others giving advice..

[mmeriche]

i have been really blessed for the most part as far as others giving advice about becoming a mother, but today i had two really negative things brought up to me about "the possibilities." are any of you also experiencing this?

what i mean is, for example, yes.. i am fully aware that an infant can have colic.. thank you very much. is that something that really needs to be mentioned to a woman who could potentially deliver her first child any day now? "i hope she doesn't end up having colic like so and so's baby did..." is SO not what i want or need right now. is postpartum depression something that needs to be mentioned either, no matter how supportive the person thinks they are being? thanks, but no thanks. i've done my research. i understand that it is a real possibility for all women. i just wish people would realize that a pregnant woman (especially the first time around) is already especially wrapped up in emotions tied to the birth of her first child and becoming a mother. negative comments should be kept away unless brought up by the pregnant woman herself! if i really had my concerns, would i not reach out and seek the advice or research what to do or resources available to me? i appreciated learning about the what-ifs in birthing classes, but that was an environment where those topics were expected to be discussed.  

i feel like i am doing the exact thing i am upset over.. and definitely wouldn't want to bring any of you reading this down in any way whatsoever.. just maybe one of you can relate and know you aren't alone in feeling frustrated over unnecessary advice that could be troublesome to a woman preparing herself for delivery..

i will get over letting this get to me, and am strong in my beliefs that my situation will be mine. unique, and my own. whatever happens as i enter motherhood, good or challenging, will be fine and i trust myself to be able to handle it. i trust myself to be a wonderful mother. i already asked the person mainly responsible for my experience today to keep things positive and in the present, as i think boundaries are so important. we'll see..

i just wish others knew when to keep their mouths shut sometimes. :) how about you? is this just the beginning of years of others giving their two cents whether you asked for it or not? probably so, huh. if this has happened to you, or you anticipate it happening, what are you going to do about it?

peace ladies :) hope everyone is feeling good this evening. we are all so close!

[mmeriche]

thank you so much for your feedback. i do wonder what people are thinking (or not thinking) sometimes, when they are so oblivious and inconsiderate with their words. it was family members who said these things, so that makes it feel even worse and less easy to just blow off.. but i have and need to for my own peace of mind. this week i got baby presents from near-strangers (husband's colleagues) and crappy advice from family. it's almost comical. one of the family members is a person whom i have really viewed as a role-model in many ways over the years, especially motherhood. for her to bring up postpartum in the manner she did really took me by surprise and caught me off-guard. but, i feel better now :) i have come to the conclusion that even those i am related to and i would think equates to :knowing: me to some degree.. may really not understand or know how i deal with things at all. in this case that couldn't be more true. she doesn't have the slightest idea how i manage stressful situations or lack of sleep or anything that could possibly be a challenge. so.. i just have to take what she said and move on, and live MY life and not be concerned with her experiences and her trying to act like mine will be anything similar. we have totally different lives and completely different situations. in my opinion, her postpartum was due to a great number of things that happened to coincide with the timing of having her children. i truly feel for her and want nothing but happiness for her always, but that is NOT my life. all i can really do is be thankful for my blessings and pray for her (although i should add that she has tremendous joy in being a mother and is a wonderful mother at that).

thank you for the encouragement and goodbye negativity. you are right.. unsolicited advice will surely continue..i think i will be better prepared for the next time someone approaches me with their ideas of how things should be or could be. i think as parents, we not only advocate for our children, but must be able to stand up for ourselves, too, when the unexpected is thrown at us throughout this journey. i am sure it gets easier as time goes on :)

[kylesMom09]

I have come to notice that this just continues on even after baby is here.  I found co-workers and my mother-in-law to be the worst about it.  I worked in an office where I was pretty much working with a bunch of women old enough to be my mother and they just treated me like I knew nothing.  I felt that I did a great job with my daughter as an infant and really didn't need help from anyone.  Like you if I needed help I would reach out to those I felt could help me the best and that I am comfortable getting advise from.  I don't know why people feel the need to bring up the worst possible scenarios, but they do.  My mother-in-law is a woman who left my husband to raise his younger sister when she was in high school and she feels that she can give me advise -- That's a whole other issue though :)  
I think it's great that you've let these people know to keep it in the here and now and hopefully they'll do just that.  Everything is scary and new the first time around, but it's nothing you can't handle.  Keep your head up and just try to avoid these negative people if you can!