I used to be bullied severly in grade school... It was horrible. I was called names, had rocks thrown at me, etc... I was refused seats... Having autism or any kind of behavioral disAbility brings out the worst in people... One afternoon going home on the bus, some 1st or 2nd grader yelled out "Whoever hates MI raise your hand!" Just about everyone on the bus raised their hand.
I felt so hurt I didn't want to go on the bus again. For about a week I had my parents take me to school. Mom and I had a talk. She told me by giving in I was letting them win and letting them have power over me.
I decided to take my chance and get back on the bus. I learned not to ask people to sit down. Rather just sit down.
I can go on about the nasty things people did, but what helped me the most was my art ability and my interest. When I started drawing really good", it made it harder for people to pick on me for my interest in insects.
Also I got connected with an autism advocacy group in 6th grade. By meeting other people with "high functioning" autism, I got to see I am not alone. I didn't feel like a freak quite the way I was before. I also learned the power of silence. Ignore those who said insults to me. Eventually the teasing stopped.
I was not popular in middle school, but I was respected. Main thing was to let my work speak for itself. I have a talent in art and writing. I used that to get me through. I believe my story series has saved my life in times... It gave me modivation to stick through the hard times and acted as a medium to vent my frustrations and cope with my overwhelming emotions.
thanks mj I will talk to him about ignoring I think the bulllies like his response...he gets upset and they feel they have succeded today they threw iceballs at his face after school..he a good nice boy I feel so sad for him....this is really important to him..My husband is taking off work midday and going to talk to principal....If it was my kids doing the name callling they woulda gotten expelled one teacher heard it and just wrote their names in the book if they get their names in 3 times they get a detention,....I think they deserve more punishment then that......and I told David that tose who teas dont feel good inside about their selfs but hes a kid he just care about right now...
You need to talk to the school, violent acts like throwing things in his face should not be tolerated. Really, tell him, could it be worse? You don't give your abuser power over you by helping them keep their secrets on the down low. Any thoughts on changing school?
Hi Cherie, I'm going through a similar thing with my 12 year old (well and my 14 year old). They are telling him he smells which of course he doesn't. He begged me not to say anything so I kept quiet but then 4 weeks later he is trying to get out of going to school by saying he is sick, then he told me it was still happening and started crying - i felt like crying to it hurt to see him like that. Nothing I said could convince him that he doesn't smell. I said enough was enough and I had no choice but to go to the Head (principal).
The Head took it very seriously and spoke to the boys as well as my son. He is getting my son help with his anxiety problems - we think his anxiety makes him a target. My son came home from school that day and thanked me for ringing, he said he felt relieved that it was finally all out in the open.
As for the stuff that's going on with my elder son, it's all happening outside of school and there seems to be nothing I can do. The parents of the other boys aren't interested, the boys aren't scared of the police they have no respect for authority at all. All I can do is keep my son away from harms reach but it worries me that one day they may well get him :-(
I would find a time when the kids are in class(not recess or lunch) and demand a time to see the principal. Throwing iceballs is very dangerous physically but the other is mental abuse to your son. I understand their is always going to be name calling but this is getting out of hand. None of those kids need to know you came to the school and if they do know then so be it. Their parents should also be hauled in. The teachers should be aware of what is going on and should be doing something about this. Go in and lay it on the line. That is your right as a parent and we have to protect our children.
Yes theres a nice acadamy school that has many wonderful classes , wears uniforms etc...we may have to result to that,,,,its an option,,,,
Bulldozer sorry for your boys children are increadibly mean....
Both I am gonna make sure my husband reports the iceball throwing it is an act of violence and wrong immoral..kids have so little morals and some of these parents think their little angels do no wrong hey they are kids I know mine do wrong I try to keep a handle on them I hat my baby to feel like a victim...cant seem to find a good solution...I think if the school had a board of peers to problem solve it may be effective and help all around learn fairness and a bit about how justice works.
Don't think it won't happen there as well, My oldest daughter (now 13) suffered through this behavior at a nice academy school, however, get him into counseling to deal with anxiety and to learn how to handle this and maybe moving him will give him a fresh start.
Yes Ive thought of that and Ive also wanted to get him into Karate...it is suposed to be good for self esteem and then he may feel less frightened a bit enpowered just to know if he was ever cornered he could defend himself....hes such an innocent good kid he will read the Bible for fun....I hate to see this happening to him I am glad he trusts me enough that he came right to me and vocalised his feelings well....hes afraid of the bullies....
Me and my husband just talked a bit ago,,,,I have to be in college but my hubbys very close with David and he ( husband ) dont take poop of no one so hes gonna do like someone above said...will go in during the day and not tell our son..
I would get him envolved in something...like karate...With my daughter I was so tired of how some girls are so mean...I just go straight to the school ......Once they get talked to..most of them stop...How about your older sons can they hang with him so the other kids see him with them...It breaks my heart when they are bullied....
My oldest boy is too old to come to his defense even verbally he 18 soon,,and any screw ups with the law and he doesnt get in service...plus I just dont think its proper for a 18 yo to approach 11 and 12 yos about this however the 15 yo sure could ....hes a bit on the small side for his age I would forbid him to hit or throw snowballs at the younger ones but maybe he could say something that may intimidate them,....good idea crabby,,,willl have Brandon meet David at busstop tommrow...15 seems big tio a 12 or 11 year old...and Brandon can talk like a real big shot,,,,Ill tell him not to mouth off around any adults..
and yes it is heartbreaking Davids eyes are down cast ,,,,he was crying that silent cry he feels so defeated....If he does come to getting in a fight it would spread through the school and probably solve his problem then the bullies move on to the next one....
cheri...i agree with your husband..he has to stand up and either speak up or smack somebody in the mouth..once they see he isnt going to take their stuff they will leave him alone
Hug him extra hard tonight and tell him what a great kid he is.........give him a hug from me too. sara
My heart goes out to you and especially your child. Kids can be so cruel and I'm happy to hear that you are taking this issue seriously.
I agree with the posters... talk to the school. Recently on the local news, there was a man interviewed and he apparently contacted the TV station because he felt that his daughter's principal had blown off his concerns. His daughter was being bullied on the daily basis and one day, kids had stolen her asthma medication. Obviously... that put his daughter's life at risk.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts n' prayers.
Include me in on that big hug ! ; ^ )
P.S. ~ I LOVE the karate idea. His instructor and other students can help undo the damage caused by that bully. It will empower him and help him defend himself from this current bully and other bullies that he may run into in the future.
Ugh, I hate middle school! My daughter was bullied all through middle school by pretty much the same group of girls. They saw that they could get to her, I guess. She had a hard time laughing things off like the rest of them would. So every time they'd tell her she was fat (she's not), she's ugly (she's actually a beautiful girl, even more than many of those other girls!) and stupid (she's not but has struggled in some of her classes), she'd take all this to heart and no matter how often I told her how beautiful and smart she was, she believed her peers more. She grew depressed, angry and started cutting herself. We immediately got her into counseling.
Over and over I'd go to the school and talk to the teachers, principal, even the girls once. I knew their parents but I never said anything to the parents because I didn't think they'd believe me. These were spoiled, rich kids and my daughter just didn't fit in. I thought about pulling her out but was told by her teachers and others that I shouldn't do that because she needed to learn how to stick up for herself and that she'd just get this in any school. Stupid me, I believed them. I should have pulled her out a long time ago. She really went downhill for awhile and it was scary. I finally put her in another school last year, a new charter school and she loves it! She finally made some friends and started doing better. Then last Summer went on a youth retreat and came back to God. She now loves going to that youth group and feels accepted there. It's so, so important for you to find a good group of kids who will be a positive influence on him. That is so important! Peers are their lives at this age. They desperately want to fit in with their peers.
Karate is a great idea and would help his self-esteem and get to know another group of kids outside his school. A church youth group is another idea. They do lots of fun things with the kids, like go bowling, go to amusement parks and also help the less fortunate and go on missions trips.
You might want to pull him out of this school, too, if things don't get better. Don't let it go too long or it can really damage his self-esteem badly. My daughter is doing so much better but still struggles with her self-esteem. I think that age is so critical. Their spirits are so fragile and can be crushed so easily. It's good that you see what's going on and are trying to address it. Just stay on top of things and really keep the communication lines open with him. Talk, talk, talk with him. He needs that outlet and needs to know people are in his corner. He's already ahead of so many kids because so many of them are falling through the cracks and their parents don't notice. You won't let that happen, I can see that. He's a lucky boy to have such caring parents. He will appreciate that, if not today, he will someday. God bless you and your son. Hugs to you both!
My oldest daughter had that problem with a group of girls...but bullies are COWARDS...she picked the nasty one got in her face and they never bothered her again and most bullies are like that get in their face show them you wont take it and threy usually will leave you alone remeber they are COWARDS thats why they bully
Cherie, my heart goes out to you and your son.
The thing is, as you say, he's fat but not the fattest kid in the school. What do the fatter kids do, that keeps them from being the target instead of him?
I think telling him to smart off to them back is exactly the wrong approach - but rather, deflate them. Just smile, and say yep I'm fat. And hold their gaze in a non confrontational way. Don't rise to it, don't cry, don't yell back, don't shrink.
From my heart, if you take him out of school and put him in the Academy, it will be happening again within a year. He has to learn to deflect and deflate.
No one should throw ice balls at anyone else, the school has to stop that. But your son himself will have to learn to deflate the teasing or it won't ever stop.
Acting likable and humorous is a much better way - I promise - than acting hostile or shrinking. Even though that seems intuitive.
Best wishes. We're all pulling for him.
The issue should be addressed by the guidance counselor who will then identify and talk to the other students. The disciplinary action the school takes will insure they will stop it. I know because it happenned to me in high school and that's what was done. I well understand self defense and as much as I can be now with my severe physical disability I don't let people push me around. Verbally its important. Physically its not a good idea because its not just "play fighting" anymore. You hear of kids that are in gangs and the like that will go to extremes. In any neighborhood.
The reason I didn't physically fight back in school made cogent sense. It was a whole gang of kids who were out to pick on people and beat them up. I wasn't going to stop them that way. That was before I was under treatment before schizoaffective disorder and I couldn't make eye contact or say hello back. Once I was on medication years later I could. But I did do one thing on the suggestion of my social worker. I wrote to the school newspaper (I was a senior then) about how it was wrong how some kids like me were isolated and had no friends and were picked on. Other kids came up to me and started talking to me. And I began to make friends and that carried over into college and beyond. But for a very young child the best way is to speak to the guidance counselor and if there are only a few bullies, they can arrange a meeting with your child and them. That was how I dealt with it in junior high school. As it turned out some of those kids had issues of their own and we got along okay after that. The strongest most popular kids in school don't bully other children. They were the ones who defended me from the bullies. Kids who bully other children have personal problems and quite often they get bullied too. Its a whole chain reaction and all the parents should support each other to stop it.
Well guys I know you have to stand up to a bully, I would get him slim and trim, and get some Karate into this boys life the bullies pick on the weakest thats what they do, and the weakest let them, you get tough.. they will respect him then,cherie get him onto a heathy diet , make him strong remembe'r Army Strong' let him take Karate lessons it will build his self esteem and enpower him, trusdt me this is the way you do not back down to bullying. Get that school sorting themselves out aswell if they supervised enough how could it happen....
margy, I agree with most of what you say - getting trim and healthy is a great start. But getting mad doesn't work. You'd sure think it would - and it works if there are one or two bullies.
Once there are many, getting mad makes it even worse. THEN, the child who has been bullied is viewed as violent and unlikable by innocent bystanders, and the school administration begins to view the former victim as a troublemaker.
It doesn't seem fair, the cycle of bullying. If there are many bullies, get the school's help in the actual attacks, and work on being likable.
Does he have a group of friends, Cherie? That makes all the difference in the world.
RR I like in fact love your advice..I tried telling him something like that..the even fatter kids dont get picked on because they dont care if they are or they dont give the reaction the bullies want apparently David does and the bullies think this makes them cool....Im gonna tell him to smile in a non saccastic way say yah Im fat so what and hold their eye contact....see what happens its worth a try....
the ice balls are being reportedby my husband tommrow.....David is shy Im going to enroll him in karate even though he says he doesnt want it I think he will like it once he starts....my 9 yo niece take it is a brown belt....she got a good positive attitude.
Margy this same type stuff happened last year..he was whinning not sure of what to do with a kid that was bigger than him I had done the principal/teacher and counselor thing unless theres a witness or caught on tape its one word against the others...I fianlly blew my top and said David summon up all your anger like when your mad at your brother and he is 3 years older than you Im sorry to tell you this but your gonna have to hit that boy either pop him in the jaw or stomach...just once and hard...well at gym time in line the kid started David said he made himself as mad as he could he hit the boy on the cheek and left a yellow bruise.....all the boys in line saw it not one teacher he was left alone for rest of year....I really hate to tach him violence gonna try RRs idea first......all three of my boys where always told dont thow the first punch....and never be anyones punching bag....fighting is an issue with kids particularly boys.......
My oldest got jumped in hallway last year a boy though Robbie stole his hoodie,,,,he had his two hands on Robbies neck was choking him har he had finger print bruises,,,,,Robbie bashed him hard in the nose made kids nose bleed ....they both got suspended 3 days I asked Principal how long would you let someone choke you before you did something about it.....his answer we dont hit...welll yes if someones choking me I hit thes schools are so screwed up with the zero tolerance policy,,,,,,anyways thanks alll willl let you know how tommrow goes...
april your right I will prtect my kids till the day I die and after if possible !!
Rose your post came at same time as mine yes he has friends they are all good at math and science ride bikes play basket ball like computer games and they are all in the band...remember the band "geeks" david plays drums hes good at it and Im proud of him !!!!!!