Hi, a reason other than cancer for your node (if it is in fact a lymph node) not going down for years could be that there was inflammation inside of it which resulted in scar tissue being formed. The medical name for the scar tissue is fibrosis. So it's not automatically cancer.
I know the feeling, it can be very stressful finding something like that. I've had something similar for about 5 years now. I feel that on one side of my neck under my jaw is enlarged and it almost feels like I'm being choked in that one area. I also have chronic pressure and popping in my left ear. Along with constant chronic fatigue. I've been to so many different ENTs and other doctors and they all tell me that it's probably nothing but it doesn't feel like it's nothing. Have you found out what is causing your problem?
I went and got tested, i did blood test and ultrasound for my neck, though my white blood cell was a little high it wasnt cancer. I got diagnosed with Hashimoto disease. Doing extra blood tests to confirm it and see what kind of medication i might need. However im very relieved to know kt isnt lymphoma