Hello. Welcome. I am sorry you are having a difficult time.
Yes it does sound like you are depressed. The loss of enjoyment is a very common symptom of major clinical depression. The technical tern is "anhedonia". The loss of the capacity to experience pleasure.
A hopeless outlook and feeling is also common.
"Symptoms in adolescents and teens may include anxiety, anger and avoidance of social interaction.
Changes in thinking and sleep are common signs of depression in adolescents and adults but are not as common in younger children.
In children and teens, depression often occurs along with behavior problems and other mental health conditions, such as anxiety or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)."
"Depression symptoms include:
Feelings of sadness or unhappiness
Irritability or frustration, even over small matters
Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
Reduced sex drive
Insomnia or excessive sleeping
Changes in appetite — depression often causes decreased appetite and weight loss, but in some people it causes increased cravings for food and weight gain
Agitation or restlessness — for example, pacing, hand-wringing or an inability to sit still
Irritability or angry outbursts
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Indecisiveness, distractibility and decreased concentration
Fatigue, tiredness and loss of energy — even small tasks may seem to require a lot of effort
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself when things aren't going right
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
Crying spells for no apparent reason
Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches"
I am sorry that others in your life have abandoned you. When you get older you will realize it is them that have so many problems they couldn't be responsible enough to support and parent you.
How advanced is your liver disease?
Do you have cirrhosis of the liver?
Have you had a liver biopsy in the last 3 years?
Just to left you know I went through similar things that you are going through and I am still here at the old age of 60. The teen years are very difficult for most people. So that you are struggling is not that unusual. Most teenagers your age find a mentor or a father or mother figure if your mom and dad have not cared for you the way they should have. I would encourage you to look around you. Maybe there is a friend's mom that you admire. Try to spend time with her so you can model yourself after her. It is difficult when our parent who are suppose to be role models let us down. But we can find substitutes.
By the way I have experience depression for many decades but was able to overcome it after find the right antidepressant and a great therapist. I also have cirrhosis and liver cancer and I am waiting for a life-saving transplant. My life is happy and I intend on surviving this.
As far as an antidepressant. First remember an antidepressant can take up to 4-6 weeks for full affect so try to hold on. As you know I have advance cirrhosis so I had the same issue as yourself. "How to do as little damage as possible to my liver while preventing a possible major depressive episode".
It is rather odd but the only antidepressants that work for me are MOAIs (Monoamine Oxidase Inhibitors). Selegiline is the one I use. This is an older antidepressant and has issues with certain foods so most psychiatrists don't use it any more. But what my psychiatrist was able to do was to prescribe me a patch form that I put on my arm. Like those patches smokers use to wean themselves off of cigarettes.
****The idea of the patch is it reduces the exposure of the drug to the liver. Maybe there is a patch form of other antidepressants. Only a psychiatrist would know. You might want to ask.***
Certain medications can also cause cholestasis. So I would stay away from Imipramine which is an antidepressant.
As far as your bile disease...
Do you see a hepatologist (liver disease specialist) at a hospital that does liver transplants? A teaching hospital? They are the most experienced doctors there are for your condition. They can help you with both your bile disease and refer you to a psychiatrist who is familiar with patients with advanced liver disease.
I read that PFIC2 is associated with an increased risk of developing hepatocellular carcinoma early in life. Although a standard frequency of screening for HCC has not been established, it is reasonable to measure the serum alpha-fetoprotein levels and perform a hepatic ultrasound every 6 months.
If this is true, make sure you are screened every 6 months. I have had to liver tumors but they were found and treated early so I am okay now.
I am very glad to heat the your PFIC is under control.
You can always send me a private message if you don't want to broadcast your health information. I will help you in whatever way I can based on my own knowledge and experience. The most important information besides the degree of your PFIC is where you are located. If you want me to help you find a psychiatrist that can help you.
By the way I am located here in San Francisco.
Hang in there. Don't give up hope. I will help you is you can just provide a little more information.
Thank you for your help and I am sorry to hear about your condition. I have a mild form of PFIC2. I do not have all the severe issues with it. They think my birth control kick started it. I am also stuck without a birth control to take because of this metabolization of the liver as well. I had a liver biopsy last year. They did not find anything. They took a while to even determine that I had PFIC2. They did a genetics test. I go to bayor in Texas where I see specialists since he hospitals in my area did not have people experienced in this field. However, I feel much better:) my mother is amazing and always there for me. Her and my boyfriend sat me down last night and let me vent to them and they helped me out of my slump:) my real father died when I was 8. I did not see him very much though. He had a very messed up life. My mom thinks he committed suicide but it was not investigated. My step father knew my real father. My mom met him through my real father. He has been around since i was born but they started dating when I was 2. So he has been my "father figure" pretty much my whole life. He's been great until he basically cheated on my mom with my best friend who also is my cousin. My mom and him tried working it out, but they are now getting divorced. This I am sure has added to my abandonment issues I have. I have always been a person who needs positive reinforcement. My mom says ive always been this way, even when i was little. She used to have to tell my teachers to always always speak positive words to me. I am also losing many of my friends which brought down my self esteem as a person. But I feel better thanks to my mom and boyfriend:) I just was not feeling any emotion. Towards my boy friend or my dog even! And I just wanted to feel happiness again! I didn't know why I couldn't! But they helped a lot:)
Balyor is a very good hospital. One of the best! I am happy that you are getting good care. Many places would miss your diagnosis.
I am sorry to hear about your real father. That is very sad and must be terrible for you that you never got to know him. I am glad you have other role models in your life.
Remember depression runs in families. Maybe your father was depressed? Depression is the reason a lot of people commit suicide as they can't manage their lives, thoughts or feelings any more.
Of course your step father cheating on your mom with your best friend is an act of betrayal and a breaking of trust.
It is sad that the adults in your life have not been responsible people and couldn't manage their own lives never mind help you. Unfortunately this happens way more than any of us would like. Abuse and neglect is a horrible thing.
"I have always been a person who needs positive reinforcement."
All children need and deserve positive reinforcement, not just you. That is want parents are suppose to do. Nurture and support their children. You are not here to please your parents they are suppose to be here to give you love and support. I'm afraid the adults in your life were probably abused themselves and know only have to act to same way. You seem to have it more together than the adults in your life. Good for you. Keep being yourself and trusting yourself and it will lead you in a good and happy life. You don't have to be as lost as the adults around you.
You may feel better temporarily but if you have depression you will start feeling bad again soon as soon as you have any disappointments as we all do living life. Remember whenever you feel dead inside that is depression not you. Depression is a mood disorder. It means your feelings and moods become uncontrollable. You can get stuck in a mood. Feelings are like waves. They go up and down when we are healthy. But when we become depressed we can get stuck obsessing on morbid thoughts like death. How bad we are. How unhappy we are. And sometimes to feel like a zombie. Where life feels gray and dead. Food has no flavor and tastes like cardboard.
Remember if you ever need help just write me and I will try to help. You remind me of myself when I was your age and I don't want you to have to go through what I did for some many years after I was on my own.
Well my mom is fantastic and treats me great. We have a great relationship. A very sisterly relationship. Yes. My real father was ALWAY VERY depressed says my mom. She said she used to have to hide their gun because he would threaten to shoot himself. Yes the main reason why I wanted to get on antidepressants was because the negativity that was stuck in my head was affecting my emotions with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling anything. I knew the facts. I knew how I felt, but I couldn't feel it. If that makes sense. As if I was numb. Numb of feeling anything, any happiness. It made me doubt the strength in our relationship that I knew was there. I am very mature for my age. An old soul as many have told me. One of my good friends is 60. But yes and that maturity has portrayed itself into my boyfriend and I's relationship. My mom tells us how jealous she is of our bond and I am very thankful and blessed for that relationship. Anyway, that was why I was mainly upset because I just wanted to be confident in us again. I was over the summer. But then school started. We had been going through a rough time last school year and we improved and made changes over the summer and were doing much better. So I assume when school started it just reminded my mind of what had happened and the feelings I was feeling and just started a subconscious defense mechanism that I couldn't control or be aware of. I just started worrying more. And over thinking things. My mind would get these random negative thoughts like "we won't last". "We'll grow apart." I am always worried about growing apart because every adult couple I see or look up to seems to grow apart. And again with my step father and my mom growing apart it just made it worse. My mom tells me we are very different than most couples. And we are. And that gives me faith that we will stay close. The negativity was just scaring me because it seemed like my mind was trying to convince me that I was losing feelings and emotions for him to protect me from being hurt again. I hope this makes sense haha. I just couldn't control my negative thoughts. I felt trapped in my own mind. I love my boyfriend, I just wasn't getting to experience the overwhelming feeling I had had the weeks before school started. The day school started I started feeling like this. I miss having confidence and over whelmment of love with him and that's why I want antidepressants so these negative thoughts will stop clouding my brain! I feel like I am not in control.
Thank you for your concern and help!!
I researched MAOIs and they said you can't eat anything with tryamine? That seems to be in a lot of food I notice. Do you have to watch what you eat?