage, but I am doing evrything that is requested and suggested, plus some other things that arent.
If I cant keep my marriage, if there is too much damage, I take full responsibility. But I know my wife better than anyone. I know that when she sets her mind to something, she will get it done. She is far stronger than she's ever given herself credit for. She has more fortitude and drive than anyone Ive ever met.
PTSD and its symptoms are a monster. Contrary to what some guys think, the hyper-vigilance is the least of my concerns, simply because I am not hiding anything. I prefer her to be hyper-vigiliant....she can always check on me.
She/we are on the verge of beating this. She is keyed up on what is real and what is the PTSD conjuring up things that arent true. Now we need to both get the tools to be able to address this. The truth is what matters. That past has happened, and no matter how much I want to take it all bck, I cant do that. What we can concentrate on is the present and the future. We can concentrate on helping each other through this. What we have to do is put us first. I know that the past cannot be erased, and maybe saying to concentrate on the future is easier than it really is. But I do know that numerous people have survived this. Many people have gone through this before us, and many of them have survived. It is doable.
I want my marriage, I want Dee Dee to be in my life forever. If I cant have that, I imagine I will live on, but know that I will do it alone. I dont care for anyone else, and I will not allow myself to care for anyone else. I cant risk doing that. I know by staying in my marriage that I WILL NEVER let her down again.
Not to freak you out or anything but that is what I thought too. asnd look what happened again.
OH gosh, LoveMyKids! You sound like me. Checking phone records, plotting them out on a calendar . . . ugh. But I truly believe Brice is done with it.. I know he is.
Not having such a good day with my thought process. I still can not figure out made him think that it was even ok to start talking or texting another woman once again. When I go back and look at records it was him initiating contact not her and many times she just ignored it and did not answer.Well not may times just the last day all the rest were on work days but the last was on saturday 2 weeks ago. He messaged her 3x and she did not answer. Finally her bf did and said to cut it out. Joe said he was texting her to tell her that they could not talk anymore, but I have no proof of that. I guess I do not know y I need it, it is what it is and it is over but he says there was no emotional connection but then Y contact her on the weekend, it was not work related and we were not fighting. HE says it was just friends and he knew it was wrong, and he is sorry and it will never happen. so i guess i should settle for that but i need to know Y!
Amen, lovemykids!!
In spite of how this turns out - You really DO need to take Your Life back!! AND - He needs to know You are going to do exactly that!! You once depended on Him for Your Happiness & He blew it. He needs to know that You are in charge of what You intend to do with the Rest of Your Life. I'm NOT saying I think You should leave - instead I am saying You need to take charge of Your own Happiness - whatever that turns out to be.
Good Luck and I'm Hoping the Best for You
In spite of how this turns out - You really DO need to take Your Life back!! AND - He needs to know You are going to do exactly that!! You once depended on Him for Your Happiness & He blew it. He needs to know that You are in charge of what You intend to do with the Rest of Your Life. I'm NOT saying I think You should leave - instead I am saying You need to take charge of Your own Happiness - whatever that turns out to be.
Good Luck and I'm Hoping the Best for You
I know where you are. I would not allow myself to be alone. I volunteered where ever I could on my days off. Or my best friend would come over and we would watch movies or what ever so I was not alone. I did not believe people when they said over time you would feel better. I did and do. Yes this has changed me, I am no longer the person I was before, I am not as trusting but I am also better for it if that makes sense. Even this last incident, you know what I feel I'm dammed if I do and if I don't so I am doing to do things for me now. If I want to go out with the girls I go, The past 12 months I spent all my time with Joe so he would not feel I was neglecting him and guess what, he still craved attention form someone else, so it is his issue not mine, yes it affects me but I am not going to be a prisoner to his needs and emotions while I sacrifice mine.
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